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Twice The Vomit
by IwoCPO on 09/05/09 at 07:38 AM ET
Comments (98)
I’m not sure what makes me want to throw up in my mouth more, the absolute guarantee I’m making right now that UM is going to lose to Western…or this,
Veteran goaltender Dan Cloutier, out of hockey last season, will attend the Detroit Red Wings’ training camp (Sept. 13-15) on a tryout.
Cloutier, 33, who contacted the club and asked for the tryout…
So…of all the teams Cloutier could have contacted, he chose the Wings? Or did his agent, if he still has one, do a mass fax saying his boy was on the hunt for a team?
Kyle at Babcock’s Death Stare is all over this.
And he frigging despises it, as he should.
I could not hate this any more than I do. Yeah, it’s a tryout, but still. I hate this from a personal standpoint and a management standpoint.
Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever made fun of a goalie more than Dan Cloutier, as our friend at Dan Cloutier for Vezina will probably attest to after I post this. It’s not that I hate the guy per say, I’m sure at one point I did, but he does suck. I always felt he was the weakest link on some average to strong Canuck teams. During the glory days of the Naslund/Bertuzzi tandem, Cloutier held them back with his soft goals, poor mental game, and well below average goaltending ability.
But from a managing standpoint I absolutely hate it. It better be nothing else than just having an extra warm body in camp. I don’t see why you need it — for months they’ve been talking about how this is finally Jimmy’s time, and he’s been talking up the past week about how he’s ready for this, so now they invite Cloutier to camp. Hopefully it’s just Todd Bertuzzi doing the guy a solid. I can’t express to you how much I do not want Cloutier to do well and earn a contract.
Onward.
Hippy Dave’s fired up.
While I hate to do so, it has become apparent to me that I now have to hold off on my auto-renewal of NHL Center Ice and plan on changing services to another provider such as Comcast (which owns Versus, btw). I’m not happy about it and I’d rather not do it. So, what I propose here is a good old-fasioned letter-writing campaign.
The Deke continues with their summer preview of the Wings. Yesterday was Nik Kronwall.
...the dude rang a shot flush off the crossbar that would’ve tied the Seventh Game of the Finals. How nut-wrenching is that? That has to mess with a guy’s head. I bet it’s like a Pavlov’s dog situation—every time the oven timer goes off or a kid rings a bell on his bike he thinks of the *ping* from The Crossbar and immediately starts peeing on people (For the record I’m definitely talking about Nik Kronwall here and not about something that happened to me last Sunday at a family reunion).
For the record, I think Kronwall’s going to have a huge (if healthy) year. I’m predicting at least two suspensions.
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Comments
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GO BLUE!!!!
I hope his being invited to camp scares the piss out of Jimmy Howard and he plays like Patrick Roy without the desire to put men’s dicks in his mouth.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/05/09 at 09:39 AM ET
hahahahahahhahahahahahahaha awesome!
Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the Big House,January1,2013. already there bitches on 09/06/09 at 11:53 AM ET
Did any of you guys see this article?
http://www.torontosun.com/sports/columnists/mike_zeisberger/2009/09/06/10767941-sun.html
at the bottom of the page
The boys in Vegas, have the Wings as favourites to drink from Lord Stanleys Cup before a puck has been dropped. Now I’m not normally a betting man, but its their business to get this kind of thing right. This might not take into consideration the Cloutier factor though
Posted by scottytooshotty on 09/06/09 at 12:22 PM ET
Ottawa Senators - 35/1
Oh how the mighty have fallen.
And while somethings change,
somethings stay the same:
Detroit Red Wings - 6/1
Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 09/06/09 at 12:30 PM ET
And before OTC goes crazy on me (I know you’re out there), let me say I meant that as a compliment.
The fact that some teams go up and down(yes the Pens) but the Red Wings have been at the top for a better part of two decades is truely remarkable. Kudos!
Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 09/06/09 at 12:34 PM ET
Vegas odds reflect the betting pattern. If Detroit is the current favorite that simply means more bets are being placed on the Wings and they have to lower the odds to make sure there is enough left to pay the light bill should they have to make good on the bet. It is just a money game and has nothing to do with the experts picks, but a distinct reflection of the bets placed.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 09/06/09 at 12:35 PM ET
the absolute guarantee I’m making right now that UM is going to lose to Western
The Wolverines looked pretty good yesterday. Now the Broncos aren’t say Ohio State or Notre Dame, but I liked what I saw yesterday. Tate Forcier looked very relaxed and very smart. The D was awesome.
