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Abel to Yzerman

LB: The Big Body And Little Scooter Love Affair Is Back For The Grudge Match

by VooX on 01/31/10 at 11:45 AM ET
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There is nothing more beautiful nauseating than witnessing the love between a Big Body and his Little Scooter getting played out on national TV.

Sidney Rosby, the NHL’s number one whiner (as voted by the players), reunites with Pierre, the NHL’s number one Douche Canoe, to make a spectacle of themselves once again on NBC.  They are soulmates of suck and we are forced to endure their presence yet again.

The Wings are embarrassed that they let Li’l Gary steal the Cup away from it’s rightful home in Detroit last June, but they know they’ll have a chance again real soon to right the wrongs of last spring.

Brad Stuart

“Losing was very disappointing at the time, but we all had a long summer to think about it and I think at some point you just have to move on.”

Unfortunately the NHL’s biggest bandwagon fanbase can’t move on.  Pens fans spent all summer pouting they didn’t get any recognition as being the best team in the NHL.  Of course, they weren’t the best team in the NHL last June, just the healthiest.  But that hasn’t stopped the little twinks from Pen(i)sblog stopping by A2Y on a regular basis, seeking attention.

So I am going to take a page out of the book of retail locations everywhere on how to disperse loitering petulant teens, and in the process give you bitches a glimpse into Pavel Datsyuk’s beautiful mind.  Today’s Live Blog will feature the soundtrack that continually plays in Datsyuk’s brain as he Dangle-Dangles his way across the ice.

And you may or may not dig it.

But first, Maltby with a reminder:

“For us, it’s more of a game that we need to measure ourselves and look at ourselves in the mirror and make sure we come ready to play…  As far as history, I personally won’t be thinking of that little slash Sidney Crosby gave me at the end of Game 1 or 2, whatever it was.”

We won’t be thinking of it either, Kirk.  Nor will we be thinking about Malkin going after Henrik “Overpaid” Zetterberg in the closing seconds of Game 2 and avoiding “automatic” suspension.  We won’t be thinking about too many men on the ice, nor the whining of Rosby as The Lizard King held him virtually shotless all series.

We won’t be thinking about it, because that is the past and the Wings have bigger fish to fry.  While it is going to be sweet to send the Pens home crying again, it will be sweeter to get the W at the end of the day, ensuring our progress towards Cup #12 continues this season.  Every game counts every shift matters.  The Wings must throw the Little Scooter on the ice and press the skate to his whiny throat to send the message league-wide:  The Red Wings are not to be fuched with.

Rumour is that the Douche Canoe will be stepping out of his little cubicle between the benches to step behind the Pens’ bench once again.  He won’t be allowed to coach or offer any input, instead his role will much more disturbing.

Courtesy WingsFanInBeanland,

To counter the oncoming suckfest from the Douche Canoe, I have devised a very special musical selection.  Not only is it my favourite classical composition it is, according to the researching interns, the song that is the soundtrack in Datsyuk’s brain as he dangles his sweet symphony on the ice. 

Rachmaninoff’s 3rd Piano Concerto.  One of the most intense compositions ever written.

I have included a continuous playlist with all three movements of the concerto to provide you with an alternative soundtrack to the game.  Sick of the Douche Canoe spouting off?  Turn down the TV and turn up the musical genius, performed by one virtuoso grrrl.  The playlist should get you through an entire period of blowing and sucking, including intermission. 

As an added bonus, classical music is used to disperse petulant teens who try to loiter where they are not welcome.

It’s another Live Blog, with the mad Russian at the helm this afternoon to provide us with an alternative game soundtrack.

EDIT: 12:10 pm: Please don’t forget about Winging it in Motown’s Hockeytown for Haiti GDT Fundraiser.  Please spend some time to make some hockey-related comments for a good cause.

Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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