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Really? For “Sloppy Seconds”?
by IwoCPO on 12/03/08 at 04:21 AM ET
Comments (20)
For the love of God, Hippy Frigging Dave beat me to it. Here’s what he had to say at 0039 EST, “Jack Bauer is gonna kick his ass.”
Exactly. Haven’t the idiots out there learned that Bauer will take you down for slights far simpler than calling his daughter “sloppy seconds?”
Of course, we’re talking about Avery. Given. But the second and third biggest idiots? Brett Hull and Little Gary. Hull first.
(Hull) said the organization knew what they were getting when they signed Avery to a four-year free agent contract in the summer for $15.5 million. He said at the time he thought the Stars were too vanilla and needed the emotion that Avery brought. However, he said he has talked to Avery countless times about focusing his energy and emotion in the right way.
“This goes beyond hockey and beyond the game on the ice, and that’s what bothers me,” Hull said. “We have talked and talked and talked about being on the edge within the game but not going over the line. We told him from the start that he can not do things that would embarrass the organization.
Yeah well. You’re embarrassed now, ain’t ya big boy? Hull inherited a talented team, managed not to screw it up long enough for them to reach the conference finals, then blew it up. In between meals. Now we’re hearing from Turco and Modano and others, worried about the sanctity of the Stars, worried about the honor the team has lost. Hell, here’s what you two should be worrying about….you’re getting your asses kicked regularly, Bauer-style. Worry about that.
The suspension? Stupid, but typical Bettman…who is obviously rightfully scared of Jack Bauer and the tentacles of the Counter Terrorism Unit. Bauer was probably on his SAT/STU to the league office mere seconds after he saw the live feed. As soon as “seconds” fell out of Avery’s pie hole, Jack had Bettman on the line, issuing edicts and decrees. Next thing you know…Avery’s sitting. Dammit.
Bob McKenzie has some big words to help you understand it.
“I believe there are two reasons why Avery was suspended indefinitely pending his hearing with Gary Bettman and Colin Campbell,” said McKenzie. “First is his specific choice of words, two words to be precise, ‘sloppy seconds’. It’s vulgar, the imagery is not good and in the mind of the National Hockey League, it’s misogynistic, shows a lack of respect and objectifies women, in this case Elisha Cuthbert, his former girlfriend and current girlfriend of Flames’ defenceman Dion Phaneuf. If he’d said ex-girlfriends, we wouldn’t be talking about this.
“Secondly, there has been a long litany of things that he hasn’t been punished for. He flipped the bird to a cameraman in New York, had verbal exchanges with Darcy Tucker as well as the allegations of what he may or may not have said about Jason Blake. There have been a number of things he hasn’t gotten in trouble for and now that he has said this and crossed the line, the hammer has come down.”
Vulgar, says Bob. The imagery is “not good.” I’ll wait for RWBill’s commentary on that. Misogynistic? Exactly what I was going to say.
So, the league took the high road, eh? Suspended Avery for this distasteful act? Yes. I’m sure that’s it.
Colin Campbell: “Gary, he referred to her as ‘sloppy seconds.’”
Little G. Bettman: “Really? Just wear a bib. That’s what I do. I’ve got two bibs. One with Uncle David’s picture on it with the cookie monster and another one with Sidney and the Cup. It’s beautiful and shiny and I never make a mess….”
Campbell: “I’m going to suspend him.”
LGB: “For poor table manners? Oh yes. Check with Mr. Stern first, but suspend the young man.”
Idiots. If the league had any sack whatsoever, they would have said this: “Avery earned a beating but we can’t sanction it. Considering the network contract we have with Versus!!!, that might be hard to believe, but it’s true.”
Really…what should have been done?
Nothing. Players handle these situations. They handle them in the room and on the ice. Coaches handle them. What if Tippett had come out immediately afterward and said, “He’s sitting. He’s sitting tonite and sitting until I’m ready to play him again. Next question.” Resolved.
But now Gary’s involved and the wondering begins. Really? Are we really suspending one guy for calling another guy’s girlfriend “sloppy seconds”? Is that really happening? The funniest thing is that a bunch of rich elitists were actually sitting around discussing whether “sloppy seconds” is a term worthy of suspension.
Should Avery have played last night? Probably not, even though every one of us would have tuned in to see that. He would have been killed and that would have been awesome. But, that could have been a call made by Hull and Tippett and it would have been just and honorable. Now? Little Gary the League Killer steps in and lays down the paternal law, rides to the rescue on his little white pony because he’s not tall enough to climb on a steed.
Now it’s up to Bauer, who’s rarely sloppy. He’s got a day to get it done. 24 hours to take down Sean Avery. Stay tuned bitches.
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Comments
All men are pigs and I mean that in a nice way. And trust me that little saying came out of my mouth long before Tim Allen came on the scene.I have five sons, I know these things.
But really, who cares what Douchie Sean Avery said. There are a lot of more important things going on in hockey. Like head shots that go unpunished, low attendance. But this? This is how folks that don’t watch much hockey are going to identify the game.
