Abel to Yzerman
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Developing The Official A2Y Rivalry Depth Chart. Round 3: The Poultry
by IwoCPO on 08/31/08 at 08:20 AM ET
Comments (43)
First off: how long do you think it will be before RWBill tells us Sarah Palin is hot?
Second? There’s a core characteristic of a true rival that we haven’t touched on with our first two entries. Fear. There is nothing to be scared of when we discuss St. Louis or the girls in Denver. You can’t look at either team and fathom a scenario where they’d beat the Wings in a seven gamer. It just can’t happen.
The Poultry? They scared me last year. Imagery of the fluttering puck from Game 5 Hell wouldn’t leave me. Destiny promised me we’d see them in the playoffs. She guaranteed it. But she lied and I wasn’t sad.
But that doesn’t mean Anaheim doesn’t frighten me. They do. Fetally? No, but I still fear the Duck.
And so we embark on our third leg of the ten stage tour through the various teams who want to be our Number 1 Rival.
First, a reminder of how we developed The Formula.
Six categories, each with a 1-5 numeric point value.
Quality of team (QT). Depth of hatred the fans of that team have for us and the Wings (HF, for “hate factor). Past playoff adventures (PPA). Quality of bloggers who may choose to say bad things about us (BQ). Opportunity that team has to make us sad during the regular season (RSSF, for “regular season sadness factor"). Miscellanilarity. Figure it out.
Colorado. St. Louis. Chicago. Pittsburgh. Nashville. Columbus. Toronto. Dallas. Anaheim. Carolina.
(QT) This is a good team. A solid team with danger at every position. Their QT score is bound to be high and deservedly so. Neidermayer, Sasquatch, Beauchemin and Schneider (for now) on the back end. Punk-ass bitch Corey Perry, Getzlaf, Kunitz, Pahlsson and Morrison up front. And you know as well as I do that Selanne will be back. A good team that would make me nervous even with Manny Legace in goal.
But it’s not Legace back there. It’s a French guy who owns us. I don’t like the name “Sebastian” and I don’t like men who use initials for names. I also don’t like thinking about this.
Sure enough, the Wings dominated play, outshooting the Mighty Ducks 171-120 in four-plus games (including a triple-OT and a single-OT). And yet, with all those snipers taking all those shots, they managed to score only six goals. Six. Goals.
That’s our pal Earl Sleek talking about Jay Ess GeeGaire’s performance against the defending champs in 2003. A first round sweep. Do you remember that pain? I do. The frustration? Maddening.
In ‘07? Not quite as dominating. In fact, not even that intimidating. But irritating none the less. And of all the goalies we’d have to face in the playoffs next season? He’d be the one I’d prefer to avoid. It’s a talented frigging team. A Cup champion one year removed, one who would tell you--to a man--that they’re hungry for some redemption. Our science offers them a QT score of 4. And it’ s only that low because Schneider will probably be gone. Talent? Yes. Heart and willingness to sacrifice everything for another Cup? Not so sure.
HF It’s hard to separate this criteria from PPA (Past playoff adventures), but I’ll try. I despise this team. It’s different than the hate you feel for the Dive. That’s directed mainly at their fan base, and it’s a funny hate. A wholesome, family fun kind of hate. Anaheim? I don’t care about their fans. Not even sure they have any. Don’t mind their bloggers, either. We’ll get to them in a bit. It’s the team I take issue with. More than that, it’s Pronger I take issue with.
It could be Pronger and 22 silent guppies swimming in the pond, quietly going about their business...and I’d still hate me some Duck. Sasquatch is in a class by himself. Well...a small, challenged class that also includes Claude Lemieux and Mike Keane. But Pronger’s definitely the apple shiner.
Is the Sasquatch talented? Of course he is. But he’s also dirty, stinky and incapable of speaking more than six words consecutively without resting. Plus, he went after the Captain and we’re not real fond of that in these parts.
My family doesn’t like Corey Perry either. And we don’t like Rob Niedermayer, Scott Niedermayer, Brian Burke or the French fella. Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment. I know that’s not exactly a strict criteria for the 19, but we’ll give her a go. We hate the Poultry because they’ve given us bad thoughts and images. Real bad. Our science leaves little doubt. HF: 5.
And it leads us right to PPA. The late 90’s saw the Wings dispose of the MIGHTY Ducks twice. Both sweeps. Sweeps, but tight. Many overtimes, but never a real concern. Oh, but that changed.
