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Never, Ever, Never Piss Off A Wedding Singer
by IwoCPO on 02/23/09 at 02:49 PM ET
Comments (30)
Updated 1634 EST: Wyshynski has responded at Puck Daddy. Our response to his response is below. You may respond to either response in the comment section, which is designed to solicit responses.
Sometimes, like that one time with Darren Garcia, life as a sarcastic jackass is just too easy.
Did you see Puck Daddy’s ode to the Burke Twitter page on Saturday? If you did, maybe it took you twenty or thirty seconds to realize the Twittee, Twite, Twi..Twitter user was really a pretty damned funny imposter. This kinda gave it away to me. One of Burke’s “entries”...
Got stuck behind Damien Cox at the bank machine. In case you’re wondering, his PIN is ‘1967’.
Yeah, it was at that point that I pretty much knew PD’s Sean Leahy was shedding light on a pretty funny joke.
But apparently some of the more credible bloggers out there didn’t (a) find the whole thing funny or (2) understand the joke.
Actually, “some” is not accurate. Let’s go with “one” and let’s get more specific, shall we?
Dwayne Klessel of the “Grey Eyed Glances” and “Save Nashville for the Bubba Fans” fame has gone high and mighty. Dwayne, also known as “Eklund” to the few idiots out there who don’t see him for who he really is, decided that anyone impersonating such an upstanding character like Brian Burke needs a public reprimand. More than that, Dwayne—-who knows a thing or two about how to run an above board blog for the average hockey fan—loaded his pop gun and sent a BB toward our boy Wyshynski.
And there it is my hockey friends. The stereotypical kind of blogging that makes many NHL teams nervous and stingy about giving access to internet hockey writers. This is the kind of story that deeply sets back the cause. To those of us who are welcomed in by all NHL teams I can tell you this much: That in the not too distant future, in some press box or media cafeteria, when the debate arises once again about bloggers in the press box, some mainstream media guy or team rep will cite this story as to why they believe that only mainstream writers should be granted credentials. And I will try, as I always will, to defend the cause, fight for more access, etc…But I will see where they are coming from.
Whew. You go Dwayne. Go on girl. Man. Get that boy’s dander up and he comes out firing, eh? Defending the sanctity of bloggers. Paving the way for access. Writing the Blogger’s Bill of Rights as he goes. F’ing A Right Dwayne. Thank you in advance my brother.
Or…maybe he was just pissed off about this part of Leahy’s story…another ditty from the Burke impersonator.
Ran into Eklund last night. He kept grilling me about trades and rumors. Finally I just paid him for the pizza and slammed the door.
Yeah. Umm. I’ll go with the latter.
What a little bitch. But hey…don’t let that stop you from writing out those checks.
Thanks to many of you who are becoming a SEASON TICKET holder of hockeybuzz. If you are still on the fence, not only does your twenty bucks support the site, but you get no more video auto-play ads, full access to The NHL Trade Rumor Chart, Eklund Exclusive Chats, Special edition podcasts, free entry and better prizes in the fantasy games, insider emails and more. Thanks, Ek.
Update: Greg Wyshynski has written a nifty rebuttal to both Dwayne and the Globe and Mail, who also swallowed the “Burke” Twitter in Darren Garcia like fashion. From Puck Daddy, in regards to Dwayne Klessel’s sobbing hysterics.
I don’t intend to comment on this again here, because it’s a cry for attention from a marginalized individual that deserves to go unanswered beyond some vital clarifications. My focus is on providing outstanding content for Puck Daddy’s readership, not engaging in some concocted “radio war” with a has-been lusting after our Web traffic and your wallets.
I respect Wyshynski’s stance. It’s his apparent intent to handle this maturely and in an adult fashion.
I have no such goals.
Apparently, neither do Dwayne’s readers.
i guess you jumped on this burke thing because of him calling you the pizza delivery guy.
but the funniest line in your story was, “anyone who pretends to be someone else like this, is scum.” classic mr. eklund. classic.
Woops. Cash that check Dwayne. Cash it quick.
And hey…while we’re at it? Take a look at Hockeybuzzhogwash, always entertaining. Even more so today.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
“Believe it or not, you can’t just massage a story to further an agenda” - Eklund.
Oh this has no where to go but up in terms of entertainment value.