A loud mouth, lout, punk, or just plain douche. We all know why Tick Tock got rid of him. Lack of character. A beat down would have been more appropriate.
Am I going to be banned for saying douche? I think not. How about sloppy seconds? That is not a pick up line.
They’re only words. And words all are I have to take your heart away.Bitches.
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 12/03/08 at 07:17 AM ET
Really…what should have been done?
Nothing. Players handle these situations. They handle them in the room and on the ice.
I think the biggest tragedy out of all of this is robbing The Monster of his chance to exact some measure of revenge on Avery’s face. Immediately after I read the original quote from Avery, I called my buddy (who is, sadly, an Avery advocate) and offered him 2-1 odds that Phaneuf pounds the crud out of that little weasel. Well, that bet has been put on hold…indefinately. Players should be able to handle these situations on the ice, and Phaneuf should get his chance.
But I find it funny that Chief said that players handle this kind of stuff in the room, because not suprisingly, that’s where Avery does most of his sqwaking. The man LOVES to hear himself talk into a mic and see himself on TV. He actually sought out the camera crew to make these remarks in the safety of his own locker room. At least his teammates had enough class NOT to back him up on this one. They all look they’ve had just about enough of him already.
$15.5 mil well spent Bret, you could have used that money to bring in some talent and not some sideshow clown. If there is truly any justice in tehe world, the suspension will be lifted by February 3rd (the next time these teams meet) but it’s unlikely that Avery will still be with Dallas by then.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 12/03/08 at 07:47 AM ET
Want to take a guess at the number of times the p-word is dropped on players by players during the course of a game? Shall we start suspending anyone who says that? How about the next time a coach calls a player out for playing like he’s wearing a skirt? Ron Wilson will never be on an NHL bench again.
Maybe, saying the p-word in regards to another player in an interview with a major TV-network would earn you a suspension. I think you’re right as far as hypocrisy goes but the league seems to maintain different standards when talking to the press as opposed to what is said off the record, on the ice or in the locker room.
Posted by lilja4ever on 12/03/08 at 08:19 AM ET
I’d wait in line.
Posted by O-Joe on 12/03/08 at 08:20 AM ET
Any time a blogger mixes Jack Bauer, 24, and hockey, it makes my day. After getting 6.5 hours of sleep combined in the past two nights, this is just what I needed to start the day. Thanks Bill.
When I first heard of this whole issue, I asked myself why they would suspend a player for those remarks but he totally had a mini press conference with what seemed to be a prepared statement or something that really took it to another level for me. I don’t think anyone is surprised that Avery went and did something like this and I know I certainly would’ve enjoyed seeing Phaneuf take out Avery along the boards but that’s just me…
Posted by Christy from Ann Arbor, MI on 12/03/08 at 08:32 AM ET
Like, say, the one outside Best Buy at 4:00 a.m. on Black Friday.
Posted by O-Joe on 12/03/08 at 08:34 AM ET
I talked about this already in my own writeup on my site off the reservation here Chief, but the best interests of the league would’ve been served to let him play last night, get pummelled by crybaby Iginla and Phaneuf, maybe call Noodles McClennan out of exile like a “retired” wrestler to swing a stick at him and call it a night.
The on-ice kangaroo court would’ve settled everything and kept Lil Gary out of it and prevent him from making this into an even bigger soap opera.
Instead we’ve got this - we’ve got a story that won’t die and will get revived in February, provided Avery is still a Star by then.
Nice work Gary. Ass.
Posted by HockeyJoe from Upstate New York on 12/03/08 at 08:42 AM ET
I had to read the news story twice last night to be sure that I understood that Avery was being *suspended* for this sh*t. I agree with everything HockeyinHD had to say about the NHL and its priorities. Way to take a situation where the NHL looks bad and make it look *even worse*.
And although I hate to waste my energy defending this type of crap, I have to say that I don’t even think that what Avery said is misogynistic, or any more misogynistic than the English language and most people who speak it. “Sloppy seconds” is a vulgar term, but it’s only what we read into it that makes it more insulting to the woman involved than to the man. There’s a reason that “p*ssy” and “c*nt” are more effective insults than “dick” and “*sshole”, and it has very little to do with the person using the words.
(Sorry for all the asterisks; don’t know what the filter catches, so I used them liberally.)
Posted by Sadie from Ann Arbor, MI on 12/03/08 at 10:27 AM ET
So since the Wings had Avery first, does that mean the Kings/Rangers/Stars all went after our sloppy seconds? What’s up with that?
And since we last saw her on 24, I think Jack Bauer’s daughter wanted nothing to do with him. Though I wouldn’t doubt for a second that Jack would still knock Avery out cold, attach electrodes to his nipples and zap him until he sh*ts himself.
Posted by cephalopod from Chicago...nope, still not over it. on 12/03/08 at 11:19 AM ET
knock Avery out cold, attach electrodes to his nipples and zap him until he sh*ts himself.