‘03 and ‘07 were bad years. Each painful in their own special way. Coming off a Cup. A first round loss to a Babcockian bunch of bastards who had no business in the same arena, if not for their goalie. Perhaps the most frustrating playoff series any of us can remember suffering through. But ‘03 has faded a bit. Five years is a long time and most of us have soaked our brains in so much alcohol since then that the images are all blurry. We know Giguere owned us. We know Cujo was the scapegoat when he actually played well enough to win. We got it.
But 2007? Now that’s fresh brother. That’s current pain, pain that even a Cup can’t diminish completely.
You think Game 5 in the ‘08 Final was tough? Yeah. I know it was. But I’m telling you now that 34.7 comes in second to the fluttering puck from Hell. That game rocked us. It deflated us and it deflated the Wings. They couldn’t recover until the third period of Game 6 and by then it was too late. Niedermayer knocked us down. Then Selanne (and Lilja) kicked us until we were curled up and covering our heads.
The toughest Wing loss, as Balboa would say, in the history of my life.
We wanted Anaheim last year. Does the Cup feel half full without that matchup? Nope. Overflowing with joy, thanks. But we wanted them. And still do. There’s unfinished business to tend to. Like my irrational fear of San Jose the year before, there’s still some trepidation where the Poultry are concerned. But I’m willing to deal with that because I think the Wings are better in almost every phase.
But that “almost” is a big French factor isn’t it? PPA: I’m giving them a 4.
Regular season sadness factor (RSSF): How’s this for fun Gary? Three of the four times we play Anaheim, it’s the first of a two night, back-to-back. Last season? Split. Hasek won 2. Lost 1. Osgood lost another. Records mean nothing, last year or this. Not head to head anyway. What we’re looking at, though, is overall. If any team in the West has a chance to unseat us as the number 1 seed, it’s probably Anaheim. And we just can’t have that. It wouldn’t be fair. Actually? Who the Hell cares? Home ice means a whole lot of jack squat in the playoffs, at least to the Wings. Aforementioned Game 5’s would underscore that, eh? No team outside our division is getting an RSSF higher than 3. That’s a rule. Duckies are no exception. Fun games to watch? Yep. Violent? Most likely. Scary? Nope. RSSF: 3.
On to Earl Sleek and his little band of quality bloggers. BQ. As usual, we turn to JP at Japer’s Rink for his listing of Duckie scribes.
I see a few in there I’ve visited from time to time. But only two who have updated since frigging January. I won’t stand for that. But the two who have remained consistent? BoC and Girl With a Puck. Girl/Puck is pretty good on analysis, and we know all about quality analysis here. But along with the hockey knowledge, you do have to put up with a little of this:
Once the deal was done, I got a lovely text from Rebecca, one of my HLOGsisters, saying that I had just acquired one of her cutie patuties via trade.
Oh. Stop. She’s not all puck bunny. She did a great post on the Lowe/Burke spat, and it was as objective as possible.
And he doesn’t let the matter drop. He doesn’t let it stay focused on the what-happened-with-Penner-thing-that-screwed-this-whole-relationship-up part. He was in attack mode.
“I’ll tell you this, they have not much coming. Bobby Ryan has been a questionable pick at No. 2 (overall in 2005), and up until this draft, they tried to move down and did a nice job of trying to replenish their depth chart. They had nothing coming, and that appears to be his M.O.”
--Kevin Lowe, Oilers GM
quote courtesy: TSNOuch.
Well, I don’t even know if I can defend that bit against B-Ry. I haven’t been particularly thrilled with his performance despite the fact that I know the kid’s probably got it in him (somehwere). I’d have to see more of him in order to really assess his worth, but so far, he’s not living up to what some might’ve expected (myself included).
Overall...a good blog. One of the few. Actually, one of the two. The other? Battle of California.
We’ve come to appreciate Earl Sleek here. He’s a frequent commenter and knows what buttons to push. Plus, he’s a smartass and we dig that. By now, you’ve read his manifesto, his justification on behalf of the Poultry for their placement as the Wings’ Number 1 Rival.
BoC is not all Sleek though. Rudy Kelly and James O’Brien make up a trio of great writers. Throw PJ Swenson and, I believe, Mike Chen from time to time, in the mix and you’re talking an all star lineup. And, oddly..almost disturbingly, they don’t really hate the Wings.
It’s ridiculous how much holding Nashville is getting away with in their attempt to physically dominate the Red Wings. The best part? Datsyuk is still dominating. Maybe you should try having actual tough guys on your team, Nashville.
