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The Hate Will Warm You
by IwoCPO on 04/28/09 at 04:20 AM ET
Comments (38)
For nearly two years this has been inevitable. Since the very moment that bastard knuckleball of a fluttering puck straight from the hottest depths of hockey hell slo-mo’d its way over Dominik Hasek’s shoulder…
...since then, this series has been on the docket.
Yeah, I know. The Western Conference Finals in 2007 went one more game, but it was decided on that shift late in the 3rd period of Game 5 when the Wings couldn’t clear, Zetterberg couldn’t hit an empty net.
Game 5 was decided with 47 seconds left in regulation and Nick Lidstrom put his stick on the ice to try and block an innocent Scott Niedermayer shot/pass. It was magic bullet time then brother. Up it went. Up and over. End over end. Holy hell right over Hasek’s shoulder and into the back of the net.
And Lilja? I’d bet only Wing fans know why he’s mentioned right there. Honestly, I doubt any Anaheim “fans” even recognize the significance of his name in that context.
So, yeah…that hurt. Well before the pain of 34.7 in a Game 5 a little more than a year later? Before that there was 46.7.
But before that we had Sasquatch and the other Niedermayer sandwiching Homer and we had almost an entire series of intense playoff hockey. The kind of hockey that rivalries are made of and born from.
Don’t forget though. Pronger’s smarter than us all. In fact, he’s a genius. ‘Member?
A2Y, 20 May 2007
That’s right. Dr. Sasquatch. The eccentric genius.
As you’ve seen and read by now, the Doctor says malice and utter idiocy had nothing to do with how he raised both hands and plastered Tomas Holmstrom’s head against the glass last Tuesday. A 4-0 deficit and a track record of stupidity played no part. It was a simple hockey play and an inevitable result.
“Of course, I’m going to hit him in the head,” Pronger said. “He’s quite a bit shorter than me. It’s just law of physics.”
I’m sure he meant “the” law of physics. Editorial error. The Doctor’s always being misquoted, misinterpreted, misunderstood. And that’s why he decided to impose a “media blackout.” Yep. The Doctor wasn’t talking. To you. To them. To anyone.
Detroit Free Press
This is the same Pronger who walked through the Ducks locker room in suit and tie a half-hour after Game 4 but waved off interview requests.“Media blackout,” Pronger said as he left the room, smirking. “You guys are all out of the loop—every one of you.”
Physics.
By the way, if you go to the very bottom of this page, down on the right? You’ll see a little search box. Go to May 2007 and see where the hate was born. I believe that was the first appearance of the Stress Train too, if you’re wondering.
So yeah. We get them again. We expected that last year was the season for redemption, that any legitimate road to the Cup would have to go through Anaheim. But they were all hungover and couldn’t handle the “rigors of a Cup defense.” So our Wings took their Cup back and didn’t have the pleasure of eliminating those *#$%@& sacks. The Wings didn’t have the honor of reminding the Poultry that in 2007 the better team lost.
Instead it’s satisfaction one year removed. Why? Because the San Jose Sharks are the biggest postseason choke artists this league has ever known. But that’s only part of it. None of us are kidding ourselves into believing the Poultry are your typical 8 seed. But don’t forget this…they are an 8 seed. They have one real good line, plus Selanne.
The Wings thrive on shutting down one or even two line teams. Ask, I don’t know, Crosby? Ryan Getzlaf and Nick Lidstrom. There’s your matchup, your series difference maker.
And yes, their blue line is imposing. We know about Pronger and Niedermayer, Beauchamin and Whitney. But there’s this…does that team know the kind of pressure brought to bear by the Wings forecheckers when the weather in Detroit turns warm? The consistent pressure that has been the hallmark of this team since, well, May of 2007?
Chrissy Pronger? Let me introduce you to Darren Helm. The fastest bastard on the ice and he’s going to hit you like a frigging miniature sledgehammer. Again and again Sasquatch. He’s not going to knock you out but he’s going to whittle you down one little brain cell at a time.
