Abel to Yzerman
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Keep Your Enemies Closer
by IwoCPO on 06/07/08 at 07:15 AM ET
Comments (59)
Late, breaking news into the A2Y news room. Our interns on loan from Saginaw’s Delta College have been conducting exhaustive research all day. The kind of research that must have been required to compile an in depth power point book report on the 2003 draft?
Of course not. But good damn research anyway.
Here’s what they found. There are bloggers out there who don’t like you. Do I mean the Wings? No. I mean you. Personally.
Here’s what we know. Bloggers in Denver, St. Louis, Denver and maybe a few in Nashville aren’t happy with The Proof of Dynasty. And the South? They’re not too thrilled down yonder either.
What you’re about to read may make you sad, because I know the hatred of rival fans hurts you deeply. But I feel it’s my responsibility, as an objective blogger, to bring you all opinions. Are you ready?
I knew you were.
Joe at Mile High Hockey
I’m not going to talk much more about this. Detroit winning the Cup is the finishing touch on a season I’m glad is over. The quicker we can all put 2007-08 behind us, the better.
My advice to you: stay clear of Red Wings blogs and/or fans for a while. They’re going to be pretty intolerable for some time.
Now, Joe, that’s just mean. Us? Intolerable? How? Heck. I’ll bet we stop mentioning the Stanley Cup altogether after a week. It will be an afterthought, certainly not the main topic of conversation here. Intolerable…dammit man.
Let’s stay in Denver. What a horrible phrase that I never thought I’d write. But let’s do it anyway.
Gobbles was a virtual Wing-hating machine the last three days or so. It had been nearly a month since I visited that blog, around the time Detroit disposed of the Dive in like 8 minutes, so when I checked it out last night I was frightened by all the words and sentences.
It’s a very bittersweet day for Avs fans, well at least for this one. On the good side the Stanley Cup Finals were one of the best series I can remember for a long time. On the Downside the Red Wings are the ones in possession of the cup until next year.
So here’s some ways to celebrate a great hockey season and trying not to focus on the team that won. Here’s some things I enjoyed:
*The Beige Wings: I’ll say it now, if it weren’t for the hiddeous Winged Wheel on the front the Red Wings play one hell of a beautiful game of hockey. In Soccer the Dutch’s style of play is called “Total Football"because they just hold onto the ball until it forces the other team into a mistake. The Beige Wings play “total hockey”
Not bad. Started out with the obligatory “my life is less happy today because the Wings won”, but ends up with some flattery. Overall, a classy post. The whole “Beige Wing” thing? Whatever man. Have at it. Stay strong. Hasn’t really caught on, but hey…if that’s your deal, keep it up.
Sticking with Gobbles on 3 June
For a team with so many Bandwagon fans (and trust me the Beige Wigns fans are like BoSox fans all over the country, without the ESPN acting as a fan club) who love to throw their tradition and excellence in everyones face, the Red Wings couldn’t even fill every seat. To see this boastful, arrogant, franchise, with the overconfident, boisterous and frankly downright annoying fanbase not even sell out their own building for a Finals game well that’s just ammo for years to come.
Wow. “Boastful, arrogant”. “Overconfident, boisterous”. “Frankly downright annoying”. Hell yes. Every one of them. The only description I take issue with is “overconfident.” Hard to be overconfident when your team is the Stanley Cup Motherfu**ing Champions, I’m thinking. Now, had our team been swept away like a crushed Hamms can, right past the recycling bin and straight to the street where transvestites like Darren Garcia can pick it up and cash it in for mascara money? Yeah, I guess we’d be overconfident. But, the Cup’s kinda, I don’t know, home. So…doesn’t really apply.
One more stop in Denver then we move on to a couple places where “despise” is a mild term. I want to show you this from In The Cheap Seats because I respect the hell out of the way it’s presented. It’s blogging at its best. They’ve mixed their burning hatred for the Dynasty with a grudging respect. The result is a damn good post.
I’m going to pull bits and pieces from this, just to give you a taste. But you really have to read the whole thing.
It was inevitable. No matter how long the inept league suits stretched out the postseason, this was going to happen eventually: the stupid Red Wings won the Stanley Cup. Again.
Oh, how I hate them. I hate their cocky fans. I hate the Joe. I hate the stupid octopuses (Octopi? Ocotpussies? Whatever). I hate the Hockeytown moniker. I hate their Original Six status and long sense of tradition. I hate the timeless logo and the classic uniforms. I hate that when someone mentions the number 19, the first guy most people think of is not Joe Sakic.
I hate that the Wings had to lop $37 million off their payroll the year after the lockout and still finished first in the Western Conference. The Avalanche dropped $22 million and took 3 years to recover.