Yeah, Bubba. Try that...bitches.
BoC’s a great blog. Hilarious and smart. Occasionally obscene and always witty. We dig it. But it’s just not enough. Not enough to garner the coveted BQ rating of 5. No, no. Multiple dormant blogs and a barrelful of bunnies doesn’t do the trick. Our science? Yes, our science affords the Poultry a BQ of 3.
Now, Miscellanitivity. These teams have seen so much cross pollination the last few years that it’s starting to look like West Tennessee in the springtime. Babcock to the Wings. Schneider to Anaheim. Bertuzzi to Anaheim. Pronger back to third grade...again. The whole Schneider thing bothered me. I guess it served as a reminder that a lot of players do it more for the cash than the glory of the Cup. We’d fallen into a blissul, naive state where our Wings were concerned. After so many years of players taking less for the sake of team...Schneider went all mercenary.
And it wasn’t so bad that he just left, it’s that he went to the team that had stolen our cheddar the year before. As of today, and before I check Eklund to see if he’s been dealt to the KHL for two fifths of cheap ass Wodka that Burke will down during the first intermission of their first exhibition thriller, he’s still a Duck. Which means he’s still the enemy. Edit: the original Misc score was a 3, but commentary below points out that I forgot a few key factors that could easily ramp that score higher. And so it shall be. Misc: 4.
The Final Tally! God, this is so frigging exciting. 23. And that gives Anaheim the top spot for now. After three rounds?
Duckies: 23/30
Dive: 21/30
Bitter Bitch Blues: 16
Edit 2: Check out Wyshynski’s Mighty Duck (yep, I’m liking that idea) preview at Puck Daddy.
As much as the Western Conference has improved, this is still a playoff team, although one I don’t expect to earn home-ice advantage or last more than a round. The salary cap will likely restrict what Burke can do at the deadline to make this squad championship-caliber again.
Next week: Cerrrlina.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
Poultry on ice. Misfits and ner do wells anchored by a huge hemorrhoid, code named “Sasquatch”. Add a floating piece of human debris like Corey Perry and they get your attention. Certainly two flushes, at least. Seems to be more of a conglomeration than a team. When they all skate together they win some games, when they don’t, well, last year. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
Please don’t trot out that “Well in 2003 the Ducks...” line. I dated the prom queen in high school, get over yourself. That was then, this is now.
I like that Earl Sleek fellow though. Kind of a witty chap.
Posted by Rumbear from Rum, more than just breakfast food. on 08/31/08 at 09:58 AM ET
RudyKelly is awesomer than Earl Sleek. 
The Ducks don’t need Shanahan - If anything, they need to dump enough salary to re-sign Teemu Selanne. Better player and more effective for them, too.
Maybe Dallas is hoping that the Avery-Morrow-et al combination will negate the Pronger-ness of Anaheim?
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 08/31/08 at 10:41 AM ET
Surprised you didn’t mention this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7qTMC7B8Js
Hate those guys. I agree, we still have something to prove.
Posted by Tyler from Arizona on 08/31/08 at 12:22 PM ET
Surprised you didn’t mention this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7qTMC7B8Js
Hate those guys. I agree, we still have something to prove.
Or the ultimate stomach punch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU
Bastards. Of course, they’ve got one Cup, we’ve got 11, but who’s counting?
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 08/31/08 at 01:38 PM ET
OMG is that Lilja?
perfect!
http://www.ilovebacon.com/082508/c.shtml
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 08/31/08 at 04:19 PM ET
Do they get one more point in the Misc. category if we add Fedorov to the cross pollination equation? Cuz that’s gotta be in there. Remember, Feds bolted to the Ducks after ‘03. Before he did that, you could kind of imagine his 91 being raised to the rafters…
Posted by jaybee on 08/31/08 at 06:10 PM ET
Do they get one more point in the Misc. category if we add Fedorov to the cross pollination equation? Cuz that’s gotta be in there. Remember, Feds bolted to the Ducks after ‘03. Before he did that, you could kind of imagine his 91 being raised to the rafters…
For me, that didn’t make he hate the Ducks, it made me hate Federov. Shortly thereafter my hatred turned to derision and mockery, so it’s all good, but yeah, he could have had the keys to the kingdom. Few are those who are chosen to enter the Pantheon, but fewer still those who choose not to.
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 08/31/08 at 06:38 PM ET
I am glad to see the Chief enunciate what I have been feeling about the Poultry for quite some time. Although we have different names for Sasquatch (I call him Neanderthal) we agree the thought process of that primitive primate is the same: “Have stick, hit someone head.”
