Abel to Yzerman
Next entry: Nothing To Say Here Gramps: Overloaded On The Blue Line Too
Previous entry: Conkblocked: Howard Headed To GR
Live Blogging My Call To Direct TV
by IwoCPO on 09/02/08 at 06:48 PM ET
Comments (14)
Last year we live blogged a call to Verizon. It was a huge success. Huge. This year, I’m ramping it up. Mainly because the dumpster diving nimrods at Verizon still aren’t offering the Center Ice Package.
Tonite, I’m dialing up Direct TV and it’s only fair that we offer them the same access and opportunity for success.
1950: “Customers just like you are waiting for service. We ask that you wait also. We promise it will be worth the wait.”
We’ll see.
1951: “It’s important that you get the answers to your questions as quickly as possible…”
I know. I’m hopeful.
1952: “Ask us for the exciting details regarding free DVR receivers. Debit or credit, Visa, AMEX, Discover…it’s your choice, but we do need one. Pennsylvania and Massachusetts customers are excluded from this requirement.”
Now that’s a bunch of crap. How do Pens fans pay for Direct TV? Money order?
1954: Peyton Frigging Manning is talking to me and it’s all personal. He says he’ll be on Direct TV all season long. Will I? Well, we’ll see won’t we?
1955: Kiara, a live operator. She wants to know who she has the pleasure of speaking with. I tell her my name and she’s pumped to help me. “My only goal in life, Kiara, is the Center Ice package with the NHL Network.”
She’s looking it up. “You want the Center Ice? Hockey?” “Yes, Ma’am.” “Just a moment.” Exciting, just as they said it would be.
1957: Kiara says installation is free. “I’m on a military base and the pole may have to be installed.”
Kiara: “Oh”
1959: Kiara says the amount for installation reduces greatly if I just install the pole. Aren’t I a man? Can’t I handle it? Isn’t that something most men should be able to do?
I tell Kiara that may be beyond my capabilities.
2000: Kiara, I’d like to know how much it’s going to cost for you guys to install this pole, and I also want to know how many cables are going to be run through my house. Kiara, this is very important to me because it caused some domestic friction last year. I just want my family to be happy Kiara. Do you understand?
2001: Kiara: “Just a moment.”
2004: Kiara says her supervisor says the installation cost? They can’t tell me. I tell Kiara last year those bastards tried to charge me more than 300 bucks. “That’s odd,” says Kiara. “Really odd.” I agree.
2005: We’re moving on to packages. Either a one timer of 159 or a four-time payment of 39. I tell Kiara that the NHL Network should be included with the one, four or more timer packages. “I just want my hockey Kiara. That’s all I want. If you just gave me ten channels, all hockey? I’d face some resistance at home, but I’d deal with it. Please give me my hockey package Kiara. You said this would be exciting and I believed you.”
2009: Kiara wants to know how many HD tvs we have. I’m afraid to tell her because I don’t want to sound elitist. She asks again and tells me she won’t judge. I let her know we have three. She wants to sell me the “choice extra” package. “Not just sports,” says Kiara, “but channels for everyone in the house.” I ask, “did you say hizzouse?” “No,” she says, “I said house.”
2016: Kiara’s talking leasing fees and upwards of 80 bucks/month. “That’s the best I can do right now.” Kiara says if I want to switch over later on to another package my monthly bills will drop. I tell Kiara that just won’t do. I need to discuss with my recreation director. She asks again if I’m actually a man, if I make any decisions whatsoever. “Do you feel comfortable,” Kiara asks, “asking for permission for pretty much everything?”
2025: Kiara’s a mean woman, insidious. Now she’s trying to get me to buy access to the Lions for 16/17 weeks. Unfair.
2029: Kiara wanted to charge me an extra 30 bucks (approximately) per month to watch Matt Millen’s Lions. On principle, I told her I’d have to call her back. The whole Lions issue has left a bad, sour milk taste in my mouth and it’s—frankly—made me sad.
In other words, I have to get permission…just as Kiara predicted. More to follow.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
Chief,
Park “the boat with no name” in your yard, and hoist the dish up to the yardarm.
No shovels required!
Posted by w2j2 on 09/02/08 at 07:59 PM ET
DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, BE FOOLED BY A 4-0 PRESEASON RECORD.
The Lions are a tease, nothing more. I may actually have to have an intervention with a co-worker to prevent him from watching this year. He allowed himself to be sucked in last year after they started 6-2 and was filled with nothing but regret and general football-induced crankiness for the rest of the season.
Maybe you should announce at the start of the call, that, “for quality control purposes, this call may be liveblogged for the mocking and ridicule of the internetting public.” You might get better service that way (or at least get money if they offer a bribe to falsify the post to make it look like they give good service). Win-win either way.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/02/08 at 08:08 PM ET
My aunt is a director at Verizon and I complained to her about the lack of Center Ice on FIOS, because it’s also an issue in our household. She did bring it up at a meeting with the marketing group, but nothing came out of it. Oh well, I tried.