I hate them because they are better than us. Of all the frigging teams…
Go back and read the whole thing. It’s just a damn good post. I’ll wait here while you do.
Hi. Glad you came back. I’ve been waiting, considering what kind of 2007-2008 Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings: A Frigging Dynasty Bitches shirts, flags and hats I’d buy.
But I’ll do that later. Now? Yeah, now. Let’s head to the Bitter Bitch Blues fans in St. Louis. I’m literally laughing as I write this. Partly because I love alliteration. Secondly because I find fewer things funnier than the absolute, rock bottom, no holds bars hatred Blues fans have for Wing fans. My god they frigging despise you. And, I’ll speak for the 19, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Let’s, without further hesitation (you thought I was going to say “adieu”. Nope. Not here.), move on to St. Louis Game Time. (rather than asterisk out the consistent F Detroit references, I’ve replaced them with phrases a Blues fan will appreciate. It’s going to be confusing to read, but satisfying. Stick with it. My replacement phrases will be in quotes.)
And still you want to know why we continue to say “we’re the Wings’ bitches”? Ask any Blues fan why they hate Detroit and you’ll get one of two answers: 1) their fans are “laughing at us because we’re Blues fans” or 2) their fans are “still laughing at us because we’re Blues fans”.
It’s tough to figure out which kind of Detroit fan you’re dealing with, but here’s your handy-dandy guide to picking out which version is currently annoying you:
Step One: ask it, “how long have you been a Red Wings fan?”
If the answer is later than 1997, they are “probably younger than 11 and still more literate than your average Blues fan”. Any answer from before 1997 leads you to Step Two.
Step Two: ask it, “Really? Other than Steve Yzerman, who was your favorite player on the team?”
Thanks for the ‘97 reference. It leads me to mention the 4 Cups we’ve won in that span while the Blues have been bending over the prison sink. Every single year. If you want to read the original post at SLGT, the way it appeared before my creative editing, here it is.
But wait. There’s more.
This is priceless.
We don’t care about you and we’ll never care enough about your team to bookmark your team’s derivative bloggers at any point, much less when our team is good and yours is not.
Hell, I guarantee the content co-opters at Abel to Yzerman were about to link this article under the heading “Bitter Blues Fans” again right up until they just read that last half-sentance. Thanks but no thanks, you Kukla hangers-on. Keep your unoriginal commenters over in your own unoriginal domain.
Meanwhile, you all can keep focusing on us and simultaneously pretending that you couldn’t care less about our team as a rival, but that’d be playing right back into us, wouldn’t it? If we’re not your rivals, then why do you care what we think about you? Are you busy combing the Nashville Predator blogs too, just to ensure that their Saturn plant workers aren’t getting over on you and your GM asses? I bet you’re not, but if you are, well, that’s even sadder.
Go “start the DVR again and watch the Cup presentation…again”, Detroit. We hate your team, but only because we hate you, the fans, somewhere around 100 times more.
Oh. No he din’t. Little Brad or Bitter Sean, whoever the genius author of that post is, isn’t going to bookmark us? I’ll try to recover. Which half-sentence would keep us from the BBB reference? This? “when our team is good and yours is not”? When exactly will that be? I’m just kinda wondering. If you figure that out, will you let us know? Because, well, we’re kind of looking at two or three more Cups, maybe before your team makes the playoffs again.
Stay Classy St. Louis. Remember, because you hate us, we keep reading. It’s the funniest stuff we can find.
Time to wrap it up. But before we do, Acid Queen. AQ’s been a Wing hater for a long time. A long time. She’s never been shy about it at her place or here in the comments. We’ve pointed to her more than a few times when Detroit was her subject of scorn, and now it’s time to show you that while she makes no secret of how she feels about you or our city, she’s got enough class to congratulate you when the situation calls for it.
As much as I hate that team, as much as I think that their fans are (with a few exceptions–three of whom are bloggers) a bunch of drooling moronic n00blets with no class who know exactly dick-all about hockey, as much as I was hoping for them to get pwned a la 1995, I must speak truth here:
They–the Red Wings–are consummate professionals, and in these Finals they gave a clinic in how to completely and totally dismantle a team that had become–and let us be honest here–a disorganized gang that at times in this series could barely find their own nutsacks with a flashlight and a sat-nav unit. I must applaud that.
Anyone who is a fan of the sport must, in my opinion, rise above their hatred and applaud the skill and professionalism shown by the Red Wings. Valour of course doesn’t enter into this equation, not this time–they didn’t have a captain who willed himself to play on one functional leg. They didn’t have to overcome any great adversity or even have to battle back from being on the ropes. They were simply given a task, and like the band of trained assassins that they are the Red Wings terminated their target with extreme prejudice.
I must raise a glass to that. As a fan of hockey, as an admirer of individual skill, I must salute that. I must admire that.