Isn’t Burke the icing on the turd cake. Only an ego as unrestrained as Brian’s, with his 24/7 “my poop don’t smell” attitude, could helm these Mighty Ducks. And BTW, why call them the Poultry, isn’t the Mighty Ducks handle a more ludicrous moniker?
Posted by VooX from hiding withiin the pipes and tubes on 08/31/08 at 08:30 PM ET
As a resident of Divetown, I have to confess the Poultry’s edging out of the Dive on the Rivalry Depth Chart leaves me with mixed emotions…
However, I distinctly remember commenting, at several moments throughout the season, to various friends unfortunate enough to swear allegiance to Darren Garcia’s favorite hockey team, that my feelings toward the Dive had shifted over the last year or two from hatred to something approaching pity, or even bemusement.
I told these same folks, usually after trying to keep a straight face while “consoling” them on the, well, sucky average-ness of their crappy team, how the hate that used to flow through my veins whenever I saw or thought of that stupid maroon A sweater and the mulleteers who wear them to Broncos games was now directed at the team from Anaheim.
Obviously Sasquatch is an easy mark in the hate department, and the Niedermayers run a close second to the Sedins in the Douchebag Twins department (yeah, I know they’re not, y’know, “actual” twins, Earl). Corey Perry is truly the definition of “gutless punk,” and feeling a bit of compassion for Sebastian when his kid was having health problems two years ago actually made me hate him a bit more in the end. Ryan Getzlaf is a good enough player, but every time I see him score I think of Brian Burke smiling, which is enough to make any decent human being’s blood boil. Even Teemu Selanne is a shell of his glory days with the Sharks and Dive.
(bwahahahaha- sorry, had to laugh myself at that one)
In summation, Chief, great post and, sad as it makes me to say, I agree the hate for the Duckies has surpassed hostility toward the Dive. Good thing they got Darcy Tucker- it’s Colorado’s best chance to make it back to the top of the Chart.
Posted by mudshark from Divetown, Colorado on 08/31/08 at 11:10 PM ET
I’m with jaybee. You’ve got to include Fedorov’s bitter divorce from the Wings, with another DUI (and possibly two if you call crashing your Ferrari while making what y’all who don’t live in Michigan call a “Michigan left” an accident caused by “stress"). Sergei kind of lost his get-up-and-go when he and Kournikova got together, and he worried more about living out those rock star fantasies than putting in the daily physical maintenance that’s involved in remaining at the absolute pinnacle of your profession, but he was still a game-breaker and a player who was going to not only become the highest-scoring Russian-born player of all time, but also a Red Wing for the ages had he stayed in Detroit. I have very little doubt that he’d have continued to put up seventy-plus points and would have gotten the ice time he desired as Stevie’s knee continued to deteriorate.
Instead, the year after the Wings won their third Stanley Cup in six seasons, Sergei, the now-infamous Pat “Bagdhad Bob” Brisson, and Viktor Fedorov engaged in a smear campaign was the first real “internet age” contract dispute, with the Detroit media (this was when Denise Ilitch was the president of Ilitch holdings, and they were more open with the world...Hahn was given free reign under Chris when he came to power, leading to the Diggers of today) and the Russian press alike, with Viktor practically giving Sport-Express’s Igor Larin the blow-by-blow tally of the contentious negotiations that went from April until early July, when Sergei still bitterly claims that Mr. Ilitch himself pulled a long-term offer off the table and “forced” him to sign with the team that was, at the time, coming off a trip to the Stanley Cup Finals.
Add in the fact that Schneider, who supposedly loved Detroit and eventually became Chris Chelios’s ally in the NHLPA insurgency, and actually recommended Dan Cleary to Kenny Holland and vouched for his resurgent work ethic to a very Cleary-skeptical Mike Babcock, jumped for the Ducks at the same time that Big Bert decided he’d rather uncheck his temper and play for old-time Burkey and Randy Carlyle than contain his inner bruiser in part because of the proximity of Steve Moore and his high-powered Toronto-based attorney and about $500,000 more than the Wings were willing to offer (when bonuses are taken into account)…
Then, there is, of course, the Pronger hit on Holmstrom.