I know it’s only one game, but what an improvement from last year. My nephew is a senior at Western, but he was born and raised a Wolverine fan. Go Blue! Bitches.
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 09/06/09 at 12:52 PM ET
Vegas odds reflect the betting pattern. If Detroit is the current favorite that simply means more bets are being placed on the Wings and they have to lower the odds to make sure there is enough left to pay the light bill should they have to make good on the bet. It is just a money game and has nothing to do with the experts picks, but a distinct reflection of the bets placed.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 09/06/09 at 01:35 PM ET
I would love to believe you HTT, but according to YOUR logic, that would mean nobody is betting on the Ottawa Senators. Come on, that’s just crazy.
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 01:00 PM ET
The Wolverines looked pretty good yesterday. Now the Broncos aren’t say Ohio State or Notre Dame,
WOLVERINES!!!!! [with an AK in my hands]
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 01:01 PM ET
To irregularjohn:
I recommend plenty of fiber and lots of water.
Also, I offer this:
and this:
Posted by monkey from here to Timbuktu on 09/06/09 at 02:03 PM ET
JesusKrist Monkey, beachballs LMAO.
And JewAndrew, Reject Christ, Receive Bacon! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’m stumbling through the fog of a post InternationalBaconDay Brunch of Bacon + Green Flash Imperial IPA plus Founders Centennial IPA plus Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA. Hops Hops Hops.
My YahWeh that is funny.
I’m very glad this Stress Train is returning to its characteristic wit and Wings Forever foundation. Responding to Trolls is very unbecoming and unnecessarily distracting.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 09/06/09 at 02:22 PM ET
RWBill, how’s a bout a shout out to Dogfishhead’s 120 Minute IPA?
I am a fan. One of the most intense beers on the market (IBU-wise).
Also, have you tried Breckenridge Brewery (stick to beer, CO, you’re hockey sucks ass) Small Batch IPA? The small batch IPA and ESB are f*cking outrageous.
Same do you Andrew, if you’re in Europe hurtin for a bitter beer, can’t you find a good ESB over there? Anywhere?
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 02:34 PM ET
Hey Sully I know of the 120 Minute but never splurged on it. It’s pretty expensive for the ounce. The 90 Minute is pretty complex and stiff, about $9-10 for 4 bottles.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 09/06/09 at 02:52 PM ET
Monkey!
The beachball fotoe is outstanding!!!
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, sippin rum & catchin some rays on 09/06/09 at 03:04 PM ET
World Market sometimes has sales on their Dogfishhead selection. But the 120 Minute is very, very expensive stuff. But as a drinker of Corsendonk and Chimay, I apparently do not know where to draw lines with price and alcohol. “You can’t put a price on a good time” the last hooker I stabbed said to me. Before it all went down, of course. I mean, when we were still negotiating prices.
The ole Shag’N'Stab. Just like Todd Bertuzzi taught me.
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 03:18 PM ET
“You can’t put a price on a good time” the last hooker I stabbed said to me.
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 04:18 PM ET
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG. That is so true.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 09/06/09 at 03:26 PM ET
Monkey, the one with the puck is glorious!
I almost spilled my bourbon. Almost.
Posted by scottytooshotty on 09/06/09 at 03:28 PM ET
In other news, Jiri Hudler scores a hat trick and is the leading scorer in a Czech hockey series:
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/news?slug=ap-czechhockeygames&prov=ap&type=lgns
Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 09/06/09 at 05:47 PM ET
The ole Shag’N’Stab. Just like Todd Bertuzzi taught me.
You win the internet.
Posted by Osrt on 09/06/09 at 06:05 PM ET
WOLVERINES!!!!! [with an AK in my hands]
Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 09/06/09 at 02:01 PM ET
Hahahah OMG a Patrick Swayze reference.. Wolverines !!
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 09/06/09 at 06:51 PM ET
Results are in from TC Prospect Camp Day #1.
Wings beat Atlanta 6-4 after coming back from a 4-1 deficit in the 3rd.
Tomas Tatar had 2 goals and was +3. Cory Emmerton had 1 goal and 1 assist and was +3. Francis Pare had 3 assists and was +4. Sergei Kolosov had 2 assists and was +2. Thomas McCollum made 24 saves on 28 shots (.857 save %).
