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The A2Y Monologues: Primis Edition
by VooX on 03/02/10 at 09:15 PM ET
Comments (83)
Our final installment (for now) of the A2Y Baby Monologues features International Man of Mystery, Primis.
He kept the effects of Jonny Ericsson, fertility god, on his family very close to the chest. I suspect that anyone who talked about the pregnancy has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. I am willing to go out on a limb and bring you the top-secret details. If I disappear, find someone to replace me. A2Y must go on.
Primis was kind enough to provide Exhibit D in our case for Jonny Ericsson being the most powerful force of fertility on the planet.
The Primis family are looking forward to an ultrasound update in a couple of weeks, and this one took great effort to get to us. Apparently the CIA tampered with his scanner so that he would have difficulty sharing the photographic evidence of his exploits with us.
While running from the spies seeking to lock him in an underground bunker, Primis found time to participate in the A2Y Baby Monologues and agreed to declassify his answers so that I could share them with you.
Now A2Y super agent, Primis, speaks from the shadows:
Q: Due date?
A: So far, May 15th. The Wings should be getting ready for the Western Conference Finals by then, right? And it’s early enough it won’t interfere with the inevitable Wings’ Cup Finals games.Q: Have you picked any name(s)?
A: We’ve tossed a couple around, but nothing yet. I suppose we need to do that soon though, right?Q: Preparations you’ve made?
A: We’re actually looking for a larger house, but with the housing market/economy such a mess here in Michigan I don’t know what will happen. Either way we’re good for now I guess. We have room for a baby.We’ve also been going to as many hockey games as humanly possible. When the baby comes, it’ll be a while at first before we’re comfortable doing that again I figure.
Q: Mom’s most frequent craving?
A: Aside from my wife desire to see Ryan Getzlaf’s smarmy (her choice of word) face punched as often as possible? Mexican food, which isn’t unusual anyways. And anything salty.Q: Mom’s strangest craving?
A: Goulash. Spicy vegetarian goulash. Sadly, she hasn’t craved to watch Olympic curling… that’s apparently only a daddy thing.Q: Family’s reactions and efforts (immediate/extended)?
A: Everyone’s pretty darn excited. It’s been a while since there’s been a baby in the family on either immediate side. Older siblings are all kinds of excited as well. There was fists and the air and “Yes! My dream come true!” when they got the news…Q: Expected position/role on the ice?
A: I don’t know, but she’s gonna’ be a real smooth skater. Maybe an offensive defenseman with wheels. Her little legs are already almost constantly moving, as mommy would attest to. She’s going to put Bret Hedican and Kristi Yamaguchi’s kids to shame on the ice, I can tell already…Q: How will you indoctrinate them towards the Red Wings?
A: It won’t be difficult. If we manage to get a bigger house I practically have a room full of Red Wings and hockey stuff to decorate with (as the posters and the street sign stating “DETROIT RED WINGS DR” will attest. We don’t watch football in our house, and we don’t watch NBA basketball. We watch very little Tigers baseball, and we watch only some MSU Football, Hoops. Instead we’re a hockey house. We watch Red Wings games on TV (and occasionally make the pilgrimage to the Joe). We took the kids to a “hockey weekend” this last fall going to Kalamazoo for a K-Wings game, then up to Grand Rapids to watch the Baby Wings the next night.We’re a hockey house, and there’s no question where our loyalties lie.
Q: Plans for the first jersey you will buy them?
A: We’ll see. Helm or Cleary probably. My wife is the world’s biggest Cleary fan. I certainly won’t be buying her a Lebda jersey any time soon. Maybe I can find her a Lang one to wear for whenever she has her diaper changed…Q: Repercussions if they become an Avs/Ducks/Rosby fan?
A: That’s not funny. I already have a son who thought it’d be funny to root for the Pens during the past 2 Cup Finals. He’s since learned that it was not the wisest choice in the world if he wishes to remain an active part of a healthy and happy home…Q: Describe your feelings during the pregnancy?
A: For me, impatience. It seems like a whole lot of waiting, and there’s still months to go. My wife tries to talk about it in terms of weeks to make it seem shorter, but it’s not working. Also, I want her to have her baby shower and get it over with so I don’t feel obligated to wait on buying baby stuff. Every time I’m at Meijer, WalMart, or Target I feel the pull of the baby section’s gravity reeling me in. Especially things like the tiny little Red Wings socks…For my wife, she’s tired of course, and impatient. Even though the time also seems to be flying to her, she’s still naturally impatient as well.
