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Little Girls and Hurt Feelings and California Sensitivity
by IwoCPO on 04/24/07 at 05:50 PM ET
Comments (52)
So I called a guy an 11-year-old girl. What’s wrong with that? He whined like one, got all “emotional”. He came back at me with some good stuff we’ll get to, and analyze, in a bit. So all’s well. But, man, then the tree huggers chimed in. Men with names like “Ian” and “Toby” and “Angela”. I thought we’d opened up A2Y to the cast of the OC.
Oh, we’ll address their sensitivities in a bit too. But first we need to address something. Something very important.
No, I don’t think the Wings are going to lose this series. And, no, I don’t think it’s going 7 games.
Do the Sharks scare me? Yes. Yes they do. They scare me, Ian. See? I’m “mature” enough to admit it. I’m not sobbing, so don’t feel some sort of kinship. But it is a frightening prospect. I gave them a label a few months ago, and I liked it. It fit. The Team We Don’t Speak Of. But that was before The Redemption. That was pre-awakening. That was prior to the gaining of sackage. And now? Oh…in a minute.
First, our boys at Shaved Ice. I like a blogger war during the playoffs. It spices things up and it keeps me witty. I like me witty. I don’t like me slow and sluggish. So we kicked one off last night, an opening salvo, a shot across the bow, if you will. Yes, I called DWSharks an 11-year-old little whining emotional girl who’d had her blankey and Hillary Duff posters stolen all in one fell swoop. I did it and I’m proud of it.
But I’m proud of DW for firing back. I like that. Effective? Nah. But he’ll improve as he learns from us. He took a good tact though. Effective to an extent. As he rebutted our claims that Californians are a little on the light-footed side of things, he threw in some “expert opinion.” Check it out.
But, see, there’s a problem. All the “experts” were ESPN “experts”, from Bucci to Cohn to Hradek to Melrose to Burnside. Linda Cohn picking against the Wings? Shudder. Melrose? Shocking, considering that’s been his pasttime for a decade. Bucci? Ahhh…nice guy and a great fan of hockey, so that hurts. But, never considered anything but a fan with a passion for hockey and a medium to express it.
And plus…we’ve been there DW. Let me remind you.
Strachan. Ted The Tool Montgomery. Proteau and Campbell from the Hockey News. All picked, yes, Calgary in the first round.
Because the Wings are soft, right? Is that still the line out there? Still the crutch, the alibi, the easy pick?
Good. Prediction: the Wings will outhit San Jose in every game this series.
And on what basis did I create The Team We Don’t Speak Of? Well, the 11 PP goals in two games…of course. I still get a little queezy thinking of those episodes, almost like a native Californian with a domestic beer in front of them. Frightening. Yes, I still have bad visions of those games. But, I’m also heartened to know this: Joey MacDonald and Chris Osgood are not Dominik Hasek. Is San Jose’s power play potent? Potentially, possibly, perhaps. But not lately.
2-30. 6.7 percent. Dangerous.
The Wings? Not much better as we know, at 13 percent. But we pick and choose our points here at A2Y and my point is that the SJ PP is not as intimidating as it was back in the exhibition season (oct-apr).
But, I’ll admit this: Thornton scares me. Lidstrom will have his hands full. Guerin does not. Marleau does. That defense does not. That goalie does. That coach doesn’t. That crowd does. Ian and Toby don’t. You guys better pick it up.
And, no, I’d never heard or read of the word “epigenetic”. I’ve got to hand it to the A2Y regulars today. From epigenetic to suspended testicles to quick turnarounds on idiotic GAA references (Calgary’s G/G was 1.7 and that’s supposed to make US look bad?), to completely childish and hilarious jabs at anyone with a name like “Ian” or “Toby”. Man…bringing those guys back up in conversation? Guaranteed. That one’s got legs brother.
So, we’ve got ourselves a little blogger friction, with a lot of humor and all of it with still two days until the puck drops. Nice. From what I can see, the Sharks have acquitted themselves with a nice little corps of characters in their little lefty paradise out west. Should make for a fun series.
Which the Wings will win in 6 games. Why?
Because it’s the season to exorcise some demons. Calgary. San Jose. Anaheim. New Jersey.
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Comments
California sensitivity? Tree huggers? The OC?
I’m so conflicted…
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 04/24/07 at 07:32 PM ET
Fight it Gabe. You’re the exception brother.