Hey, maybe “Colie” Campbell can add that punishment to his Wacky Wheel-O-Justice along with “1-game suspension,” “3-game suspension,” and “(SASQUATCH ONLY) no suspension.”
Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 12/03/08 at 12:14 PM ET
Let me say this. Concerning this,
<——-
the only seconds I would think about is the second coming.
And I don’t know what massageonistic means but who woudn’t enjoy a good rub and a tug?
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 12/03/08 at 01:13 PM ET
But really, who cares what Douchie Sean Avery said.
oh how I love irony.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 12/03/08 at 01:17 PM ET
oh the silliness. As has been stated a few times, this is just a way for the league to not address real issues, like hits to the head, or anything Sasquatch does.
It seems they are more in love with their image as “the respectable” sport than say, i don’t know…. providing for the on-ice safety of the players, or making the officiating consistent, or growing the sport. Casual fans already think the NHL is a circus, their mountain out of a molehill reaction will only cement that impression.
way to go Gary, Bitch
Posted by wingsfanindenver on 12/03/08 at 02:53 PM ET
So I missed the story the first time on “NHL on the Fly” and then when it came around again, I was surprised. “That’s why they suspended him?” I said. I think it was disgusting what he said and it say more about Sean Avery’s character than anything about the sport of hockey.
I also think he clearly prepared the statement in his mind. If you watch his face while he was saying it, he knew exactly what he was doing. It is like a kid that cries for attention and goes about any way to get it, especially shock value.
So this is the publicity the NHL gets for the next week or so. Can this sport ever get any positive publicity? Little Gary should have let the Stars discipline their own player. Instead you have a media storm over a real non story. I think my boyfriend put it best last night, “He gets suspended indefinitely for that and Bertuzzi is still allowed to play in the league?”
But of course, why would the league want publicity around anything like hits to the head or the possibility that certain franchises may fold soon. Avery is a much better side show. Blech, I’ve talked about him too much already.
Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 12/03/08 at 03:25 PM ET
this is just a way for the league to not address real issues, like hits to the head,
Posted by wingsfanindenver on 12/03/08 at 02:53 PM ET
Exactly.
If you watch his face while he was saying it, he knew exactly what he was doing. It is like a kid that cries for attention and goes about any way to get it, especially shock value. Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 12/03/08 at 03:25 PM ET
Right On. One story said he asked or sought out the TV crew, so it was indeed premeditated.
Besides, Elisha is from Edmonton anyhoo I think, and I’m willing to bet Calgary men have been bad mouthing (no pun intended) girls from Edmonton for 200 years.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 12/03/08 at 06:04 PM ET
Jebus, O-Joe, first Cephalopod gives me this
<———————
now you give me this.
Posted by O-Joe on 12/03/08 at 08:34 AM ET
I’ll be doing that hand-jive all over town…what that song says.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 12/03/08 at 06:07 PM ET
It hurts when you laugh this much, It really does.
Posted by hankyspanky40 from Michigan on 12/03/08 at 10:04 PM ET
Hahahaaah!
Thanks Chief.
It’s nice to hear my favorite blogger see things my way.
Cheers!
Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 12/04/08 at 02:19 AM ET
All men are pigs and I mean that in a nice way.
Yeah, Kate, it’s not a flaw. It’s a characteristic!
Posted by BobTheZee on 12/04/08 at 02:08 PM ET
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What really makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit is how the Hockey Media (all 4 of them) is jumping on Avery and this suspension as some kind of divine and justified punishment from the Creator.
Let’s be clear: I think Sean Avery is a jerk, a cancer to a team, and on top of that he’s not really that effective a hockey player… so my opinion isn’t stemming from some obscure pro-Avery bias.
This notion that insulting a woman (or women) through the use of mysoginistic terms is deserving of an indefinite suspension from a professional sports league is quite frankly ludicrous, logically insupportable, hypocritical and, finally, really f-ing stupid.
Want to take a guess at the number of times the p-word is dropped on players by players during the course of a game? Shall we start suspending anyone who says that? How about the next time a coach calls a player out for playing like he’s wearing a skirt? Ron Wilson will never be on an NHL bench again.
Oh, but Avery has a history of doing stuff like this. Well, gee… what a shocker. Did that prevent the idiot Stars from signing him to a big deal? Of course not. Did it prevent the idiot Rangers from trying to benefit from his antics while making their playoff run? Of course not.
But now... now that the Stars’ season is in a tailspin (due largely to the acquisition of Avery) the management there is taking advantage of this opportunity to try and get out from under the rock their own stupidity dropped on them.
Yes, let’s not take hits to the head seriously. Let’s not indefinitely suspend guys who have a longer history of elbows to the head and hits below the knees than Avery does of being a tool. Oh, but for the love of Jesus if someone has a history of sounding like a jackass… he’s got to go.
Sometimes the NHL makes me sick.
Posted by HockeyinHD on 12/03/08 at 07:12 AM ET