Abel to Yzerman
Abby Got Me Off, Man
by VooX on 08/23/10 at 06:12 PM ET
Comments (121)
Home Keys is on board. The Emperor told me. Two years at $787,500 each. The kid bought in. He and Helm will be the cornerstones of our Red Corvette energy line for years to come.
Pretend you are an NHL coach, like the Douche Canoe pretends to have been, and you are facing our Red Wings:
The Flying Circus (Zetterman—Dangle—Angry Chipmunk)
Todd-berculosis—Hairdresser—Mule
Happy—Chopper Willa—Charlie Buckets
The Red Corvettes (Home Keys—God—Eaves/Draper/??)
You know you can’t possibly stop the onslaught that will come for 60 minutes. A full game. All lines rolling. Without mercy.
The Flying Circus will dazzle you with acrobatics. The Red Corvettes out-gun you and beat you in the corners. The Hairdresser and Chopper Willa blind your skaters with their whitened teeth. Their line mates, men with addictions to hookers, baby’s blood, top corners, and 180-proof screech, will molest your goaltender unabated. Games against the Red Wings will come with viewer discretion warnings for graphic content, like Law & Order: SVU.
Welcome to your nightmare, NHL, the Red Wings are rested and ready to bring Stanley home.
While the Wings have enjoyed their extra long summer vacations, reports have been trickling in about how hard they are working in the offseason, and how hungry they are to return. The lack of hockey is making many players frenzied. Holmstrom was causing a ruckus at Zetterman’s beach wedding by using his giant ass to block the sunbather’s rays. He can’t help it.
Happy’s hookers report that he insists on them wearing helmets during play, and they have to wear mouthguards if they want to bite him. Dangle’s been working at hockey camps in Russia, and while Bertuzzi joined him at the end of July, I’m sure any reports of massive wildfires in the region are completely coincidental.
Would you want to face an entire team with this much built up energy and potential?
With the forward lines stacked deeper than any in the NHL today, it doesn’t really matter that we only have an okay 3rd defensive pairing. I’ll take our top-4 defencemen over any other team in the league as well.
This is a Wings team nobody can match up against. The Big Red Machine’s engine is already revving up for the marathon race to claim Cup #12 in a bunch of Tuesdays from now. If any other team dreams they can take Cup #12 from us this season, we will to turn their dreams into nightmares.
Is it fuching October yet?
Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!
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Remember that George is still collecting money for his training camp reportage.
I’m all in. Has there been an update on the status of this?
Posted by monkey from bat country on 08/26/10 at 07:59 AM ET
Not sure, but as he hasn’t told everyone to stop throwing money at him, I expect he could still use a few more bucks. I just didn’t want everyone to wait until the last minute (like I almost did).
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 08/27/10 at 05:58 AM ET
Not sure, but as he hasn’t told everyone to stop throwing money at him, I expect he could still use a few more bucks. I just didn’t want everyone to wait until the last minute (like I almost did).
Posted by Baroque
Twitter conversations Wed night revealed he was still a couple hundred short, his trip was possible, but he would be living on crickets, lizards and other crawly things.
I dreamt about you last night Miss B. When I woke up we were still driving around in the rain looking for your broken Kayak. I’m sure RW-Bill or Paul in Miami will be able to explain that to me.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 08/27/10 at 09:04 AM ET
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach
Yea, I had no illusions about security, but hackers generally don’t want to deal with Macs, not yet anyway, for the simple market share reasons you note.
Either way, I get to surf tidal waves of porn. Wooo
Posted by Osrt on 08/27/10 at 11:29 AM ET
JFC, Hurry October!
Posted by RWBill from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 08/27/10 at 11:34 AM ET
I dreamt about you last night Miss B. When I woke up we were still driving around in the rain looking for your broken Kayak. I’m sure RW-Bill or Paul in Miami will be able to explain that to me.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from A. K. A. NostraGrampus on 08/27/10 at 09:04 AM
I actually cannot even touch that one. We’ve gone from canoes to kayaks?
Posted by RWBill from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 08/27/10 at 11:38 AM ET
JFC, Hurry October!
Sorry guys, I know this isn’t hockey related…but it’s August, and any distraction is a good distraction…
if you have the firewall only running on the router, even if they break through that they STILL have to break into your PC. if you have no firewall on the router, but one on your PC….once they break into it they’re already in your PC.
Agreed about the device being more effective than the software-based firewall. But I’ll give you a concrete example…last week I was talking with a non-profit who said they had a site at one point but the site had been taken down. I went to archive.org and found the old code, but while I was looking at it everything bogged down. I checked my OS firewall and saw that the IP address I was visiting was attempting to connect on hundreds of non-standard ports, and those requests were getting through my router’s firewall. When I mentioned to the client that I found their code but it was dirty as hell, they said “Oh yeah, we got hacked by a poker site at one time, but it didn’t seem that bad so we didn’t worry about it.”
hate to break it to you, but Macs are VERY non-secure. the reason there are less attacks is because they have less market share so there is less point to attacking them.
Part of the problem is the amount of misinformation out there, but this example doesn’t really help. That’s a pretty famous example, but even Miller said it took him hours of writing the code that allowed him to execute the exploit, and he wasn’t able to do it until he already had access to the machine. Macs aren’t any more or less secure than any other machine when it comes to user behavior.
In other news, I watched Return to Hockeytown yesterday…I completely forgot that during the ‘98 playoffs, Ozzy let in not one, but two goals from center ice.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 08/27/10 at 12:10 PM ET
Paul’s location based advertising does well. In OC I get ads for California avocado recipes and plenty of rental car ads.
Posted by RWBill from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 08/27/10 at 01:03 PM ET
hate to break it to you, but Macs are VERY non-secure. the reason there are less attacks is because they have less market share so there is less point to attacking them.
