Abel to Yzerman
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For The Love Of Sweet Baby Jesus…Hire Him Now
by IwoCPO on 05/12/08 at 08:41 AM ET
Comments (34)
Remember what it was like to be reading about your team searching for a new coach, while four others duke it out in the Conference Finals?
Me either. But, hey. Dive fans are right in the middle of it, those that are left anyway.
And, to no one’s surprise, SOL is a leading candidate….according to him and Mark Kiszla.
“Yes, I will talk to the Avalanche if they call,” Roy said.
I can’t describe to you how much fun that would be, watching Roy twitch, then melt, on the Dive bench. Kizsla? Oh, he’s all for it. He’s in baby.
A few quotes from his column this morning.
It’s not difficult to imagine the chant of a capacity crowd at the Pepsi Center as those regally cocksure eyes stare out from the Colorado bench on opening night:
Roy! Roy! Roy!
The building would shake with anticipation, as the aura of invincibility that has been slowly evaporating from the Avalanche returned with the intensity and defiance that oozes from Roy’s pores.
Oh yes he did. “Cocksure.” Curious. Was Roy feeling “cocksure” when he was serenaded off the ice at the Joe? I’m sure he was. As for the rest of that statement…jesus. I felt dirty just reading it and I thought Woody Paige was bad.
What’s missing from the Avs was as glaringly obvious as the disgusting red sea of Detroit jerseys in Colorado’s home arena during the playoffs. The buzz is gone.
Hell yes. You go Transplants. I’m gonna cut, paste and print. Buzz is gone, eh Mark? Yeah. Well. Might want to start with the GM, unless you decide to give that title to the SOL as well. Feel free. I’m all for it.
“What I do as coach is pretty much what we did in Colorado with the Avalanche. I’m an offensive-minded coach. We try to give a show to our fans,” said Roy, who has shown he can teach young players and guide them to a championship during three seasons on the bench of Quebec Remparts, a junior men’s team north of the border.
Yes. A molder of young men. Role model for us all.
“For me to step up and be a coach in the NHL,” Roy said, “it would have to be a perfect situation.”
St. Patrick returns to Colorado and vows to lead the Avs back to the mountaintop.
Sounds perfect.
Perfect = “any”. Roy would do anything to coach in the NHL, no matter where the job offer comes from. Want to attract fans? Sure bring him in. Want to lose them again? Let him stay. If Roy has proven anything the last twenty years, it’s that he doesn’t have the character or the patience to be a coach. He’s also proven that he’s dumb as a brick. Great goalie? You bet. An idiot who opens his mouth, consistently, when he shouldn’t? Absolutely. Still looking to “see what the Wings are made of” Patty? How’d that work out for you?
Hire him Dive. Please.
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Comments
While they’re at it, they can take Ray Emery off the hands of the Sens. Yet another failure of a goalie is just what that franchise needs.
Hell, he might even get along with Patty Wah.
Posted by Nate A on 05/12 at 10:11 AM
Perhaps they can show each other what they’re made of.
Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 05/12/08 at 09:25 AM ET
I can see the headline now:
Patrick Roy signs as Avs coach.
Hires sparring partner for Peter Budaj.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 05/12/08 at 09:37 AM ET
they can take Ray Emery off the hands of the Sens
They can do eight-balls together! Then Patty can put Ray-zor in whiteface, dress him up like Mike Vernon, and relive his glory days of having his ass handed to him! It’ll be just like the old days!
Meanwhile, back on the ice…
(Wonder if Waaaah would re-sign MostLikelyFour because he’s a good Quebecois lad?)
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the unpublicized Tyson-Emery fight in Vegas on 05/12/08 at 09:54 AM ET
I was talking with a couple Dive fans at work here in Colorado today. They are knowledgeable, and believe bringing Wa in would be a bad move. Oh coarse, like you Chief, I believe this would be a great move. It would ensure the Divealanche would remain mediocre at best.
I could see it now at the Ass Can next winter…Wa melts down and orders Budaj to go after Howard or Osgood. Could be fun down there for us “transplants” next year.
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 05/12/08 at 10:01 AM ET
regally cocksure eyes stare out
Cocksure?
Etymology: probably from cock + sure
Date: 1608
As an attorney I have been called a lot of things. However, being a red neck from Detroit, if someone were to call me “cocksure” I would feel obliged to smack them upside the head. Twice.