Story: http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=497813
Box score: http://www.pointstreak.com/prostats/boxscore.html?gameid=1083429
As a graduate of Western, it was painful to watch the Broncos’ effort. They absolutely sucked. Fortunately, I grew up a big Wolverine fan, so I didn’t really mind the outcome.
Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Silicon Valley on 09/06/09 at 09:52 PM ET
Posted by monkey from Doin’ it Bertuzzi style on 09/06/09 at 03:03 PM ET
That’s hilarious, especially the one with the puck.
Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 09/07/09 at 11:24 AM ET
I’m stumbling through the fog of a post InternationalBaconDay Brunch of Bacon + Green Flash Imperial IPA plus Founders Centennial IPA plus Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA.
Jesus Bill. You do realize there are three OTHER primary flavors, don’t you?
Same do you Andrew, if you’re in Europe hurtin for a bitter beer, can’t you find a good ESB over there? Anywhere?
Sure. I can have the original ESB, Fuller’s Extra Special Bitter, at the Chiswick brewery just down the road. I can go over to France for a bottle or ten of Picardie’s strong Biere de Garde. Within half a day, I can be knocked on my ass in a Munich bierkeller by EKU 28. But just like any wine drinker will tell you about grapes, there are vast differences between European hops and American hops, starting with the soil, the climate, the environment, and so on. They’re very different, and I like them both, but sometimes I long for the one I drink far less of, out of availability more than habit. I refer you to my post of three months ago:
“I love, and miss dearly, good old American Hell Hops—the bitter, bitter, intense Cascade and hard-hitting Columbias. Don’t get me wrong, aromatic British Goldings and citrusy Czech Saaz are nice, but they get kinda samey after a while, and sometimes all you want is a vicious hit of American hops to blow you away. Worthington White Shield or Pilsner Urquell, well…can I just have a Bell’s Two-Hearted?”
http://www.kuklaskorner.com/index.php/A2Y/comments/as_heard_on_sirius_radio/
Not coincidentally a thread in which RWBill and I discussed beer and Jewish sports legends (it was a short conversation, heh). Although I may need to rescind the pride in Kevin Youkilis—talk about torn allegiances…
I’m not betting on my ole’ alma mater and hometown after one game. Lloyd Carr left a shaky foundation, and RichRod still has work on his hands to turn those kids into something even approaching the glory days of the late Eighties/early Nineties.
But Kenny passing on Dan Cloutier? You can take that to the bank.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 09/07/09 at 11:58 AM ET
The Cloutier news didn’t bother me at all, after the inoculation I got with the news that we’d signed Jason “I’ll turn your bacon over” Williams; all terrible and ugly things pale in comparison.
Posted by 58Miles2Joe on 09/07/09 at 07:50 PM ET
So I did a Google search for the phrase “I’ll turn your bacon over” and got nothing. No, really, Google says ‘No results found for “I’ll turn your bacon over”.’
But they took the quotes away and gave me this:
Amanda’s Texas Pecan, Maple & Bacon Monkey Bread
WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTT
Monkeys aren’t for eating YOU IDIOTS. Jeebus Texas scares the shit out of me.
Posted by monkey from here to Timbuktu on 09/07/09 at 08:12 PM ET
Watched Ozzie vs Cloutier on NHL.com today.
They showed the playoffs STL/VAN, and only the highlights of course.
That was back when Bertuzzi was somebody.
Kinda funny….
and
Kinda sad….
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 09/07/09 at 10:35 PM ET
I leave for the weekend and miss a critical bacon thread. Figures
Allow me to contribute despite being late.
But I made a mistake this weekend. Was up in Traverse City and stopped by the Prospects Tournament. Time constraints meant I didn’t get to see the Wings play, but damn was it good to see hockey again. And now after a taste I’ve gotta start the waiting all over again.
How about we just skip September and go straight into October?
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 09/07/09 at 11:29 PM ET
Jeez, I hate you guys…....
I took a 4 day holiday from the internet and TV, consumed 5 pounds of bacon, drank a case of “hoppy” beer. Drank some gin. Hung out with dogs. Avoided people. Read a book (don’t tell anybody).
I got back this morning and log on here…...
How the hell can you guys make TALKING about doing something seem like more fun than actually DOING it?
Posted by dougie on 09/08/09 at 09:34 AM ET
Since it’s another Tuesday without the Cup…
Proof Zeppelin rides the Hasek-
Baby, baby
I`ma gonna bring it on home to you.
I`ve got my ticket, I`ve got that load.
Got up, gone higher, all aboard.
Take my seat, right way back.
