Abel to Yzerman
Next entry: We’re Gonna Go Ahead And Say All Aboard
Previous entry: Here Come The Diggers
Bingo, Bango…Boom
by IwoCPO on 04/30/09 at 02:18 PM ET
Comments (187)
I told you guys I had something special for you. As we continue to work our way through some quality Round 2 previews presented by Wing bloggers, I see this as an opportunity to introduce you to a few you may not be aware of.
Bingo Bango is a prime example of that.
This preview, I think that’s what it is, is so good, so brilliant, so angry and absolutely written from the very soul of a Wing fan…it just makes me warm. I’ll play you a ditty, but you have to read the whole thing. Promise me you will. On our friendship. Swear it. And when you get to the part about Pronger? Just prepare yourselves.
First? This.
And don’t get me started on Ryan Getzlaf. Great player can’t deny that. And I’m sure a really nice guy. But just like Mike Green he seems as though he may be the prototypical frat boy wannabe. That’s right I said wannabe. Because if he weren’t a hockey player, let’s just say the ladies would not be banging down his door or anything else for that matter. He seems exactly like the guy you see hanging around your local college bar, he balds at the age of 19, grows a *#$%@& up circa 1970s douche bag love patch to compensate and then uses pick up lines like this classic “God broke the mold when he made you.”
Something about this kid just bugs the hell out of me. He seems to want to be a blend of Avery’s fashion sense, Ovie’s skill (cough* not going to happen), and Mike Green’s 20 something self centered misogynistic persona. Maybe we could throw him and Green in a room together where they can plan their next hair style, tribal tattoo, and health clinic tests…..Honestly, for someone so clearly concerned with his appearance, he may want to wear his helmet during warm ups, interviews, and well all extra curricular activities. My utter dislike for this King of Tools will make it even more enjoyable to watch Zetterberg and Lidstrom shut him down.
Ahhh Getzlaf, take note of Crosby and Malkin last year, watch how Zetterberg made them his bitches over and over…and this year, ask Nash how it felt going pointless the first two games….oh yeah, bend over pull the pants down and get ready to experience Zetterberg and Lidstrom in the playoffs…I promise it won’t feel very good.
I had to give you all of that. I didn’t know where to cut it off. Now read the rest. And remember…the Pronger part is historic.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
Damn. I want to frame that and hang it on my wall. I also enjoyed when she called Sasquatch the “skid mark on the underpants of society” in the post “Why I hate Chris Pronger.”
Posted by Aphaea from Pennsylvania on 04/30/09 at 02:40 PM ET
By the time Zetterberg is done with the Ducks, Getzlaf is gonna be asking “You using the whole fist, Doc?” This will be followed by an improptu a capela rendition of Moon River.
Posted by original6dan on 04/30/09 at 02:56 PM ET
Not sure if KK will explode so if I copy this, so let’s just say the, uh, part that rhymed with “Flum rag” was transcendent. Well put JB.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/30/09 at 03:01 PM ET
Man. Amazing. Pronger really is the used douche of the NHL.
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/30/09 at 03:07 PM ET
And maybe I’m the only one… but are we really worrying that Kris Draper isn’t going to play games one and two? If the Wings lose either of those two games to the Ducks, it sure as shit will not be because Kris Draper didn’t play. And frankly, if it really does come to a key PK or face-off that costs them the game, the Draper injury isn’t an excuse, the Wings have plenty of talent to where Kris Draper should be a luxury in this series, not a necessity.
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/30/09 at 03:11 PM ET
Reading that piece just filled me with rage all over for Sasquatch. What he tried to do to #19 in the playoffs will always stand out. Of coarse he missed when Yzerman ducked, and screwed his knee up. I never laughed so hard. Good for the SOB.
We no not need Draper.
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 04/30/09 at 03:16 PM ET
Correction: We do not need Draper.
