Crrrkkksshhh....the can of Whoop Ass has been opened!

man, i live in baltimore, and nbc doesn’t show any sign of having the game. this really *#$%@& blows. stupid goddamn *#$%@& pony show.

Time to get the party started—and to do it in the right way, time to give Lidstrom his due!!!

How ‘bout you post him on this blog Chief; that way you can be the first to hang his number from the Rafters!!!  Before they hang it at the Joe, and before he is immortalized in Toronto!!!

DAMN.  Our local affiliate is still playing info-mercials!  Like I want that crappy vacuum…

Great call Okie. See above.

This series ends today! We have the tools. We have the talent. So......

“BRING IT ON!”
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Gee WB, at least you are not having to watch a “used car salesman” informercial

You gotta love these “primetime” games!

Thanks, Gary.  You are still an Ass!!

Good Chief—gotta go with the mojo!

DAMN.  Our local affiliate is still playing info-mercials!  Like I want that crappy vacuum…

Mine has singing vegetables.

Hey, I was onto something with the Maritime Sailors’ Cathedral!  Of course, that’s why Chief said maybe…

Pizza’s on, so I’ll be a bit late.

Let’s “Turn the Page” on this Dallas, lads.

Let’s Go Red Wings!

Exactly Andrew. You were close.

A sign that you may have a problem?  When any object that can be hurled must be cleared away from your seat.  Unfortunately, that means the beer bottle too.

But you wanna know how I roll?  That’s right, I’m drinkin mah beer from a motherf***in plastic sippy cup, bitches.

Outstanding Gabe. Outfriggingstanding.

Bill Patrick just reminded us it’s a short pregame, followed by a horsey race.  Important: horsey race at 4:30. Did we tell you there’s a race today.  Right after hockey. Hurry with the hockey. Hurry.
Don’t forget viewers, there’s a horse race from Pimlico.

Yeah Gabe, my wife got a chuckle out of that one too!!  Well played!!

Beer in a sippycup. 

Start time of “1:30” probably mean more like 1:45 or 1:50.  It’s like the damn stupid movie previews you have to sit through first.

I think I may just puke now and get it over with.

I love how a race that’s like only a few minutes long needs an hour and a half pregame…

NBC is great.  at 1:30pm he comes on and says “the game is scheduled for a 1:38pm start, and we’re going to have a short pre-game show.” what have they been doing ever since?  commercials.  stellar pre-game show, guys!

And if they’re lucky, there won’t be any horses hurt.

Anthem on CBC now - of course, no one else wants to bother with that.

Hey there’s joe thornton.

DAMN.  Our local affiliate is still playing info-mercials!  Like I want that crappy vacuum…

mine was great.  my colon is very clean now.  not that it had anything to do with the colon cleansing infomercial.  sorry bout the mess on the Hasek.

Man, what I wouldn’t give to get CBC here in GR

Three octopi sighted!

Here we go.  LET’S GO WINGS!

scheisskopf, check http://myp2p.eu

magestic shot of downtown ...crowd sounds good...fired up early

fck u marty...it ends today

HEY - Did anyone know the Red Wings are on?  And the “empty” Joe Louis Arena sounds pretty loud, you dumb ass Cherry.

Let’s Go Wings!!!!

I don’t expect a blow out, indeed if Detroit gets too jacked early it will backfire.  Detroit will keep it close to the vest and play their normal game.

Poor Tippett going to have to try to match lines with DET today

Wings look loose. They were laughing on the bench.

first whistle...and I’ll ask the obvious early question.  why isn’t our checking line CHECKING?

anyone have a lineup check?  any adjustments from uncle mike?

honestly, I think that second unit needs a shakeup.  yea...I read the highlander’s column.  just too much talent there to not be producing. 

do we have a Fil sighting yet?

Damn that was sweet!!!

damnnnn what a save

Turco’s looking pretty impressive today.

thanks a lot paul, really appreciate it. but damn. this is the way hockey is meant to be watched. huddled over a laptop.

Jesus. Cleary put it in the worst possible place.

F! Cleary!  Right into Turco’s chest Damn!!

Fil and Cleary driving the net hard—good sign

Ozzie with a great save early!

interesting irony about JLA.  teams want to put the puck in the corners so Turco can’t handle it...but in Detroit the puck doesn’t stay there.

