Digging into the archives today, I found myself back in November 1991.  It was then that Mark Messier appeared in Sports Illustrated with the warning he was “Targeted”.

By pop superstar Madonna, obviously on the rebound from her brief encounter with Oakland A’s slugger Jose Canseco last spring, new New York Rangers captain Mark Messier . Madonna and Messier were put in touch by a mutual friend, actress Janet Jones , wife of Messier ‘s former Edmonton teammate Wayne Gretzky . At week’s end they had spoken on the phone but had yet to meet. “We’ll wait and sec,” Messier said. “Who knows where it’ll go?”

Messier—and hockey fans everywhere—had a narrow escape back then, judging from what just appeared in the press today:

Defamed baseball player and admitted steroid user Jose Canseco said Madonna wanted him to impregnate her in 1991. The information comes on the heels of the alleged affair between Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez and the Material Girl.
-- from Sports Celebrity

Terrifying, how close we all came to disaster.  Moving on from Canseco to Messier and the next thing you know… it’s a freakin’ horror show. 

Don’t believe me? I ran these two photos through an image morphing program:

And this was the result…

Good god. I hope you all managed to keep your lunch down.