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Abel to Yzerman

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Back To Annandale? Negative. Not Gonna Happen.

by IwoCPO on 07/22/08 at 08:39 AM ET
Comments (16)

Steely Dan carried me the last four miles to work this morning.  Donald Fagen advocates a California tumble into the Pacific.  Whatever. Nothing a little glue stick can’t fix. 

Meanwhile, we have issues to address.

A few things I just don’t care about.

--Like Gene Hackman said to the purest jump shooter in history, Jimmy Chitwood, “I don’t care if you play, or not.” And I’m talking to you Mats Sundin.  What a frigging drama queen.  He’s been playing hockey all his life, and now he’s taking months to decide if it’s right for him to come back or not.  Are you telling me he just started thinking about this in June? 

I have little sympathy for hockey fans in Vancouver, and less for the fans in Toronto.  But this is a joke.  Play, don’t play, keep fishing and live out your life in comfort without a Stanley Cup.  Just end this idiotic charade.  My opinion of him dipped around the deadline, and it hasn’t improved since then.

Would my tune be different if he’d signed with the Wings on 1 July? Of course.  But I’d still take Hossa for 7.4/1 year than anyone for 20 million over two.

--I have no idea what KHL even stands for.  Yeah. I got the H and the L parts, but the K?  Radulov wants to play in Russia? Don’t care.  Doesn’t affect me.  Jagr? Tail end of a great career.  Go for it.  Don’t care.  Talk to me when Ovechkin is considering it.  Or...talk to me when Datsyuk’s deal is up, or if he decides to give up everything he’s got in the US to head back home.  Short of that?  Don’t care.  Should I? Probably, but I don’t.  Wyshynski does, and he’s got some ideas.  Me?  It simply doesn’t affect my Wings so I simply do not care.  Woops. Shallow blogger? Me? Yep.  Wing fan. Told you already.  I make no excuses.

Note:  TDeters makes a good point in the comments below.  If the KHL can somehow pose a threat to the NHL and improve our league as a result...understand.  Of course, improving the league would go hand-in-hand with firing our lame-ass commissioner.  Oh the glory, the rapture that day will bring.

--Were the ESPYs on the other night?  I heard they were.  Guess what?  More cowbell?  Nope.  I don’t give a flying f**k about the ESPYs because ESPN cares less than that about us, the hockey fan.  Were the Wings nominated for anything? I literally have no idea.  How about Game 5? 34.7 given any consideration?  I’m serious. I don’t know.  And I really don’t care.

--I don’t care that if the Tigers hadn’t choked in disgusting fashion Saturday they’d only be 4.5 games behind the White Sox.  Dammit. Alright. I do care about that.  Frigging Tigers.  How the hell did this happen?  Am I going to dive into the disaster the Tigers have become this year?  No.  But I will address something else because I’m kind of, you know, on a roll.

And here it is.  Stop with the comparisons.  You’ve read them.  Wing fans predicting more glory in 08/09, only to be challenged by the nervous nitwits who give us a “Oh, but look what happened to the Tigers...”. 

Here are a couple differences:  The Wings know how to win.  It’s instinct now.  Any kind of game.  The Tigers?  They haven’t won consistently since the ‘06 All Star break.  Pitching and goaltending.  The Wings have a solid middle to late reliever in Conklin, most likely the best backup in hockey.  The Tigers?  Holy Christ, get past the starters and we’re looking at a bonfire.  Can’t win without a closer, eh?  Damn right.  Todd Jones is the Tigers’. Chris Osgood for the Wings.  Jones used to be like Osgood.  Scary but effective.  Now? 

Big Frigging Al

I’m seriously beginning to wonder how much he has left. I know he goes through the a rough patch every season, but he’s been throwing batting practice during his last few outings. Everyone is hitting him, and hitting him hard. Even his outs are shots that just happen to be hit at someone.

And here’s something else.  The comparisons are ridiculous because the logistics are so vastly different.  Lidstrom could go down in October and remain out through April, and the Wings would still finish no lower than second in Gary’s Central, probably with a six seed at worst.  And while he’s out, up comes the big Swede. Six months of seasoning under his belt and he’ll be a machine.  Silver linings all over. 

The Tigers finish second in their division?  Done.  Can you imagine the kind of stress if the Wings were 8 points out of a playoff spot with less than half the season to go?

No, because it’s pure fantasy to even consider that scenario.  There is literally no circumstance that could result in that. 

You want doom? I’ll give you some, from the master.

The Wings summer could not be worse. In addition to tiring themselves out lugging the Cup all over the world they have re-signed Stuart and signed Hossa. Expectations have been raised to ridiculous levels. Optimism is at an all time high. Holland should have spent the summer lowering expectations rather than luring in fans with false hopes. Notice how the Pens are pursuing a strategy of pessimism. Their fans are now prepared for the worst. Wings fans meanwhile will be crushed next Spring when the storm clouds arrive. Pessimism is the truth. Let it by your guide.

That’s Doomsberry from the MLive Wing Forum.  Feel like pessismism is mandatory? There I gave you some, but spare me the comparisons between the Tigers and the Wings.  It’s not valid.

But, you say, “what about Cabrerra and Hossa?  Don’t you see, don’t you see the similarities?”