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 04/30/09 at 03:17 PM ET
I hope somewhere Sasquatch reads that post and can’t control his urge to elbow his own computer, cheap-shot the screen, and put his stupid YES blog out of existence.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/30/09 at 03:19 PM ET
Not sure if KK will explode so if I copy this, so let’s just say the, uh, part that rhymed with “Flum rag” was transcendent. Well put JB.
Very well put. Too bad she has a fiance or else we could fix her up with Tyler from AZ.
Who knows? She knows the 19, she has a link to A2Y on her blog. Perhaps if our young Master Tyler posts some more witty repartee, he could woo her away from her non-hockey loving soon-to-be-husband. Baroque could act as Tyler’s cyber Cyrano de Bergerac.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/30/09 at 03:22 PM ET
Nathan, you’re not the only one. While it would be nice to have Draper back if only for the veteran experience, it’s not necessary for him to play at this point. Besides, Helm was the Wings best face-off man in the first round at 56.7%. I’d be more concerned if the Wings’ defense corps was decimated with injuries.
Posted by Aphaea from Pennsylvania on 04/30/09 at 03:24 PM ET
Sasquatch is a re-used douche. He just looks like he choked up his vinegar and rubbed it on his crotch and called it a nice day to traipsy around the meadows in Hollywood Hills.
Posted by SYF from a "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" on 04/30/09 at 03:25 PM ET
That. Was. AWESOME! the “flum rag” part keeps bringing a tear to the eye.
Posted by wingsfanindenver on 04/30/09 at 03:30 PM ET
Bingo Bango indeed. Loved it. Bitches.
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/30/09 at 03:34 PM ET
Spoken in the true form of a female Wings fan. Almost reminds me of some of the gems we see from Bella. 
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 04/30/09 at 03:42 PM ET
Perhaps if our young Master Tyler posts some more witty repartee, he could woo her away from her non-hockey loving soon-to-be-husband. Baroque could act as Tyler’s cyber Cyrano de Bergerac.
Cap, you’re getting a little to classy for us with these literary references.
Hurry up and post something raunchy.
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/30/09 at 03:48 PM ET
Oh my God. Just when I thought we’d reached the apex of human inspiration with those Sasquatch photoshops, Bingo Bango graces us with her depraved genius. Bitch, you are my sister.
Posted by Bella from Clark St. on 04/30/09 at 04:03 PM ET
@-Bella.I think you speak for us all. Another true gem.
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/30/09 at 04:07 PM ET
Cap, you’re getting a little to classy for us with these literary references.
Hurry up and post something raunchy.
Posted by Nathan from Jonny Ericsson’s ice cream truck on 04/30/09 at 04:48 PM ET
Summer’s Eve announced today that it was firing Pronger as their spokes model. The Bingo Bango Blog was cited as the reason. Summer’s Eve marketing director Claudia Lemiuex said:
“We are said to see Sasquatch, I mean Chris, go but now that he is a known (s)cum rag, continuing to associate Summer’s Eve with Chris would prove too damaging to the Summer’s Eve brand. Anyone refering to Chris as a Douchebag after today will be receiving a cease and desist letter from our attorneys”
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/30/09 at 04:07 PM ET
Who knows? She knows the 19, she has a link to A2Y on her blog. Perhaps if our young Master Tyler posts some more witty repartee, he could woo her away from her non-hockey loving soon-to-be-husband. Baroque could act as Tyler’s cyber Cyrano de Bergerac.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Sunny SoCal on 04/30/09 at 04:22 PM ET
No freaking way. I am NOT a committment-y person AT ALL. My mom isn’t even trying to get me to commit to a relationship - she’d be happy if I commit to having furniture that isn’t old enough that I would have no qualms about leaving it in a dumpster if I moved, or collapsible for convenience.
Her exact words: “Honey, you’re almost forty years old, you have a good job, you own a house. You need to own some grown-up furniture - you know, something that doesn’t belong in a dorm room.”
