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Abel to Yzerman

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It’s July. YOU Find Some Hockey News.

by IwoCPO on 07/18/07 at 07:32 AM ET
Comments (6)

The subject of this post should give you an idea of the hard-hitting, late-breaking items I have in store for you.  A hint?  Sure.  Groupies, potheads and Peklund. 

Joanne Gerstner, a reporter for your Detroit News, has turned groupie and she wants to tell you about it.  Apparently, on a recent cruise of the Caribbean, because that’s where we all want to be in July, she latched on with the Barenaked Ladies.  Singing about big (formerly)fat and (presently) paranoid Brian Wilson is original.  This is not.

The band was very accessible, always posing for photos, doing autographs, and talking about their music or lives.

That is exactly what I did with Robertson after the poolside show. We just talked, discussing why the NHL’s Toronto Maple Leafs are so horrible. He laughed when I said I was from Detroit, telling me the Red Wings are an ‘evil empire.’ I retorted that the next time he’s in Detroit, I’ll show him what the Stanley Cup looks like.

FYI: people who use the word “retort” are smart. It’s proven.  Have you ever offered a retort?  When you’ve retorted and you feel like reporting your retort do you re-phrase it or simply import the retort word-for-word? 

Remember the cop who called in his pot-induced complaint to his own department claiming he was about to see Jesus?  Yeah.  Funny stuff.  Well, he’s a folk hero. 

“I think we’re dying. We made brownies and I think we’re dead, I really do,” he told the emergency dispatcher. Before the ambulance got to their home, Sanchez had enough time to put away the dogs, tell the dispatcher of his past marijuana experiences and get the latest score update on the Red Wings game, all during a near dance with “death.”

By now you’ve probably seen the genius of Peklund.  I’d found him a few days ago and was going to post a glowing review of his site, but then discovered AlanaH was close to doing the same.  So, out of some misguided sense of teamwork, I held off.  But I can delay no longer.  The man is brilliant.

Tidbits? I got ‘em.

Word from my mouth tells me that the Ottawa Senators are very worried that they are only a 1 line team. Likewise, the Detroit Red Wings are also concerned about their similar situation. So Holland and Murray are discussing a possible trade which would see Heatley/SpezzaAlfredsson traded for Zetterberg/Datsyuk/Holmstrom. The deal is contingent on Zetterberg and Heatley and Spezza all agreeing to sign 10 year contracts. Once this is done, the biggest blockbuster trade in NHL history will be done! P2

More? K.

Mike Ricci to star in new Addams Family Matrix movie P1, Rocky Farewell tour with Rolling Stones P2, Quebec Nords P3, Kansas City Scouts P1, Kenora Thistles P1

Roenick to talk out his ass P4, make no sense P2, be rejected by all 30 NHL teams P3, barred from all NHL buildings P1, go on Sportsnet on deadline day and claim Ryan Smyth was traded call it an E5 and then be “Ekluned” er I mean embarrassed. P5

Tomorrow I will be working on deciding who the better team is for next season. The Anaheim Ducks or the Columbus Blue Jackets. I have to talk with my sources. I will be here chatting with myself all day and refreshing the TSN page hoping a player or 2 will sign so I can come back here and confirm it as my own. P5

Investigate the entire site.  If you read nothing else today, Peklund should be it.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

Ok Chief, time to fess up: I’ve never been to Eklund’s site.  All these “E5” refs you’ve made have gone over my head, and I assumed they must therefore be some high minded, top secret military fecal matter.  However, I’m seeing the “E5” and numerous “P” references here ... please lead me out of darkness on this.

Thanks, eh?

Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula, Michigan on 07/18/07 at 07:56 AM ET

I think this is probably the best way to deal with Ecklund.  Taking him seriously gives him far too much credit.  I don’t get the whole e5 thing either.  My only guess is it’s some level of confidence meter he has in the crap he makes up.

Posted by Dave on 07/18/07 at 08:35 AM ET

OOh, I am now a Peklund fan.  I love the little rumors with the phrase “Give all your money to me.” I am getting strange looks from my co-workers.  Just glad I wasn’t drinking anything at the time I read it or it would be all over my monitor.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 07/18/07 at 11:01 AM ET

It’s simple, really. he claims to have a bunch of sources. If he hears something from one source, it’s an e1. If he hears it from three sources, it’s an e3. So on and so forth. I think 5 is as high as it goes, and that’s an Eklund lock, money in the bank, guarantee it’s going to happen...and then it doesn’t.

Eklund is a douche - e5.

Posted by Thomas on 07/18/07 at 11:51 AM ET

Follow the link that Chief posted above.

Peklund should be it.

On the right sidebar, Peklund explains…

Posted by cementslinger from Midland MI on 07/18/07 at 12:08 PM ET

Oy vey - obviously I am doofus.  If I’d followed The Chief’s link - I’d have had my answer.  Beauty.

I have a limited amount of time for slumming on the internets (unbelieveable, I know), so I don’t follow too many links.  Peklund certainly appears to be quite entertaining though- may have to make some time for that…

Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula, Michigan on 07/18/07 at 02:36 PM ET

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