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Abel to Yzerman

On Helmer, On Franzen, Filppula and Williams.  Cleary and Kronwall…But At Least There’s Bertuzzi.

by IwoCPO on 12/14/09 at 01:09 PM ET
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When you sign a shoplifting meth head who attempted to molest the collie who lives next to the old woman he flipped off on the way to the Joe because she told him she liked his spin-o-rama?  You’re in serious trouble.  Payback will be a bitch, sooner or later.

I’m not pushing religion on you. I think you know that.

But it’s pretty motherf…front page…sorry…

...ucking clear that God hates the Wings.

It could be the animal sacrifices we made two years ago during the WCF or it might be the insinuations that Thid Rosby is really the illegitimate daughter of Gary Bettman and Tiger Woods’ mother-in-law.  Whoa…just a rumor.  Don’t blame me for what I hear.

Or it could easily be the fact that God has decided that too much success is just not good for any organ-I-zation.  So he’s decided to wreck havoc on joy. 

I don’t know and I’m tired of guessing the reasons.  I just know that Helm is down and we’re numb to it.  You weren’t surprised when you read it and you won’t be surprised tomorrow when it’s Hank or Homer.  Oh yeah. I did it.  STFU. Don’t tell me I’ve jinxed anything because we’re already jinxed.  It’s not gonna end with Helm because He is having TOO MUCH FUN to stop now.  God may be a Wing fan, and I believe he is, but he’s also a jokester.  Here’s to you God…good one bitch.

Oh yeah. I’ll see you in hell.

Not you God. Everyone who laughed at that or, really, is still reading. 

Well. Shit.  What do you expect? Am I supposed to be handling this one calmly?  Does anyone even remember how it started?  Who went first?  Guess with me. Don’t look it up.

Franzen, Williams, Filppula, Kronwall, Cleary, Helm?  Is that right?

But you know what?  Everything’s gonna be ok.  Because while the Dive are hauling in 11 thousand fans a night in Denver?  The Wings will be saved by the man whose visage literally makes them sob in the Ass Can.  Here. Take this:  Steve Moore? I hope you’re ok. I hope you’re living a good life. But I’m here to tell you that he was no innocent.  Bertuzzi didn’t exactly bust a cherry that night.  I bring that up why?

Because if Michael Myers is gonna stay hot and lead us through this time of locusts and floods?  He’s going to be hated even more.  If he stays hot?  You’ll see the likes of Dater and Frei and the tummy rubbing, hyphenated, French named Dive bloggers just sobbing from the roof tops. 

And I say bring it.  Frigging. Bring. It.  If I’m gonna suffer through this freight train to the nut sack of a season full of knees, wrists, concussions, shoulders and suckfests?  Then I want to be seriously despised by the lily white elitists and hypocrites. 

Two OT winners on consecutive nights?  Suck it.  Four goals in two games when we needed them the most?  Seriously, dude. Suck it.  A breakaway that had possum pounder Pete Weber claiming it was Jamie Pushor?  Suck it.  If you’re not a Wing fan and you’re angry that the Anti-Christ is having his way with the league again?  Uh oh. Stop reading…because, yeah, you can suck it too.

Kris Newbury. Jan Mursak.  Hat Trick Dick, wherever you are.  Bring ‘em up. Bring ‘em ALL up.  Let the fun continue because we know it’s not gonna stop.  It’s too easy and too fun for He who laughs last. 

But stand by.  Because if the injuries keep piling up and the Wings stay within striking distance until all the lightning’s been exhausted?  I’m serious when I say this.  If the Wings get in after all this vomit?  We’re talking #12.  Nothing any team can throw at them in May or June will rival the lube-less treatment we’ll have endured leading up to it.

Make it hurt.  We expect it.  But you’d better finish what you started bitch, and you’d better be on the side of the 1 seed if we end up #8. 

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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