Abel to Yzerman
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What…the….
by IwoCPO on 05/28/09 at 09:32 AM ET
Comments (69)
Disturbing information has been filtering in from the marauding interns all morning.
Investigations are underway.
Who are these women?
Photo removed…security reasons.
We have a suspicion and, if true, it’s going to be epic.
And what the HELL is this all about?
The son of a bitch cracked my wife in the face.
“KILL HIM, HE MUST DIE.”
He charges at me and tries to tackle me around the waste. I am 6’3” about 3 bills. I drop a people’s elbow into his neck and I gained the opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do. His “Jersey wasn’t tied down…” I pull his shirt over his head and give him about a dozen upper cuts to the face in true hockey fashion. He falls to the ground and I got on top of him and began smashing his face. I catch one of his teeth with a punch.
I am punching him in the face, Smitty starts kicking his ribs in a manner reminiscent of the Robert Deniro stomp in Goodfellas.
Then some good Samaritan Caniac starts working his legs. For a moment his whole body is covered in punches and kicks. As they pull me off the guy, I kicked his face and felt the heel of my boot catch his nose.
For the love of God…that is scary. I’m digging. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.
More to follow.
Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
Comments
I drop a people’s elbow
Wait… people actually name using the People’s Elbow on someone when describing a fight? Did he finish the fight then with a “619” or a Pedigree??
We need to know these things…
Posted by Primis on 05/28/09 at 09:48 AM ET
![SteelersFan[1].JPG](http://www.faniq.com/images/blog/SteelersFan[1].JPG)
3 bills?
It’s from a post on the Pens Blog. I think it’s Bear Porn or something. Definitely get a whiff of lavender and leather reading that.
I also like the part where they issue a “Call to Arms” to Pens fans to throw sh*t on the ice at Joe Louis Arena during Game 1. Classy.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 05/28/09 at 09:55 AM ET
Overweight women who are hockey fanatics with bad headgear. Must be female hockey bloggers.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 05/28/09 at 09:56 AM ET
Give the guy a bit of credit, he probably couldn’t tell the difference between you and your wife.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 05/28/09 at 09:57 AM ET
Ouch Voox, poor Christy.
Posted by moore00 from Columbus, OH/Grand Rapids, MI on 05/28/09 at 09:58 AM ET
It’s a story about a drunk Hurricane fan spitting on a Penguin fan, then punching his wife.
http://www.thepensblog.bloguin.com/pensblog/may-2009/yippee-kay-ay.html
Posted by Big Rich from Westbury, NY on 05/28/09 at 10:02 AM ET
You know what The Pens Blog needs? More graphics, embedded video, and pop ups. It’s not nearly choppy enough.
I also enjoy the white text on the black background. It really brings me back to a time when the internet was simpler and more difficult to read.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 05/28/09 at 10:03 AM ET
I know m00re. I tried not to make the dig, but I looked at their headgear again, and couldn’t resist. Don’t know who is in the picture or where Chief got it from.
Mandingo says Pen(i)sblog. I believe him. And the husband would have to be three bills to toss that wifey around like she wants.
A “Call to Arms”? Puh-lease. We all know Pen(i)sblog readers lack muscle mass and throw like little girls. No chance any object makes it to the ice. Although I have heard that Pen(i)sblog readers are experts at “Catching”.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 05/28/09 at 10:07 AM ET
I also enjoy the white text on the black background. It really brings me back to a time when the internet was simpler and more difficult to read.
I was going to go with, “database failure and corrupted backups” but I admit work is making me a touch cynical today. Failing that, more poor web design is acceptable.
I don’t know who designed the style sheets for KK, but they’re kickass. Classy, pleasing to the eye, can’t go wrong.
Posted by shanetx on 05/28/09 at 10:07 AM ET
O, and by the way, GO PENS
Posted by Big Rich from Westbury, NY on 05/28/09 at 10:14 AM ET
I also enjoy the white text on the black background. It really brings me back to a time when the internet was simpler and more difficult to read.
And seizure-inducing?
Posted by Incognetis from Delaware... Hi... I'm in... Delaware on 05/28/09 at 10:15 AM ET
It’s a story about a drunk Hurricane fan spitting on a Penguin fan, then punching his wife.
Oh, it’s a “story” alright. Straight out of an adolescent revenge fantasy. It’s got bullsh*t written all over it.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 05/28/09 at 10:18 AM ET
Reading on a white background is like staring at a lightbulb.
Posted by Adam on 05/28/09 at 10:24 AM ET
Help, I have photo-shopper’s block. So far, all I have is this…
...and can’t think of anything to do with it.
Posted by O-Joe on 05/28/09 at 10:27 AM ET
Reading on a white background is like staring at a lightbulb.
Sure.
... if you’re stupid, don’t understand how to alter monitor settings, or are still using a CRT monitor.
There’s no more visual dissonance on a white website than there is reading a book in a lit room unless one of the above fits you.
Posted by shanetx on 05/28/09 at 10:30 AM ET
...and can’t think of anything to do with it.
We could go with, “create a caption” instead if that helps.