Maybe Don Cherry is “cocksure”...was he coaching in 1608?
Posted by Rumbear from Sandy Eggo on 05/12/08 at 10:52 AM ET
Still calling the Avs “the Dive” after that pathetic display by Osgood the other night?
Posted by Bob in Boulder on 05/12/08 at 10:57 AM ET
Bob! Good to see you. Still calling your team a bunch of hockey players after that pathetic display in Round 2?
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the Nutcase Goalie Recruitment Agency in Denver on 05/12/08 at 11:00 AM ET
Still calling the Avs “the Dive” after that pathetic display by Osgood the other night?
Jesus Bob. Just when I think you idiots can’t get any dumber. Ah well. Hey, are the hands healing yet?
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 05/12/08 at 11:09 AM ET
Pretty “intelligent” arguments there, but what would someone expect coming out of RW fans? Let’s see, my original post was merely pointing out the hypocrisy of calling another team “the Dives” when your team dives aplenty. Your counter arguments? The Avs got their ass kicked and I am dumb. Bravo, guys, bravo.
So, back to the argument at hand, do you deny that Osgood majorly embellished the slash to his chest protector?
Posted by Bob in Boulder on 05/12/08 at 11:20 AM ET
Really, we should all go easy on ‘Bob.’ After all, it’s entirely possible that with the sucking contest the Dive put on, he’s fallen right off the bandwagon and is no longer a fan. No, now he’s just an ‘impartial observer,’ offering ‘rational debate’ and ‘hard reality’ instead of ‘homerism Kool-Aid,’ just like another guy we know who sadly doesn’t come around here to ‘enlighten’ us anymore with his ‘cold statistical truth’ and ‘accurate spreadsheets.’
How about it, Bob? Are the Avs still your team, through thick AND thin?
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from my desk, frantically scribbling my term paper on 05/12/08 at 11:22 AM ET
I’m still a huge fan. Through thick and thin. And that last series, getting drubbed by the hated wheel, is about as thin as it gets. But sersiously, guys, if I can interrupt your little circle jerk with a picture of Rosanne Barr or something, was that one helluva a pathetic dive by Osgood or what?
Posted by Bob in Boulder on 05/12/08 at 11:29 AM ET
That ‘dive’ is what every goalie in the league would have done had they been in Osgood’s skates. And you know it. Now shut the hell up.
Posted by eddie v on 05/12/08 at 11:39 AM ET
only if “every goalie in the league” = Hasek.
Posted by Bob in Boulder on 05/12/08 at 11:41 AM ET
Osgood was inspired by previous exemplary performances by Mickey Ribs. 
One incident hardly makes a history of diving - if it were Hasek, there would be something to it. Osgood - nope. No history.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 05/12/08 at 11:42 AM ET
Are you still trying to engage in rational debate, kiddo? If you haven’t realized by now that that kind of shit don’t fly here, then you really are as dumb as the Chief says you are.
‘Course, if you’re happy to stick around for us to abuse you, carry on. Just don’t go expecting anything more than pureile insults and dick jokes.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the whoopee cushion and itching powder factory on 05/12/08 at 11:43 AM ET
was that one helluva a pathetic dive by Osgood or what?
come on over. put on a goalie chest protector. let me whack you with a stick. then we’ll know for sure.
btw, you are hockey-smrt enough to realize that even with the equipment, stopping shots hurts, right? so wouldn’t it stand to reason that a slash in the chest would hurt, too?
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/12/08 at 11:44 AM ET
Hi, Boob.
Posted by O-Joe on 05/12/08 at 11:49 AM ET
Paul,
I’ve played, but haven’t played goal. But my guess is that padding designed to absorb the impact of a 100 MPH slapshot probably protected Chrissy pretty well from that slash. Anyone watching the game without red colored glasses on saw what an obvious dive that was. Even many RW fans saw it too. Are you trying to say he didn’t dive? You can’t be serious, can you be?
Hey, whatever. The wings dive as much if not more than any other team in the league. But that “divealanche” thing is so hilarious! Oh, my sides, oh my sides.
Andrew, good points. This isn’t exactly a place to go for intelligent hockey discussion. But then again, neither is so-called “hockeytown.”
Posted by Bob in Boulder on 05/12/08 at 11:53 AM ET
Just so we know who we’re dealing with, meet Bob from Boulder:
Posted by Matt from Chicago on 05/12/08 at 11:53 AM ET
I’m still a huge fan. Through thick and thin.