I never said I had to like it, of course. But I must–and I do–respect it.
Right back at ya AQ.
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Comments
Early Saturday morning with a coffee in hand you have me laughing out loud… my wife is telling me so shuddap cause its early. Nah… can’t help it. I laugh at whine asses and seemingly enjoy tormenting those that take it poorly.
Envy is fine, jealousy is not. Jealousy is oozing from all the above save AQ. Bitter doesn’t quite catch the gist of the boo hooing coming from 3 hours to the East of me here in KC. Their superlatives are just funny, pot shots taken from a distance and missing by a mile. Keep trying, we enjoy seeing you with your panties in a bunch. But you do have to stop and look at the STL fans from a step back, they hate us ‘cause we send them home like every chance we’ve had since Stevie put the biscuit where Mr Casey couldn’t catch it.
And to parahrase you Chief “if you’re a Dive fan, just shut the hell up”.
Someone needs to specify precisely which Cup presentation to watch, there are a few choices. Maybe a montage of all 4 in recent years would be kind of well a much longer video than any other NHL team can assemble.
And in regards to being a Wing fan for a certain time period.. every championship brings new fans, and yes usually on the side of the winning team. Like DUH. Where are the Cowboy fans from the 90’s… or SF 49 fans from the 80’s? Gee what about the Patriots? Nevermind the millions sporting the “B” of the World Series Champs.
Proudly been following since 91, thanks for the reminder of being a junior in high school, truly the roots of my juvenilacity.
And only mentioned the Cup twice, including just now. Nah nah boo boo. Bitches.
Posted by MOWingsFan19 from KC MO on 06/07/08 at 07:57 AM ET
Heh. Good stuff. I can’t get enough reading opposing fans’ hate. It’s what makes the first week or so after a Cup-winning season so much fun.
It’s sort of like sitting on your porch drinking a beer watching your douche-bag neighbor go ape-shit over a steaming pile your dog dropped on his lawn.
Posted by O-Joe on 06/07/08 at 08:13 AM ET
Can’t the Wings sue the Hurricanes for copyright infringement or something by their somewhat comical attempt to satisfy their owners fantasy of owning his hometown team? Certainly Carolina players are aware they’re putting on pretend Red Wing uniforms.
Obviously some of the bitterness of the Acid Queen comes from the knowledge that Karmonos’ real first love is the Wings.
Posted by BobS. on 06/07/08 at 09:39 AM ET
I’ve just laughed so hard, I hurt. But it’s a good hurt. 
Posted by BobTheZee on 06/07/08 at 09:49 AM ET
Jesus. Someone’s still bitter about Round 2 of our ‘02 Cup run. To answer his questions:
1. I guess I was kinda born a Red Wings fan, but, for the 1997 and 1998 Cup runs, well, 6 and 7 years old, respectively. So, uh, I don’t really remember them. I remember getting tshirts. I remember getting a hat. I vaguely remember going to games (regular season ones). The only player I really knew was Yzerman (I was a small child, remember), although, I probably knew Shannahan too. The second time around maybe even Osgood.
So, I guess my “I’m a huge Red Wings fan” date can probably be set closer to 2000. That’s around when I got to the point where I knew a large portion of the team. Yzerman was still my favorite (always will be), but I knew the rest of the big ones. I was alway kind of a big Igor Larionov fan.
And I remember every detail of the 2002 Cup run. I remember signing Hull. I remember aquiring Hasek. I remember being a fan of the Greatest Team Ever Put Together, coached by Scotty Bowman, greatest coach of all time. I remember the regular season. I remember the Olympic break. The US (under Captain Chris Chelios) and Canada (with Alternate Captain Steve Yzerman) playing an incredible gold medal game, but, ultimately, hockey’s home won. The end of the regular season. Playoffs. Vancouver. St. Louis. Colorado. Game 7, which while the first three series are lumped together, that one magic night deserves a special notation in my head. I remember everything. It was the same night as my elementary school fair (it was 5th grade), and they knew they were going to have to set up a tv. Everyone watched it. We watched one goal. Two. For the third (others of you may remember this), ESPN got all fuzzy for a moment. Froze. We knew it had been shot, but, did it go in? No way, some thought. Colorado wouldn’t let up three like this. Then, it comes back, celebration on the ice, pandemonium at the Joe. Have to leave the carnival. Fourth goal on the radio. Five. Six. Seven. Finals. Game one into overtime. A loss. To Aunt Bee and Opie. Damn. Win game 2. Three overtimes in game 3. Larionov gets the goal. Game 4. We knew about game 5. The NHL knew too. They made enough hats for just about everyone at the Joe. Oh, we knew. And, we won.