I’d nominate: Assume the Position, Kid. It’s a rematch.
Posted by shanetx on 05/28/09 at 10:31 AM ET
http://xpt.sourceforge.net/techdocs/misc/ce01-DarkBackgroundIsGoodForYou/
Posted by WOOOO on 05/28/09 at 10:43 AM ET
Another reason why I don’t frequent Pen(i)sblog.
And that story is absolute bullcorn. It REEKS of Jake Baker violence pornography fantasy.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 05/28/09 at 10:44 AM ET
http://xpt.sourceforge.net/techdocs/misc/ce01-DarkBackgroundIsGoodForYou/
Thanks in that, WOOOO. I readed that site and it bettered up I grammer much ways. And he scientific facts of dark background be better for me helpered my eyes saw gooder. I not need Dr. Rahmani more longer!
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 05/28/09 at 10:47 AM ET
There’s no way that pensblog Adolescent Revenge Fantasy is true. If the guy wanted to make it believable, he would have said the Canes fan was a sophomore at Duke.
Posted by cephalopod from Chicago...nope, still not over it. on 05/28/09 at 11:11 AM ET
In purely technical terms, that guy’s preferred color scheme, “sucks”.
Posted by thethirdcoast from Rottenchester on 05/28/09 at 11:15 AM ET
I can’t tell which is funnier… the original background color crack, or the fact that Pen(i)sblog trolls feel that it’s necessary to continue to troll over the whole subject.
Posted by Zoogz on 05/28/09 at 11:21 AM ET
http://xpt.sourceforge.net/techdocs/misc/ce01-DarkBackgroundIsGoodForYou/
Posted by WOOOO on 05/28/09 at 11:43 AM ET
It’s not like every computer out there allows those with vision issues to inverse the colors already. Oh I’m sorry, what were you saying?
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 05/28/09 at 11:21 AM ET
He charges at me and tries to tackle me around the waste. I am 6’3” about 3 bills. I drop a people’s elbow into his neck and I gained the opportunity to do something I have always wanted to do. His “Jersey wasn’t tied down…” I pull his shirt over his head and give him about a dozen upper cuts to the face in true hockey fashion. He falls to the ground and I got on top of him and began smashing his face. I catch one of his teeth with a punch.
Is this the same guy who writes at realultimatepower.net?? The only things missing from this tall tale are a couple casual mentions of electric guitar “pump up” music and giant boners.
Posted by Incognetis from Delaware... Hi... I'm in... Delaware on 05/28/09 at 11:22 AM ET
Here is some classy pittsurgh BS, FARK these idiots.
http://www.thepensblog.bloguin.com/pensblog/may-2009/yippee-kay-ay.html#JOSC_TOP
just read the first couple sentences, way to go shi**burgh
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 05/28/09 at 11:25 AM ET
Has anyone read: http://deadspin.com/5271933/how-conan-obrien-ruined-the-stanley-cup-finals
Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 05/28/09 at 11:28 AM ET
OMG!!! There are fat people in Pittsburgh (and Detroit, and Chicago, and Raleigh, and EVERYWHERE!). For a site/commentariat that predicates its “Pen(i)blog” jibes on how childish and immature Pens fans are, this is certainly a fantastic if unintentionally ironic start.
Come on now ladies, I know it’s early, and the hate is only in its early stages, but you can do better. I mean, should I really drop a “bombed out crack house” and white flight reference? Or a 20 percent unemployment rate joke?
As the two fan bases that everyone loves to hate, we can do better. No doubt, Pens fans will. Will you?
@Mandingo—With respect to the call to throw something on the ice at the Joe (and more specifically, something attached to that most vile of creatures, an octopus), before you get your panties in a bunch and start whining about “class”, keep in mind it is in response to your buddy from last year and his luxurious shemale bangs throwing an octupus onto the ice at the Mellon.
Best of luck this round ladies!
Posted by Standard A2Y Fare on 05/28/09 at 11:45 AM ET
Is this the same guy who writes at realultimatepower.net?? The only things missing from this tall tale are a couple casual mentions of electric guitar “pump up” music and giant boners.
Facts:
1. Pensblog readers are mammals.
2. Pensblog readers fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the Pensblog reader is to flip out and kill people.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 05/28/09 at 11:47 AM ET
Here is some classy pittsurgh BS, FARK these idiots.
http://www.thepensblog.bloguin.com/pensblog/may-2009/yippee-kay-ay.html#JOSC_TOP
just read the first couple sentences, way to go shi**burgh
I’m sure Hodgkin’s would approve of that.
Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from Lidstrom's head telling him 1 more year on 05/28/09 at 11:55 AM ET
http://xpt.sourceforge.net/techdocs/misc/ce01-DarkBackgroundIsGoodForYou/
LOL
I got as far as #2 before I stopped reading. this person obviously knows very little about these things, or the existence of LCD monitors, or how much harder it is for your eyes to focus when there is less light entering them (up to a point, of course).
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/28/09 at 11:55 AM ET
also like the part where they issue a “Call to Arms” to Pens fans to throw sh*t on the ice at Joe Louis Arena during Game 1. Classy.