My wife is also feeling extremely creeped out by Bill Bonds’ eyes in the Sam Bernstein commercials. He looks like a cyborg, or like he’s about to steal your soul… he’s like a real-life version of The King.
Q: How are mom and baby doing?
A: They’re doing fine. Mommy’s ribs are in a little rough shape at the moment from all the aforementioned kicking, but overall they’re both fine. Baby likes listening to her older siblings sing to her, and stretching into mommy’s ribs. Mommy just wishes she could get a bit more rest and a little less stress…Q: Anything else you’d like to share?
A: Were it not for my wife’s pregnancy, we’d maybe have tried to attend Herm 2 Hockeytown. But there’s just too much going on. Hope everyone has a great time at it, and it’s an awesome thing to be doing. Only A2Y could pull of H2H.Also congrats again to everyone else that’s having a baby soon, and hoping mommies and babies all are healthy and back to watching the Wings together as soon as possible. A2Y is a great community, and it’s great to see us adding to it the old-fashioned way!
I am packing my bags and going into hiding, as I am afraid of the repercussions of sharing the best-kept secret at A2Y. While I am gone, take care of Mrs. Primis. I wish you many happy and healthy years together raising the next generation of secret agents.
Pray for me 19. I hope to be able to talk to you soon. Gotta run, there is a menacing knock on my door.
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Comments
You won’t even hear the knock - just the hissssss as gas is injected through the keyhole. 
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 03/02/10 at 09:53 PM ET
That’s a grand slam.
Primis, congratulations to you and Mrs.Primis. And I hope your house hunting is successful.
Posted by Lindas1st from New England on 03/02/10 at 10:07 PM ET
Awesome answers, Primis. I’ve got to steal that idea for a Red Wings room. Congrats on the addition to your family.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 03/02/10 at 10:09 PM ET
Q: Mom’s most frequent craving?
A: Aside from my wife desire to see Ryan Getzlaf’s smarmy (her choice of word) face punched as often as possible?
I think the fact that Getzlaf looks like a MUCH uglier Mr. Burns from the Simpsons(man, Getzlaf went bald FAST) is probably just about as painful as getting his smarmy face punched as often as possible.
Man, he is hideous to look at.
Posted by Scott from New York on 03/02/10 at 10:22 PM ET
Congrats to the whole Primis family!
I can sympathize with you on the prodigal son. My 13-year-old cousin took up the Pens’ cause in ‘08. His little brother (then 7) was rightfully horrified and took it upon himself to break the news to me. (The kids like hockey and both played when they were little, but the family doesn’t really watch. They both thought the Olympics were awesome because there was hockey on when they got home from school every day.)
Posted by Lola from down by the bay on 03/02/10 at 10:31 PM ET
Geez, remind me not to drink the water around any of you. 
Congrats to all of the 19 who are popping out future Wings fans. I’m thrilled for all of you! Now where’s my birth control again…
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 03/03/10 at 12:11 AM ET
Holy Jumpin! Congrats on the impending “intent to birth” call. What the heck is going on back there? I’m with Jen what’s in the water??
As for the disappearances….grab Andrew’s passport…find out where he has been. That’s all I can say. Leave the door open VooX…...
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, sippin rum & catchin some rays on 03/03/10 at 02:24 AM ET
Congrats Primus talk about a baby boom!
Posted by Better_Than_Life from UK on 03/03/10 at 04:18 AM ET
Congrats Primis and to your better half. I love good news to start my day .
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/03/10 at 06:58 AM ET
Congrats, Primis.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Lidstrom's head telling him 1 more year on 03/03/10 at 08:19 AM ET
Congrats Primis.
and the Primisesesss ...
the Primiss ...
Prims ...
‘them guys’ make couple number four. Too cool.
(VooX, line ‘em up. VooX? VooX, you there? ... //sigh// )
Here’s to healthy moms and babies all around.
Sounds like there may be some Griffins, Red Wings, Olympians in the mix?
Long Live Hockey.
and,
L.G.R.W.
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 03/03/10 at 08:22 AM ET
Congratulations Primis! Fun times, now and yet to come.
You can mix MSU and hockey and get a pretty good program.