I don’t call him anything but Chrissy. Chrissy Pronger is the ultimate hockey player in the sense that his talent is matched by his gigantic ego (it’s almost Messier-like), which leads to constant derision of the press and middle-schooler sarcasm when anyone dares to question or criticize anything he does on the ice (which Burkey and Carlyle back up, of course) and a self-righteous indignation when he’s penalized for being a thug because he knows he can get away with it as Colin Campbell believes there’s a different set of rules for guys over 6’5,” especially regarding obstruction (Campbell argued that Pronger’s molestations and tackles of Shanahan and Holmstrom in the 06 playoffs was a perfect example of the “battles” that had to be let go in the playoffs)…
Then there’s this…
http://www.youtube.com/v/OzC05QuAkZ4
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/01/08 at 01:39 AM ET
Ah, hell, there ain’t much on Holmstrom on Youtube...Sorry about the double link post there, Chief. Here’s one to make it up to ya…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKJaZ5avKtQ
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/01/08 at 01:41 AM ET
I don’t hate Fedorov for the move to Anaheim. I thought it wasn’t a good idea at the time (as George mentioned, he would have gotten plenty of ice time as Yzerman’s time dropped due to his knee problems) but he was impatient to be “the man” and couldn’t wait. He was shuffled off to Columbus as somewhat of a salary dump and landed in Washington to (probably) play out his career with Ovechkin, so at least he can finish off his career decently.
Schneider wasn’t with Detroit long enough for me to really get attached to him, and he played with so many teams that he was obviously comfortable with moving around. Too bad he left, but Rafalski was a nice replacement, so he didn’t leave a lasting hole - or really all that much of a lasting impression with me, either.
Bertuzzi leaving wasn’t a surprise. I was a bit surprised when Detroit picked him up, just because he had been pretty much constantly injured, but when he signed with Burke in Anaheim the only shock to me was the really good contract he wound up with, and for two years yet. Of course, now he is in Calgary, and at least one Oiler fan (http://www.mc79hockey.com/?p=2931) is happy at the prospect:
Bertuzzi played fewer than 13 minutes four times in 2007-08. In one of those games, he left with concussion symptoms and in another, he was kicked out in the first for not having his jersey tied down when he got into a fight. He was fourth amongst Ducks’ forwards in PP TOI/G, after Selanne, Getzlaf and Perry. So he wasn’t particularly hard done by and the ice time was nowhere near as bad as he made it out to be. He actually averaged 16:27 per game, which isn’t bad considering that he doesn’t kill penalties - only 32 players played as little or less than Bertuzzi’s 11 seconds a night on the PK and managed to get more ice time than him. Most of those were on far worse teams than the Ducks.
So, a) he doesn’t know how much he played, b) he erroneously blames how much he played for his difficulties in putting up points and c) he actually played a lot considering he doesn’t kill penalties. He’s heading to a team that plays in a media bubble, has better options than him on the PP and a coach who is notoriously lacking in people skills. I can’t see how this will go badly at all.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/01/08 at 06:11 AM ET
Maybe my memory has gone foggy, but if it serves Fedorov was the man, or at the very least one of them. Sure, Yzerman casts a long shadow, but is being the Ted Lindsay or Alex Delvecchio to Yzerman’s Howe really such a horrible fate? As a fan I would say decidedly not.
For some reason it comes to mind how Brett Hull assessed the first retirement of Dominik Hasek: “D-U-M-B, dumb.”
I don’t buy the notion that Fedorov left because he felt he wasn’t getting enough attention, but then again that’s not a feeling I can relate to or empathize with, so I know I can’t be sure.
I’ve been catching up on my Patrick Roy/Mario Tremblay history and it’s interesting to see how different the various accounts of the exact same incidents are. Everyone sees things through their own prism. Who knows, maybe Ilitch did want Fedorov out, but if he did why offer so much money?
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 09/01/08 at 07:09 AM ET
Great points from all above. Changing the Miscellanitivious score to 4.
Posted by IwoCPO from Washington, DC on 09/01/08 at 07:17 AM ET
So, a) he doesn’t know how much he played, b) he erroneously blames how much he played for his difficulties in putting up points and c) he actually played a lot considering he doesn’t kill penalties. He’s heading to a team that plays in a media bubble, has better options than him on the PP and a coach who is notoriously lacking in people skills. I can’t see how this will go badly at all.
[snickers]
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 09/01/08 at 07:46 AM ET
Monkey, the Fedorov defection (if you will) was the first one I really covered as somebody who was learning how to work the net and adapt to listening to sports talk radio drivel to get every tidbit. Sergei was my “first favourite” Wing, and I took that personally--and took an earful from Fedorov fans who were a little psychotic (you know, the “I know, we’re bored, let’s drive by his house again!” types) along the way. Between the Fedorov defection and the lockout, that’s the stuff that made me the guy who’s willing to Swedish word-by-word at 5 AM (and I am a night owl, *not* a morning person).
