Abel to Yzerman
Let The Hate Flow Through You, Bitches, It Will Make You Powerful
by VooX on 07/18/10 at 04:50 PM ET
Comments (61)
I’ve only been back in the country for a short while. Since then I’ve been catching up on hockey news as my post-Wings elimination, losing Stevie, losing Probert, depression has started to subside.
What started out as an enjoyable read through posts/comments at A2Y and the other Wings’ blogs, has slowly turned to anger. Why? Because all you bitches are obsessed with a 40 year-old dude with big teeth and a skank wife.
It’s not that I don’t understand your obsession, after all Chopper Willa was a great player. Tick-Tock and Uncle Mike also think he will be a good fit for the team. Typically that is enough to be gospel for me. Seriously. If it were up to me, all of Tick-Tock Holland’s quotes would be in red like a certain “good” book does it.
I think much free-agent obsession has to do with the reality of a salary-capped NHL. Since the salary cap was introduced, hockey GMs’ hands have been handcuffed like Rosby to Li’l Gary Bettman’s bedpost. There have been very few exciting player trades or acquisitions in the past several years. Wings fans are used to Christmas coming thrice a year: Dec 25, July 1, and Trade Deadline. Back then, we’d see more action than Happy Hudler has been getting in Europe from all those happy hookers. Not anymore.
It’s not Wings fans’ fault we have been obsessed with Chopper Willa, as the FNG McCosky is trying to assert, it is the overall lack of excitement at the time of year which used to be a spectacle of player movements. If the FNG really understood us, he’d know that prior to the salary-cap Chopper Willa would be little more than an asterisk in our consciousness. We’d have much bigger deals to discuss and debate.
Still, our latest obsession with Chopper Willa reminds me of our last free-agency obsessions: Marian Hossa and Mats Sundin. While touted to be the Mats-iah for our team, we were much better off without Sundin, as history has shown. And as the salary-cap debacle in Chicago has proven, we really couldn’t afford to keep Hossa and not destroy the future of our team.
So enough is enough, bitches. I am sick of talking about free-agents and obsessing over them. In Tick-Tock we trust, all others pay cash. Summer obsessions should be about all the sexy girls in sundresses walking around and not free-agents.
Taking the idea from a recent HFBoards thread, I’ve decided to shift the focus around here from Chopper Willa to those who really fill our hockey souls with pure hatred and loathing.
Who are your top 10 all-time most hated hockey players?
I’m not talking about just disliking someone, pure anger and rage should fill you at the mere thought of that player. If you care to elaborate on the reasons for your hatred, please do. Remember, there is no such thing as a wrong answer… except for Steve Yzerman. If you hate Stevie, then the universe hates you.
My Top 10 All-Time Most Hated Hockey Players:
10) Chris Simon - Among the dirtiest players today. The difference between him and Bertuzzi, who didn’t make the list, is while the Unabomber has shown legitimate remorse and changed his style of play since the Steve Moore incident, Chris Simon shows no remorse or conscious and continues with his extremely dirty play. He is a ticking time-bomb waiting to go off again, and for that he can go fuch himself.
9) Mark Messier - The definition of over-rated. Plus, the Mark Messier Leadership Award… need I say more?
8) Mario Lemieux - From the moment I first saw him play live, I’ve loathed Mario. He was a lazy, diving, goal-hog who only tried when it suited him. I’ve heard that the NHL created the no-diving rule because Mario was such a prolific diver. Recently he has been charging $999 for an autograph. 100% turd.
7) Darius Kasparaitis - There are agitators that you hate to play against, yet would love on your team. Then there is Kasparaitis. A dirty, cheap, and obnoxious player he was a notorious coward. Plus, he is one fugly mofo.
6) Ulf Samuelsson - Over the years, I’ve lost a lot of brain cells. And memories. While my memories of Ulf have faded, my subconscious won’t let me forget that I hate him with a fierce passion.
5) Peter Forsberg - While being on the Dive contributes to his high ranking, there is no denying Floppa is a pure douchebag. He set the tone on the Dive, and the rest of the team followed him to become a group of douchebag divers. Plus, Floppa always started shit and then ran away when there was hell to pay, leaving a teammate to take his lumps instead.
4) Sydney Rosby - I started out a Rosby fan. It didn’t take me long to hate him. With Lemieux as his mentor, he quickly adopted Mario’s worst habits: selfishness, whining, and diving. Voted the NHL’s #1 whiner (a landslide victory) by NHL players, Rosby further cemented my pure loathing and hatred with this incident. At least when Bertuzzi hits a guy in the back of the head he has enough strength to knock him down. Furthermore, Rosby is so egotistical he refuses to acknowledge the good play of opposing players, only providing backhanded compliments during interviews. Rosby is still young and has many more years of being a douchebag ahead of him. He may eventually end up topping my list of all-time most hated players.