Not really.  The Tigers signed a chubby kid (who’s coming around...31 RBI his last 35 games) to a long term contract worth ungodly money to take a payroll over 138 million in a league without a cap.  The Wings signed a proven performer to a one year deal that fits well within their structure.  Hossa flops? No strong need to re-sign him?  Cabrerra flops, and I don’t think he will, and it’s a Juan Gonzalez-like disaster.

Ok. I feel a little better.  I’m sure you do too.  Enjoy your Tuesday.

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Comments

who are these “tigers” you keep mentioning?

Posted by ColdWar on 07/22/08 at 08:12 AM ET

about the ESPYs.  go to their page, and who do you see?  Justin Timberlake.  somebody care to explain that to me?  wtf does he have to do with sports?

http://espn.go.com/espy2008/postshow/index.html#

anyway, yes there was an ESPY for hockey.  Best NHL Player: Sydney Crosby.  never mind who was the playoff MVP.  or “the kill”.  or the playoff point leader.  none of that matters, because Syd is Gary’s boy.  *puke*

best finish?  34.7?  nope.  “Hilltoppers Advance: Western Kentucky beats Drake, NCAA 1st round.” gee, you mean a last second shot to win a basketball game?  I can see why it won.  that NEVER happens.  *dry heave*

and the only other mention of hockey in the ESPYs was Rick Nash’s goal got nominated for best play.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 07/22/08 at 08:29 AM ET

Good ‘ol Doomy!
He always puts things in perspective.

Posted by w2j2 on 07/22/08 at 08:40 AM ET

I agree with most of your points chief, except for the KHL.  I hope it blossoms and threatens the NHL.  At this point, competition may be the only thing to force Gary and those bums to make intelligent decisions.

Posted by TDeters on 07/22/08 at 08:46 AM ET

you want pessimism?  here’s pessimism.  league revenue tanks, and next summer the Wings can’t afford to sign Hossa, Zetterberg, OR Franzen.

THAT’S pessimism.  and a heart attack.  and mass (19) suicides.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 07/22/08 at 09:09 AM ET

The ESPYs were on?

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 07/22/08 at 09:12 AM ET

Wings are done with the free agent summer...except for Filppula.  Even Holland has said that the Wings are no longer in the hunt for Sundin.

I’m tired of checking news.google.com (search term:  mats sundin) for new developments.  I’m through with it.

Posted by SYF from Las Vegas, NV on 07/22/08 at 09:34 AM ET

Heh, Mr. Kukla is coming over to the dark side in his juvenilicity and adolecenceness.

Posted by Nate A from Dark side of the moon on 07/22/08 at 09:36 AM ET

I saw the ESPY show start to come on after the Sox/Angles game on Sunday night and I couldn’t find the “off” button fast enough.  BLECH.  If I want to watch fluff like that, I’ll watch the Oscars.  What a shock, Crosby wins best hockey player.  Gasp.  NOT.

Am trying to get back into baseball for my dear BF’s sake since he sat side by side with me through the playoffs (and most of the regular season).  Of course being able to see a Tigers game out here is not really that easy…

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 07/22/08 at 09:48 AM ET

I have no idea what KHL even stands for.  Yeah. I got the H and the L parts, but the K?

I know you don’t care, Chief, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. Because, as a former journalism teacher, that’s how I roll.

KHL stands for Kontinental Hockey League. Why Kontinental and not Continental? It’s because the Rooskies can’t spell. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s why they lost the Cold War.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 07/22/08 at 10:19 AM ET

THAT’S pessimism.  and a heart attack.  and mass (19) suicides.

I’m not much of a do-it-youselfer.  I plan on taking hostages!

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 07/22/08 at 11:34 AM ET

It’s because the Rooskies can’t spell.

Americans can’t either.

Case in point ...

Qwest
Singulair
Cingular
“Zurich ... because change happenz.”
etc, etc, etc.

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 07/22/08 at 11:37 AM ET

Nice foto Paul...I am waiting for RW Bill to weigh in!

Posted by Rumbear from 19th Hole on 07/22/08 at 11:50 AM ET

Hey, look at it this way.  We get what we know we’re going to get out of the Red Wings and the Lions.  Even if the Lions start off 6-2 like they did last year, we all know its a sham - we know the crash is coming followed by the burn and the middle-fingers pointed towards the executives boxes at Ford Field. 

The Wings are our solace and our stress - but much like the good sado-masochists we are, we take great joy in the pain they provide...most of the time.

Posted by HockeyJoe from NY on 07/22/08 at 12:09 PM ET

By the end of the season, if there’s anyone left who can say “Ty Conklin, most likely the best backup in hockey,” I’ll be pleasantly flabbergasted.

Over half the teams in the NHL make the playoffs, so it’s borderline unimaginable that the Wings choke hard enough (just to clarify--that’s choke during the regular season) to miss them.  It’d take more than just your average, run-of-the-mill Implosion.  Even the Sens made the playoffs last year.

And lay off Sundin.

Posted by Ryan from Toronto on 07/23/08 at 07:18 AM ET

don’ be so quick to dismiss the tigers, they still have time and are starting to come together.

Posted by detwingstigers on 07/23/08 at 10:49 AM ET

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