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Abel to Yzerman

That’s Un-Red Wing Like?  Since When?

by IwoCPO on 12/04/09 at 06:35 AM ET
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I’ve read the recaps from all our favorite Diggers, but nothing really jumped out at me.  No turn of a phrase from captain Khan(!) or Chris the FNG really did it for me, or wrapped up last night’s symphony of suck in a way befitting such a display of after-hours jailsex.

So, left to my own devices, here’s what I came up with….and Paul, you might want to just move on.  Nothing good can possibly follow a jailsex reference on the main page.

According to highly placed sources deep within the organ-I-zation, Nick Lidstrom gathered his friends in the room around 1850 and said it would be a funny idea if all the Wings just laid down across their own blue line and let the 13th place Oilers urinate all over them.  By god yes I know it sounds gross. I know it does.  But all I can do is report to you what I’ve heard.  Do I have confirmation that the Wings actually invited another team to piss on them?  I do not.  Forget I said anything.

But they definitely played like they were covered in urine.  And, if I’d been one of the roughly 5 thousand people who actually attended, I’d bet I could tell you it smelled like it in there too.

Evidence?  Well, at least two goals were horrific.  “Brad” Lebda knocked one in, so that was cool.  Hey. Question.  What if Lebda’s stick had been above the cross bar when he decided to score on his own goalie? Would that have counted?  Fun to ponder.  Robert Nilsson had a decent year in 06/07.  He scored 12 goals that season. Not bad, a workmanlike effort and really nothing to scoff at. 

And I’m sure fans of the Bridgeport Sound Tigers will remember that year fondly.  Up to the point where he made Jonathon Ericsson wear a ball gag last night?  Those 12 goals for Bridgeport were probably Nilsson’s career highlight.  Not anymore though.  Nope. If I was 18 and an emo, I’d say the Big Rig got pwned.  But I’m not so I won’t and you’ll never, and I mean EVER, see that idiotic “word” used here again.

Oh, and it went downhill from there.  And, yeah, you’ve read what Uncle Mike had to say about Ericsson’s alleged minor “knee” injury.  I put that in quotes because when I saw it, and I was admittedly frigging wasted by then, didn’t he get wacked on the foot with somebody’s wooden thing?  And that ends up a “knee”? Did he take the wack, find a rut, twist the knee?  I don’t understand.

Back to Babcock and the sadness that made him shiver.

Malik

Per WXYT, Red Wings coach Mike Babcock was asked about the status of Red Wings defenseman Jonathan Ericsson, who suffered some sort of ankle sprain thanks to an inadvertent jab by Dustin Penner as he turned toward the puck, and Babcock simply stated, “I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t have enough courage to go in there and ask.”

All the cool kids are saying Big Rig’s gonna be ok, that we can all just go ahead and do one of those relieved sighs all together, everbody at once.  Yep.  We’re all…ok.  Because if he’s healthy against the Rangers?  Maybe the big boy can be turned out by Gaborik instead of the prolific Robert Nilsson, of Bridgeport.

But, don’t fret bitches.  Do not fret.  Why? Because last night was an anamoly.  Do, doo, duh, do do. Anamoly.  Figure it out. Watch some Sesame Street.  Last night was, wait for it…

Khan(!)

Babcock, in no uncertain terms, said there is no excuse for what happened on this night.

“It’s unacceptable, it’s un-Red Wing like and it can’t happen,” he said.

Realllllyyyyyyyyyyy.  You sure about that Uncle?  Because, you know, it seemed awfully Wing-like to me.  Dropping down to the level of a piss-pot competitor? Wing like.  Getting outshot by a team decimated by injury, even more than we are?  Wing-like.  An unproven goalie turning the likes of Zetterberg and Datsyuk and Lidstrom into ineffective puffer fishes?  Very, very Wing-like.

Drunk-ass Larry Murphy said something like this after the game…

“This is just one of those 3 or 4 games each season that you just ball up and throw in the trash.”

Wrong bitch.  Wrong.  The only things from last night that belong in the trash are the two empty pints of Ten High whiskey that you downed before the puck dropped.  That game can’t be stuffed in there because there’s no more room Larry. The shitcan, because it’s only so big Larry, can’t hold all the games from this year that you think need to be just “balled up” and thrown away.

Just a reminder, you frigging drunk hobo, that there have been a few others…the bitter bitches in Stockholm x 2, Buffalo, Florida, Denver x 2, Atlanta…and a few more Larry. There’s no…more…room. 

Last night, despite the violent protests of the organ-I-zation?  It was ‘09 Wing-like.  And just like Alzy, I believe, said in the comments…it’s what we have to expect until all the horses come home happy and healthy.  When Mule and Kronwall and Wally and Willie and the Meatball (hopefully) return safe and sound?  Then things can start turning around.  And when the Wings play the better teams, no matter who’s hurt, we know they’ll play up to that caliber of hockey.  We know it because it’s a hallmark of this franchise.  It’s what they do. 

But against the Bridgeport Nilsson’s and Dom DeLouise’s son who happens to be a goalie?  We all know what’s gonna happen, so we may as well just plug our noses and try to forget that we all smell like piss.

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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