Abel to Yzerman
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Ground To A Halt: Draper, Maltby Both Sitting
by IwoCPO on 10/13/09 at 12:54 PM ET
Comments (70)
Let’s assume for a second that Kirk Maltby could, if necessary, play tonite..even with the Charley Horse. If that’s the case? When’s the last time we saw both he and Kris Draper as healthy scratches?
I could do the research on that, but my left temple hurts. Me? I have no idea why Eaves (or May for that matter) is in there instead of Draper. But I’m sure Uncle Mike has his reasons. Meanwhile…we’re all looking forward to seeing Darren Helm’s season debut.
“It’s been a long time,’’ Helm said. “I didn’t get expect to get hurt in camp, but it happens and you fight through it. It gave me an extra month to get even more excited to get to this point.”
Strange days. Brad May and Patrick Eaves in the lineup…Draper and Maltby healthy, and out.
And I’m sure all of you are warm from the weekend’s Hahn-directed Tuzz-fest. Holy hell. Every digger we know was loving them some Unibomber yesterday, eh? They were all…“he’s blocking shots” and “OMG he’s faster than ever” and “if he wasn’t a terrorist he’d be my boy” and “we get to watch him for 32 more Tuesdays LUV IT”.
Me? I didn’t see the attraction. I, and this is coming from one of his few defenders, haven’t been impressed with his play at all. I was seriously on the verge of heading over to NHL.com and putting up with the most frustrating statistics database ever invented in order to determine how many shots he’d taken and how many hits he’d dished out over four games. I was convinced both were very, very low numbers. They’re low (7 and 7, respectively) but not horrifically so. And then I read over the Fourth Consecutive Zeppelin Inspired Live Blog and saw that Gramps paid him a compliment, too.
That made me pause. And then it made me cry because I started to think I may not know as much about hockey as I thought.
Screw that. I’m not sipping the koolaid just yet. Bertuzzi was blocking shots? Ok. Backchecking? If you say so. But, to me, he’s still been mostly invisible. I said this three years ago and I’ll say it again now: I want to see a Bertuzzi who reminds people that he almost murdered somebody. I want people to watch and say, “that dirty motherfu**er…there is no way he should be on the ice right now.”
I don’t see anything close to that. And, frankly, I think Uncle Mike’s playing games with the Diggers…using them to boost the big serial killer’s confidence. After his prolific two-shot, two-block, one-hit game against the Caps?
“That’s as good a game as I’ve seen Bert play in a number of years,” Babcock said. “I thought Bert was excellent and helped those guys. He’s big and he skated well, and that was important for us.”
Really? I guess. I mean..if you say so. Gramps? I know you felt similarly, but I just didn’t see a performance worthy of that kind of puckering.
He’s playing with the studs now, and he’s gonna be fed a steady diet of scoring chances. Here’s hoping you convert big boy. Because I may be the exception, Bundy, but I’m not seeing what all these other experts claim to.
Hit somebody Bert. Just once, you big bastard. Take a boarding call. Remember how good it feels to inflict some pain and strike some fear.
Changing topics: Osgood’s in net tonite, as he should be until both his legs are broken. Two straight games without Jimmah has felt like a tropical vacation in February, including pissing in the pool at the swim-up bar. Oh STFU…everyone else does it. You’re swimming in piss. Drink up and forget about it.
Live Blog at 1800. More Zeppelin’s on tap, even though you guys aren’t complimenting me nearly enough for my musical selection.
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Comments
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Sorry to post about something other than shaving your head…but I just want to say that I’m extremely excited to watch Darren Helm play hockey tonight.
Posted by stayouttamalibu from Temporarily in Tempe, AZ on 10/13/09 at 03:26 PM ET
I am bit wary of trying to take a razor to my own scalp. I don’t want to leave any scars were there were none before.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/13/09 at 03:23 PM ET
Ah, ... right.
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 10/13/09 at 03:29 PM ET
Welcome back, Cotter.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 10/13/09 at 03:23 PM ET
Holy Sh*t. That’s awesome.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 10/13/09 at 03:29 PM ET
Ah, ... right.
I may have to make that my avatar in a few weeks. 
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 10/13/09 at 03:31 PM ET
Good to have you back, Mandingo.
