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Abel to Yzerman

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Dear Mr. Rosenberg

by IwoCPO on 12/29/08 at 04:52 AM ET
Comments (2)

I just don’t know.  Maybe the Lions bring out the best in all of us.  I’ve spent a lifetime honing my sarcasm using them as an easy target.  Luckily for all of you, I’ve re-directed it toward my immediate family and all things Wing-related.

Now that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped giving the rest of our teams their just due. Oh no. In fact, I can be almost equally “caustic” (see comments from Saturday’s live blog...apparently, that’s a bad thing) when discussing any one of them.  It’s possible.  It is.

And so, I’m asking you this Michael Rosenberg.  Come on over.  Test the Wing waters.  Bring some of what I read this morning over to our side of the yard.

Because we dig stuff just like this:

Rosenberg

A source in the Lions organization informed me Sunday that next season, the Lions will try to win. This is a shocking change from the 2008 philosophy, and the Lions really should make a public announcement that they are trying to win, because otherwise, how will we know?

And this?  Yeah. We’re into stuff like this, too:

On the first play of the second half, the Lions broke the huddle with 12 men. The first play of the second half. Now, it’s important to keep two things in mind: 1. The Lions had known for nearly two hours that they would have the ball at the start of the second half. 2. Only 11 men are allowed on the field at a time. That is a new rule for the 2008 season. Oh, wait, my bad: That’s actually been the rule for, like, 100 years.

Look dude.  The Wings will never give you something so simple as an 0-16 season.  They just won’t. But look at it this way:  the Lions were easy, basic stuff for a sarcastic bastard like you.  It takes a real champion to find a way to low-crawl through the Hahn Comm Machine and leave a few bombs behind those enemy lines (woke up at 0300 this morning to play “Call of Duty”.  Can you tell?  Path. Etic). 

What I’m asking you Mr. Rosenberg, is if you’re ready for the challenge.  What I’m asking you is if you have what it takes to recognize that a Mike Babcock quote is actually a grammatical mosh pit, a swirlie of a sentence where the noun and the verb are cuffed and shoved into a toilet, flushed six times, then finally extricated with some sort of reverse plunger. 

Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers finished with a quarterback rating of 132.2, giving Lions’ opponents a 110.9 rating for the season. For comparison: No quarterback in the league finished with a 110 rating. These Lions could take any opposing quarterback and make him the best in the NFL. They are that good at being that bad.

We can give you stats like that.  Penalty killing stats.  Goaltending stats.  Any number of Samuelsson stats.  I’m telling you, we’ll feed that stuff to you. We’ll have interns emailing your happy ass at all hours of the day. 

We just want a little bit of what Lions fans have had all year. 

Bring some of that sarcasm over here Mike.  Send it our way.  Try it out on a winner and see how the class reacts.  It’s easy to pick on a loser Mr. Rosenberg.  Hell, we’ve built a blog on that by talking about the Blues once or twice a week.  But, it takes a truly talented tip-tapper, one who really knows his way around a sentence, to direct some of that world class condescension toward a proven winner.

We’re giving you that chance Michael Rosenberg.  Now we realize that the Free Press is losing money and blasting the Lions is a fiscal requirement.  Got it.  So you can start slow.  One column a week.  Here.  I’ll give you this.  Start with this one.  Do you really think the Wings can defend the Turner Cup, much less the Stanley Cup, with that goaltending?  All the diggers are talking about repairing the penalty kill this morning.  Yet none of them have seen fit to mention the time-proven cliche that the best penalty killer has to be your goalie. 

There.  Take it. Run with it. Consider it a gift from us to you.

You see, it’s almost January, and things tend to get a little stale around here for a month or so after the New Year.  Have at it.

Because stuff like this?  It’s frigging gold.

Marinelli did his part, swallowing his first-half time-outs instead of potentially giving his offense another possession. Marinelli has swallowed a lot of time-outs. Maybe he saved them and will use one in the meeting when he gets fired.

Oh, and here’s a rule we kinda go by as Wing fans.  Check this out.  You can even pick on the other teams.  I know.  Dude. I know.  It’s awesome.  We play the Hawks twice this week.  Twice Mike.  And there’s a bit of chatter out there that they’re the best team in the NHL.  C’mon.  That’s a softball.

And it’s yours. I’ll give you until...tomorrow morning.  Then it’s mine.  K?  We can share. I’m easy like that.

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Comments

Such a swell fellow Sir, that’s a generous offer for a Monday morning. Softball served, anyone in the batters box?
And if you are up at 3am to play Call of Duty, must be Doc Suarez has really gotten to you.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 12/29/08 at 09:37 AM ET

And if you are up at 3am to play Call of Duty, must be Doc Suarez has really gotten to you.

Or maybe Doc Suarez also “got his kids” Call of Duty for Christmas…

Posted by lilja4ever on 12/29/08 at 10:39 AM ET

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