Abel to Yzerman
Next entry: Kenny's Goal: Keep Sundin Out of Anaheim
Previous entry: Stress Train? What Stress Train?
Bettman: “We’re Placing a Team In Cancun!”
by IwoCPO on 01/30/08 at 03:00 PM ET
Comments (11)
No, not Gary Bettman. Those are the words of Sally Bettman, Gary’s twin sister...a big Hamiltonian woman who was one of the 3,223 Canadians I met in Mexico. She told me, and I agreed, that the entire nation had decided to vacation in Cancun. She also told me, and I definitely agreed, that every drink at an all-inclusive resort is watered down to Bud Light level.
But that wasn’t the strange part. Wanna know what was? Of course you do.
Valteri Filppula greeted me when I got off the plane. I waddled down the jetway, carrying my sleeping daughter, searching for the beer guy and there was Filppula, welcoming me and thanking me for my October prediction that he’d pop 25 this year.
Well...that’s not completely true. Filppula didn’t welcome me. But I saw him and here’s where it gets weird. I did step off the plane onto a jetway. My daughter was asleep and drooling, hoisted over my shoulder. And I did look for the beer guy. And that’s when I saw #51. Just a glimpse and it shocked me. I bounced my daughter off the deck, forgot--momentarily--about the beer guy and said to my wife, “Was that Filppula?”
Her response: “Nice job dropping our child Slick. What the EFF is a Filppula?”
I was off like a shot, because I knew not one of you bastards would believe me if I just said I saw him. Needed a picture. Running. Hurtling like OJ when it was ok to talk about OJ, camera at the ready. Nada. Wife screaming that I’d deserted her to go on a Loch Ness-like hunt. Dammit. Resigned that I could definitely have been wrong. Pouting. Heading back to my family. Prepared for the wrath. Daughter crying. No beer man in sight. But...wait.
WTF? Yes, it would appear that...yes, I’d crashed the Wing team party. Filppula on the jetway. Mexican dude waiting for Hudler. Again, camera poised. Scanning. Leaving the family behind because we’d just watched “Man On Fire” last week about young blonde children being abducted on the mean streets of Mexico so it was plenty ok for me to take off in search of two players whose names aren’t recognized in Michigan by anyone but us die hards. Fruitless. Again...nada.
Back to the family and we’re talking venom. Not good. Told to go find a guy from our hotel with the manifest or don’t come back at all. Found him. Asked if our name was on his list. What name? Houlihan. No, no, no sir. No Houlihan. Here....look.
And right there, on the manifest where my name should have been?
“Kirk Maltby.”
Scanning. Rapid fire pictures of the crowd. Snap, snap, snap. Click. Click. Big women. Drunken--I mean WASTED--businessmen swinging golf clubs in the middle of traffic. But no Wings. Nada. So, I’m left with my picture of Hudler’s chauffeur as my only means of proof.
But here’s what else I found on our little junket to Cancun. Canadians. Everywhere. After four years living in Tennessee and Virginia and having to pay for hockey talk as if it were found at the other end of a 1-900 number, I couldn’t get away from it. A customs agent from the Vancouver airport told me I should be ashamed to admit my allegiance to our Dynasty. I mentioned Cloutier and she tried to drown herself at the swim up bar.
A nice gentleman from Calgary tried to get his 12-year old son to kick my ass because I had a Wing hat on. It was close...a draw. A questionable pair of guys from Edmonton serenading me with Rexall-like taunts as I stood in the beer line. Got them all back at one of the shows one evening when the host asked a crowd of about three hundred, “how many of you are Canadian?” A huge, and admirable, drunken tidal wave of cheers was the result. I waited until it quieted then gave a “Let’s go Red Wings” thing...not a popular move.
Then a Toronto fan on the elevator making outrageous claims. Nutty stuff like, “the Leafs will make the playoffs.”
But, of course, the true idiots were the American hockey fans...and there were a few of those. Walking to breakfast with my wife I saw a Blue Note approaching. Immediately, my wife said..."Don’t...please." I didn’t. I resisted.
Until he was about two feet away when I said, “my wife says I shouldn’t make fun of you for wearing that stupid jersey.” The guy looked down and I had passed him by that time so I could turn and see that it was a Kariya jersey. He said, “oh, I’m not really a Blues fan...just a Kariya fan.” I started to really let him have it, but then he said, “I like Anaheim. What do you have to say about that?”
Dammit!!!
On the beach? A nice family. Children playing with our daughter. Making sand castles. Frolicking. I was, yes, on my way to the bar to get a beer when I asked the father if I could get him one. You know, neighborly stuff. He said yes, indeed. Where ya from? I asked.
“Denver.”
Of course.
So, no further Wing sightings. Good vacation. Back in the chat for the game tonite. Hope you all enjoyed the All Star festitivities. Suffice it to say I somehow muddled through the weekend without watching Gary’s little circus.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
Glad you had a fun time Chief and even more glad that you’re back posting. I won’t be at the chat tonight but you can attribute all witty comments to my spirit haunting the inter-tubes like so much pee in swim-up bars.