So, yeah, that’s the first hockey season I really remember. I remember the ones since then. The too-early playoff exits. Crying over the lockout. More too-early playoff exits. And then this year. And the bliss that came with it.
Are they really going to call me a bandwagon fan?
Posted by jman077 from North Detrooooit on 06/07/08 at 09:56 AM ET
(with a few exceptions–three of whom are bloggers)
Coincidently, bloggers with the high traffic counts that hotlink to her site. That hag’s shtick got old a long time ago.
Posted by O-Joe on 06/07/08 at 10:08 AM ET
the band of trained assassins that they are
I like that. Almost as good as thePensBlog reference to screwing your girl in front of her parents.
Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 06/07/08 at 10:22 AM ET
Posted by O-Joe on 06/07/08 at 10:23 AM ET
Howdy Chief,
This is Squiboda, avid reader and occasional commenter. I just thought I’d send you a few pics from a post-pararade party at Cheli’s Chili in which I got to drink from the FRIGGIN CUP! I took a serious beer shower as Downey had been enjoying beer all day himself and his aim wasn’t what you would call good.
Unfortunately I lucked into being at the right place at the right time and didn’t have anyone with me to document my drink but from the pics I took you can see The Cup towering above me along with some of the players who were parading across the top of the bar. You can bet your ass I didn’t get that close without getting a drink!
Here’s my Photobucket album with some videos and pics. It was the greatest day of my life!
http://s242.photobucket.com/albums/ff245/Squiboda/
I know this is off topic, but that’s just how…
Posted by Squiboda from Port Huron, MI on 06/07/08 at 10:50 AM ET
To all the hater bloggers:
Hockey is a business.
The Detroit Red Wings is a successful business.
Predators = failing business model.
St. Louis = failing business model.
Vagilanche = whiny bitches who, like every welfare slob thinks they are OWED something for their self-annointed greatness. Fail…(swept I might add)
Poultry = stick to your Disney theme, Pronger is still a prick and your team allowed Selanne to destroy your chances for a second run at the cup…nice business model.
Penguins = extremely failed business model who decided to put a teenager in charge of a multi-million dollar operation. Frigging brilliant…..FAIL
You can call me names if you want to, but I INVEST my time….I INVEST my resources…I INVEST my passion in a WINNING business strategy. They were a failed model once, but no more. Never again.
The cup was earned, bitches. Put your teams up for sale if you can’t compete….Vegas would love a franchise. Your wimpy emotions are no match for brute strength and determination…just ask Homers’s ass. And while I’m at it, kiss mine while while I’m bent over reading the names of people I respect whose names are engraved on a big shiny cup.
It’s not about the Stanley Cup for this fan…it’s about the domination. It’s about the success. It’s about the perfect plan. It’s about EARNING the right to be called a Champion.
Here’s the big difference blogger whiners don’t understand….
I AM a Red Wing, not just a fan. It’s a way of life, not just something to watch on TV when Dora’s not on.
Posted by Scott H from Kalamazoo on 06/07/08 at 10:53 AM ET
One of your best post CUP posts Chief.
I have taken flak in T.O. for years about loving the Red Wings, but everyone lately has had to admit, we are number freaking ONE. Our complete ownership of the game in the finals has silenced all of our critics that understand the game.
Let the others throw insults around like monkeys throwing feces. With about as much credibility today, their hysteria will be like watching Jerry Springer fights.
Nice photoshop Gabe, Sand in the Vagina is an epidemic in Divealanche country and is spreading across the country series by series.
Posted by VooX on 06/07/08 at 11:31 AM ET
This is Squiboda, avid reader and occasional commenter. I just thought I’d send you a few pics from a post-pararade party at Cheli’s Chili in which I got to drink from the FRIGGIN CUP!
I’m seriously jealous. But I have to ask - were you the one that dropped it?
Posted by Modnar from Cincinnati, OH on 06/07/08 at 12:22 PM ET
Can’t the Wings sue the Hurricanes for copyright infringement or something by their somewhat comical attempt to satisfy their owners fantasy of owning his hometown team? Certainly Carolina players are aware they’re putting on pretend Red Wing uniforms. Posted by BobS. on 06/07 at 10:39 AM
I was wondering if I was the only one that’s ever seen the irony of that supreme envy! He takes the Whaler uniform and turns it into a red and white, oval themed logo just wishing it could The Real Thing and not some temporary imitation. Way to repeat, Hurricanes, er, I mean I hope you make the playoffs again sometime to establish your dynasty, Wings wannabes.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/07/08 at 01:29 PM ET
Obviously some of the bitterness of the Acid Queen comes from the knowledge that Karmonos’ real first love is the Wings.
Tell me Bob, where was the bitterness in my post?
Please put your answer right here:_______________
Posted by The Acid Queen from Raleigh, NC on 06/07/08 at 01:36 PM ET
Squiboda you magnificent Bastard those are Freaking Awesome Thanks for posting!