And J.J., thanks (barf!) for the Duff-Comrie link. WTF they doing behind a large glass window? Seems like a planned public demonstration. A little creepy. Course those are probably 800 mm telephoto lenses. Creepy also. I need one.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 08:23 AM ET
Every team 6-11 has played 62 games. Can this be the start of the long awaited win streak? Can the Wings finally stay in the top 8? The last 2 times they’ve snuck up into 8 they immediately dropped out again.
We’re coming around the 3/4 pole on the inside and we’ve got Calgary and Dallas on our hip. Let’s blow them away and get put some distance between us, pleeze.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 08:27 AM ET
Congrats Primis, and all of the 19 that are due soon. Kids rock. They try our patience some times, but mine have done wonders to help keep me grounded.
Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 03/03/10 at 08:46 AM ET
Now where’s my birth control again…
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 03/03/10 at 12:11 AM ET
After baseball practice last night I turned to one of the assistant coaches and said “I don’t have to wonder why I never had any kids on my of my own”. Granted I’ve been raising a child for 6+ years now, but anyway….
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 03/03/10 at 09:18 AM ET
As for the disappearances….grab Andrew’s passport…find out where he has been.
You’ll have to check the right one, Rummie. Some having nuthin’ in ‘em but an innocent lil’ stamp from Podunk, Iowa. Nuthin’ there to see at all…Of course, if you’re talking about the disappearance of a six-pack and a bag of Fritos, I have no comment, and I want to talk to my lawyer. Jeff? You free?
Besides, I’m not convinced that the men in black are coming for anyone associated with Primis. I suspect they might be after the Fertility God himself, to bundle him into the back of an unmarked van, whisk him away to a camouflaged compound in the middle of the wilderness, and the commence some heavy reprogramming. That may be the only thing that’ll help his game now:
http://www.detnews.com/article/20100303/SPORTS0103/3030326/1128/rss16
Anyway, congrats Primis! May I suggest you get the little tyke a box of cigars and a six-pack of beer along with her first stick and pair of skates?
“I am not a number! I am a free man!”
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 03/03/10 at 09:57 AM ET
Congratulations, Primis!
Aside from my wife desire to see Ryan Getzlaf’s smarmy (her choice of word) face punched as often as possible ...
A wise, wise woman ... you’re a lucky man.
Posted by Bella on 03/03/10 at 10:32 AM ET
The Western Conference 4 - 13. Nashville is breaking free from The Peloton of Suck. Barry Trotz is actually my choice for coach of the decade, given the franchise and pool of players he’s had.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 11:23 AM ET
Thanks for all the well-wishes folks. As I said, I’m getting impatient to meet her. May seems like such a long ways off still….
What about mexican liquor with salt and lemon?
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 03/02/10 at 09:22 PM ET
Then she’d end up brain-damaged. And nobody likes or wants another Adam Foote.
I can sympathize with you on the prodigal son. My 13-year-old cousin took up the Pens’ cause in ‘08. His little brother (then 7) was rightfully horrified and took it upon himself to break the news to me.
Posted by Lola from Stay classy, Bay City on 03/02/10 at 10:31 PM ET
My son did it because he knew we were Red Wings fans, so he wanted to “compete” against us two years ago by rooting for the opposition. He really didn’t understand the depths involved, or what level of the dark arts of compete and rivalry he was tinkering with. He has a better understanding now. Thankfully, I don’t think he’s *really* a Pens fan for life or anything…
Anyway, congrats Primis! May I suggest you get the little tyke a box of cigars and a six-pack of beer along with her first stick and pair of skates?
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 03/03/10 at 09:57 AM ET
In the spirit of That 70’s Show (since we have our own Fez)... don’t you mean a “5-pack”?
Posted by Primis on 03/03/10 at 11:24 AM ET
Congrats Primis(!)
The Peleton of Suck is shaping up to be a 6 way dogfight.
E-52 facing the wrath of the Diggers, more on that in the GDT.
Speaking of the GDT, Paul asked that, due to trade deadline, I post it later this afternoon.
Is 3 straight possible, I don’t even remember if the Wings have done it this year - sad, really.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 03/03/10 at 11:32 AM ET
Posted by RWBill from Back aboard the Hasek. on 03/03/10 at 11:23 AM ET
To borrow a phrase from The Daily Show, shall we call The Race for Eight, “Clusterfaux to the Playoffs”?
Posted by Incognetis from Delaware... Hi... I'm in... Delaware on 03/03/10 at 11:38 AM ET
Oh, and congrats to Primis and the other expecting members of the 19.