This thing is going to be dirty and it’s going to be ugly. There will be injuries and maybe even a suspension or two. And when the Wings advance, they’re going to be a tired, hurting bunch. Make no mistake about that. But advance they will.
But the Wings will pay a price in doing so. Which is fine. Chicago will be waiting. And they’re our bitches, plain and simple.
Hate-fest ‘09 starts now. This isn’t about laughing at Denver or Bubba. It’s not about flicking Blues fans away like the bitter little fruit flies they are. It’s not picking on Thid and his strange relationship with our league’s commissioner. This is deeper. This is the kind of hate we used to reserve for Pattie and Adam and Peter and Claude—-before he was hired on to taint a room already dragged down by a heartless captain and a big talking farce of a superstar who has as much business wearing the number 19 as Chris Pronger has discussing phonics at any level beyond 2nd grade.
Send in your photoshops. Email them to me and we’ll run them. Don’t just put them in the comments because those bitches pile up and I get lost and forget they’re there. At some point today, Starbord Side will be updated with links and stuff.
This is going to be ugly and it’s going to be epic. I feel it coming.
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Comments
no chance pronger gets out of detroit alive
Posted by Pharazon from England on 04/28/09 at 04:58 AM ET
The Wings now have home court advantage through The Western Conference playoffs.
The road to the cup will be, as always, tough as h*ll….Anaheim, Chicago, Boston.
We are going to see some fantastic hockey.
Posted by w2j2 on 04/28/09 at 05:04 AM ET
Nice call to arms (or elbows) Chief.
I like my Poultry with crispy skin hanging from its neck on a hook in a window. Mmmmm…
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/28/09 at 05:05 AM ET
F**ck yeah, bring on the Poultry. Just got done watching them beat up on the President’s Trophy winning perennial playoff losers, the Teal Pretenders. They actually print t-shirts in San Jose for “Pacific Division Champions.” Ha.
But, ya know what? We can beat this Ducks team, hands down. The Ducks have one good line, a bunch of goons, and a rookie Swiss goalie. That’s it. And if the Guppies had a power play worth mentioning, they would have gone duck hunting like my grandpa did back when the Olympia was still standing. But the Teal Pretenders did like they always do in the playoffs—choke. “We’re the best team in the league” - I will never stop laughing at “Big Joke” Thornton, the Gutless Wonder. All talk, no heart = the Lost Tiburones. Go Wings.
From the “fear the fin” blog (choke), where the Stanley Cup is (fortunately for Sharks’ fans) seemingly less important than the President’s Trophy:
“Enjoy the President’s Trophy
No, I mean that seriously. It’s a major accomplishment. If you tell them about this, some people will tell you it’s meaningless. Well, *#$%@& them. (That’s an observation, not an instruction. Well, unless “people” includes… actually, let’s just not go there.) It’s not meaningless.
I’m not going to stake out the radical position that it’s actually MORE meaningful than the Stanley Cup, partly because even I don’t hate the playoff system THAT much and partly because they really measure different things, but that’s kind of the point. Anyone who really thinks about things will realize that it’s not just meaningless, it’s highly meaningful. Over a full season, the Sharks were the best team in the NHL. 7 games in April does not erase that fact.
I could really go off on a numerical tangent here, but I’ll stay on point: if someone tells you the President’s Trophy is meaningless, they are either a. deficient in the upper story, or b. pulling a damn good impression of it, or c. an ass. Regardless of which, don’t bother listening to them.”
Link: http://www.fearthefin.com/2009/4/27/857032/#14924985
BTW, it was 6 games in April, not 7. Chokers.
Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Suck Jose on 04/28/09 at 05:12 AM ET
I roast ducks until they’re crispy and just falling off the bone, then I smother them in hoisin sauce and wrap ‘em in a pancake. I chew, swallow, and then I forget about ‘em, all except the pleasant aftertaste.
And so will the Wings.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/28/09 at 05:19 AM ET
He’s not going to knock you out but he’s going to whittle you down one little brain cell at a time.
So Helm is going to hit Dr. S… like twice?