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/24/07 at 07:34 PM ET
“The Sharks are your biggest nightmare and in two weeks, you and your readers will hang up your octopi and ponder one of life’s great questions: Will the Lions win four games this year?”
Credit where credit is due: that was a nice (low) blow. Oh, an I’ll take the under on that - thanks.
Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula on 04/24/07 at 09:06 PM ET
It’s not one of life’s great questions if everyone outside of Matt Millen knows the answer is NO! (I pick two wins!)
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 04/24/07 at 09:41 PM ET
Eeeeeee-n? Tree huggers? Cast of OC? Ohmygod. Comic gold! Do you guys have an agent?
Also, f—k you.
Posted by Ian from San Francisco, CA on 04/24/07 at 11:10 PM ET
4 goals were scored within 20 seconds (3 after 10 seconds if you wanna get even more nit-picky) after the power play ended during the nash-sj series, and 1 goal was scored on a delayed penalty with a 6th attacker on the ice (though just barely). If that actually means anything…well we will just have to wait and see.
Posted by Doopdedoo from Sunny, Ca on 04/25/07 at 01:04 AM ET
Oh Eeeeeen, don’t have a hissy… we wouldn’t want you to trip in your Birkenstocks and spill your latte on your way to your weekly 9/11 truther meeting.
Oh Lordy, just checked out your site and I’m curious, is being a raging stereotype difficult? I mean, you have the classic left coast lunatic liberal thing down to a T. Seriously. Spot on.
Scene:
“Eeeeeeen sits in a far-too-trendy chair, sipping his $11 coffee, listening to Interpol whilst reading a little Chomsky, smugly chuckling to himself, cursing Chimpy McHalliburton, his drooling neocon cabal and those damned Xianists, mumbling “right on.”
Oh, and Eeeeeeeen?
*#$%@& you.
Posted by TeamDub from NW Ohio on 04/25/07 at 03:38 AM ET
Looks like we lost Ian. And he’s mad, too.
Some poor bike fender is going to be taking some major abuse, I think.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 06:30 AM ET
“Abusing the bike fender,” the hot new metrosexual euphamism for… something.
Posted by TeamDub from NW Ohio on 04/25/07 at 06:49 AM ET
“Abusing the bike fender.”
Posted by TeamDub from Toledo on 04/25/07 at 07:12 AM ET
If the Wed Wings win, at least we still live in California and they still live in Michigan. Trust me, I was born and raised there and I was fortunate enough to get out.
-Skylar
Posted by CA Transplant from MI from Northern California on 04/25/07 at 10:00 AM ET
BTW: Depeche Mode and Cheecho. Firickin’ classic.
-Christian
Posted by CA Transplant from MI from Northern California on 04/25/07 at 10:03 AM ET
Ah, yes…
Three-fifty for a gallon of gas.
Three-hundred grand gets you a fixer-upper of a home.
Three-hour daily commutes to work, earning enough to subsidize the health, education and welfare of illegal artichoke pickers and their families.
Sure wish I lived in Califormexico.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 10:26 AM ET
Oh, and I lived in the South Bay for four years in the mid- to late-80s—Los Gatos, then Mountain View, then Sunnyvale, and finally, Cupertino.
It was bad then. I can only imagine how it is now.
Thankfully, Uncle Sam got me out of there.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 10:33 AM ET
No Snow.
No Wind Chill.
Having a life.
Hotter men.
Hotter women.
Just a better quality of life and worth every penny.
Oh, and we don’t weigh 300 lbs.
-Chad
PS - $300k…you’re crazy…$800k where I live.
Posted by CA Transplant from MI from Northern California on 04/25/07 at 11:11 AM ET
The Sharks tried new things in the Nashville series on the power play. It didn’t work. For at least two games they took Joe off the half-board and put him behind the net, or on the other side. After a #1 PP most of the year, finishing #2, changing the PP two games in is a little like the Mavs starting Devean George to face the Warriors in game 1. Makes little sense.
And no, I’m not a basketball fan. Unwatchable.
Not an excuse, but Cheech was not himself after the hit in game 1. Cheech in front of the net or on the weak side is a big part of the PP. 5 days of rest, look out Wings.
So the knock against the Sharks during the regular season was that they can’t score 5 on 5, they can only score on the PP. Now they scoring 5 on 5 like it’s going out of style, and still people are bitching.