3) Patrick Roy - What’s not to hate about Roy? For being a complete a$$hole and sensitive egomaniac, Roy is my definition of a Glass A$$hole. At least the Wings were the team which handed Roy his all-time career lowpoints. I derive much satisfaction from that.
2) Chris Pronger - The frustrating thing about YES Pronger Fissix is not the headshots, hits from behind, or dirty stickwork, it is that because he is a talented player the NHL lets Pronger YES get away with all of that. Without talent, the Sasquatch would be regarded as another scumbag repeat offender like Chris Simon. Which he is. YES.
1) Claude Lemieux - Every game, every time, there has been no other player that could make my blood boil like Lemieux. As fellow Wings fans, I don’t need to elaborate any further. Fuch Lemieux.
(Dis)Honourable Mentions:
Gary Bettman - If he were a hockey player, I would pay another player to cross-check him in the throat until Li’l Gary’s windpipe was crushed. Is that wrong?
Jordin Tootoo - I hate him, the way he plays, his face, and his lack of a neck. He placed just outside my top 10.
Bobby Clarke - Mixed emotions. First, I never saw him play as he was before my time. Second, while he is a notoriously dirty player, his ankle-breaking slash did lead to the 1972 Summit Series victory by Team Canada over the Soviets. As a Canadian, it is hard to hate on that. It really is.
Your turn. First, stop talking about Chopper Willa. Then tap into your inner anger and let the hate flow through you, bitches, it will make you powerful. Finally, share your top 10 all-time most hated hockey players with the 19.
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10. Scott Stevens
9. Alexandre Burrows (clown shoes)
8. Crissy Perry
7. Jeremy Chokin-on-dick
6. Crissy Pronger
5. anyone who has ever worn a chickenhawk jersey
4. Penis Roy
3. Penis Forskinberg
2. Pen(i)s diver Cindy Rosby
1. Le Turtle
Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the Big House,January1,2013. on 07/19/10 at 07:23 PM ET
1. Alexander Ovechkin…the guy is selfish and living it up as the lucky man who is Russian and can be cool and he doesn’t have to take heat like Crosby. Hits people from behind, dances “look at me”, “look at me” when he scores, refuses to go deep in the def zone at any cost, does egotistical celebrations for scoring 60 goals, and won’t think twice to shoot at an empty net rather than hit up a team mate unless his brain got drunk going 150mph down I95. His choppy acceleration although effective is also starting to annoy me-loathing him and his bandwagon.
2. Mark Messier…awesome player and a winner but a dirty bastard plain and simple. Rangers! Uuck
3. Derian Hatcher…What a fuzz bucket.
4. The Sedins——Creepy. If they didn’t wash their hockey bags, it would probably make them #1 since that smell of feta cheese would make the creepiest things envy.
5. Benoit Hogue—He always had a knack for scoring buzz killing goals against against your team, your family’s team, your enemy’s team…just always cacked your mojo up seeing his name present in the box score the next morning.
6.Scott Stevens—I mean really….we can all love seeing successful players lose their careers because there are sick fuzzheads out there, but hits on Kariya, Shane Willis, and of course LIndros….apparently leading with an elbow if your Scott Stevens makes everything about the hit seem square, below the head, nothing but shoulder, no blind siding….REALLY???
7. Lindros…..What a nippy ahole with his father and agent, and his agent and his father, and his coach, and his agent, and his father, and his brother…..just shut up and play the game.
8. Alexander Semin=How commoners look at Crosby, Crysby, Rosby, whoever you don’t like. Just a loathing byotch that dives and plays no def. Call out people all you want Alex, but you ain’t a winner.
9. Chris Simon—what a monkey
10. Prongs..I feel like i get Pronged just looking at the dude. A loathing SOB that I wish was playing for my squad
Posted by Net Master5 on 07/19/10 at 07:29 PM ET
No particular order:
Steve Ott
Chris Pronger
Corey Perry
Claude LeMeiux
Sidney Crosby
Scott Hartnell (I can’t effing believe I’m the first person to list him. Or did I just miss him on someone elses list.
Scott Niedermayer
Todd Bertuzzi
Patrick Kane
Paul Kariya
It’s kind of funny to check out the suggestions for the last names the site deems misspelled. My favorite is Pronger. It suggests Wronger. Frigging mint.
Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 07/20/10 at 09:29 AM ET
10. Hossa - I still feel sick thinking about the fact that this PoS choke artist got his name on the freakin’ cup.
9. Getzlaf - Dirty player who thinks he’s some great gift to the sport, but has never even put up 30 goals. Oh, and for some reason the refs never seem to see that ugly mug when he’s throwin a cross-check.
8. Scott Stevens - The 19 have pretty much covered this one.
7. Ed Belfour - What an arrogant PoS. I take solace in the fact he never got his name on the cup, despite his opinion of himself.