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/28/09 at 05:56 AM ET
[codehttp://deadduck.theavengers.tv/images/deadduck.jpg]
Posted by Speedy Sammich from DTown on 04/28/09 at 06:07 AM ET
Getzlaf’s a top 5 centreman in the league, and Hiller’s the real deal, not just an exhausted 20 year old kid straight out of junior. (Bobby) Ryan’s got a wicked shot, but he’s still been crazy lucky this year, and I’m not actually a big believer in Perry, but Getzlaf is good enough to make that line go by himself, and he’s probably been the best player in the playoffs so far for any team. But they’ve been running him ragged, to the tune of 23:19 minutes a night, and almost all of those the tough even strength minutes against Thornton and Marleau, not like the easy 7 minutes of PP time Ovechkin’s taken (not to mention his lazy 66 second average shifts).
This is the series where Datsyuk needs to go back to the player he was 8 games ago, before he got spooked about hitting 100 points and laid a goose egg in the last three games of the season. He’s going to play minutes against both Getzlaf and Marchant, and he’s going to have to tie the first line and outscore the second. I wouldn’t be averse to some power play magic, either. And I think we all know he’ll knock Pronger on his ass at some point.
I’m excited.
Posted by Ryan from Toronto on 04/28/09 at 06:25 AM ET
I like it. Sure, I reboarded the stress train early this morning, but hey, we should be used to this. We’ve done it before in Colorado, so now, it’s finally time to put up or shut up. Sure the Wings played lights out hockey for 11 out of 12 periods last round. They will need that or better, but I think (maybe hope) that they know they owe the Poultry something. They owe the Poultry something the 19 knew the Fins couldn’t do. Those two wins? The Fins attempted to wake up, only to look at their hardware and think “Hey, that should get us somewhere.”
Well Fins, you don’t have GBB, so the league just won’t hand you a series. I’m excited for this series, and losing my hair. Blood pressure is through the roof, and the liver isn’t happy. All in all, I wouldn’t have it any other way. If the Wings can’t take it to these water chickens, and eat another rookie goalie alive, they don’t deserve #12.
Here we go. All aboard. And all that jazz. Welcome back, Chief.
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 04/28/09 at 06:31 AM ET
Good morning Bitches.
Reboarded the Hasek as soon as that fkg annoying duck horn at the Honda went off earlier this morning.
Get your rest kids… this is gonna be an all out attack on our nerves.
Drop the damn puck already.
Posted by Guido from Parts Unknown on 04/28/09 at 06:40 AM ET
Can we have a game, please?
Well here it is. Hiller is the real deal and will be tough nut for the Wings to crack but I believe they will. If Anaheim continues to take penalties at the rate they did against the Sharks, we will destroy them on the PP.
All the same, there is plenty to worry about. Injuries. Sasquatch from the point (shudder). Teemu Selanne who lights the Wings up.
Stress train boarded. Pass me the vodka.
Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 04/28/09 at 07:33 AM ET
I watched the whole game last nite between Poultry/Sharks. This will not be easy as Chief say’s. That was some smashmouth hockey those two teams just played. The Poultry is hurting this morning. But happy otherwise.
The Red Wings have to get to Hiller early to break him down. Game 1 would be just fine. We go into this better healthwise. We will however be hurtin after this is done.
Pavel has to shine in this series
Stress train will be packed. Wings in 6 or 7.
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 04/28/09 at 07:35 AM ET
Hiller’s the real deal
Sorry, but I just cannot believe this until I see it. The Sharks were soft, bad on the PP, and essentially looked like the Wings team from ‘06 that made Roloson look like a HOFer. And we all know he’s not.
I would say I expect Hiller to play well, but let’s put it this way—compared to Khabibulin and Luongo—yeah, Hiller has to be the guy you’d rather play.
This is the series where Datsyuk needs to go back to the player he was 8 games ago, before he got spooked about hitting 100 points and laid a goose egg in the last three games of the season. He’s going to play minutes against both Getzlaf and Marchant, and he’s going to have to tie the first line and outscore the second.
I agree, but I think the way things will work is that Babcock will go with the Z or Dats line, and be happy with either one in a shutdown role. The key will be that when the Z or Dats line have shifts NOT against the Getzlaf line, they produce offense.