Ozzie calm:  Nice Start, not giving up any rebounds, that’s playoff experience, hold on to it.

what?!  how the F is that a penalty?!  he got the puck!!

do these refs read the rulebook?

I’ll take that stuart

Horsehit call. Again.

Stuie screwed he got the puck first!!!

“Gotta give Bill McCreary credit for this one.” Edzo.

oh shut up VS idiot.  I don’t care if they have to make the call seeing it once full speed...that’s their JOB.  they’re SUPPOSED TO be able to do that, it’s why they’re reffing the Conf Finals!

The CBC announcers are saying that it was all puck, too.

heh, I guess I meant NBC idiot…

Mac had a good shift…

More fuel on the fire. Piss them off just a little more.

Said it before, say it again.  Brad Winchester is as dumb as a shovel.

Not happy with D-Mac in the box too, though...especially when it wasn’t a penalty Stuart took.

Ozzie Ozzie—shoulda cleared the puck instead of weathering those two chances—

Still good kill

Millbury between the benches—way better than D.C.!!

NBC, VS - interchangeable idiots.

Nice kill.

OZZZIEEE

is it me or does Zubov look like Schneider?

That was a TERRIBLE shift after the P.K.

And another great chance by DAL

Gee—think we could play some in the DAL end??

Good composure by Lebda there.

Schneider = Zubov

Ozzie!  Damn.  *#$%@& you Jennifer Who-Has-The-Same-Name-As-Karl-Marx’s-Partner…

NASN’s picked up the HNIC feed.  What’s a Douche Canoe?

Great navy commericial. Not. Saw at least five discrepancies. Whatever. Bad mood. Nitpicking.

Hope this is a good period for Detroit.  I have to go into work and finish a few things up in a bit, so it would be nice to have a good period.

this is a Douche Canoe:

Christ.  Still using the OT game as a crutch.

Dear Santa,

I don’t care if there’s nothing under the tree this year.  I just want one thing.  I want a win today.  But more than that, I want the crowd chanting “Ozzie’s Better” as they did to Roy when he faced Hasek in the 2002 Finals.

If you can do that for me, that would be great. Thanks.

Gabriel

Drake is all over the place

Drake giving them jump - trying to lock down a minimum wage contract for next year!

Babbles has got to be smiling after that…

WHAT a hit!!

(*Quick Wave* Hi. Lurker. Wanted to start commenting :D )

Still?

Well, Detroit played an overtime game with Nashville in the first round.  Does that count?

Ah, I can see the resemblance to feminine hygiene and underpowered watercraft.  Thanks Paul.

Like Chief said.  Drake REALLY wants a shot at the Cup.  No heads will get in his way.

Damnit

Crap—crap!!

bad change.  Dallas goal.

Can someone explain what a Dallas penalty is?  I thought I knew but I guess not

...broke the sippy cup.

Turco is trying to make sure he wins today…

GODDAMNNN

Fack.  Bad change.  Surprised it was Lebda?

Maybe someone can explain to me what goaltender interference looks like when it happens to the Red Wings?

Outshot 8 - 3

Great start—bitches

Dallas is getting their sticks in the passing lanes in the Detroit zone.  Wings are hesitating on their decisions and the split second is giving Dallas time to get to the puck.  hope Babcock sees this.

Maybe someone can explain to me what goaltender interference looks like when it happens to the Red Wings?

My thoughts exactly.

Maybe a powerplay goal would be a good idea

need the cycle so Homer can go ruin Marty’s day

Maybe not having Sammy on the point would be a good idea.

no shots on the PP

GOLDEN OPP MISSED. Was that Mac?

STFU Milbury, there was no goalie interference, ass

D-Mac’s learning from Homer…

Good shift for DET—finally!!!!

Homer in the slot—good chance

they’re making sure to bump Marty every chance they get.

I noticed this from the NHL rulebook in the section about interference:

* if the opposing player interfered with is Detroit’s Tomas Holmstrom, it is not a penalty.

gotta read the fine print, boys.

SCORE!!!!

PP getting some really good chances

HAPPYYHYYYYYYYY

Happy. So frigging happy.

eat that Marty

HUDLER is the MAANNNNN...He was amazing out there!

HAPPY HUDLER !!!

FINALLY! Only about 5 spectacular misses before but FINALLY!