Posted by Mike on 04/25/07 at 11:24 AM ET
There is a strong Red Wings support contingent out here in the bay area. We’ll be out there, and you can bet you’re going to hear some Let’s-Go-Red-Wings chants before they’re overcome by the boo’s at the shark tank.
For those of you interested, stop by the Kezar Pub on Stanyan and Waller in the upper haight for a game or two, you’ll find your Michigan brethren there.
Go Wings!
Posted by Hippy Dave from San Francisco, CA on 04/25/07 at 11:27 AM ET
Hotter men.
Hotter women.
Oh give me a break! If you ever seen those “hotter men/ hotter women” without the help of their plastic surgerons, then you’d be on a flight right back here honey.
And 300lbs? That’s good, we’ll have to start going in for lipo, that’s the new diet trend out there, right?
Posted by Just someone from Northwestern Michigan on 04/25/07 at 12:26 PM ET
Some of us don’t mind snow and the associated wind chill. I’d be happy if the temperature was never higher than about 65 F during the year, because I hate hot weather.
You can have a life (or not) anywhere—it depends on what makes you happy.
Most men and women aren’t that hot anyway—if you have standards, the truly attractive people are few and far between—besides, you only really need one really good one. The rest are just window dressing. 
Some of us hate crowds, traffic, long commutes, noise, heat, and smog. I could do a lot worse than more pine trees and songbirds, way fewer people.
And not everyone in Michigan is 300 pounds. Don’t speak in stereotypes like a narrow-minded bigot. I’m sure it’s beneath you.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 04/25/07 at 12:29 PM ET
For those of you interested, stop by the Kezar Pub on Stanyan and Waller in the upper haight for a game or two, you’ll find your Michigan brethren there.
Will there be hot women and, um, hot men there…for Chad—in case he, well, you know…
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 12:35 PM ET
The petty stereotypes are unoriginal, but expected. The race-baiting potshots on the other hand (“Califormexico” and the classy artichoke picker comment) are more helpful: I thought O-Joe might be a dick, and now I know for sure. Thanks, O-Joe!
As for the rest of the pixel tough-guys around here, keep yapping, jackasses. If the Wings beat the Sharks, I’m sure everyone in California will realize the superiority of your humor, lifestyle, politics, music, affordable housing, and state of residence. You’ll be vindicated! Wouldn’t that feel good?
BTW, I’ll be at the Kezar for some of the games, Hippy Dave. Look for the guy with the Depeche Mode poster….
Posted by Ian from San Francisco, CA on 04/25/07 at 12:37 PM ET
I love how people have a perception of California and it’s clueless non-senese. Like the plastic surgery comment. Classic. People in Mich or anywhere don’t realize how different Nor Cal is from So Cal.
And the artichoke picker. Class comment from an ignorant and uninformed idiot.
Kezar…great pub, great spot for hockey, no matter who your team is. If you’re a regular and you know Phil B the Blues fan, you really are a regular.
The thing is, if the Wed Wings win, us Shark fans will go on with our lives. If the Sharks win, the Wed Wingers will be devastated, like life has ended.
Posted by Sebastian on 04/25/07 at 12:57 PM ET
Something tells me you’re an expert on dicks, Ian.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 01:00 PM ET
My dear sweet Sebastian, my comment on the plastic surgery was just on the level of the person who said all of us Michigan residents weigh 300lbs.
If you want to be stereotyped, than keep making comments like that. I, for one, know there’s a difference between northern and southern Cal. BUT, I won’t say what it is here, I have a little more class than that.
Also, my life will go on if the Wings lose, which I doubt they will. I know, I know, you’re surprised I have a life since I’m posting here….weigh 300lbs…ugly…and have no job to make a “life” from. Just generalizing like your friends did above. =)
You have to love playoff time, it only brings the best out of us!
Posted by Just someone from Northwestern Michigan on 04/25/07 at 01:09 PM ET
Right, because there are no illegals from Mexico picking artichokes in the Castro Valley. Not a one. Because there’s no such thing as a “sanctuary city” in California. Not a single one.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 01:15 PM ET
Regardless of the outcome of this series, I’m pretty sure you’ll still be a vacuous, narcissistic poofter, Ian. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Enjoy the games… err, Enjoy The Silence... umm, yeah. Whatever.
Posted by TeamDub from Toledo on 04/25/07 at 01:30 PM ET
Sebastian…have you met Ian?