And it looks like Perry could be suspended after his flying-elbow-into-hit-from-behind move early in last night’s game. It takes a special douche of a player to throw two dirty hits on the same shift, literally within 2 seconds of one another.
Last thing… Ozzie. I know he was great in games 1-3. But he is still a key. He has to come out and prove that he’s that goalie we saw in games 1-3, and that in game 4 he really was playing hurt and that was the issue. He’s also got to show that he’s healthy. Because whether his performance in game 4 was due to health or just plain suckitude, he’s got to show his teammates ASAP they can count on him.
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/28/09 at 07:36 AM ET
Great post Chief. Looking forward to the series, it´s going to be a good one for sure, Wings in 6 or less. We are a lot more physical (and healthy!) than we were in 07 so i don´t even board the stress train for this one.
Posted by yannick on 04/28/09 at 07:37 AM ET
Think about it…let’s match-up Getzlaf, Perry, and Ryan with Zetterberg, Franzen, and Cleary. That takes care of their one line that produces, and we haven’t even mentioned Datsyuk, Homer, and Hossa. It’s time for some Messin’ Sasquatch in Round 2…starring Darren Helm. 6’5? Yeah well we have one of those ourselves this year. And he is younger, faster, smarter and a hell of a lot better looking. Datsyuk and Hossa have already turned into playoff beasts, Hank is protecting the puck like it’s a 8 lbs 5 oz baby Jesus, oh and we have this Mule who keeps producing in the playoffs. Unfinished business? You betcha! This is the matchup I wanted in Round 1, thanks for taking care of the Seafood, just like Dallas did last year. The Poultry is in for a big FAT wake up call.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 04/28/09 at 07:49 AM ET
BoC….so that’s where that *#$%@& is from…
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 04/28/09 at 07:50 AM ET
I apologize for the use of the exclamation point Chief, but if I don’t express myself on here with some enthusiasm, I might start throwing elbows to suppliers and co-workers today….needless to say, I’m fired up about this one.
Posted by Animal Drew from A Nightmare on Helm Street on 04/28/09 at 07:51 AM ET
6’5? Yeah well we have one of those ourselves this year. And he is younger, faster, smarter and a hell of a lot better looking.
To Jonny Ericsson!
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/28/09 at 07:57 AM ET
Getzlaf is the only forward that genuinely scares me, but from a rational standpoint, he’ll be tired, he’ll be facing off against one of our top two lines (regardless of last line change) who are both capable of absolutely suffocating defense (remember Mule’s ‘cheap suit’ job on him on ‘07?), and if they take as many penalties as we expect they will, he’ll see very few easy (PP) minutes. Looking down their lines, any of our forward lines are capable of matching theirs in a defensive capacity (not to mention that most of their lines are offensively challenged), so I’m not really worried about that. In ‘07 we were close to a one-line team: The Flying Circus, and then the rest that we’re really putting much up. This year, we have The Flying Circus split up and working well away from each other, Hudler a PP secret weapon, Franzen is no longer solely a shutdown center but a legitimate power forward as well, Cleary can bite if they don’t watch him, and there’s that guy we picked up during the offseason…what’s his name? Oh yeah. (Hossa). And we’re more physical. The roles are reversed this time around—the Poultry are practically a one-line team, and we’re offensively deep. The only thing is I think we may want to have Downey or D-Mac in the lineup, especially in Anaheim. We’re way more physical than we were, but liberties cannot be taken if we want to stand a chance in the round after this.
I’m not liking the thought of their top-four defense, but they’re no longer as dominant as they were two years ago, and if Carlyle continues to play Captain Lazyass Undecided and Sasquatch on the same pairing, that’ll lead so some juicy favorable matchups, particularly at home.
Hiller scares me, but then, so did Mason. I’m not convinced he’s all he’s cracked up to be, but they’ve still got Giguere on the bench. We’ll have to solve either one of them early. Chasing Hiller in the first and forcing Giguere onto the ice cold would help a lot.