FINALLY something lands on the stick of the player camped out on the far post!

WHOOOOOOODLER!

ooooooomPA loooooomPA!

KRONNNERR tooo...what an amzing pass

Suck it Diggers...there’s your secondary scoring.

I asked Santa for a favor and he sent one of his elves to make it happen.

good shift after the goal boys..come on

SKATE. On. NECK. DRIVE. HARD.

Cherry - check out the JLA you dumb ass.

Oompa loompa! the online feed is behind, i just saw it

Gotta go pick up my daughter between periods from ‘behind the wheel driver’s ed’ - thank God for DVR pause, I’ll catch up during the second period.

Interesting thought, maybe Hudler should get a few shifts on the second line?

Kopf—better late than never!!!

keep skating you Red Bitches!

Dats with a great hit

and why didn’t Z’s highlight reel opportunity materialize?  he was tripped.

nice call refs.

oh, wait…

Z needs to get his skates sharpened...hes been slipping

Nick on a breakaway-- you don’t see that often.

Sammy fanning on a shot-- you see that too often.

Wooohoohoo...frigging kronner.

Kronner—with the Smoke!!!!

Soft Euros, eh Cherry you dumb ass?

Kronner…

Good effort from Cleary.  Great freight train hit from Kronner!

Swedish wrecking ball!  KRONNER!

Were the Stars known for physical play and big hits?  I can’t remember.

KronWALLED,

finally.

Hey Jenny Pooh.. where were #55’s skates that hit?
DECAPITATION. Beiotch.

Wings have really picked up the pace—Thank God!!!

Keep the tempo up!!!

Next goal decides the winner.

Has Cherry ever shown any of Kronner’s hits? or does he try to pretend they never happened so he can keep up with the “soft Euros” crap?

Red Wings best 4 x 4 man ever?  #91.

catch up with you 8a8tard8 after I pick up my daughter.

I hate to say it, but Z’s hurting.

Of all the times for the dish to cut out…

From what I saw, we deserved a four-on-four goal.

Next goal decides the winner.

Gotta disagree. If the Wings score next i think Dallas folds, but the reverse is not true. The wings have a much more explosive offense than Dallas

I’m sure you heard, but it is worth repeating, at one time the shots were 8 - 3 DAL,

at the end of the 1st 14- 10 DET

SOOO DET outshot DAL 11 - 2 in the last part of the 1st --

Keep em rolling Mike, keep em rolling!!

Whiskey is on its way…

The playoffs suck.

I LOVE Dallas Drake… in a completely hetero, manly kind of way.  He is playing like his life depended on it. Desperation hockey… IMPOSE YOUR WILL.

I hate to say it, but Z’s hurting.

Unfortunately I agree Gabe, he is really laboring in the corners.  Not nearly as strong on the puck as usual.

I honestly don’t know what’s harder to watch: Dallas scoring first, or the trainwreck career of an emasculated Cuba Gooding Jr. as he prances in his underwear.

I hate to say it, but Z’s hurting.

Did you notice this at the start or after a bit of play?

I saw him get tripped/jarred in a corner about half way through the period and he was on his knee, not getting up right away.  I thought I was just seeing things, maybe being paranoid about the length he was just kneeling there, but maybe I wasn’t…

I think it is just that he’s got a bad wheel.  He’ll get it fixed at intermission.

Feck-- low on whiskey.  Moving onto the absinthe then...it’s the playoffs.  They suck.

Back from a seminar...caught the tail end of the period.  Wings seem to be finding a stride.

Comment from the wife re the Refs..."C’mon when a girl from SoCal can see the foul on Homer...” the rest falls in to the remove head from sphincter category.

Second period...

Press down.  Hard.

Amen to that.

I agree, the Z is not looking right.  Something’s off. 

On the flipside, Huds is looking wicked fast.  Someone must have given him a few extra jellybeans this morning. 

Cleary...Danny...I’m STILL WAITING.

Movesfan, yep, he got rocked a little bit into the game and wasn’t playing the same afterward. 

Win today and he gets to rest for a few days.

And all the talk about Zetterberg is giving me an excuse to drink.  Another reason why this shit NEEDS to end tonight…

I honestly don’t know what’s harder to watch: Dallas scoring first, or the trainwreck career of an emasculated Cuba Gooding Jr. as he prances in his underwear.