Posted by Yankee Canuck on 02/23/09 at 03:07 PM ET
Dwayne Klessel can suck a Go-Gurt Fizzix. Now proud sponsor of the A2Y Jackatoreum.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Lidstrom's head telling him 1 more year on 02/23/09 at 03:07 PM ET
did anyone serious thing Burke was writing that in the first place???
for one, it was actually funny for the most part
Posted by Pharazon from England on 02/23/09 at 03:15 PM ET
“ou get no more video auto-play ads”
I find that not going to his site helps deal with that annoying behaviour.
And I love how he felt a need to confirm what he himself cites as obvious. And then Leahy’s joke goes *woosh* over his head.
Classic.
I can’t believe he’s still in business.
Posted by Shane from Saskatoon on 02/23/09 at 03:19 PM ET
“Believe it or not, you can’t just massage a story to further an agenda” - Eklund.
Politicians of all persuasions beg to differ.
I lump fake Twitter feeds in with fake MySpace profiles - as long as it is obvious to anyone with more than two adjacent functioning cerebral cortex neurons that it is a joke, and it is less mean-spirited than just humorous, it’s harmless internet fiction. The point isn’t to actually make anyone think it is Brian Burke as much as make a reader laugh.
And what makes him think there will still be any MSM folks in his hypothetical future “media cafeteria?” At the rate newspapers are downsizing and outsourcing, it may me just an echoing void a bit sooner than anyone expected.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 02/23/09 at 03:25 PM ET
Eklund sucks (e5)
Posted by Garrett from Everywhere on 02/23/09 at 03:26 PM ET
Better to send the Chief a twelve pack of Yuengling.
Or a block of cheddar, and…and…well, The Chief knows.
But then, I don’t think Eklund would invite me over to his house. And I’m not sure I’d want to go. Can you imagine what that place must look like? I’m thinking Three’s Company meets backstage at a GWAR concert.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 02/23/09 at 03:35 PM ET
Two things about this story strike me:
1. I can’t believe eklund gets “media” credentials to NHL games. For god sakes - he was at JLA for the finals?!!!?
2. I believe burke has an ego big enough to actually have written that entry. Burke is an Ivy league educated attorney who fancys himself quite the astute hockey mind, which of course couldn’t be further from the truth. He now has the full reigns of the leafs, and it will be amazingly entertaining to watch him flame out over the next few seasons with the “real” media” army in T.O. to shine the bright lights on his every failure! Heck, who need reality tv.
Posted by dbcooper from parts unknown on 02/23/09 at 03:37 PM ET
One of the ‘dive fans at work swears by Eklund.
Him: he’s a genius, he always knows about the big trads
Me: he always makes stuff up
Him: no he doesn’t!
Me: The “implosion”, Nick’s knee being 6-8 weeks, trades that don’t make sense and of course never happen…
Him: You just don’t know.
Me: you’re just a tool, get out of my sight
Him: Red Wings Suck!
Me: and you swallow. now GTFA
Posted by wingsfanindenver on 02/23/09 at 03:38 PM ET
To those of us who are welcomed in by all NHL teams... And I will try, as I always will, to defend the cause, fight for more access, etc…
My, oh, my, aren’t we just full of ourselves.
Every team in the league welcomes Dwayne? Seriously? Every fricking one of them just throws their doors open and welcomes him? I’m thinkin’ that might be just a wee bit of an exaggeration there.
And, thank the lord, we now can rest easy because we know Dwayne will “defend the cause” for all bloggers (or at least the ones who charge $20 bucks a year for “insider” prognostications that are right a whopping 3.8% of the time). Thanks, Dwayne. You da man.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 02/23/09 at 03:40 PM ET
But then, I don’t think Eklund would invite me over to his house. And I’m not sure I’d want to go. Can you imagine what that place must look like?
I’m sure the place is lousy with empty Cheetos bags and full wank socks.
I imagine it probably smells of vinegar, boiled ass, and shame.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 02/23/09 at 03:42 PM ET
Ran into Eklund last night. He kept grilling me about trades and rumors. Finally I just paid him for the pizza and slammed the door.
Classic stuff. Probably working for Dominoes.
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, sippin rum & catchin some rays on 02/23/09 at 04:05 PM ET
I think this Blogger war is as real as Brian Twitter Burke. I bet they all made up this phony fight so they could drive more hits to their blogs and make more ad revenue. After all, fighting bloggers have made for better entertainment than trade rumors in the Salary Cap NHL.