I heard everything from Anna wanting to go to Hollywood to alcoholism (the Red Wings did cover up more than a few DUIs) to “being the man” to wanting to play for Mike Babcock (seriously). I think it was a little bit of everything--money, playing time, alcohol, what the Russians used to call “superstar sickness,” daddy Fedorov gabbing in his ear and trying to [mis]manage his brother’s career at the same time, Brisson deciding that Sergei was worth way more than the Wings were willing to pay over a much longer term than someone who had pocketed $28 million in 1998, botched negotiations on the Wings’ part, being “the man,” wanting to establish his own identity, and plain old a hockey player deciding that it was time to make a change.
I know that the offer got shorter in term on the last day of negotiations before Fedorov bolted, but the Wings insist that the monetary value didn’t change, and Fedorov insists that the contract was pulled off the table entirely, and he’s said to the Russian press, using the American term, that somebody “screwed” him. Whoever that was, what happened behind closed doors was clearly acrimonious enough that someone in the Wings’ front office with some leverage scuttled any attempts to go after Fedorov at the deadline, and nixed the concept of approaching him as a free agent, so the feelings are mutual.
My gut feeling? The word that rhymes with “spit” that happened happened between Fedorov and a gentleman who doesn’t speak up nearly as much and isn’t as big a player in the Wings’ front office, at least publicly, as he once was, though he occasionally lets some stuff leak to the Windsor Star. It’s still personal, I guess.
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/01/08 at 07:50 AM ET
I hope most everyone else is enjoying their Labor Day holiday! It has been a long and very hot summer here in BFE. Thankfully, training camp is right around the corner—and hockey is almost upon us again!!
In Defense of the Cup - sweet.
I’ve read Chief’s rivalry posts, and the entries from the “19”, and thought I’d spout off my two cents, which coincidentally mirror the rest of you (scarry I know). The apparent consensus of the “19”—you have to ice a really good team to be really despised.
Blues—are pathetic and wouldn’t elicit a shrug from my 10 y/o daughter. I think the only reason I ever disliked them is because Sasquatch used to play there.
‘Nique—are pathetic as well. Really frigging pathetic. Swept by your supposed rival in the playoffs, and the games weren’t even competitive. Really melancholy to see just how far the blood enemy has fallen. Sakic is back for a final go round, I’ll bet by the 3/4 pole, he’ll be wishing he retired. I used to really hate them especially when Turtle Man and WAW played, but that was when the games mattered. They’re just the object of pity now (but only because Sakic has class—next year they group in with the Blues into the “just pathetic” pool).
Poultry—Like the rest of the gang—I despise these bastards. They are pretty frigging good, got some lucky bounces (which are generally earned), and they are cheap-shot asses. I hate that freak J.S. Really started hating them in ‘03. True loathing set-in in ‘07. I’d love to see the Cup Defenders and the Poultry meet in the ‘09 playoffs—but it would be pretty frigging scarry—fetal position like.
Precisely why the Poultry are #1 on the despicable list.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Hockey Netherworld on 09/01/08 at 08:22 AM ET
What, it’s time for the anti-Giguere rant? I didn’t get to do that yet!
Put simply: As a guy who’s earned the right to wear an XXL chest protector and pants, I can tell you that Jean-Sebastien Giguere must be the fattest 6’1,” 201-lb. man in the league given the way he manages to fill out that chest protector and those pants, and the way they seem to “poof” up when he goes into the butterfly.
Nonexistent stickhandling. Mediocre lateral movement at best. A glove that’s boom or bust, and a weak blocker. Cheats off the post like nobody’s business, and once he’s down, he’s down, but he’s perfected the Allaire butterfly technique, and his defence is perfectly synchronized to his tendencies. He’s a shot-blocker, and he’s got the right proportions to take up a ton of space even if he wore Brodeur-sized equipment.
Cocky, too.
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/01/08 at 08:42 AM ET
But if by protecting your body, equipment also made you a better goalie, over time it might seem that the real purpose of goalie equipment was to make you a better goalie. [...]. In the last ten years, goalies have gone from Gumby-like stick figures to net-protecting objects as big as a house. The principle that the purpose of equipment is to protect the body, not the net, has been forgotten.