I couldn’t agree more Gabe.  In fact, I was thinking the same thing during that commercial.  He was decent actor, for chrissakes, what happened?

I’ll also say this—Drake is playing with the kind of furor that generates goodwill from the hockey gods.  $10 says he pots one this game…

I’m praying it’s just a skate, but Z is holding his shoulders like his back is starting to tighten.

Disch—Cleary and Fil have been going strong to the net this game --

I bet they pot one tonite!  Ohh this afternoon,
Thanks Gary.  Ass

Should I call my wife and let her know she can come back in the house?

As long as she brings more beer?

for chrissakes, what happened?

From “Show me the Money!” to show me the underwear.....

He was decent actor, for chrissakes, what happened?

I think Hollywood still mostly gives leading roles to black men in action films.  Cuba is not an action star.

Andrew, at least it’s 2:30pm where you are.  Here it’s 11:30am and the Crown Royal is half empty.  I hate the Playoffs…

Moving onto the absinthe then…

Alright, everyone keep an eye on Andrew’s posts. They should get entertaining pretty soon.

“Did anyone else see the puck disappear? It disappeared man. Man, seriously, it’s gone.”

And AGAIN Gabe!  How humiliating!

Stats are turning with the Wings.  Good Sign.

Lebda had a pretty strong first period.

well, they approved my Douche Canoe sponsorship, but the message still isn’t up.

Actually Mike, it’s 8:30 PM where I am.  Should I not rub that in?

I bet your reception is better than mine though.  Damned dish.  (Not you, Disch.)

Zetterberg got dinged when that star stuck out his knee on him.

Hopefully it’s a charlie horse but it really could be anything.

I also think it messed up his skate as well so it was a double whammy.

All the Z talk here - don’t forget, he took a leg-collision hit about halfway through from one of the Mongoloids on Dallas.  I’m sure that doesn’t feel so hot.

Man, seriously, it’s gone.”

you mean like Jack Handy GONE?

“If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because man, they’re gone.”

I think Hollywood still mostly gives leading roles to black men in action films.  Cuba is not an action star.

Boyz n the Hood to...Daddy Day Camp.

Brett Hull is always eating! WTF!

They should get entertaining pretty soon.

Me, entertaining?  Never.

Have you been cheese nachos?  Well then sex draft beer mile-high club chicken wings.  If hockey jungle-sex three-way, you could sex cars giant breasts.  And with power tools sex sports beef jerky miss november, that could mean golf scotch fried baloney sandwiches.  So pick up that threesome and poke a sex sweaty sex now.  Call thirty-six twenty-four thirty-six.  That’s thirty-six twenty-four thirty-six.  And remember: we don’t football sex bowling until you pizza.

Brett’s stuffing his face again. Shocker.

I think Hollywood still mostly gives leading roles to black men in action films.  Cuba is not an action star.

Good point, Paul. Hadn’t thought of it that way.

I just pray that the hockey gods allow DET to carry all that mojo into the 2nd!!

A bloated Hull stuffing food in his mouth. Oh yeah, my money’s on a career comeback next season.

not the kind of call we want to have?  he was going to play the puck into the zone!  the slash took that opportunity away.

these guys are idiots.

Maltby gets that puck and he’s alone in the zone and the NBC asses are bitching about the call… unbelievable.

He didn’t have the puck tool bag.

Ohh joy—to the PP, good way to keep momentum going!!!

WOW...Andrew...wasted no time with that absinthe, huh?

A bloated Hull stuffing food in his mouth. Oh yeah, my money’s on a career comeback next season.

from the look of him, he wouldn’t need to wear pads…

“resounding resolution.” Milbury.

I must be in trouble… I completely understood what Andrew was saying.

Have you been cheese nachos?

(Still laughing and wiping a tear away)

It’s funny cause it’s true.

Remember when having a power play meant being in the offensive zone for a long time?  I miss those times.

Sammy hands of stone—good gawd

throwing up

what the hell are you talking about Milbury?

LOL...cruel, Paul...but true.

It’s even better when delivered by an even-voiced man in a suit:

http://www.butterflysuicide.com/2008/03/hockey-jungle-sex-three-way.html

Intensity, lads.  Intensity.

I am so cheese nachos right now…

Ohhh frack ---

*#$%@&

Are you kidding me.