Maybe a certain three-named goalie will trip over it.
Posted by Megan Saler from Grand Rapids on 05/28/09 at 11:56 AM ET
@Mandingo—With respect to the call to throw something on the ice at the Joe (and more specifically, something attached to that most vile of creatures, an octopus), before you get your panties in a bunch and start whining about “class
Please, don’t worry about me. Feel free to be as classless as you like. I’d hate to stand in the way of that.
Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 05/28/09 at 11:57 AM ET
For a site/commentariat that predicates its “Pen(i)blog” jibes on how childish and immature Pens fans are, this is certainly a fantastic if unintentionally ironic start.
I can tell you don’t read this blog much. lurk a bit and you’ll understand. nobody here makes any claims of maturity. quite the opposite in fact.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/28/09 at 11:59 AM ET
I’m sure Hodgkin’s would approve of that.
It wouldn’t surprise me to learn it was HIV, not Hodgkin’s.
Speaking of which, I wonder if Thid is out of danger now that Super Whiney Mario Bitch is nolonger deep-sixing him in his basement?
Posted by O-Joe on 05/28/09 at 12:03 PM ET
Seriously, arguments about “class” between A2Yers and Pen(i)sblog readers is like arguing over which monkey is throwing prettier shit at the other. Get off your soapboxes and join us all down here in the mud, it’s a bunch more fun this way.
I have no doubt that both teams (save for Matt Cooke and Brooks Orpik) are going to carry themselves with the utmost class and give us a great finals. That doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 05/28/09 at 12:05 PM ET
@PaulinMiamiBeach:
I’ve been reading A2Y intermittently for over a year now. I posted last year in the Cup Finals under a different name, but can’t remember what I used. I am sure it was suitably hilarious however.
@WingsFanINBeanLand:
Yea, but Mario beat Hodgkins. Unlike Vladdy who cant beat his…....FAMILY BLOG.
Posted by Standard A2Y Fare on 05/28/09 at 12:05 PM ET
LOL
I got as far as #2 before I stopped reading. this person obviously knows very little about these things, or the existence of LCD monitors, or how much harder it is for your eyes to focus when there is less light entering them (up to a point, of course).
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/28/09 at 12:55 PM ET
I have been using dark backgrounds for 14 years.
I have to dim my monitor and adjust the contrast to read black (actually dark gray) on a white background, such as KK.
It is a bitch being visually impaired….
Don’t be so quick to dismiss that article as bunk just because you are blessed with good vision.
————————————————————-
Life is much more rewarding if you just avoid reading the PensBlog.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 05/28/09 at 12:09 PM ET
So is that a before or after photo of the wife(s)? Maybe one of them is the husband?
I’m just asking because either way…........file under “Things that make ya go ....BWwahhhaaaaaa”
For your viewing edification I offer…..http://f***youpenguin.blogspot.com/ (Fill in the asterisks) Not much on hockey, but some really nice shirts…and the URL speaks for itself.
Posted by Rumbear from Top O da Hasek, when in doubt, pinky out on 05/28/09 at 12:12 PM ET
Dark backgrounds are a good idea when giving a PowerPoint presentation, actually - a dark blue background with white text is quite easy to read.
To some extent it depends on the room lighting. That’s why it helps to run through quickly in the room or lecture hall or auditorium where the talk will be given, with a couple friends at the back to make sure the font is large enough and the color scheme won’t cause undue eyestrain.
(And there is nothing especially vile about an octopus. That’s just biologically ignorant.)
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 05/28/09 at 12:14 PM ET
OK, I think I have a working rough. I just need to do some strategic removal of clothing and choose the background:
Posted by O-Joe on 05/28/09 at 12:15 PM ET
After the success, and chemistry of last night’s makeshift lines, would anyone be surprised to see Datsyuk centering a line of Maltby and Meech upon his return?
Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 05/28/09 at 12:17 PM ET
OMG!!! There are fat people in Pittsburgh (and Detroit, and Chicago, and Raleigh, and EVERYWHERE!). For a site/commentariat that predicates its “Pen(i)blog” jibes on how childish and immature Pens fans are, this is certainly a fantastic if unintentionally ironic start.
For the record, the women’s weight has nothing to do with what I posted, or what is to come.
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 05/28/09 at 12:31 PM ET
After the success, and chemistry of last night’s makeshift lines, would anyone be surprised to see Datsyuk centering a line of Maltby and Meech upon his return?
That would be kind of awesome. I’d love to see who Blysma puts to match up against that.
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 05/28/09 at 12:33 PM ET
It’s too bad the lady on the right isn’t hot. She’s got quite a mouth on her.
Posted by daywannawonga on 05/28/09 at 12:37 PM ET
In purely technical terms, that guy’s preferred color scheme, “sucks”.
what are you talking about? red text on a purple background is SOOOO easy to read.
*stabs self in eye with fork*
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/28/09 at 12:37 PM ET
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The hate is brewing. Let if flow through you.
I’m not sure we could’ve handled 9 days off…
Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 05/28/09 at 09:46 AM ET