Oh yeah…
Watch this train roll down the track.
I`m gonna bring it on home, bring it on home to you.
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 09/08/09 at 01:46 PM ET
So, who’s up for a 19 fantasy hockey league this season?
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 09/08/09 at 01:49 PM ET
So, who’s up for a 19 fantasy hockey league this season?
Ohh @#$% yeah, I’d be down for that, b!tches. Sign me up. It’d be the 1st fantasy league NOT to have Crosby or Malkin on any team.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 01:53 PM ET
So, who’s up for a 19 fantasy hockey league this season?
I might be up for that. But no promises on not drafting Rosby.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 09/08/09 at 02:20 PM ET
I might be up for that. But no promises on not drafting Rosby.
Posted by Nate A from the Church of Babcock on 09/08/09 at 03:20 PM ET
Well, I’m throwing my lot in for the commissioner spot…though it was Mark’s idea. And that kind of talk is grounds for suspension before you even get in.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 02:40 PM ET
The only hockey fantasy I’m interested in involves Kristen Bell (avowed Red Wings fan), a block of cheddar, some beer, and some tenderness following a 16-0 run in the 2010 playoffs.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/08/09 at 02:42 PM ET
Worst-case scenario:
Cloutier makes the team.
Cloutier succeeds.
Cloutier proves that any crap goalie can play behind the Red Wings machine.
Cloutier single-handedly becomes responsible for Osgood not getting into the HOF.
I don’t like it… No sir, not one bit.
Posted by original6dan on 09/08/09 at 02:44 PM ET
Yeah, I could probably do a fantasy league, but I can’t promise that I wouldn’t end up with something that Brian Burke might have put together. What can I say, I grew up when The Bruise Brothers were folk heroes in Michigan.
Anybody else seen the latest news from the prospect tournament and starting to maybe get an inkling that Tomas Tatar might just be the real deal? Two games. Four shots. Three of those goals. An assist and a +4 rating to go with that. And that’s as a new draftee, up against guys who have been in the pros for years in some cases. I know it’s early days, but you might want to grab him in your fantasy draft before his stock gets too high.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 09/08/09 at 02:51 PM ET
And that kind of talk is grounds for suspension before you even get in.
Ha, I play to win. I might even make him Captain.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 09/08/09 at 02:54 PM ET
Ha, I play to win. I might even make him Captain.
Posted by Nate A from the Church of Babcock on 09/08/09 at 03:54 PM ET
Just make sure you consult him first.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 03:01 PM ET
I don’t know anything about fantasy sports, but if it’s anything like the games they’re loosely based on, I’m taking a team full of Todd Bertuzzis. I hear playing him gives you a +30% increased chance of scoring a critical hit.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/08/09 at 03:09 PM ET
hear playing him gives you a +30% increased chance of scoring a critical hit.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/08/09 at 04:09 PM ET
This is “Final Fantasy” this is “Fantasy Hockey”...big difference.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 03:16 PM ET
ISN’T Final Fantasy…crap. I’m going home!
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 03:17 PM ET
Well crap, no wonder everybody laughed at me when I took Pacman Jones and Plaxico Burress in my fantasy football league.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/08/09 at 03:19 PM ET
So, who’s up for a 19 fantasy hockey league this season?
I’d be down for this. It’s been a few years since I have done a hockey one though. In some respects it’s hard to transition from appreciating guys who play both ways to looking for point vultures who hang out around the blueline. I’d have to do some studying.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 09/08/09 at 03:20 PM ET
Or perhaps they’ve added a “back checking” category by now.
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 09/08/09 at 03:22 PM ET
Or perhaps they’ve added a “back checking” category by now
If you wanted to go non-standard, could include fun categories like hits, takeaways and blocked shots. That’s about as close to legitimate defensive stats as I’ve seen.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 09/08/09 at 03:36 PM ET
Can we include Corsi ratings?
Posted by mrfluffy from Cincy on 09/08/09 at 05:14 PM ET
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 09/08/09 at 06:11 PM ET
Hey all you baconites. Thanks for the job security. I will be the 1st one you see with your new chest zipper after your bipass. Just kidding really.I don’t wish that on anyone ( except maybe a pen(is) troll)
I’m up for a fantasy league. I nominate JJ for comissioner. He is the stats guru.
Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 09/08/09 at 09:56 PM ET
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Posted by ChrisinA^2 on 09/05/09 at 11:24 PM ET
Thanx Alot.
Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 09/06/09 at 11:04 AM ET