Abel to Yzerman
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Cinco De Central De Century De Turco’s All Fetal
by IwoCPO on 03/14/08 at 02:41 AM ET
Comments (16)
Thank you for your patience. You’re all fine human beings, men and women I would have enjoyed swilling beer with last night watching the game in Crystal Clear High Definition Television! I’m sure that phrase is trademarked so go back and read it only this time imagine one of those cool circles with a “c” inside it.
Stay with me. I haven’t posted in a couple days, lots of pent up issues that will probably just kind of appear in front of you and make little sense. I’m warning you. Plus my frigging cat is running around the house going nuts and I have no idea why. If Sailor, the fat-ass Black Lab, wasn’t so lazy he’d hunt the bastard down, but that’s just a little too much to ask.
Five straight wins would indicate February was just a horrible clown chasing you through the darkened hallways of Saginaw’s Hemmeter Elementary school while your coach tells you to get in the game but you can’t find your helmet and the boat you’re driving is going over a waterfall in slow motion type of nightmare. Hence…Cinco.
The division’s locked up for the seventh straight season and nobody cares because it’s been a foregone conclusion since Bubba let all their players go so that management could save money and spend it on cool stuff like neon painted 99 car placemats you only pull out when the family’s coming over which is every day because everyone’s kin in Tennessee. Hence…Central.
Another 100 point season for the most obvious dynasty in pro sports, the 8th consecutive year the Wings have reached that mark. No team since Bowman’s boys in the 70’s has been that consistent. Hence…Century. Oh, and that’s seventeen straight years reaching the playoffs. A nifty number immortalized by Doug Brown and timeless rock legend Kip Winger.
And it was Ladies Night at the Joe. To honor such a momentous evening, A2Y reader TeamDub wore his pink form-fitting Manny Legace jersey to the game and Dallas Coach Dave Tippett burst into tears in the post-game presser.
“I’m sick of it,” Tippett said. “When you watch (Henrik) Zetterberg and Datsyuk dominate the game, it’s frustrating. Obviously, these guys (Wings) set the bar for the Western Conference. We better raise our bar or we’re in trouble.”
Raise it, head to it, put a dollar on it, close it. Whatever.
Ok. Alright. Easy Stars fans. I don’t have confirmation that Tippett was literally crying when he said that. But I know for sure that Dave at Gorilla Crouch wanted me to link to him today. Why do I know that? Because I have ESP and I can shoot mind bullets (Tenacious D reference). Also, because he dropped a couple of my favorites in his post-game manifriggingfesto.
Barry “the Mullet” Melrose once had a nice backhanded compliment for Datsyuk when he commented on a Datsyukian deke that “that’s just not right - that Marty Turco’s not chopped liver.” Well if Turco’s not chopped liver, what does that make Pavs? A motherfu$#ing magician, bitch.
Exactly. And Turco is chopped liver when he’s at the Joe. He’s fetal and he’s rocking, thumb sucking, humming along with Bon Jovi’s angst-ridden rock ballad “Living On A Prayer”, played via cassette at the Joe when the audio guy feels like introducing some new tunes to the faithful. It’s not just the Wings that have Turco’s number. It’s Datsyuk specifically. We joke that Turco soils himself every time 13 gains the zone, but that may not be too far from the truth. Datsyuk’s been playing great hockey, but never better than last night.
He toyed with Dallas last night. He was everywhere, stealing pucks and turning them into goals from forty feet. Dishing, spinning, stopping on dimes. All that Datsyuk stuff. He’s a lock for the Selke. And that had better damn well happen or there’s going to be an A2Y tantrum the likes of which you haven’t seen since Andy Bernard returned from anger management class only to punch a hole in the Dunder Mifflin bulkhead.
Datsyuk, who has seven goals and 11 points in eight games, pounced in quick and brutal fashion stripping Joel Lundqvist of the puck and immediately firing a slap shot through goalie Marty Turco’s legs.
“Last game I had 10 shots,” said Datsyuk, who let fly five more times Thursday.
“I never shoot 10 shot in my life. I want to keep it regular.
“It’s my first score on a slap shot. I’m happy.”
Turco, who has never won in nine career starts at Joe Louis Arena, must have sensed the demons were dancing again.
Dammit. Great line. Dave Waddel, ladies and gentlemen, of the Windsor Star. The “demons were dancing again.” Love that line. You’ll be seeing it again.