I’m going to go die now…

Like I said...intensity.  We can’t convert our odd-man rushes, give them one, and they convert.

Sex sports beef jerky miss november.

I hate to say it, but we’re looking a lot like Dallas was those first three games—getting chances, not burying them.

Here kitty kitty, where are you bastard!!  It’s time!!!

HTT...I hope you’re dead wrong

DAMMIT...I feel like when Franzen comes back, McCarty’s sitting.

I love miss november…

And incidentally, I am SO SICK of us chasing the lead.  Who’s with me?

I get the feeling that the Wings are playing “tight”

Please, just *#$%@& skate!!

Sorry, Kitty…

Gotta. make . a . kill…

Wings look like they still think they’re on Dallas ice.

Hank looks real slow.  I keep thinking it’s because he’s at the end of a shift, but he has no acceleration whatsoever.

Andrew—I’m really tired of playing catch-up!!!

A lead would be freaking incredible

No Paul, the Wings look like they still think they’re playing in February.

Hank does look slow, and it’s stressing me the Eff out.

I’m pretty sure I’d sell my mother to the Gypsies for a lead.

Chances DET 12 DAL 8

Shots DET 18 DAL 13

I just saw Cleary playing with Datsyuk and Holmstrom… oh shit

iwo.. i thought the same about Dats..except for one shift

The girls in this Heiniken commercial are the only thing keeping me sane right now.

Ahoy, mutherfuckers

I’m aboard, I’m fetal...and maybe a little drunk!

Honestly this isn’t completely unexpected. Those long win streaks are a double edged sword because they’re usually followed by a couple game lull like it or not and as we all know this time of year a lull will send you home.

Hopefully they can break out again.

Pav’s has the puck in front of the net and can’t get a shot

Gotta do something for the hockey gods

Andrew—I’ll sell your mother for a lead

Phew… at least Zetterberg’s still out there on some shifts…

yet another shot goes wide.

sheesh.

it pisses me off that turkey is having a decent game.  I know the implosion is coming...I just know it...but I don;t want to have to wait much longer.

crowd...sounding like they have a pulse again.

I say to hate this but Head is standing on his turco…

Buckets with two good chances—c’mon wheres the golden ticket!!!

Jeff, you can draw up the legal papers, I’ll go find the Gypsies.

Jesus, whadowegottadoto score?

Decided to switch to Ken and Paul on the radio.  Blood pressure going down a little bit

We have a lot of missed shots tonite.

Has Mikael Samuelsson ever scored a goal for the Detroit Red Wings?

Wings are tentative—tentative

Why does Sammy always shoot when he should pass?

And always pass when he should shoot?

Why?

I’m really starting to hate the phrase “Turco makes the save!”

It’s going to be Catcher In the Rye and Manchurian Candidate with me...just you watch.

Shots DET 23 DAL 14

yet we are losing, why?

Andrew: Holden Caulfield’s a pussy.

are you effin kidding me...my heartbeat must be at least 130

What the *#$%@& was that ---

Matador defense—good freaking grief

Was it my imagination or did the ref have that whistle up to his lips just waiting to call a penalty on someone?

Yeah Chief, but I bet he’d score more often than Samuelsson.

Christ, Lundqvist waltzes in and “draws” a penalty…

I’m switching from beer to whiskey.

vword = 28pressure.  Indeed!

I’m not stressed at all!

I’m downright pissed off at the lack of intensity being displayed by the Wings.

Babcock needs to calm his guys down, they are starting to tighten up and forcing plays again.  We keep playing our game and this thing ends 4-2 for the Wings.

Very true Andrew.

LMFAO

NOW he agrees with the call.

unbelievable.

I have to agree with the earlier posts that Z is hurting.  I’m so stressed, my stomach is in knots.  I see that the 4th line has not been on much lately.  DMac is not having a good game in my opinion.  Why are the Wings so tentative?

I hate the playoffs.  Dear God, what I wouldn’t give for a shorty right now.  Hmm, I have three cats...Here kitty kitty.

Ozzie standing tall—thank goodness

Something has to kick the Wings in the Ass!!!

God I hate hearing them talk about Turco.

That last little flurry in front of Ozzie tells the whole story.  #5 and #24 both allowing a Ribiero to hack away at Osgood.  Our two most experienced D just watched him do it.