I’m lookiing forward to it, and I think we can do it, but it’ll be tough. We need to play just like we did in Games 1-3 and the first and third periods of Game 4. Absolutely hummin’ on all cylinders, and we’ll need to make the most of home ice. Overall though, I think we can get the job done in six.
And now for your daily dose of schadenfreude: Hey Clod LePuke! Karma’s a bitch!
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/28/09 at 08:14 AM ET
I’ll be curled up in the back of the Hasek with a bottle of Maker’s if anyone needs me. I hate the freaking Ducks. And I hate Chris Pronger’s face.
Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from putting the b*tches in the box on 04/28/09 at 08:27 AM ET
Anyone know when the schedules come out? Or will they wait for the ECQFs to be done at this point?
Posted by Stevis from NoVA on 04/28/09 at 08:38 AM ET
Retribution time. That photo of the knuckeball headed for twine is all the fuel my fire needed this morning. Sumbitch that still stings, worse than 34.7.
Cap’n Undecided has been playing pretty damn well, so he can’t be written off & The Doctor of Physics will get in a cheap shot or 3, guaranteed.
Their #1 line will see our #1 or #2 lines as we all know, the secondary and tertiary scoring will be the difference maker, SO LONG as Oz establishes himself early and maintains consistency.
G*damn I’m almost giddy. This series will be all out war, unlike any of the other series’ east or west. Winner of this one will have the black n blues to prove it. It’s winning a war like this series that hardens the resolve to win 8 more after this series is done. Depth and rolling 4 lines is definately in our favor, get after’em early in the series, we’ve been cooling our jets while they’ve been beating on the Chokers.
I think we may want to have Downey or D-Mac in the lineup, especially in Anaheim.
+1. A fly swatter might be nice to smack a Quack with. We are a much more physical team than in 07, but I’d have no issue with some pugilistic skills available. The porn star mustache will be looking for someone.
Seems like it’s been a month since we played a freaking game.
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 04/28/09 at 08:51 AM ET
Nice work, Chief—you’ve already got a nice head start on me, and Puck Daddy’s in my grill about some darn eulogy.
And Lilja? I’d bet only Wing fans know why he’s mentioned right there. Honestly, I doubt any Anaheim “fans” even recognize the significance of his name in that context.
But I have a shrine in my house dedicated to Lilja’s overskating-the-puck-when-it-matters tendency!
Posted by Earl Sleek from Anaheim, CA on 04/28/09 at 08:53 AM ET
Scott Neidermayer.
He is to the Ducks what Lidstrom is to the Wings.
He is the glue that holds them together.
The Wings must neuter him.
Darren Helm must have this as his one mission in life.
Posted by w2j2 on 04/28/09 at 09:02 AM ET
Better idea, let them take 8 penalties a game, and expect the Wing PP won’t be as hopelessly impotent as the Tuna’s PP. All Downey or Mac will do at this point is take a roster spot away from someone with more speed and better hands, and force Datsyuk and/or Zetterberg to play a few extra minutes per game.
Posted by Nathan from the scoresheet! on 04/28/09 at 09:03 AM ET
I think we may want to have Downey or D-Mac in the lineup, especially in Anaheim.
Although it would be f*ckin awesome to see Downey in the line up, I am thinking Mr. Jonny Ericsson wouldn’t have any problems keepin the quacks in check.
To Jonny Ericsson!
Posted by cementslinger from Midland MI on 04/28/09 at 09:48 AM ET
Giddy Up! We got us a series with some….gravitas.
Gotta agree with the Chief there will be some banging and bruising but that’s to be expected. Hell if it was easy the BBB’s would still be playing.
Ducks are playing good but the deciding factor in that series was how bad could the Fins suck. They discovered 10 ways to suck all by their lonesome selves. When challenged by the coach to get out and show him something they found 5 additional ways to suck. A lesson in Suckology. Our Todd had a good run and set himself up for next year.
The gauntlet has been thrown, time to pick it up, put a rock in it and bitch slap Pronger for 5 or 6 games.
Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!! (5)
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 04/28/09 at 10:01 AM ET
Ducks in six. The Fairy Wings are pussies and you fags just got lucky with the draw in the first round. Dyin’ time’s here. Buh bye, *#$%@& hairs!!
Posted by Puckhead from Jersey, you whores on 04/28/09 at 10:45 AM ET
Hey Phuckhead, your little rant is particularly hilarious seeing as you can’t even seem to get past the “oh so mighty’ Canes. Enjoy golfing after tonight.
Posted by calquake on 04/28/09 at 10:51 AM ET
Hiller scares me, but then, so did Mason.
Amen, brother. Hiller is a quality goalie, just as Mason is, but he didn’t play six games against the Sharks with a big fat butt in his face. Now he’ll get two of them. The only question is will Lil’ Gary’s refs penalize Homer every time his butt hangs over the edge of the crease.
What scares me the least about the Duckies is scoring…either ours or theirs. The pathetic Fins’s power play scoreded 16.7% of the time. The Wings power play? Nearly twice that at 31.8% of the time. So just keep filling up that penalty box, Duckies, and you’ll see a very different outcome in this series. And, as for them scoring? Well, they won’t be spending two-thirds of their shifts in the offensive zone the way they did against the Sharks. I think they’ll find it’s much harder to score from their own end of the ice.
What scarees me the most about the Duckies is injuries. Gutslaff took a Proger-esque run at a Shark last night and smashed his face into the glass with a flying elbow. Even if that gets called (and it didn’t last night), someone could get seriously hurt. The refs and the league have to make it clearly early on that “head hunting” will not be tolerated. If they do that, the Duckies are done. If they don’t, the Wings may win but they won’t be in good shape for the next round.
Anyway, as someone said, it seems like a month since we last played a game. So, let’s get it on.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 04/28/09 at 11:05 AM ET
Nice use of the exclamation points there Phuckhead.
Anyone know when they will post the round 2 schedule?
Posted by The Hurricane on 04/28/09 at 11:31 AM ET
Ducks in six. The Fairy Wings are pussies and you fags just got lucky with the draw in the first round. Dyin’ time’s here. Buh bye, *#$%@& hairs!!
Posted by Puckhead from Jersey, you whores on 04/28/09 at 11:45 AM ET
Mike Richards and Jeff Carter are waiting for you on the golf course. Chop chop.
Posted by Jeebus on 04/28/09 at 02:11 PM ET
The most infuriating part was when the Wings were leading 1-0 and on the power play with about 3 or 2 minutes left, one of the Wings was absolutely corkscrewed in the high slot with no penalty called which would have given the Wings a 5x3 to almost run out the game. Moments later after the PP the Wings, Datsyuk I think even, Mr. Lady Byng, was sent to the penalty box for a minor tap on the hip which was ruled hooking. Pulling the goalie the Putrid scored 6x4 and then OT.
We were screwed big time by Hockey Officials trying to think instead of just calling the game’s obvious plays.
Instead of being up 3-2 after a game we dominated, we went to the West Coast, completing the playoff trek of 27 time zones in 3 rounds, and lost game 6.
Gary.Ass.
Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 04/28/09 at 05:10 PM ET
Bill, I don’t remember the play which wasn’t called (I try not to, memory’s too hateful), but it was Pavel called for absolutely the most bogus interference penalty many people, myself included, have ever seen. Even some Poultry fans appear to agree with that assessment. I’ll NEVER forget the phantom interference call and Lilja’s failed clear.
However, nor will I forget how the team responded. Anyone remember the last period of Game 6? Selanne’s self-described “scariest ten minutes of my life.”
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 04/29/09 at 01:32 AM ET
And Lilja? I’d bet only Wing fans know why he’s mentioned right there. Honestly, I doubt any Anaheim “fans” even recognize the significance of his name in that context.
Sorry you’re wrong. I WILL NEVER forget his name…or the look of shame on his face.
Posted by SK on 04/29/09 at 01:07 PM ET
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Bring on the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals. We’re bringing on even more hurtin’ than the last time. Sharper wits. Sharper elbows. Sharper shooters.
Posted by SYF from a "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp" on 04/28/09 at 04:45 AM ET