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/07/08 at 01:37 PM ET
The TV ratings misperception.
Gary.Ass and others will view the uptic in TV ratings as a sign that their management of the NHL is reaping long term benefits and they are building a base to grow from.
Stupid Bastards.
TV ratings increased for one reason. The Detroit Red Wings were in the Finals and Red Wings faithful nationwide tuned in in big numbers.
That’s it. Nothing else. Nothing cerebral about it. No need for a doctoral study.
The next SC Finals that does not include the Wings will see a drop off in viewership. Guaranteed. Call it now. It’s a no brainer, that’s where Gary.Ass comes in, someone explain it to him. The Wings win inspite of the NHL repeatedly taking goals from them and failed attempts to put the Pens back in the series late in games.
You pissed us off numerous times Gary.Ass, don’t expect us to save your TV ratings ass next time when we’re not in the Finals.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/07/08 at 01:46 PM ET
NBC’s Stanley Cup average (3.2/6, 4 telecasts) earned the best rating and was the most-viewed series (5.4 million average viewers) since the 2002 Final (Carolina-Detroit, 3.6/7, 5.8 million viewers, 3 telecasts).
That’s what I’m talkin’ about. Does anyone, besides Gary.Ass, NOT see the pattern in high TV ratings?
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/07/08 at 02:00 PM ET
Gabe, thats just effin funny. Had coffee in my nostrils this morning thanks to Chief…. now I have beer there thanks to you.
Tee friggin hee.
I AM a Red Wing, not just a fan. It’s a way of life, not just something to watch on TV
I think there’s at least 19 of us on that team.
Posted by MOWingsFan19 from KC MO on 06/07/08 at 03:04 PM ET
In Soccer the Dutch’s style of play is called “Total Football"because they just hold onto the ball until it forces the other team into a mistake.
Spoken like a true Dive fan, i.e., knows f*ck-all about sports. The Dutch style of fussball hasn’t been called that since the late ‘90s, and it certainly hasn’t BEEN that since Davids and Bergkamp retired. The new line of Dutch footballers are all about flashy moves up front and a strong defense in front of the goal (meaning a real crappy midfield and just about zero decent distribution).
Uh, not that I know about that stuff. I just pick it up by osmosis because Europe is obssessed by football. Bunch of fairies in tight shorts…
trust me the Beige Wigns fans are like BoSox fans all over the country
I don’t trust him. Obviously. But the sh*tty state of the economy that means fewer sellouts at the Joe drives Michigander Wings fans elsewhere. These aren’t ‘bandwagon fans,’ Gobbles, these are the ‘transplants’ so beloved of Adrienne Dater.
“Really? Other than Steve Yzerman, who was your favorite player on the team?”
Easy. Gordie Howe. And I never got to see him play, but my father did. How(e)‘s THAT for tradition, kiddo?
We hate your team, but only because we hate you, the fans, somewhere around 100 times more.
Wow. Here’s an easy way to condense that post into two sentences: “F*ck Detroit, we don’t care about you. Except for the two thousand words we wrote about you.” Now that is AGGRESSIVE apathy.
I never said I had to like it, of course. But I must–and I do–respect it.
After the ‘traditional’ enemies, I don’t really have the energy to bash people with class. Besides that, I HAVE to think that anybody who takes their moniker from a Pink Floyd rock opera is, at heart, a pretty cool dude. Er, dudette. Whatever.
Along AQ’s lines, the MSM noted after the Poultry’s victory last year that the teams of the NHL attempted to load up on bruising Canadian players in order to emulate their championship. Now, they’re hoping—genuinely hoping—that the Wings’ victory will encourage the teams to load up on skill players who know how to make the game look good. Amen to that.
I think there’s at least 19 of us on that team.
And AMEN to that, Missouri Wings Fan #19. By the way, f*ck the Cards. 
(Oh, the irony…)
And to opposition bloggers, I’d just like to make this official A2Y statement: “F*ck you.” If you have any questions, feel free to direct them to that brick wall over there.
I’m off to play beer pong with myself.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from behind the impenetrable armor of a Wings SC win on 06/07/08 at 03:29 PM ET
Way to repeat, Hurricanes, er, I mean I hope you make the playoffs again sometime to establish your dynasty, Wings wannabes.
The first thing the Baby Wings need to do is watch a tape of this year’s finals, to learn out to take a hit from Brooks Orpick, not turn into the boards like a puss and get their necks broken.
Posted by O-Joe on 06/07/08 at 03:37 PM ET
Tell me Acid, where did I mention your post?
No doubt much of your affection for the Hurricane (more of a SoftBreeze as of late) comes from knowing what it feels like not only having to close the bar just to get a date but then having to dress up in his ex’s lingerie to seal the deal.