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 04/30/09 at 04:09 PM ET
There is no excuse other than rampant retardedness at the uppermost echelons of sports networks for Brian Engblom to have a job anywhere within a thousand miles of hockey broadcasting. He tells our diggers over at DetNews that
Niedermayer + Pronger = Lidstrom + Rafalski
“I don’t think there’s a difference,” Engblom said. “I’d say it really is a dead heat. They’re some of the best defensemen in the business.”
Figuring out that the Denver-living, Modano-loving Brian Engblom is indeed a major tool didn’t take Sherlock Holmes… Larry Holmes could’ve figured that one out.
Posted by original6dan on 04/30/09 at 04:13 PM ET
Chicago 46-24-12 (Road: 22-15-4) 9:00pm ET
Vancouver 45-27-10 (Home: 24-12-5) TV: CBC, VS.
My guess….A live blog for the hockey starved 19
good preview HERE
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 04/30/09 at 04:21 PM ET
Niedermayer + Pronger = Lidstrom + Rafalski
let’s check his math…
Niedermayer + Pronger = 25G, 82 assists, -8
Lidstrom + Rafalski = 26G, 92 assists, +48
no difference there, clearly.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 04/30/09 at 04:25 PM ET
I’m ... I’m in love.
I can’t wait to be at the Joe tomorrow; it’ll be freakin nuts.
Posted by Osrt on 04/30/09 at 04:34 PM ET
“I don’t think there’s a difference,” Engblom said. “I’d say it really is a dead heat. They’re some of the best defensemen in the business.”
Figuring out that the Denver-living, Modano-loving Brian Engblom is indeed a major tool didn’t take Sherlock Holmes… Larry Holmes could’ve figured that one out.
Ya, well Pronger and Engblom have something very special in Common. When Bingo Bango mentions the fact that Pronger is a “flum rag,” it was sort of a jolt of deja vu because the last flum rag I saw was the one that Brian Engblom wears on his head. Like his skull was open and they infused a wig into cranium, just like Joe Dirt, but instead of a mullet it was the flum rag that Bigfoot j*rked off into and left behind…the SAME FLUM RAG that Darren Garcia found and inserted into, you know…to create Chris Pronger…holy, it all makes sense now!
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 04/30/09 at 04:51 PM ET
Yeah i was watching Engblom on the V during one of the caps losses to the rangers, when he described the game as this:
“This game was a classic case of one team playing one way and the other team playing another”
One of the dumbest lead-ins I’ve ever heard. Seriously, the guy is a tool in the neighborhood of peeair mccocksucker.
Posted by CRoy from Redford MI on 04/30/09 at 05:29 PM ET
Hahahaha, I love it when you puss Fairy Wings fans try to play the tough guy. Making up for your vagina filled excuse for a hockey team, hahahaha!!
Posted by Ogre from Sin City on 04/30/09 at 05:45 PM ET
Bingo Bango…....Truly inspiring prose. Great stuff!
flum rag…wow…...
I got nothing.
Waiter.
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 04/30/09 at 05:50 PM ET
Posted by Rumbear from roof of the Hasek, hitting golf balls….. on 04/30/09 at 06:50 PM ET
Rummy, I sent you a PM.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/30/09 at 06:02 PM ET
To Bingo Bango: You are one smooooth talkin’ lady. No pretense in you. If I weren’t married…. I’d probably still be single.
Posted by calquake on 04/30/09 at 06:28 PM ET
I normally just lurk but with the last few entries I can’t keep quiet anymore. Great, great stuff here. After living in SoCal for 4 years I have quite a hatred for the Ducks….and Pronger….and Perry.
Job well done!
Posted by Mimi36 from Illinois on 04/30/09 at 06:46 PM ET
Cap’n, check yur e-mail
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 04/30/09 at 06:55 PM ET
I normally just lurk but with the last few entries I can’t keep quiet anymore. Great, great stuff here. After living in SoCal for 4 years I have quite a hatred for the Ducks….and Pronger….and Perry.
Job well done!