Posted by Nathan from Jonny Ericsson’s ice cream truck on 10/13/09 at 03:45 PM ET
Good to be back.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 10/13/09 at 03:33 PM ET
Sorry to post about something other than shaving your head…but I just want to say that I’m extremely excited to watch Darren Helm play hockey tonight.
Shut your whore mouth. You’re out of your element, Donnie. Oh wait… I’m excited to have Helm back as well.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/13/09 at 03:35 PM ET
Well, I’m just as excited as hell to get to monitor the game on the lower screen crawl on NHL Network. Friggin Versus has the game, I have DirecTV (so no Versus), and my DSL went down this AM, so I can’t watch on the ‘puter….Maybe I’ll just shave my goddamn head.
Posted by dougie on 10/13/09 at 03:45 PM ET
Fire me off a PM dougie, you can use my paysite account if you’d like.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/13/09 at 03:48 PM ET
Don’t do it, Dougie!
It is not worth the psychological trauma, Andrew. Get rid of your hair and free your mind to memorize more esoteric facts. You know you want to.
While it doesn’t really bother me that much (as evidenced by my making light of it), more storage capacity for plenty more Corsi numbers would be nice. What about a sponsored shave? If The 19 will donate some money so that Fisch can get a few more defibrillators in places that need ‘em (cough…KHL…cough) then I’ll go ahead and do it and photos will be forthcoming. Alternately, you can all donate to The Emperor, I suppose.
On the other hand…
Men of African, Mediterranean, Jewish descent
Dammit! Half Italian, half Jewish. Either it’s the bald spot or I look like a pale sycamore fruit. What a choice.
once you see all the ladies imagining that bald head sliding up the inside of their thighs.
Heh. Who needs a chrome dome when you have a tongue that could go tip-to-tip with Gene Simmons?
And now I’m off to bed to put it to good use…(it’ll be lolling out the side of my mouth—gitcher minds outta the gutter.)
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 10/13/09 at 03:50 PM ET
Heh. Who needs a chrome dome when you have a tongue that could go tip-to-tip with Gene Simmons?
A deft touch with fingers and tongue is definitely a powerful weapon. I’ve had a couple of girls faint on me while taking care of them. I definitely consider that a compliment.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/13/09 at 03:57 PM ET
I’m sure it will be a short life fot the Eaves-Helm-May line, but I’m reaaly excited for that. I wonder if SI Games will suit me if I call’em the Eastside line (you know, EHM, Eastside Hockey Manager).
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 10/13/09 at 03:58 PM ET
A deft touch with fingers and tongue is definitely a powerful weapon. I’ve had a couple of girls faint on me while taking care of them. I definitely consider that a compliment.
You sure it wasn’t just them falling asleep? Zing!
Posted by stayouttamalibu from Temporarily in Tempe, AZ on 10/13/09 at 04:13 PM ET
You sure it wasn’t just them falling asleep? Zing!
Now that you mention it, they were snoring.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/13/09 at 04:14 PM ET
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 10/13/09 at 04:31 PM ET
And a nice report on the real Dennis Polonich, too.
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/269601-red-wings-enforcer-polonich-never-same-after-brutal-attack
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 10/13/09 at 04:38 PM ET
As someone who was at the Saturday game, Bertuzzi and Flip were the standout players IMO.
Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/13/09 at 04:38 PM ET
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from Madmen is in my 19th year on 10/13/09 at 05:31 PM ET
Who’s that dipstick?
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 10/13/09 at 04:50 PM ET
Love the Bert opinion and I totally agree. Now that probably makes you want to rethink your position, but what the heck. When Bert’s big contribution has been a well-timed backcheck or two, that’s not a good sign.
Posted by Bruce MacLeod from Detroit on 10/13/09 at 05:12 PM ET
Have fun watching the game my 19 brothers. Due to the Direct TV and Comcast dispute I will miss another one. I guess paying $150 per month plus the Center Ice package dosent guarentee anything.
GO WINGS!!
Posted by Surfer Ken from San Clemente on 10/13/09 at 05:42 PM ET
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It will grow back and a lot faster than you imagined…..regular shaving works like fertilizer.
You may decide to keep it clean, once you see all the ladies imagining that bald head sliding up
the inside of their thighs.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 10/13/09 at 03:13 PM ET