Ian? Say ‘hello’ to Sebastian…
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 01:34 PM ET
One last thing for Ian or Sebastian…
Can either of you explain why San Francisco mayor Newsom last week ordered city employees not to cooperate with federal officials trying to enforce U.S. immigration laws?
I mean, if there are no illegals in NoCal, he could’ve just directed them not to report Martian spacecraft landing in Golden Gate Park for all the good it will do.
(Either that or just forgot the whole thing and kept nailing the wife of his former friend and campaign manager).
[shrug]
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 02:11 PM ET
Those are big words you’re using there, TeamDub. Your use of them isn’t very accurate, though.
“Vacuous” is usually open to debate, so I guess you can think I’m inane or devoid of content. Maybe it’s better to say my ideas are vacuous, though. Just something to consider.
“Narcissistic” is pretty much straight-up wrong, though. If I’m egocentric and self-absorbed, how can I be a bleeding-heart? Shoot, these remote psychological diagnoses sure are confusing.
Speaking of faulty conclusions, you and O-Joe seem to think that I’m gay. I’m not. It’s not really much of an insult anyway, but there I go with my bleeding-heart left-coast politics again.
So let’s throw out “vacuous”, as that’s open for debate. 0-2 on the rest, I’m afraid. Sorry.
At this point, I’m more bored and condescending than anything else (surely a sign I’ve spent too much time in Romper Room here). I’m sure the Red Wings will play better now that you’ve set the record straight on immigration politics, sexual identity, and psychological pathology.
Happy playoffs.
Posted by Ian from San Francisco, CA on 04/25/07 at 02:11 PM ET
Oh Eeeen, nobody said you were gay… you just look a teensy bit gay. Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Why, consider Depeche Mode - they’ve done pretty well for themselves and not-a-one of them is a lumberjack, or a mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, troglodyte, xianist conservative.
‘Cept maybe that ginger down front there… hmm.
Happy playoffs to you too, Francis.
Posted by TeamDub from Toledo on 04/25/07 at 02:32 PM ET
TeamDub, I’ll say this: at least you’re funny. That’s probably my best picture with that helmet (“the Jammer”), and your psychological intuition is definitely improving. You so nailed my innermost thoughts!
If I lived in Michigan, though, I’d have to retire the Jammer to blend in a little more.
But luckily I live on the coast.
Posted by Ian from San Francisco, CA on 04/25/07 at 02:59 PM ET
Ian -
I can almost hear Thurston Howell III…
Kudos.
Posted by TeamDub from Toledo on 04/25/07 at 03:12 PM ET
Okay, turnabout, fair play, yadda yadda…
A young TeamDub. (About 15 years ago during my indoctrination to the neocon cabal.)
Do your worst, Che.
(For the record, and as much as it pains me, we now have almost identical glasses. Bastard.)
Posted by TeamDub from Toledo on 04/25/07 at 03:41 PM ET
Ian, where did you get the impression that me suggesting you are gay is, in my mind, an insult?
All I said was that when the subject of identifying dicks is the topic, I suspect you are an expert on the matter. All that says is I get the impression that you are gay (still do). Did I say anything derogatory of about gays or being gay? Um, no, I did not. That was your projection and yours alone, I’m afraid.
Also, I notice you didn’t answer my question about Mayor Newsom. So, I suspect you’re willing to concede that there are, indeed, illegals living in The City.
Therefore, unless you’re going to ridiculously claim that none of those illegals have heads of households working the fields around Castroville and other farms around the Salinas Valley, my comment about taxpayers in California having to subsidize artichoke pickers and their families is dead-on accurate and not derogatory in any way, either.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 03:51 PM ET
Wow, this thread took a turn I didn’t expect.
Quoting from the left sidebar…
About
Welcome to what is now the third iteration of Abel to Yzerman. This is a blog geared specifically toward the Detroit Red Wings. But, don’t be surprised if we stray from time to time into other areas, hockey or not.
I guess it strayed.
Embrace the edginess.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 04:10 PM ET
I don’t know if this is my worst, comrade, but this will surely inspire the proles to rise up, cast off their chains of oppresion, and get the burger they truly deserve.
Posted by Ian from San Francisco on 04/25/07 at 04:30 PM ET
O-Joe, I don’t feel like debating politics with you, sorry. If you think that that means you “win” by default, good for you!
As far as the rest of the your comments about gay people and Mexicans, and whether you meant them as insults, I’m just going to let your own comments speak for themselves.