6. Malkin - After that BS in the 08-09 finals and the league negating his 1-game suspension I can’t even stand to look at this ugly bastard. You know he’s washing Crosby’s balls with Johnson and Johnson’s baby shampoo as I type this. Oh, and his lips look like 2 fat worms fuching.
5. Crosby - I don’t know who is at fault…his parents, the league, Bettmann himself..but someone has gotten it into this fucher’s head that he is entitled to everything. (plenty of career left for this douche to move up in my ratings)
4. Forsberg - What a dirty coward. Avs announcers have always loved this guy…they still do. In the late 90’s you would have to listen to 60 minutes of those jackasses singing his praise. Here we are in 2010 and it’s only 50 minutes of Forsberg praise per game…at this rate I’ll be hearing them kissin’ his ass long after it’s 6 feet in the ground.
3. Adam Foote - I am shocked that this dirty, goony motherfucher hasn’t made it onto anyone else’s list. The guy is HUGE and still feels the need to do all of his fighting with that chunk of lumber in his hands. That brutal high stick to The Captain before the faceoff in 2004 was inexcusable. Watching the Avs in the playoff this year, I gained a deep level of satisfaction knowing that he cost them the series with his OT penalties and missed shots.
2. Patrick Roy - The single most arrogant PoS to ever play the game. I can’t hate on Brodeur simply because he has beat all of Roy’s records and the 2 HATE each other.
1. Claude.
Posted by WingsFaninCO on 07/20/10 at 09:50 AM ET
Posted by creasemonkey from sorta moving normally…........again on 07/20/10 at 05:29 AM ET
I’m glad someone caught the Star Wars reference. Great find as well with that Li’l Gary poster.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 07/20/10 at 10:48 AM ET
ITDeuce - I would have listed Hartnell but I limited it to ten and Mike Keane had to come before Hartnell. But he’s definitely up there.
Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 07/20/10 at 02:14 PM ET
On the topic of Messier as a captain, I think he is the most overrated leader ever. But I am lazy, so instead of arguing I’ll just copy and paste from and argument I wrote over at FightNight (http://fightnightatthejoe.blogspot.com/2010/06/breaking-down-nhl-awards-why-sid-is.html) about why Sid deserved the Messier award:
*Pittsburgh Penguins’ Sidney Crosby gets the Messier Leadership Award
I can’t stop laughing at this. What a leader Sid is! Worst captain in the NHL and he wins it. I guess Messier is blinded by his fame. I was going to say that Crosby isn’t worthy of the Messier award, but when I think of it, he is perfect for it. See, why is Messier remembered as such a great leader? Well, for one thing he promised that a great and successful Rangers team would go on and beat a much lower ranked Devils team while being under 3-2 in the 94 conference finals. They did and then won the cup later. Big whop! This is his big leadership moment! If the Rangers had lost it would have been a travesty, so he gets zero points for this. Then he spent 3 more years in New York with little to no playoff success. In Vancouver he captained a team that reached the playoffs the year before he arrived to three straight non-playoff seasons, with worse records every year. And back in New York an guaranteed the Rangers would make the playoffs that year. This promise is always forgotten. Because it didn’t happen. In the rest of his seasons with an OVERLOADED Rangers they didn’t make the playoffs once. The reason he is known as the greatest leader ever and president of leadership and every other good quality is so people can mention him in the same breath as Gretzky. So to conclude, Mark Messier is the NHL’s most overrated leader ever. Sidney Crosby is the most overrated leader in the NHL. So this award is perfect.
Posted by Andy from FightNight on 07/20/10 at 04:13 PM ET
Posted by Andy from FightNight on 07/20/10 at 04:13 PM ET
Pure. Awesome.
Sounds awesome Voox. How is Shanghai? I hope to find my way there sometime.
Posted by calquake
Best list winner. Why? Some of those fuchers are dead and Cal still hates them. That’s…that’s just beautiful right there.Posed by Osrt on 07/19/10 at 05:16 PM ET
Cal, aka Papa Smurf, holds serious grudges. Touch Smurfette and your family is dead.
Shanghai was amazing. Almost 20 million people and the energy is frenetic. Although I’ve never been to Vegas, Shanghai has the hedonism of Vegas and the consumerism of New York. Nothing like I expected.
I didn’t have much time to see the city with a very busy production, rehearsal, and show schedule, but what I did see I liked very much.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 07/20/10 at 06:31 PM ET
Touch Smurfette and your family is dead.
And your dawg is dead… your butcher… dead… your preacher… dead… your newspaper boy… dead… you get the picture. 
Posted by calquake on 07/20/10 at 08:34 PM ET
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Right on. All valid points, but I just have a soft spot for his incredible game and being a classy player on a team full of douchenozzles.
Sounds awesome Voox. How is Shanghai? I hope to find my way there sometime.
Best list winner. Why? Some of those fuchers are dead and Cal still hates them. That’s…that’s just beautiful right there.
Posted by Osrt on 07/19/10 at 05:16 PM ET