Posted by Mimi36 from Illinois on 04/30/09 at 07:46 PM ET
Then let’s hear ya, Mimi.
Posted by SYF from a "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" on 04/30/09 at 07:01 PM ET
Cap’n, check yur e-mail
Rummie, that mean you’re going to make it?
Still paging Gabe….. Gabe….. Lilja is going to hand the Cup over to a Penguin…..Gabe?
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 04/30/09 at 07:16 PM ET
from NHL.com…
All eyes on Crosby vs. Ovechkin…another Bird-Magic in making?
I don’t even know what to say to a comparison like that.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 04/30/09 at 07:24 PM ET
Rummie, that mean you’re going to make it?
Nope, I am “over committed”.
Jeebus…Monday, Wednesday, Friday fire away…...but Tuesday and Thursday, no can do…..
Thanks Gary. Ass.
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 04/30/09 at 07:27 PM ET
All eyes on Crosby vs. Ovechkin…another Bird-Magic in making?
I don’t even know what to say to a comparison like that.
I can think of quite a few, but #$%@ #(*&@ $&#!($ gets old. The last NBA game I watched was Brid’s last game.
I did see that have a picture of some really tall dude, like 6’5” on the “Unsung Hero of the West Article”.
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 04/30/09 at 07:30 PM ET
Nope, I am “over committed”.
That sucks Rummie. But sort of to be expected with little notice and all.
Kinda like the glare the fat guy in the corner office give me when I say “I’m going to CA for 2 days next week for a hockey game”. Chubby seems to think it’s foolish? Or maybe it’s that I don’t ask, but tell him. Heh.
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 04/30/09 at 07:33 PM ET
Like I some something else better to do.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/30/09 at 07:45 PM ET
No doubt. And the drinking has already begun.
Any predictions for this game?
Posted by Osrt on 04/30/09 at 07:48 PM ET
Hawks 3-2.
Kane turned a corner last game is going to break out of his mini-funk. First star, goal and two assists.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/30/09 at 07:51 PM ET
And Osrt I trust you’ve seen my email. Your pedophile joke made me lolz.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/30/09 at 07:52 PM ET
Damn dude. that’s specific.
My prediction: One team scores more goals than the other and wins. Woo
2-1 Nucks. Goaltending battle. I’m rooting for the Hawks though, so that we have a original 6 WCF.
Posted by Osrt on 04/30/09 at 07:54 PM ET
My *#$%@& page won’t stop automatically scrolling down on its own. Any tech-savvy folks out there know how to combat this?
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/30/09 at 07:55 PM ET
And Osrt I trust you’ve seen my email. Your pedophile joke made me lolz.
Yup, just saw it. My cousin and I are Indian (dots not feathers) so we stick out, A Lot, at the Joe.
Posted by Osrt on 04/30/09 at 07:55 PM ET
Evenin’ 19. Anybody else think Sundin will continue his run as the Invisible Man?
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 04/30/09 at 08:00 PM ET
Add a Comment
Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.
Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.
Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.
Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.
Most Recent Blog Posts
GDT - Game #55: Red Wings host Oilers (7:30)
The F Stands For Finger And The Finger Could Really ______ Us All
GDT - Game #54: Red Wings at Coyotes (8:00)
So Far 4 In 2, Why Not 6 in 3?
GDT - Game #53: Red Wings at Oilers (10:00)
GDT - Game #52: Red Wings at Canucks (10:00)
All Aboard…Play Time Is Over, Live Blogging The 7th Re-Grand-Redolent Opening Of The Hasek
About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
When learning from experts it’s best to learn personally from them, or from their blog. We can provide that with poker lessons blog, your home to learn poker personally.
Do you get shocked from the luck in the game of poker? Stop getting shocked and start being a Poker Shoker
Get the top online sports betting bonuses available to sports betters!
Quality. Simple as that. Quality.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Lidstrom's head telling him 1 more year on 04/30/09 at 02:24 PM ET