Posted by Incognetis from Delaware... Hi... I'm in... Delaware on 03/03/10 at 11:39 AM ET
Yes, not much going on today for the trade deadline, Brian Burke mostly. TSN shows incredibly little activity compared to previous years.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 11:41 AM ET
Geez….it’s starting to sound like seven months after we returned from my last deployment to the desert.
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 03/03/10 at 11:43 AM ET
OMG, Just as I speak, Aaron Ward to the Ducks from Carolina.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 11:47 AM ET
I was just coming here to post that. Ugh…meh
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 03/03/10 at 11:50 AM ET
Geez….it’s starting to sound like seven months after we returned from my last deployment to the desert.
Posted by 42jeff
Like I said, we know what the 19 were doing to get over the crushing game 7 defeat last summer.
Congrats, Primis
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 11:52 AM ET
Aaron Ward to the Ducks from Carolina.
Does this mean I need to start hating Aaron-fuching-Ward now?
I hate when players I like go to teams I despise.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Lidstrom's head telling him 1 more year on 03/03/10 at 11:54 AM ET
shall we call The Race for Eight, “Clusterfaux to the Playoffs”?
Posted by Incognetis from Exile in Alabama on 03/03/10 at 11:38 AM ET
Yes we shall.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:01 PM ET
Does this mean I need to start hating Aaron-fuching-Ward now?
I hate when players I like go to teams I despise.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Earth. on 03/03/10 at 11:54 AM ET
Yes, true. Jack Morris comes to mind.
I can’t hate Chauncey Billups - the Pistons have just done wonders since they traded him for AI -.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:06 PM ET
http://www2.tsn.ca/window/TradeCentre2010/tradetracker.aspx
I’m following this TSN special Trade Window, but since I’m using my bogus $9 dial up link to my work computer, having turned off the network “local area connection”, I can’t tell if nothing is happening or it’s taking 15 minutes to update.
Sometimes a refresh of A2Y gets caught spinning around and around and I have to refresh again, then it comes up in a ‘quick’ 3 minutes.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:11 PM ET
Is 3 straight possible, I don’t even remember if the Wings have done it this year - sad, really.
Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 19 on 03/03/10 at 11:32 AM ET
This “year” (i.e. 2010)? No.
But, this “season”? Yes.
Here:
5 @ 2 (10/08, 10/10; 11/28, 11/30; 12/31, 01/02; 01/07, 01/09; 02/13, 03/01)
2 @ 3 (10/31, 11/03, 11/05; 11/11, 11/12, 11/14)
1 @ 4 (12/11, 12/12, 12/14, 12/17)
0 @ 5 or more
Time to go on that “8 game winning streak” we discussed prior to the break, eh?
L.G.R.W.
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 03/03/10 at 12:11 PM ET
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 03/03/10 at 12:11 PM ET
Nice one Stone. That’s quite depressing considering in recent years it was normal to be on a 5 game streak, hardly took notice.
Only “3” streaks of 3 or more in a row out of 62 games? RSV.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:20 PM ET
Now where’s my birth control again…
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 03/03/10 at 12:11 AM ET
Get out the retainer and dark rimmed glasses. Naw, that wouldn’t even work, you’re way too hot… even when seen thru the yellow-green tint of night vision goggles.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:27 PM ET
After a two week break, the Wings have just begun a stretch of 8 games in 15 days; a game every other day and no back to backs.
If Jimmy gets hurt or suddenly reverts to his previous season’s form, Ozzie needs to be ready. Thus, Ozzie needs to get a little bit of work in before the playoffs. If you are Babs, How many starts do you give him in the last 20 games and which starts do you give him?
I think the Buffalo game at home on 3/13 is a natural because it is an EC team so the point swing is not effectively doubled like against WC teams.
There is also a B2B on the road, Edm/Van, on 3/19-20; I would think Ozzie would start one of those.
Beyond that, I think he should get about 4-5 starts in the last 20. There are 3 games against C-bus in April and 2 against Edmonton in March. He needs a couple of good outings to get his confidence back, and starting against the cellar dwellers is one way to do that.
