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Abel to Yzerman

I’m Not Insane…It’s Just Game Day Stress

by IwoCPO on 04/18/09 at 10:47 AM ET
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For some reason, today is worse than Thursday for me.  I’ve got an idea why, and I’ll share it with you…in a moment.  I’m not fond of the word, “moment.”  I don’t like people who would say “moment” instead of “minute.”  I think “moment” is less specific than “minute”.  I think “moment” is soft and shouldn’t be uttered by men.  Take that onboard, will you?

Needless to say, I’m in full playoff stress mode.

Little League opening ceremonies this morning.  I’m coaching my daughter’s machine pitch team.  About to take the field and my wife says I need to tuck in my shirt.  Tan. Trum. Seriously.  I lost it.  Scared children.  Offended moms.  Chuckling dads.  Not good.

On the way home toward silence, darkness.  Rest for a few hours until game time.  No human contact please.  Yard sales all over the place.  Up and down every street of our neighborhood.  “Mind if we stop and look….”  Lost it. Completely. “Are you EFFING kidding me?  It’s 7 hours until the game starts and you want to go to yard sales? Seriously? You know what? Fine. Let’s hit every effing one of them. Every one.  As a matter of fact, let’s…”  You get the idea.

Back home. Bought a cheese grater from the neighbors across the street. They were drinking beer at 1030 and I swear to god my mouth started watering.  Back home and my black lab, Sailor, comes up behind me.  I feel his cold nose on the back of my leg and freak the fu** out. 

Just read on the home page that the Douche Canoe may be considered for the Dive GM job. I almost started crying in joy.  Please god. Please. Please. Please let that happen. For all that is pure, like nature and bunnies and cheap tequila on a sunny morning, please let that happen.  I’ll never ask for anything ever again.

Ken Hitchcock is whining about us cheating on faceoffs?  Jesus. Miss a meal or six Ken?  Are you that desperate already?

Oh. Awesome.  Thought I’d remind you that my daughter’s birthday party starts at 5 today.  Gonna last a few hours.  Effective Dad I’ll be I’m sure.  I’m positive that all the party-goers are going to leave with the impression that I am one class act. 

I’m in awe of Let’s Go Wings.  Seriously.  That site is so…clean.  I mean the appearance of it. It’s organized and professional. Us? We’re a frigging natural disaster over here.  LGW is just the anti-us.  Oh, I know. They’ve got the forums and stuff, and there’s some juveniliciousness over there.  But overall, it’s like a skyscraper of a Red Wing site. Plus, their photoshop contest gave us this.

STFU is ours, of course.  It has to be.  It’s my new rallying cry and we should all adopt it for this playoff run.

Stressed out? STFU.  Some fat fu** complaining about us cheating on faceoffs? STFU. Find it hard to believe that a Wing fan has any right or room to worry about anything? STFU and then STFU again.

I’ll be back at some point today. I’m gonna go visit the neighbor. I’m gonna stand there with a sad look on my face until they offer me a beer and then I’m gonna wait for it.  “At 11:15…AM?  Seriously?”

STF…well, maybe not. 

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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