Posted by DC Sports Chick on 09/02/08 at 08:31 PM ET
Speaking of Directv, it would be nice if they did a NHL mix channel when there is more than 8 games… like they already do for the US Open and the basic sports mix they currently have.
Posted by PuckHound61 from Speckville USA on 09/02/08 at 09:09 PM ET
Chief, one of the things about DirecTV is that they contract out to smaller companies to do installations and on-site repairs. That means you can call them do to a free basic installation, and when the guy shows up, offer him cash to wire the house and set up the pole.
It’ll still cost you, just not as much…and you have the added satisfaction of knowing you’re somehow screwing someone over.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 09/03/08 at 12:37 AM ET
“Chief, one of the things about DirecTV is that they contract out to smaller companies to do installations and on-site repairs.”
And that’s where the fun begins(exclamation point omitted) I’m pretty sure the last guy they sent over had delivered a pizza to our house in the two weeks prior to beginning his exciting new career in satellite technology.
Posted by dougie on 09/03/08 at 07:21 AM ET
Now that’s a bunch of crap. How do Pens fans pay for Direct TV? Money order?
Pay? They don’t have to pay. little gary covers it to make sure the fine people of Pittsburgh get every possible opportunity to see his baby boy in action. Costs are passed on to the other 29 NHL teams as part of the league’s welfare, uh, “profit sharing” plan. According to lg, “It’s a small price to pay to ensure that Sidney gets the exposure he so richly deserves. Especially after that filthy, fully bearded Zetterberg and those other nasty Red Wings spoiled his party last June. The poor kid’s been sulking all summmer long…in Canada of all places.”
Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 09/03/08 at 08:19 AM ET
Time Warner is the only cable provider in the area I live. Time Warner advertises NHL Center Ice as having every game played in the NHL….. except for the games on the NHL Network. Oddly enough the Wings seemed to be on the NHL network alot last year and will most likely be the same this year. That pisses me off, I pay Time Warner for what they advertise as coverage of all games in all cities blah blah blah….. call TW on this, the retort from the 1-800 I CAN’T HELP YOU # was precisely this “sir we don’t provide the hockey service”. Excuse the hell out of me, I seem to remember sending TW something like $150 for the Center Ice package & you tell me you don’t provide the service?!?!?! Put someone on the phone who actually took my money to provide a service to me as a customer then… dead silence from the other end.
We wanna see the Wings games, don’t “they” get it?
Agreed with Dougie, cable installers are about the least skilled installer of anyone-anything I’ve come across. IF you have them wire your home, make sure you are there and watch what they are doing…..
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 09/03/08 at 08:38 AM ET
When I first moved to Alabama 6 years ago, I called Charter (the only cable provider in town) about ordering the Center Ice package. The lady I talked to was nice and very helpful. I believe I actually referred to it as the “NHL package” at the time. She was happy to pull up my account and look for the package, but after a few minutes of looking, she said “I’m sorry but all I’m seeing under the N’s is the NASCAR package.” I’m pretty sure the string of expletives that followed after I hung up lasted about 5 minutes. I had some pretty choice words about rednecks, too.
Apparently it became available again a couple years ago, and I decided halfway through last season to make the purchase. I don’t know why it took me so long. I’ll be calling very soon to order it again, otherwise I’m stuck watching Thrashers games all year. Center Ice + DVR = hockey bliss.
Posted by Incognetis from Delaware... Hi... I'm in... Delaware on 09/03/08 at 09:32 AM ET
Speaking of Directv, it would be nice if they did a NHL mix channel when there is more than 8 games… like they already do for the US Open and the basic sports mix they currently have.
I have heard rumblings that they are working on that.
Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 09/03/08 at 10:40 AM ET
Who are these “Lions” you speak of?
Trust me, you don’t wanna know.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/03/08 at 12:11 PM ET
Who are these “Lions” you speak of?
As I understand it, they’re some kind of travelling freakshow…led by an insane ringmaster and financed by a rich old fool being taken for a ride.
Or perhaps those are just rumors, and the actual truth is just too terrible to comprehend…
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from the dark heart of the carnival of the contemptible on 09/03/08 at 01:31 PM ET
Add a Comment
Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.
Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.
Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.
Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.
Most Recent Blog Posts
GDT - Game #56: Red Wings host Ducks (7:30)
GDT - Game #55: Red Wings host Oilers (7:30)
The F Stands For Finger And The Finger Could Really ______ Us All
GDT - Game #54: Red Wings at Coyotes (8:00)
So Far 4 In 2, Why Not 6 in 3?
About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
When learning from experts it’s best to learn personally from them, or from their blog. We can provide that with poker lessons blog, your home to learn poker personally.
Do you get shocked from the luck in the game of poker? Stop getting shocked and start being a Poker Shoker
Get the top online sports betting bonuses available to sports betters!
This was awesome, Chief.
Posted by Greg Wyshynski from Washington, DC on 09/02/08 at 07:55 PM ET