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McGuire Idiocy Spawns New Glossary Entry
by IwoCPO on 03/31/08 at 07:05 PM ET
Comments (33)
Not since the heady days of Darren Garcia have I witnessed such brilliance in the comment section. The post dedicated to the tooletry that is Pierre McGuire has resulted in some truly priceless monikors. I can’t stop the voices in my head, nor can I silence the A2Y readers. It’s time to decide on McGuire’s glossary entry and I’m leaving it up to you to judge the work of your peers.
Update 2014: If you add quality suggestions to the comment section of this post, I’ll—in turn—add them to the poll. I have a feeling there will be many more.
Update 0323 the next day: I’ve added a few of your suggestions. “Home Depot” requires explanation that you’ll find in the comments. Personally, I’ll be using that one myself on a co-worker later today.
All of these have filtered in over a span of 90 minutes. Vote early. Vote often.
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Comments
My vote was Douche Canoe. It’s juvenile and a complete non-sequitur. Vintage A2Y!
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 03/31/08 at 07:48 PM ET
Frankly I’ve always called him “the retarded Gnome Between the Benches”..
Posted by moocat on 03/31/08 at 07:49 PM ET
I agree with Chris from Tennessee, the simplicity is nice. Though from me it’s usually prefixed to become “*#$%@& tool.”
Posted by Clark on 03/31/08 at 08:01 PM ET
Retarded gnomes object to the association. 
I like Douche Canoe - it makes absolutely no sense but sounds hilarious. Causes one to literally L-O-L.
Although my brother-in-law uses the term “toolbox” for a really large tool.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 03/31/08 at 08:15 PM ET
Rolling from what Baroque threw out with toolbox, we used to call a kid Home Depot for the same reason. Is it too late to get Home Depot onto the poll?
Posted by S Dot from Hampden-Sydney, VA on 03/31/08 at 08:40 PM ET
I love all 4 choices. However, I would use BBD for Terry Crisp. Turd fondler, I could see McGuire with fecal matter on his hands between the benches and then a player from one of the benches punching him because he’s gross. Personally, I went with “tool” because he’s bald, and I was reminded of something that George Carlin said about white guys walking around with shaved heads looking like a freshly circumsized d**k, a walking tool if you will. Douche Canoe is a great one, but that honestly could be a lot of people (McGuire, Dater, etc.). All in all, great choices. Glad to see everyone united in such a great cause
Posted by Chris from Columbia, Tennessee on 03/31/08 at 08:58 PM ET
How about the Iraqi Info Minister. That dude was about as accurate as Pierre!
http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/
I gotta admit the name’s not quite as direct and effective as douche canoe tho.
Posted by Dave on 03/31/08 at 09:16 PM ET
The Big Idiot.
Say it aloud.
Now you know.
Posted by pilgrim on 03/31/08 at 09:36 PM ET
Your blog sucks.
Posted by Gary from Flint on 03/31/08 at 10:03 PM ET
Gee, Gary, your last name wouldn’t perchance be McGuire, would it?
Though tool applies, and I used it myself in the last post, it’s use is too widespread—not unique enough to be forever immortalized (is that redundant?) in the glossary.
I went with Douche Canoe. Nathan nailed it. Juvenile, non sequitur, and just damn funny. Therefore it’s perfect.
Posted by BobTheZee on 03/31/08 at 10:30 PM ET
Blame Canada.
Posted by Laker from dapuddle on 03/31/08 at 10:39 PM ET
“Douche canoe” it is.
Posted by SYF from Las Vegas, NV on 04/01/08 at 12:20 AM ET
“the retarded Gnome Between the Benches”
I really like that one. Let me add a little variation upon the same theme:
Gimp In Between Benches or GIBB for short.