Posted by BobS. on 06/07/08 at 03:43 PM ET
agreed on all points, Andrew. ‘cept one:
the Acid Queen is from “Tommy”
The Who
oops…where’s the Seger rock-opera? heard “Night Moves” the day after the Cup win and man, it felt sweet.
Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 06/07/08 at 03:45 PM ET
Since the subject of music has been brought up, I have long thought the only sounds that should ever be played at Detroit sporting events should be Detroit music.
From Jack Scott and The Way I Walk to Motown and the MC5 to Kid Rock and the White Stripes, there’s a big enough catalog in this town that I shouldn’t have to hear anything but.
Posted by BobS. on 06/07/08 at 03:53 PM ET
Gee, I dunno Bob, perhaps it was this line:
Obviously some of the bitterness of the Acid Queen comes from the knowledge that Karmonos’ real first love is the Wings.
Hmmm, I dunno.
Nevermind that I’ve hated the Red Wings for about 28 years.
You and O-Joe stay classy as always now.
Posted by The Acid Queen from Raleigh, NC on 06/07/08 at 04:06 PM ET
Stooges. “Search and Destroy” after a goal? sick.
“No Fun” after an opposing goal. shitty but sick.
“I Wanna Be Your Dog” and “1969” for no reason. super sick.
yes, yes, and yes.
also “Kick Out the Jams” by MC5 to start games.
Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 06/07/08 at 04:07 PM ET
No doubt much of your affection for the Hurricane (more of a SoftBreeze as of late) comes from knowing what it feels like not only having to close the bar just to get a date but then having to dress up in his ex’s lingerie to seal the deal.
Whoa, Big Fella. Go easy. It’s just a shtick. NASCAR men like their women bitchy. It’s all an act—and a well-worn one, at that (like her ginny).
Posted by Olongapo Joe on 06/07/08 at 04:38 PM ET
Great post! I always thought you overexaggerated their hatred Chief, but wow. That’s gotta be damaging to the health…seriously, isn’t bile an acid or something. Oh well, next year will only generate more.
They’ll have a chance to complain about Fil and Franzen.
Great P-chop Gabe.
Watching Belmont Stakes…here we go.
Posted by Osrt on 06/07/08 at 05:31 PM ET
Jeez, how the hell did I end up in a p***ing contest with Jethrine Bodine?
I’d say a self-confessed 28 year hatred of the Wings constitutes bitterness. 1980? What sort of deranged soul would bother hating one of the worst teams in hockey? Did McCourt and the boys pass you around like a used equipment bag, sweetheart?
Posted by BobS. on 06/07/08 at 07:25 PM ET
To the Acid Queen, Joe at MHH (who banned me after my first post which praised his goalie), and the countless other blog monkeys, I offer this:
More brains, talent, and acumen in a single frame that you will EVER have on your team. Enjoy your off season, you turd throwing monkeys.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/07/08 at 08:16 PM ET
To the Acid Queen, Joe at MHH (who banned me after my first post which praised his goalie), and the countless other blog monkeys, I offer this:
More brains, talent, and acumen in a single frame THAN YOU WILL EVER have on your team. Enjoy your off season, you turd throwing monkeys.
sorry for the double post.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/07/08 at 08:24 PM ET
And how long have you felt this need to compensate for having a small penis?
Just curious.
Posted by The Acid Queen from Raleigh, NC on 06/07/08 at 08:37 PM ET
Whoa! The always deadly “Double Post”!!
Voox 1, AQ 0
Stay tuned folks…it’s Saturday nite…I think.
This drinking without hockey is confusing me.
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 06/07/08 at 09:14 PM ET
Chief: That may rank as one of your top 10 posts, spot-on and ridiculously funny. Twisting the knife a little deeper AND throwing salt in the wound is always so much fun. Even more so when there is absolutely no retort possible.
Life is just so frigging good!! The image of Hank’s shot trickling through MAF’s pads and then MAF knocking it in will always be the SCF image of opposition futility. No matter what the opponent did, they just could not stop the Winged Wheel.
Squiboda—you lucky Bastard!!! Many thanks for sharing the images with the transplants.
A.Q.‘s comments regarding the team were highly complimentary. Anyone who dares trade barbs with that woman should make damn sure they have a complete repertoire at their disposal—else they be made a fool.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 06/07/08 at 09:20 PM ET
Just an aside, KHAN(!) notes that Lidstrom and Osgood will be on Jay Leno Tuesday night.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 06/07/08 at 09:27 PM ET
This drinking without hockey is confusing me.
I downloaded Games 5 & 6 and have been watching Game 5 today… while getting intoxicated with a buddy who was at the game with me.