Security through obscurity.
Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 08/27/10 at 01:23 PM ET
Paul’s location based advertising does well. In OC I get ads for California avocado recipes and plenty of rental car ads.
Posted by RWBill from the mouth of Red Olent on 08/27/10 at 01:03 PM ET
I get Friends-For-Harry-Reid ads saying, “Sharron[sic] Angle Wouldn’t Push For Jobs At CityCenter” as well Harrah’s Golf Packages in Lake Tahoe, NV. Lovely.
Posted by SYF from the bottom of my, what, 11teenth pint of Guinness? on 08/27/10 at 01:26 PM ET
I get Friends-For-Harry-Reid ads saying, “Sharron[sic] Angle Wouldn’t Push For Jobs At CityCenter” as well Harrah’s Golf Packages in Lake Tahoe, NV. Lovely.
I get ads for curling irons, ice packs, and cushioned seats.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/27/10 at 01:54 PM ET
he wasn’t able to do it until he already had access to the machine
HE didn’t have access to the machine. but on that second day they were allowed to direct the user to a web site.
it was the following day that they further relaxed the rules and even then they had trouble getting into the PCs.
yes it’s an extreme example, the best hackers in the world. but the point is even the best hackers in the world got into the Mac fairly easily, and the PCs not so easily.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 08/27/10 at 02:01 PM ET
I get ads for curling irons, ice packs, and cushioned seats.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/27/10 at 01:54 PM EY
I want your life, mister.
Posted by SYF from the bottom of my, what, 11teenth pint of Guinness? on 08/27/10 at 02:01 PM ET
I get ads for curling irons, ice packs, and cushioned seats.
this should be interesting. the blog is slow, so let’s post what ads we each see.
right now I’m seeing Suntrust, Total Gym, and EA Games, and FIOS Internet.
so they see me as a fat ass with some money who needs high speed Internet so he can sit on the couch and play video games. hhhmmmmm…
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 08/27/10 at 03:13 PM ET
My ads:
Ice Jerseys, Allstate Auto Insurance, and Kayak.com
so weird…..
Posted by WingsFaninCO on 08/27/10 at 03:47 PM ET
yes it’s an extreme example, the best hackers in the world. but the point is even the best hackers in the world got into the Mac fairly easily, and the PCs not so easily.
You’re right about not having direct control, didn’t mean to imply that, sorry. (If he’d already had direct control, it wouldn’t be much of a contest…just…you know, turn the computer on, right?) But he was able to direct the user to a website which took advantage of an exploit he’d previously discovered. Because he was able to execute it in two minutes doesn’t indicate whether Macs are any more or less secure than PCs, simply that he’d spent days working on this exploit.
“When people hear about Pwn2Own and systems failing within seconds, many imagine a Hollywood-esque free-for-all, with rows upon rows of teams trying to hack a single system (like the scene from Transformers). In truth, Pwn2Own is a lot more civilized and structured, isn’t it? How does this compare to other security challenges?
Charlie: Yes, I took down the Mac in under a minute each time. However, this doesn’t show the fact that I spent many days doing research and writing the exploit before the day of the competition. It only looks Hollywood because you don’t see the hard work in the preparation. If you set me down in front of an application I’ve never seen before and told me I have 2 minutes to hack it, as is often the case in movies, I’d have no more luck than your grandma at accomplishing it. Well, maybe a little more of a chance, but not much”
He does say that Macs are easy to break, and I don’t disagree. But to use this as an example of how Macs are therefore more insecure than PCs is setting up something of a straw man argument. He goes on to talk about OS X 10.5’s implementation of address space randomization being behind the curve compared to Vista’s, but buffer overflows aren’t the only means of exploiting both operating systems, and I believe 10.6 resolved that issue (I may be wrong). My point goes back to what I’d said originally…it’s never as simple as “Option A is worthless, Option B will cure all headaches”. It reflects an individual’s experience rather than expert or collective knowledge, and it’s the reason most people don’t know what the hell to believe.
It’s like saying Republicans are racists or Democrats are socialists. (Pulling the pin and running…)
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 08/27/10 at 03:51 PM ET
Either way, I get to surf tidal waves of porn. Wooo
I know, Osrt, I saw your bookmarks.
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/27/10 at 05:08 PM ET
It appears even our nicknames have nicknames.
It’s a troll abatement program. (TAP) Confuses their little brains.
Posted by Rumbear from a boat MFr’s, take a look at me…... on 08/24/10 at 01:25 PM ET
hey I’m not a troll and I am still confused :-D
... loved this article can’t wait for the season to start
Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan on 09/02/10 at 08:33 PM ET
I use AVG free and don’t have any problems :::thanking the internet goddess’s:::
Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan on 09/02/10 at 08:43 PM ET
also use “AdAware: and “Spybot search and destroy” ...both freebies that work pretty well for me
Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan on 09/02/10 at 08:46 PM ET
in my circle of hockey lovin’ friends, eaves’ nickname is THE SEXY… feel free to use it
Posted by Jett S. on 09/06/10 at 11:50 PM ET
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hate to break it to you, but Macs are VERY non-secure. the reason there are less attacks is because they have less market share so there is less point to attacking them.
this should scare the shit out of you…
http://www.infoworld.com/d/mobilize/gone-in-2-minutes-mac-gets-hacked-first-in-contest-676
[quoteThe MacBook was the only system to be hacked by Thursday
...
Miller, a former National Security Agency employee best known as one of the researchers who first hacked Apple’s iPhone last year, didn’t take much time. Within 2 minutes, he directed the contest’s organizers to visit a Web site that contained his exploit code, which then allowed him to seize control of the computer, as about 20 onlookers cheered him on.]
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 08/27/10 at 12:08 AM ET