Posted by lilja4ever on 04/01/08 at 01:37 AM ET
Hey Dave, while in the US al-Sahhaf was known as “Baghdad Bob,” the British press had a great nickname for him—“Comical Ali” a play on the previous nickname of the Defense Minister, “Chemical Ali” al-Majjid. His dubious pronouncements were a source of amusement for the tabloid press all over Europe.
And it’s just going to have to be Douche Canoe for me. It’s pureile, disgusting, and has nothing to do with any legitimate criticism of McGuire—in other words, it’s perfect for A2Y.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from leafing through a book of juvenile insults on 04/01/08 at 03:28 AM ET
Douche Canoe fo shizzy…
I vote Bary Melrose for the BBD award!
Posted by Osrt on 04/01/08 at 08:04 AM ET
Douche Canoe certainly has a nice ring to it, eh?
Much as I like that one, I had to go with Turd Fondler - I think it’s a more appropo visual. I was thinking of Meguiar’s car wax, polishing turds and the like; Turd Fondler has so many beautiful connotations.
Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula, Michigan on 04/01/08 at 08:09 AM ET
How does this guy have a stanley cup ring? thats what I want to know.
Embarrassment
Posted by dearyou from winnipeg on 04/01/08 at 08:17 AM ET
What I want to know is, does McGuire have a blog or web page or something somewhere? I’m dying to leave him some, um, comments…
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 04/01/08 at 09:37 AM ET
Here are a few other possibilities:
Bald Stupidity (BS)
Baldheaded Boob (BB)
Depilated Douche (DD)
Yes, I have a thesaurus. My choice of those currently in the running: Douche Canoe.
Posted by Cwix from Roanoke, VA on 04/01/08 at 09:56 AM ET
Where’s Team Dub these days? He should be having a field day with this stuff in photoshop…
Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula, Michigan on 04/01/08 at 10:04 AM ET
Where’s Team Dub these days?
Planning a wedding, maybe? 
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 04/01/08 at 11:37 AM ET
Ohh… yeah. I had forgotten. I suppose that does have some measure of priority. Too bad though, there’s so much photoshop fodder here.
Posted by Hoser from Downer Peninsula, Michigan on 04/01/08 at 11:42 AM ET
Douche Canoe, this has to be it.
Posted by D town in Bubbaville on 04/01/08 at 11:48 AM ET
As far as truly insulting and degrading names go, I really don’t know how you can top “Pierre.”
Planning a wedding, maybe?
You mean guys are supposed to help with the planning? No wonder she’s been mad for so long. Crap.
Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 04/01/08 at 09:27 PM ET
You tolerate me! You REALLY tolerate me!
Posted by wingsfanindenver from 'lancheland on 04/02/08 at 12:04 AM ET
Well hell, of all the times to decide, “I hab da flu, I zonk, cabt watch boat game…” I’m unoriginal and think that Douchy McDouchebag works just fine…
Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 04/02/08 at 05:51 AM ET
I don’t like Douche Canoe because there is some jackass in Spector’s Forums who uses it all the time and says it’s used to “blow off a troll”. No I know the guy has serious insecurity problems becasue he’s always threatening to kick someone’s ass (funny…it’s the internet you dipshit) and he really thinks he’s a God of hockey knowledge. He’s nothign more than a *#$%@& *#$%@& and I hate him and his stupid phrase. Regarding McQuire…....he’s a tool if I ever saw one. His voice makes me cringe and I hate listening to him on any televised game that he’s involved with.
Posted by Wings_FAn_IN_KC on 04/02/08 at 03:52 PM ET
I cannot believe another year of him on NBC! They force me to watch him if I want to follow the Wings. Turd fondler it is!
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 04/04/08 at 01:06 PM ET
Check this out if you hate Pierre.
http://nomorepierremcguire.googlepages.com/home
Posted by JRoc on 05/14/08 at 05:12 PM ET
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I’m going with Douche Canoe on the basis of prosody - it just rolls right off the tongue. Douche Canoe. Beautiful.
Posted by Pete K from Chicago, IL on 03/31/08 at 07:26 PM ET