Posted by LouieTwoStep from On A Barstool on 02/23/09 at 04:05 PM ET
http://twitter.com/GaryBettman
Do you think Eklund is following on Twitter waiting for some tidbits for the rumor mill? You guys better be careful, I know he’s out there.
Classic.
Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 02/23/09 at 04:52 PM ET
@ LouieTwoStep—
I can assure you that one side of the “Blog War” is completely calculated and contrived.
That would be the side that edited quotes out of our post and lied to an NHL general manager about our site.
Posted by Greg Wyshynski from Washington, DC on 02/23/09 at 04:54 PM ET
If he actually talked to Burke, the whole thing was just so he can convince people of his credibility by saying that he can talk to Burke any time he wants. I find this stuff funny.
Posted by LouieTwoStep on 02/23/09 at 05:33 PM ET
Jeebsus, Twitter, My Space… Face Book.
WTF is going on here?
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 02/23/09 at 05:36 PM ET
Aha! I found the problem!
...as long as it is obvious to anyone with more than two adjacent functioning cerebral cortex neurons that it is a joke…
Clearly I was assuming far, far too much of people.
What this world needs is more hungry bears. 
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 02/23/09 at 05:54 PM ET
Jeebsus, Twitter, My Space… Face Book.
WTF is going on here?
MO, you are so 1999
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 02/23/09 at 05:55 PM ET
Jeebus Fuching ChristPuncher, between noon today and 6 pm there are 2 more threads and 55 comments on this F’ing Blog? Who the Hell can keep up?
Get a Phucking Life you Freaking Morons. At least hold on until I can catch up. I’ll be right back. Jeebus are we obsessed or what?
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 02/23/09 at 06:05 PM ET
Dwayne Klessel of the “Grey Eyed Glances” and “Save Nashville for the Bubba Fans” fame
Please don’t drag us into this. We know he’s a joke here too… well…except 104.5 The Zone sports talk, but we all know their not exactly experts themselves.
Posted by pwnicholson from Nashville, TN on 02/23/09 at 06:06 PM ET
Okay, I’m back after trying to understand this thread, and still have no clue what the Freak is going on here. At this point I just wanna watch a Scrubs episode with the Cheli sweater. Phuck Me.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 02/23/09 at 06:12 PM ET
What this world needs is more hungry bears.
I just spit V8 Splash all over my monitor! Funniest thing I’ve read all day (and so very true, too)!
Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 02/23/09 at 06:18 PM ET
@ Alan -
But it’s true, isn’t it? Hominids that were too stupid to avoid bears (or tigers, or alligators, or any other predators) used to get eaten before they could reproduce and pass on their dumb genes to the next generation. Now stupidity is permitted to flourish because it doesn’t get eaten before it can breed.
I always tell people that more people need to be eaten by bears, and the world would be a better place. 
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 02/23/09 at 07:08 PM ET
I see I’m not the only Jalopnik reader here. RWBill nice avatar.
Effin Zombies, always messin’ with my sh!t.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 02/23/09 at 07:18 PM ET
Can’t believe the f*cker’s so stupid as to even take a Twitter seriously.
Posted by SYF from a "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" on 02/23/09 at 07:43 PM ET
Hey Dwayne, as my Daddy told me, “What goes around… comes around”. Methinks Mr. Klessel belongs in the Jackatoreum.
Posted by calquake on 02/23/09 at 08:03 PM ET
Hominids that were too stupid to avoid bears (or tigers, or alligators, or any other predators) used to get eaten before they could reproduce and pass on their dumb genes to the next generation.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 02/23/09 at 07:08 PM ET
A co-worker used to work as a geologist in Alaska for an oil company. They sent him up to the northern slope because some of the pipeline workers (coolies) were being killed by Polar Bears and they wanted to know why.
He came back and gave them this answer, “Because they were hungry.”
I know they’re white and kinda blend in during the winter, but damn, Polar Bears are about as big as a Freakin’ John Deere and are unmistakable when they get galloping out in the open. Of course if they’re galloping AT you then it’s too late, you can’t outrun a Polar Bear in the open.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 02/24/09 at 12:44 PM ET
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eklund = clown
Better to send the Chief a twelve pack of Yuengling.
Posted by mc keeper from The Home Of Lord Stan on 02/23/09 at 02:56 PM ET