Sort of like penises with you, huh Boob?
Posted by O-Joe on 05/12/08 at 11:58 AM ET
Etymology: probably from cock + sure
lol
I wasn’t a fan of Ozzie’s reaction and said so earlier. However, I qualified that by saying that only Ozzie knows how much pain he was in. There is the initial impact––which pads deflect but don’t negate––the shock of its randomness (i.e. no bracing for it), and possibly getting the wind knocked out. If Ozzie is to be believed, he got hit in the upper ribs.
Franzen said something similar last year when Jamie McClymetia took a two handed swing at his chest.
Posted by Osrt on 05/12/08 at 12:29 PM ET
The thought just occurred to me—Patty could move back into the same house in suburban Denver that he had before. Do some remodeling. Tear doors from hinges and smash stuff. Just like old times.
Posted by O-Joe on 05/12/08 at 02:00 PM ET
Another thought just occurred to me—there may be some newer Wings fans here that have no idea what I’m talking about with regards to Patty’s home-renovation talents.
I apologize. Here go:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/proy1.html
(The cop’s handwriting is kind of hard to read).
Posted by O-Joe on 05/12/08 at 02:25 PM ET
The doors had to have been taunting him, O-Joe.
I remember my sister calling to tell me about the incident, which apparently happened around the time there was discussion to name a street after Mr. Renovator.
Posted by Aphaea from Pennsylvania on 05/12/08 at 02:52 PM ET
Mr. Renovator.
Heh.
If I had mad internet skillz (like, say, Team Dub), I’d find a picture of Bob Villa or, better yet, his old side-kick Norm wearing his Carhartts and photoshop Patty’s face in there.
Because things like that which cause normal, mature adults to just roll their eyes really crack me up.
Posted by O-Joe on 05/12/08 at 03:31 PM ET
I’ve played, but haven’t played goal. But my guess is that padding designed to absorb the impact of a 100 MPH slapshot probably protected Chrissy pretty well from that slash.
pay attention. IT STILL HURTS, even the slapshot. break his ribs? no. kill him? no. hurt like hell and leave a bruise? quite possibly.
Are you trying to say he didn’t dive? You can’t be serious, can you be?
I’m trying to say that unless you’ve taken an NHL slapshot and know how much protection there is, you should keep your trap shut about it.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/12/08 at 03:48 PM ET
I’m trying to say that unless you’ve taken an NHL slapshot and know how much protection there is, you should keep your trap shut about it.
Indeed. Especially the “keep your trap shut” part.
Posted by WingBitch on 05/12/08 at 04:27 PM ET
O-Joe, I went browsing for images to see what I could find for a photochop of Mr. Renovator. Haven’t found much, but I did run across this gem.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 05/12/08 at 05:42 PM ET
I propose a new nickname for the in-aptly (ineptly?) named St. Patrick:
Sensei Crease
Not for the leet ‘tender skillz, mind you. In honor of Sensei Kreese, who, just as beloved Roy did, ordered a player (his son) into the thick of the fight with nothing at stake except perhaps injury (in the recent case, possibly to the QMJHL-leading Chicoutimi goalie).
Posted by Mike from San Diego on 05/12/08 at 10:22 PM ET
I can’t see someone as unstable as Roy being an NHL coach. He’s practically criminal. The upshot of his being a coach for The Dive, however, would be pure entertainment value. Recall, if you will, the image that will, happily, never leave my mind. Western Conference Finals, 2002, Game 6. The Staute of Liberty that turned into a goal for Shanny. One of the best moments in my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG4hGcHF7rE
Posted by WingBitch from Virginia on 05/12/08 at 11:09 PM ET
So…..
Would the ROY ROY ROY! chant sound something like:
Waaah Waaah Waaah!!!!!
Posted by Scott H from Kalamazoo on 05/12/08 at 11:29 PM ET
As in:
“The babies on the bus say ‘Waah! Waah! Waah!”
Absolutely!
Posted by WingBitch from Virginia on 05/12/08 at 11:35 PM ET
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While they’re at it, they can take Ray Emery off the hands of the Sens. Yet another failure of a goalie is just what that franchise needs.
Hell, he might even get along with Patty Wah.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 05/12/08 at 09:11 AM ET