But sitting in 8th place, the team can’t afford to let any points slip away either.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 12:30 PM ET
But sitting in 8th place, the team can’t afford to let any points slip away either.
until the Wings are solidly in a playoff spot and have some breathing room, they can’t afford to play “what-if” games with whether or not they might need Osgood at some point. they have to deal with the reality that is in front of them: win games NOW. Howard gives them the best shot at doing that. maybe in 10 games if they’ve got a few point cushion then start Osgood.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 03/03/10 at 12:37 PM ET
If Jimmy gets hurt or suddenly reverts to his previous season’s form
But sitting in 8th place, the team can’t afford to let any points slip away either.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 12:30 PM ET
Geez, for one day I allow some optimism, then you bring up that.
I agree Ozzie needs 4 - 6 starts out of 20, those are good choices for games.
Man do we need to be brutally efficient in those Division and Western Conference games.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 03/03/10 at 12:39 PM ET
they can’t afford to play “what-if” games with whether or not they might need Osgood at some point. they have to deal with the reality that is in front of them: win games NOW.
This isn’t hypothetical, they need Ozzie NOW. Howard can’t be expected to start all 21 games in 42 day period while maintaining his winning record and be fresh to start the playoffs. Howard needs 4-5 nights off in that stretch at a minimum. More would be great, but not with the way Ozzie has played.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 12:43 PM ET
Congratulations to all the expecting families. Good luck explaining your devotion to A2Y when they ask about “imaginary/fake friends” as little tykes.
On another note: RWBill, how come Vancouver isn’t listed in the “Clusterfaux to the Playoffs”?
Posted by calquake on 03/03/10 at 12:44 PM ET
Geez, for one day I allow some optimism, then you bring up that.
Sorry, Gramps emailed me and asked me to pick up the slack since he can’t tear himself away from the trade ticker.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 12:45 PM ET
Way to go, Primis.
Own Nolan is coming. I can feel it in my bones. Good thing, though. Chelios took the AARP discount card when he left. Now Unckie Owen can get the boys sweet discounts on ice cream cones and car insurance.
Go, Wings!
Posted by Cal on 03/03/10 at 12:58 PM ET
Wings acquire Jordan Owens from the Rangers for Chris Newbury.
Wow. Stunned.
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/03/10 at 01:00 PM ET
We just got Jordan Owens from the Rags! Hot Damn! Playoffs, here we come!
Yeah. We traded him for…wait for it…Kris Newbury.
Way to make a splash, Kenny.
In other news, the Dive got Peter Mueller (nuts) and Kevin Porter (double nuts—now I’ll have to hate a player I really liked when he played for U of M). Still, they gave the Yotes Wojtek Wolski, so maybe I can start liking him, what with his good two-way skills and fun Polish name.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 03/03/10 at 01:02 PM ET
they can’t afford to play “what-if” games with whether or not they might need Osgood at some point. they have to deal with the reality that is in front of them: win games NOW.
This isn’t hypothetical, they need Ozzie NOW. Howard can’t be expected to start all 21 games in 42 day period while maintaining his winning record and be fresh to start the playoffs. Howard needs 4-5 nights off in that stretch at a minimum. More would be great, but not with the way Ozzie has played.
as I said, in about 10 games if they’ve got some cushion, then look at getting Osgood some starts and Howard some nights off. that’s why I said they need to win games NOW (i.e. next 10 games) and not worry about what-ifs until they make some headway.
if, in 10 games, they’re still clinging to 8th place, then they’re screwed either way (burn out Howard or lose games with Osgood) and it won’t really matter.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 03/03/10 at 01:03 PM ET
they can’t afford to play “what-if” games with whether or not they might need Osgood at some point. they have to deal with the reality that is in front of them: win games NOW.
This isn’t hypothetical, they need Ozzie NOW. Howard can’t be expected to start all 21 games in 42 day period while maintaining his winning record and be fresh to start the playoffs. Howard needs 4-5 nights off in that stretch at a minimum. More would be great, but not with the way Ozzie has played.
as I said, in about 10 games if they’ve got some cushion, then look at getting Osgood some starts and Howard some nights off. that’s why I said they need to win games NOW (i.e. next 10 games) and not worry about what-ifs until they make some headway.
if, in 10 games, they’re still clinging to 8th place, then they’re screwed either way (burn out Howard or lose games with Osgood) and it won’t really matter.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 03/03/10 at 01:04 PM ET
RED WINGS GET JORDAN OWENS (F) from Rangers for Kris Newbury
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 03/03/10 at 01:06 PM ET
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Mexican food, which isn’t unusual anyways. And anything salty.
What about mexican liquor with salt and lemon?
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 03/02/10 at 09:22 PM ET