BTW, did you read the story about Stevie Y getting “duped” by a guy who pretended his son had cancer. Thoughts? After you throw up please…
Posted by Osrt on 01/30/08 at 03:29 PM ET
Welcome back Chief! I will be supervising homework hour so won’t be in for the chat but I’ll be watching the game. No, I didn’t watch Gary’s little circus either, but I wasn’t lucky enough to be in Mexico.
Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 01/30/08 at 04:33 PM ET
woah…
i knew Hudler was going to Mexico at the ASB (due to the joke the Draper played on him...)
but what are the chances..
thats freaky weird.
Ozzie actually got lit up for 11 goals, in 26 minutes on 23 shots if you include the Young Stars game aswell..
thats a G.A.A of like 30 and a save % of .525…
nice!
Posted by Pharazon from England on 01/30/08 at 05:31 PM ET
Osrt, didn’t see that story...got a link?
Welcome back Chief.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 01/30/08 at 07:11 PM ET
By the way, Chief, nothing wrong with having a Blues jersey in your closet...you just have to do it right.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 01/30/08 at 07:35 PM ET
Holy crap, Paul...that’s just disgusting. The worst part though is that the kid was completely manipulated and he’s going to have that over his head the rest of his life.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 01/30/08 at 07:50 PM ET
Holy crap, Paul...that’s just disgusting.
Ain’t it, though? Just another instance of a parent figuring his kid is a tool to use to get what he wants.
The remarkable thing to me, though, is that so many athletes still remain generous, and most of the time it isn’t a manipulative scam artist taking advantage. At least instances like that are relatively rare.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 01/30/08 at 08:34 PM ET
Ok i cant read this in class.... I have broken out laughing 5 times…
God damn Uniformed Commercial Code.
Posted by solo16 on 01/30/08 at 09:13 PM ET
If you don’t mind me I would like to make a suggestion about a future trip: the Royal Caribbean cruise that would take you to the beach as well but also on a amazing trip around the old seas. I prefer a sea adventure then a trip to the beach… That is nice also, but a cruise has something special…
Posted by Cristian from Romania on 05/16/08 at 09:47 AM ET
Add a Comment
Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.
Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.
Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.
Most Recent Blog Posts
BJ’s? It’s Either A Live Blog Or That Long, Lovely Dancer At That Club Downtown. Your Choice.
Anniversary Flashback: Legace’s Legacy
How Do You Blog When Your Team’s In The Toilet? Don’t Ask Me
Whoa. Have We Been Wrong All Along?
About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome:
A2Y Stuff
-----------------------------
Wanna Feel Smart?
Does confusion make you sad? When you read words like "enigma" and phrases like "Thanks Gary. Ass", do you wonder why mean people speak in languages you don't understand? Fret no longer friend! The A2Y Glossary will bring you great joy and enlightenment.
-----------------------------
How Others View The A2Y 19
"Hell, I guarantee the content co-opters at Abel to Yzerman were about to link this article under the heading “Bitter Blues Fans” again right up until they just read that last half-sentance. Thanks but no thanks, you Kukla hangers-on."
--St. Louis Game Time
"I realize it’s the slow summer season, but can this guy tone down the tough-guy histrionics? His posts are fatiguing on an otherwise excellent site."
--A2Y Fan, Eternal_Fields
"I constantly marvel at how Bill (IwoCPO) and his disciples at Abel To Yzerman can be so pompous and full of themselves throughout every regular season, but come playoff time they collapse into wavering puddles of stress and nervousness as they anxiously await the impending and unavoidable collapse of the Red Wings in the post-season."
--Mile High Hockey
"I hate them because they are better than us. Of all the frigging teams…"
--In The Cheap Seats
"It's just a shame that the most classless, uneducated, lowbrow fanbase in the league gets this sweep. Red Wing fans don't deserve their team."
--Thhom
"I really don’t care what fans or bloggers think."
--Drew Sharp
"Why is it you Detroit fans are still so classless when you have such a classy hockey team, with such a professional GM and gentlemen players? I understand that the author of this blog is a manner-less cad, but the rest of you should be better."
--A2Y Fan, Jeff Beaumont
"Have you ever *read* A2Y? Its the most opinionated, juvenile stuff i've read."
--Paul Nicholson
"I actually like the Detroit team and have a sh&% load of respect for them, but their fans are the biggest douches next to Canadians."
--KStewy, PensBlog Commenter
Welcome back, Chief! Glad you had a great time under the Mexican sun; I’m sure you’re showing off that tan of yours to all your envious buddies. I got a lot of ribbing coming back so dark from the Spanish (yeah, Barcelona, Spain) sun that I was asked to go to the Security office at my workplace and have my employee ID badge updated.
While you were gone, Osgood was lit up for five goals in the ASG. Be happy you missed it.
Posted by SYF from Las Vegs, NV on 01/30/08 at 03:21 PM ET