--Ken Dryden, The Game
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 09/01/08 at 09:11 AM ET
Now, first, I have to state that I think Ken Dryden is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
Second...They don’t call it a blocker because it’s designed for protection. Without another long diatribe, it’s always been half for protection and half to stop pucks, or we’d be using player sticks, player gloves, and wearing cricket pads.
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/01/08 at 09:51 AM ET
OT: Well, c’mon, you could hardly blame me. AND she’s a Hockey Mom as if you needed any more reason to fall in lust.
Just think of the possibilities if she moves in to VEEP quarters at Admiral House at the Naval Observatory, just 2 hours away. With all the intense training I’ve had over the last several years outside Karen’s house and others (by the way I love what Baroque has done with her curtains) I don’t think the Secret Service will pose much of a deterrent to me.
Posted by RWBill from jabbing a six inch sewing needle into my eye. on 09/01/08 at 10:29 AM ET
Ah, hell, there ain’t much on Holmstrom on Youtube...Sorry about the double link post there, Chief. Here’s one to make it up to ya…
Thanks, George. For me, that’s one of the moments that truly defines Mike Babcock. And, without a doubt, this is my favorite part: “Oh, so now that’s, that’s the thing we do? That’s the rule? You can’t put your stick in the crease now is it? Did they change that when I wasn’t watching?”
The words themselves are freaking hilarious, but it’s the facial expressions that put it over the top!
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 09/01/08 at 10:55 AM ET
I figured RW Bill would catch the “Hockeymom” quotes on the airwaves of late. Bringing new meaning to the term “Naval Observatory”!!!! Good to see his senses have not dulled in the off season!
The Summer of Stanley....continues.....
Posted by Rumbear from Rum, more than just breakfast food. on 09/01/08 at 01:02 PM ET
I’ve always liked, “Crispy Duck” when I eat out at the Chinese restaurants here in Las Vegas.
Sam Woo’s has a whole window full of BBQ ducks (with their heads and bills and eyeballs) hanging from the scary whale-shark hooks that hold them up for display.
Posted by SYF from Las Vegas, NV on 09/01/08 at 01:32 PM ET
Bringing new meaning to the term “Naval Observatory”!Posted by Rumbear
Damn, you are way out ahead of me, I missed that one altogether.
Posted by RWBill from jabbing a six inch sewing needle into my eye. on 09/01/08 at 05:47 PM ET
OT:
MICHAEL PHELPS, THE EARLY YEARS:
Posted by RWBill from jabbing a six inch sewing needle into my eye. on 09/01/08 at 05:49 PM ET
MICHAEL PHELPS, THE EARLY YEARS:
Back at you RW...I just snorted a “Boat Drink “ thru me nose!!!!
Posted by Rumbear from Rum, more than just breakfast food. on 09/01/08 at 10:39 PM ET
(I call him Neanderthal)…
I call him, SUCK MY **** YOU ****in’ GAP-TOOTHED PR***!!!!
Posted by O-Joe on 09/02/08 at 01:23 AM ET
I call him, SUCK MY **** YOU ****in’ GAP-TOOTHED PR***!!!!
That works too…
Posted by VooX from hiding in the pipes and tubes on 09/02/08 at 08:28 AM ET
Personally, while I agree with all the careful analysis and reasoning, I think they should lose at least one point simply for being called the Ducks.
How can you have a serious rivalry with a duck?
Off Topic
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One of its legs is the same as the other…
Posted by Gusoline from NoVa on 09/02/08 at 09:18 AM ET
Bwa ha ha! All your hatred makes me stronger!
Great breakdown, Chief and the gang. That BoC praise has us all blushing.
Postseason 2009. Sounds awesome. I’ll mark my calendar.
Posted by Earl Sleek from Anaheim, CA on 09/02/08 at 10:11 AM ET
OK guys, look. I hate Sasquatch as much as anyone. Hated him this much when he was still in St Loo.
And wow, does my wife HATE Getzlaf in ways I cannot describe. The things she’s said about him and the names she’s called him make me even blush…
And… the only Wings playoff game I’ve ever attended was, well, you know.. THAT game… and I don’t know that I’ll ever get the chance to see another Wings playoff game ever again because I’m not a rich S.O.B., I’m just a regular guy. So the hurt is there, as much or possibly more than most. Worst feeling I’ve ever experienced at a hockey game.
That aside though… hating the Ducks is one thing, “rivalry” is another, and the Ducks don’t have any *real* rivalry with the Wings. The “rivalry” is one or two years of fluke upsets, offset by years of ass-kickings the other way. This would have a LONG ways to go to be called a “rivalry”. Had there been a series between the two last year, it may have gone a long ways, but… no, not now. Not yet anyhow.