I’ve been out of the loop the last couple days and a few things have transpired that deserve my commentary. Charlie Buckets: five years for just under fifteen million. First 3.5 of those years as part of a no-trade clause. Interesting little ditty there at the end, eh? I wonder how many other players have no-movement clauses that expire just before a future season’s trade deadline. I don’t bring that up as a slight to Cleary, just an interesting clause in the deal. Hometown discount from the hometown hero. Had Buckets gone UFA somebody would have ponied up some outrageous cash. Four million/year would not have been out of the question.
But Buckets stayed because he’s a loyal kid who understands the opportunity Wonka gave him. It’s a great story you’ve read all over the place.
Darren McCarty’s out at least another week with rib cartilage issues. It’s getting harder and harder to imagine him finding a spot in the lineup for the playoffs. Do I think he’d bring more value to the team than Downey during the postseason? Yes. And if he gets five games in, maybe Babcock uses him. Every day that passes, though, those chances grow slimmer.
And I’ll tell you this, if they brought him back with any intent of increasing fan interest in Detroit..he’d better get back soon. Obviously, because I’d already had my pedicure, I wasn’t downtown last night for “Ladies Night at the Joe!”, so I can only say this based on my HD experience…but that place looked and sounded empty for a game that should have had the barn rockin’.
The Czech Miracle of Insanity’s got a backache. Look, psycho, we need you for about thirty five more games. Maybe forty. Do what you have to do. Rest up. Forty more games than you can retire in peace with another Cup. Kenny can bring up Howard for a season, sign Ryan Miller next summer and the wheels on the Wing bus will just keep going round and round and round.
Much more to discuss. Much, much more. Franzen, Filppula, Happy Happy Hudler: all playing well. Brilliantly, in the Mule’s case. Draper’s groin is a concern. Helm’s first game, a little speedball. Pick your sixth defenseman. Pick him because I have no idea. Would like to see more of Meech, and less of Lebda. I’m just sayin’. Lilja’s got the flu? Really?
All items that deserve our attention as A2Y prepares for the stretch run.
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Comments
Chief’s argument that Datsyuk should be a lock for the Selke (as well as the Lady Byng) is, believe it or not, sound:
He toyed with Dallas last night. He was everywhere, stealing pucks and turning them into goals from forty feet. Dishing, spinning, stopping on dimes. All that Datsyuk stuff. He’s a lock for the Selke.
Look at these ridiculous numbers:
Takeaways:
1. Datsyuk: 126
2. Modano: 77
3. Madden: 72
Giveaways:
1. Spezza: 85
2. Ovechkin: 84
30. Hamrlik: 59
??. Datsyuk: 56
(cuz the list only goes to 30)
Points:
1. Ovechkin: 97
2. Malkin: 93
5. Datsyuk: 83
Plus/Minus:
1. Lidstrom: 40
2. Datsyuk: 36
Pav’s PIM: 16
Pav’s number’s certainly must make him the hands down Selke favorite!!
”. . . the demons were dancing again”
and he wears #13!!!
Great post Chief!! Cerveza anyone?
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/14/08 at 07:54 AM ET
In my humble opinion, the Wings should go with Ozzie #1 in goal, with Hasek the backup. Just saying…
Posted by w2j2 on 03/14/08 at 09:06 AM ET
Maybe w2j2, but Ozzie won’t win them a series singlehandedly. Hasek still can.
Posted by moore00 from Columbus, OH/Grand Rapids, MI on 03/14/08 at 09:37 AM ET
I dont’ believe that the Insane Czech can win a series singlehandedly anymore, but that’s just me. He will most likely prove me wrong. I couldn’t watch the game last night due to work commitments but I had to sit on my hands and bite my lip when I got the text message updates at the start of the third period. The demons were definitely dancing.
Chief, I hear you on the crazy cat antics, one of mine tears around the house including laps in the bathtub.
Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/08 at 09:54 AM ET
Obviously, because I’d already had my pedicure, I wasn’t downtown last night for “Ladies Night at the Joe!”, so I can only say this based on my HD experience…but that place looked and sounded empty for a game that should have had the barn rockin’.
My brother was at the game; he actually called me right afterwards said it was the loudest he’s heard the Joe in some time.
Mickey and Ken actually commented on the “Let’s Go Red Wings” chant, and how they hadn’t heard the fans so enthused in quite a while.
Posted by Mike from Chicago on 03/14/08 at 10:02 AM ET
that could very well be the case Mike. a couple people mentioned it in the chat room last night that I may be sensory challenged.
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 03/14/08 at 10:10 AM ET
Ah, it’s so comforting to have our own Miracle of Insanity back posting again…cat jokes and all.
