Abel to Yzerman
NHL’s Red Wings guardian stops…car thieves with guns
by George Malik on 01/31/11 at 01:50 PM ET
Comments (11)
The NHL’s “Guardian Project” shouldn’t make me cringe, at least in theory. I learned how to read because I was read to, early and often, with my favorite books including titles such as “Mr. Shipley’s Ship-Shape Shoe Shop”...and the X-Men. I loved comic books even when I was in kindergarten, and Marvel comics, no less, so you’d think that Stan Lee’s partnership with the NHL would be the literary equivalent of an empty-net goal for someone like me.
My reaction was quite the opposite of jumping for joy—as soon as the project was announced, the Guardian Project sounded so contrived and so very familiar—even in his voice, you could hear that Stan Lee was trying too hard, which is the equivalent of George Lucas insisting that he was ready to tell the first episodes of Star Wars properly (run and hide from Jar-Jar Binks!)—and my fears were realized as each team’s Guardian was revealed. By the time “The Red Wing” burst onto the scene with jet wings, wheels attached to his feet and GPS-like tracking ability and of course “born leadership” (he wouldn’t be a Red Wing without a superiority complex!)...
Well, hell, at least he’s not Maple Leaf the maple tree.
But, per Yahoo Sports’ Ryan Lambert of all people, I found out that the Guardian Project’s website includes “min-battle” stories which feature the Guardians in action.
Cue a cringe well-deserved, because the Red Wing battles a ring of gun-toting car thieves (click for the PDF file). One steals an F-150 with two kids in the back (thus, a city-wide search begins!), which the Red Wing saves, and when the particularly crafty gang leader attempts to escape to Canada—through an over-land tunnel and mountainous terrain, right next to Joe Louis Arena—the Red Wing stops him.
It can’t get any worse, can it? Wait, don’t answer that question. I’m sure I can use my mechanical empathy to figure that one out.
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Comments
Really? No uber-villain extraordinaire? The huge build-up just for a bunch of car jackers?
Simply, wow….
Posted by El Gato Pollo Loco!!! on 01/31/11 at 04:09 PM ET
Oy vey…
Posted by SYF from the bottom of my, what, 11teenth pint of Guinness? on 01/31/11 at 04:19 PM ET
Sigh… Hey, at least someone’s getting some use out of the old Packard plant. Ugh.
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 01/31/11 at 04:24 PM ET
They need to add in those other two Detroit Superheroes, The Crow and Robocop.
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 01/31/11 at 04:44 PM ET
They need to add in those other two Detroit Superheroes, The Crow and Robocop.
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 01/31/11 at 03:44 PM ET
I would’ve taken James O’Barr’s The Crow over Lee’s hero.
Posted by SYF from the bottom of my, what, 11teenth pint of Guinness? on 01/31/11 at 05:09 PM ET
Couldn’t we just get these Jay Leno and Pat Morita on the case?
Posted by El Gato Pollo Loco!!! on 01/31/11 at 05:34 PM ET
The one thing that REALLY pisses me off is simple:
[all caps] DETROIT IS NOT CONNECTED TO WINDSOR VIA MOUNTAINS! THERE’S A FRICKIN’ RIVER IN BETWEEN THEM AND THE DAMN TUNNEL DOESN’T ABUT THE JOE! [/all caps]
Seriously. Take a frickin’ geography class. The stereotypes are one thing. The stupidity regarding our geographic locale is another.
Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 01/31/11 at 08:43 PM ET
Oh Stan Lee. You were a god in my youth. How the mighty have fallen.
Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 01/31/11 at 10:53 PM ET
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I think I cringed enough for the both of us.
Posted by AxeMaster9 on 01/31/11 at 03:18 PM ET