They won’t score well with you guys but for my money, Dallas… they never seem to really decline, they’ve been good about as long as DET’s been good, and every year they somehow “creep up” as a threat. Then you have the whole “DET in Turco’s head” thing on top of it, as well as Modano being a MI boy and Turco being a UofM alum, and well… longevity of competitiveness makes me think DAL should get the nod. Right now anyways.
We dislike the Ducks, but… really? We think they’re a THREAT? No. Not the Ducks. They rolled big, and got a Cup out of it, but they’re very close to the big decline.
SJ this year. DAL too. And yes, if they get hot mayeb even PHX. But no, not ANA.
Posted by Primis on 09/02/08 at 11:32 AM ET
They won’t score well with you guys but for my money, Dallas… they never seem to really decline, they’ve been good about as long as DET’s been good, and every year they somehow “creep up” as a threat.
Dallas in two weeks Primis. And I might even agree with you.
Posted by IwoCPO from Washington, DC on 09/02/08 at 11:39 AM ET
Great breakdown, Chief and the gang. That BoC praise has us all blushing.
Even though some of us (okay, me) think that RudyKelly is a better blogger than Earl Sleek?
Good writing is good writing, and that blog is an enjoyable read.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/02/08 at 12:21 PM ET
Even though some of us (okay, me) think that RudyKelly is a better blogger than Earl Sleek?
Hey, I don’t argue that stuff—that’s up to the readers. Besides, I’m a Rudy Kelly fan, especially on those lazy days when I don’t feel like posting anything.
Rudy does have one advantage, though: the natural talents of an internet blogger (whininess, anger, frustration, and spite) come much more natural to a long-suffering Kings fan than for a team that’s had a good stretch of success (Ducks/Sharks/Stars). I sometimes wonder what sort of blogger Rudy would become with a kick-ass winning percentage? I suppose I might find out sometime in the next decade
Posted by Earl Sleek from Anaheim, CA on 09/02/08 at 12:27 PM ET
Rudy does have one advantage, though: the natural talents of an internet blogger (whininess, anger, frustration, and spite) come much more natural to a long-suffering Kings fan than for a team that’s had a good stretch of success (Ducks/Sharks/Stars).
Aha! That would account for my being simultaneously entertained and impressed with the Maple Leafs blogs I’ve started reading this offseason!
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/02/08 at 02:00 PM ET
And wow, does my wife HATE Getzlaf in ways I cannot describe. The things she’s said about him and the names she’s called him make me even blush…
My girlfriend is the same way. I wonder if that guy ever gets laid....
Posted by monkey from Gary's World, setting fire to McCrimmon on 09/02/08 at 02:30 PM ET
My girlfriend is the same way. I wonder if that guy ever gets laid....
Get a puck bunny drunk enough ...
I’m trying very hard to even picture him, with no success. I’ll have to pay more attention and see if I start hating him after the first game against Anaheim, too.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/02/08 at 02:39 PM ET
@Primis
The “rivalry” is one or two years of fluke upsets, offset by years of ass-kickings the other way.
So you’re telling me that the years the Ducks were considered a good team don’t count simply because “Well, we were the better team, we just lost”? A sweep is a sweep man. If anything, the only year that should be treated as a fluke is 97 when the Ducks got swept by the Wings, which was the Ducks first time as a franchise ever in the playoffs, playing against a team that has been dominant for more than a decade. We handed your butts to you just as well as you handed ours to us. Seems quite even to me. Just deal with the fact that your storied franchise isn’t dominant over a team not yet 15 years old.
Posted by Bleys on 09/03/08 at 10:57 PM ET
You know, especially because those two years we beat you guys, were the last 2 times we played you in the playoffs. Go figure. As a Ducks fan, I’ll admit on the road to the cup, you guys were the hardest team we faced, and the games were well played. Maybe you guys played better, but the thing the Ducks excelled at the most that season was having the drive to pull a win out of a situation where they didn’t play better. Is that a sign of heart? Probably. But the Ducks just worked their way to wins, and in the end, doesn’t the scoreboard decide the better team?
Posted by Bleys on 09/03/08 at 11:04 PM ET
Just because the better team won doesn’t mean that we have to like you 
Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 09/03/08 at 11:18 PM ET
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This would make things more interesting…
Posted by tpic from Redford, Mi on 08/31/08 at 08:06 AM ET