...that place looked and sounded empty for a game that should have had the barn rockin’.
At one point the crowd started up some sort of cheer (probably instigated by T.Dub) and Mickey says, “Well, we haven’t heard that in here for a while.” Subtle, Mick. Very subtle.
I was in full P.O.ed mode last night after the first two goals. Criminy, Oz, flopping around four feet out of the crease to the right of the net tends to leave a wee bit of open net there. Looks like we may have to get leashes for both Ozzie and Dom.
But Pavel! Holy Christmas…and New Years and Easter and the Fourth of July. Fans should be filling the Joe just to see this guy perform. Maybe the Wings should run a whole marketing campaign using nothiing more than Tibbet’s quotes.
And as if it’s not enough that Pavel’s got scary talent, he’s also a funny, funny guy.
From Kahn(!):
That’s when Datsyuk took over. In addition to his two goals, he also had an assist. He’s riding a eight-game points streak (seven goals, four assists).
“I had a couple of goals in practice, too,” Datsyuk noted.
That’s just priceless!
So February’s gone. Forgotten. The Chief is back safe (if not sane) and sound. Yes, sir, life is good again.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 03/14/08 at 10:32 AM ET
Um, make that Tippett’s quotes. Sheesh.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 03/14/08 at 10:36 AM ET
The arena sounds pretty quiet at first, but was much louder as the game went on - and the volume was plenty high in the third period.
And I didn’t know that Pavel had a slap shot.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 03/14/08 at 11:31 AM ET
“Five straight wins would indicate February was just a horrible clown chasing you through the darkened hallways of Saginaw’s Hemmeter Elementary school while your coach tells you to get in the game but you can’t find your helmet and the boat you’re driving is going over a waterfall in slow motion type of nightmare.”
...Sounds like the chief got into some bad Tequilla…
Posted by w2j2 on 03/14/08 at 12:27 PM ET
Chief -
I Love the pop culture references, keep ‘em up. I wish my band didn’t have a gig last night, because I missed the game and it sounded like an entertaining one to say the least. Pavs is crazy good and I would love to see the marketing department focus more on him and Z. But yeah, that’s all, cheers to the wings for being the best franchise in sports history (according to Dr. Cox).
Posted by Bryan from Athens, OH on 03/14/08 at 02:32 PM ET
...Sounds like the chief got into some bad Tequilla…
Now which color acid was the bad stuff again?
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 03/14/08 at 04:28 PM ET
I believe it was during the postgame interview on Wings Live where the reporter asked Datsyuk the difference between the team losing streak in February and the current streak in March. Pav answered “February have 29 days and March have 31”. Classic.
Posted by calquake from cali-for-ni-a on 03/14/08 at 05:00 PM ET
The TV guys said something interesting last night about the playoff streak. The Wings have finished in the top 4 of the conference sixteen of the seventeen times. Now thats just impressive.
Posted by UMFan from Colorado on 03/14/08 at 09:59 PM ET
Now which color acid was the bad stuff again?
Don’t eat the brown acid!
Heh, a million laughs. But that wasn’t tequila—that, mis amigos, is what mezcal does to you. Same effect as huffing gas or eating jimsonweed or drinking pulque that’s been out in the Mexican sun too long. Nightmarish.
Chief, I could recap all your points, but that would be just…point-less, so I’ll just say GREAT POST, encapsulated everything over the last few days, and hope things aren’t too chaotic that they prevent you from keeping up the good work. Next time I’m in DC, beers are on me, Crystal Clear High Definition Television is in my head.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the meth lab for Cutie on 03/15/08 at 09:17 AM ET
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Great post, Chief. Anchors Aweigh. I’m still a little bit concerned over secondary scoring and the goaltending. Osgood’s stop on Hagman was great, but was I the only one that was worried a bit watching him last night? I pray Cleary and Hasek get healthy and in a groove before the playoffs start. Those two things, I think, are key. I’m not so much concerned over McCarty. I thought Helm looked good.
I’d like for Holland to either go after Miller or put Howard forward as the number one next year. Let Osgood back either of them up. I’m looking forward to either Howard or Miller becomeing the long term great Wings goalie we haven’t had since Tim Cheveldae! I’m kidding. But seriously, I think we need a good young goaltender around as the number one for the long haul.
I’d also like to formally apologize to all A2Y readers for my panic attack in the second period last night.
Posted by TDeters from Washington, DC on 03/14/08 at 07:04 AM ET