Good times.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/07/08 at 09:47 PM ET
Yeah, right Jeff. Frankly, Koko the gorilla signed better insults.
Posted by BobS. on 06/07/08 at 10:06 PM ET
the Acid Queen is from “Tommy”
The Who
Oops! I knew that, Alex, really I did—I was thinking and drinking at the same time, never a good combination. I don’t know HOW I put down Floyd. Ah well—I also used the German for ‘Soccer’ rather than the Dutch too. Let this be a lesson to you all on the perils of strong drink. Not me, though—I’ll just go out and get wasted again.
And GOOD ideas about the Detroit sound being used at the Joe (especially the freaking STOOGES)...seems like it needs its own post. I just think we have to encompass all of Michigan, and not forget our pseudo-Michigander brothers like Dub in extreme northern Ohio. Or at least those who cheer for U-M over OSU and the Wings over the BJs. So yeah, East Lansing’s The Verve Pipe could entertain us with “Villains” for oppostion enforcers and “The Freshmen” for rookies (twisted, but whatever), and just about any Andrew WK party song could be used to celebrate a goal. Laughing Hyenas with their cover of Johnny Cash’s “Home of the Blues” after a loss. Oh, and my crappy high school punk band, ‘to be announced,’ could contribute awful amelodic untitled songs for no reason other than they’re copyright-free. And more Detroit techno—Osrt’s backing me up on this.
Time to play DJ to the imaginary clubgoers in my head…
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the car, playing that funky music white boy on 06/08/08 at 03:02 AM ET
Sorry, Andrew, but The Verve Pipe’s origins actually trace back to Grand Rapids, not East Lansing. (Yes, I know Wikipedia says East Lansing).
The brothers teamed up with Brown, a drummer from a rival G.R. band, to form the group. Both bands were a staple at The Intersection Bar when it was located in Eastown at the corner of Wealthy and Lake—a place in which I held up the wall on many a Friday and Saturday nights of my yoot (a time when The Verve Pipe members were still rolling over and crapping in their diapers, though).
After forming, they headed to E. Lansing for the bigger audience potential of MSU students.
Posted by O-Joe on 06/08/08 at 06:33 AM ET
sorry for the double post.
Posted by VooX on 06/07 at 09:24 PM
VooX it’s even sweeter in stereo vision, just turn your head sideways while staring at the 2 pics, until your eyes cross.
Look at the freakin Hockey Acumen resident in that picture, no wonder the Wings are a dominant franchise.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/08/08 at 09:53 AM ET
The JLA sound track needs some re-work. Yeah Keep Mickey’s favorite “It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday”, and Billy Joel’s “One, Two, One Two Three Four”. Do we need “I can see Cleary (sic) now the rain is gone”? (that is on a par with “doodle Lang doodle Lang do Lang - thankfully heard no more)
Those personalized ones don’t bother me, some of the rest of the bumper music has not changed in 20 years.
Why “Hava Nagila”? Is that rooted in the Red Wings somehow? If so, okay, if not let’s drop that one after 25 years, eh?
One more suggestion to include for a Michigan kick-ass rockin band - Throw down some “Grand Funk Railroad” for us who are from up the mitten a bit.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/08/08 at 10:08 AM ET
I am heartened indeed by the torrent of overwhelmingly positive responses to my suggestion about Detroit (and sure, Michigan) music for Detroit sports.
While I don’t think we should disallow Ohians from rooting for the Wings, or even letting their student-athletes like Charles Woodson migrate north to matriculate at our superior University (use of the singular is purposeful, Sparty-I figure you guys would need that spelled out), we should be wary of relaxing our cultural standards (with the one exception of Joe Walsh and the James Gang-but not Joe Walsh and the Eagles).
We need only look as far as the Acid Queen and her impressively original comments about classy behavior and penis size to note the unfortunate effects of generations of ‘Kissin Kusins’, as I believe they’re known south of the Mason-Dixon line (use of the cliche is purposeful, Queen, as you seem to favor them yourself) where the practice seems to be permanently ingrained.
Posted by BobS. on 06/08/08 at 10:16 AM ET
I downloaded Games 5 & 6 and have been watching Game 5 today… while getting intoxicated with a buddy who was at the game with me.
Good times.
Posted by VooX on 06/07 at 10:47 PM
One noteworthy aspect of both those games is the total domination of the Pens by the Wings in the 3rd periods, right up to the point when the NHL reminded the refs they wanted a Game 7. Seriously each game with the Pens season on the line when their desperation should have been evident by a balls to the wall performance, in each of those 3rd periods the Wings were so dominant and controlled the play so completely the shots were something like 12-1, 13-1, etc. It’s ridiculous the bs piddly shit the NHL called late against the Wings to give the Pens a chance to get back in the game, while Datsyuk was totally raked down at center ice by a stick to the skate before he could get a shot off at the empty net.
