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If I Was a Hockey Player…
by Alanah McGinley on 02/01/07 at 03:14 AM ET
Comments (5)
What kind of hockey player would I be? I’ve been neglecting Reality Check’s dare and I don’t know why. I think I’d probably be one kick-ass hockey player/character/sideshow. Sort of a Matt Cooke-meets-Scarlett Johansson-meets-Alexander Ovechkin kinda deal.
So I’d be annoying, hot and a superstar. Who could resist? No one.
Details, as requested:
Team: Vancouver Canucks or Montreal Canadiens
Uniform Number: 17
Position: RW, plus LW & C in a pinch. Maybe goalie, too, but only if the rest of the bench has dropped dead.
Nickname: Lannie.
Dream Linemates: Derek Boogaard (LW) and Jordin Tootoo (RW) – that way they’d draw all the attention while I scored at will.
Rounding out the PP: Whatever. PP is for freaks that can’t score without cheating.
Job: Scoring. Pissing off guys named Avery.
Signature Move: Making Dominik Hasek cry. Even when we’re not playing hiscultteam.
Strengths: Hard work, No breaks.
Weaknesses: Actual Hockey “Skills”
Injury Issues: Back problems.
Equipment: No armor. All old-school, baby.
Nemesis: Nik Lidstrom (nice guy? bah. it’s all an act.) Guys whose names start with “F-O-R-S-B…”
Scandal Involvement: Greg Millen, a bucket of pucks and a hose..
Who I’d face in the Stanley Cup Finals: New York Rangers. Against Messier. Time-travel 1994.
What I’d do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Steal it, pretend to lose it, clone it, pretend to find it, return the clone, keep the original.
Would the media love me or hate me: They’d love me. I’d end up knee deep in the best damn gambling story they’d ever covered.
I’d tag someone else with this but I’ve done evil to too many people in my life already. But if you want to take this challenge yourself, go to it!
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Comments
I’ve got dibs on that #17 Habs jersey, but by the looks of that picture they’ll unretire #9 just for you. Thanks for playing along. You need to expand on that scandal proposal and turn it into a complete post.
Posted by Reality Check on 02/01/07 at 02:15 PM ET
Dream Linemates: Derek Boogaard (LW) and Jordin Tootoo (RW) – that way they’d draw all the attention while I scored at will.
I don’t think they will be the ones drawing attention.
Scandal Involvement: Greg Millen, a bucket of pucks and a hose..
Some sexual fantasies ought to be kept to ‘secret’.
Posted by Jes Golbez from Just outside of Hell on 02/01/07 at 03:44 PM ET
grey wall—If that was my body, I assure you I wouldn’t.
Reality Check—Always happy to play along. Not sure that my Millen scandal can really bear much more explanation though. Oh, the horror…
Jes—About that Millen crack? That might be the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to me. (And that’s saying a lot.) I may not talk to you for a week without an apology.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 02/01/07 at 05:34 PM ET
To have nemesis, Lidstrom, and Forsberg all together in one line just seems wrong. And the Wings are not a cult, I think…
Posted by Christy on 02/06/07 at 08:24 AM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003, sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen. In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah is one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast, as featured at Canucks.com.
She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
Email:
Alanah’s Twitter: Not really hockey-ish. [LINK]
Other Canucks Blogs
don’t spoil that body with a Yo!Luongo tattoo.
Posted by grey wall on 02/01/07 at 11:49 AM ET