Posted by Ian from San Francisco on 04/25/07 at 04:42 PM ET
I love all you guys and gals, esp O-Joe. Good people and good hockey talk.
BTW, by Californian’s subsidizing field workers, were actually lowering the cost of your vegtables. I bet O-Joe would be the first to whine and cry about having to pay more for lettuce, broccoli, artichokes, asparagus and strawberries (all of which come from the Salinas Valley, not just artichokes). Unless he eats at McDonald’s three times a day, which wouldn’t shock me. Gee, let’s make illegals, well, illegal, and triple the amount of money we have to pay field pickers and we raise prices! What a concept. It’s the same thing with buying goods from China. And it’s the same reason the my hometown, Flint, has become the worst city in the country to live in. By hey, I can buy a house for $40k! Yippee.
Love to all, and let’s hope for a good, well-played series.
-Chad, Sebastian, Tyler, Christian and Skylar
PS - O-Joe, I bet you’re cute and the chicks dig you
Posted by All of the Boys from Bay Area on 04/25/07 at 04:44 PM ET
Damn it. I knew I forgot one.
And Toby.
“You cheap sonofabitch. Those guys are retards”
Posted by All of the Boys from Bay Area on 04/25/07 at 04:52 PM ET
There you go, Ian, taking the high road again. I liked you
better when the strip of your thong was wedged firmly between your butt-cheeks.
I don’t feel like debating politics with you, sorry. If you think that that means you “win” by default, good for you!
Translation: I have no counter-argument.
Would you have preferred for me to say, “celery pickers in the San Joaquin Valley,” or “gardeners in Malibu,” or “hotel maintenance persons at the Residence Inns?” Should I have listed every occupation in which illegals are known to be employed in California, so as not to trample on your delicate sensitivities?
The fact of the matter is, an abundance of Mexican nationals are in this country illegally, many in California and they get here via the southern California border. I have as much distain for them (an those who support their illegality) – no more or no less—as I do whites, blacks or members of any other race who think obeying U.S. law is optional.
You don’t like that?
Tough nuts…
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 05:50 PM ET
You must be in the military and you’re clearly a republican.
Are we gonna debate politics, illegals and the cost of vegtables or are we gonna debate hockey.
Holstrom, out.
Zetterberg, 60%.
Not a good day for the Weeeengs.
Eskimo kisses to O-joey. Luv U !
Posted by Chad, Sebastian, Tyler, Christian, Skylar, and Tob on 04/25/07 at 06:00 PM ET
O-Joe, speaking of criminals, I bet you’re proud to have Bertuzzi on your team.
Posted by Steve Moore from Colorado on 04/25/07 at 06:08 PM ET
It doesn’t matter my personal feelings on Bertuzzi playing for “my” team, Steve. Within the framework of this argument, the fact is, though he may have a criminal record, he’s working in this country legally—something many who come across our borders to work {or perhaps just to sponge off a benevolent society) cannot say.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 06:22 PM ET
Figures.
Go Wings!
Posted by Steve Moore from Colorado on 04/25/07 at 06:29 PM ET
Steve Moore doesn’t live in Colorado, by the way. He’s lived in Thornhill, Ontario since 2004.
There, that’s hockey-related. Happy now, Toby?
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 06:43 PM ET
Figures.
Having lost an argument, a typical tactic is for the loser to move away from the central issue (illegal immigration, in this case) by constructing a strawman – moving the goal-posts, so to speak—as you did by bringing Bertuzzi into the discussion, Toby.
I kicked you ass in that one, too.
Wings win, again.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/25/07 at 06:58 PM ET
Joe Rocks! Joe is awesome! Yeah! Yahoo!
Go Wings!
Love to all.
Posted by Joe Rocks on 04/25/07 at 07:10 PM ET
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At least I know how to pronounce, ‘Toby.’
I hate that “Ian” shit because I never know if it’s “Eee-un” or “Eeeeeeeee-n.”
And I definitely don’t appreciate an Eee-un/Eeeeeeee-n taking the high road by basically insinuating that anyone who reverts to name-calling is, themselves, immature.
If I didn’t have to go do something right now, I’d stick around and prove my maturity to Eee-un/Eeeeeee-n by posting something deeply thoughtful and intelligent and, well, mature-like. But, as it so happens, I have a buddy coming over and we’re going to go out and stick firecrackers up the asses of neighborhood cats and light the fuses.
So, I shall leave that for another day.
Posted by O-Joe on 04/24/07 at 07:08 PM ET