Apparently the NHL took on the philosophy that it’s not fair for one team to outplay the other or carry a lead. You will be penalized for leading the game and if you trail you will be rewarded for incompetence.
It’s all about keeping the game close and extending the series to raise TV ratings.
Gary.Ass
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/08/08 at 10:20 AM ET
VooX it’s even sweeter in stereo vision, just turn your head sideways while staring at the 2 pics, until your eyes cross.
Look at the freakin Hockey Acumen resident in that picture, no wonder the Wings are a dominant franchise.
~RWBill
Stereo vision… hilarious. A 3D nightmare for blog monkeys. Do you notice the grin on Tick Tock Ken’s face… the Cheshire Cat wants it back. He has the look of a man who knows something the rest of us don’t… how to build a Stanley Cup contender every single year.
Grin away, Cheshire, grin away.
Apparently the NHL took on the philosophy that it’s not fair for one team to outplay the other or carry a lead. You will be penalized for leading the game and if you trail you will be rewarded for incompetence.
I like to call this the Video Game effect. It is B.S. in video games and even more so in real life.
Video Game effect – n. – in sports video games the effect used by programmers to even up games which are one sided by allowing all of the trailing teams shots to score, while ensuring none of the leading teams shots are effective.
Thanks Gary. Ass.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/08/08 at 10:40 AM ET
I’m not sure if anyone else has mentioned this yet, but a few months ago Bill Simmons posted a great article about the Bruins-Canadiens rivalry on Page 2 at ESPN.com.
Some select quotes:
“This was back when the three-time champs were trotting out an All-Star team… and just when you thought some of their guys might be getting old, suddenly they had another potential star like Rod Langway or Mark Napier. They were the juggernaut of juggernauts. You could have been leading these guys by three goals with 30 seconds to play and not have felt safe.”
“So that’s what I grew up with: The Canadiens beating the Bruins. We were the nail and they were the hammer. Nothing ever changed.”
Sound familiar, Blues fans? You can read the whole thing at
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080421
Just make sure you cringe at all the parallels. And remember: Gretzky to Yzerman- his greatest assist.
Posted by monkey on 06/08/08 at 12:08 PM ET
Let The Rioting Begin
June 4th, 2008
By Brad Lee
*#$%@& Detroit.
Well Brad, happy to disappoint you, how does a 1.4 million-man parade without even one report of a pick pocket sound, you no-brains jealous know-nothing?
Did you ever stop to think (we all know the answer to that already) why that very, very long list of former Blues players whose names later appear on the Stanley Cup decided that they’d better leap off that sinking ship that is the St. Louis Blues?
Insane jealousy will get you nothing but a premature cardiac arrest. The Red Wings are among the elite to stay for a long time, and all of us who have been bandwagoning since 1964 and 1989 are going to be right there every step of the way, and if we have the misfortune to have a business trip to that Sewer on the Mississippi we will endure the Stench long enough to cheer the Wings to another victory over the non-competitive Blues right there in your own Barn, right in your face.
Get used to it, that scenario is NOT going away no matter how many top 10 draft picks you qualify for with your long stream of bottom-rung finishes.
It’s great to be a Red Wings fan, NumbNuts!!
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 06/08/08 at 06:50 PM ET
Maybe I’m strange that way (don’t answer that!), but I really don’t pay any attention to the fans of other teams. There are jerks everywhere, and if I dislike a team, I dislike them on their own merits, not by association. And I don’t pay much attention to St. Louis anyway, never been to the city, don’t really see any reason to visit as I don’t know anyone there - although I do wonder when the New Madrid fault zone is going to resume activity and demolish the entire area with an earthquake that could push 8.5 on the Richter scale. That’s about it, though.
At least the Blues have had a lot more practice (two months worth) on their golf games, and will be able to kick the Red Wings’ posteriors on the links all summer. Does that count for anything?
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 06/08/08 at 07:39 PM ET
I like how the Bitter Blues fans continue to dis Detroit when St. Louis and the D have pretty much run neck-in-neck over the last few years in the annual Most Dangerous Cities in the U.S. race.
St. Loo actually wrestled the Murder Cup away from us in 2006.
Scott Morgan, president of Morgan Quitno Press, a private research and publishing company specializing in state and city reference books, said he was not surprised to see St. Louis top the list, since it has been among the 10 most dangerous cities for years.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15475741/
Posted by O-Joe on 06/08/08 at 07:44 PM ET
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Five frickin A M in the morning out here and I am laughing my ass off. Just about woke the little bears up. Great post Chief!
Indeed. Therein lies the rub, bitches. It’s tough being number one…but the view from up here is….awesome!
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 06/07/08 at 07:41 AM ET