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You Wanted Juvenile? Oh, I’ll Give You Juvenile
by IwoCPO on 09/30/08 at 08:06 AM ET
Comments (55)
I turn forty this year, real frigging soon. So, you know, I figure I’ll grow up then.
But not yet. PensBlog asked me to preview the Dynasty. I was happy to oblige. A taste?
The core of Detroit forwards was talented before, as you’re all fully and horrifically aware. But with the addition of your boy, it creates the strong possibility that Detroit will average somewhere around 19 goals/game. Just from the two top lines. Offensively, I could make a case that this could be one of the greatest teams ever assembled.
As usual, I elected understatement as my literary device of choice. Read the rest here, and thanks to Adam, Derek and Charlie for the opportunity to ruffle some feathers.
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Comments
Well played as always Chief, way to represent.
Posted by mc keeper from The Home of Lord Stanley on 09/30/08 at 08:06 AM ET
Nice. I think some of the ladies in the comments over there feel insulted. Spring should be awesome.
Posted by Nate A from Dark side of the moon on 09/30/08 at 08:34 AM ET
Since you’re old enough to be my dad...Nicely done Papa!
PensBlog has turned into a juvie empire; congrats to you guys if you read this.
Posted by Osrt on 09/30/08 at 08:54 AM ET
Fantastic job. Best thing I’ll read today.
Posted by Arthur2sheds on 09/30/08 at 09:12 AM ET
Great writeup with only one glaring flaw. There is no way that the Penguins make it to the finals. No way.
I’d love to see it, but as of right now. Relying strictly on idle speculation, I don’t see it happening.
Dan
Posted by ITDeuce on 09/30/08 at 09:36 AM ET
My Uncle Mike has been scribbling lines on the back of Phonics workbooks all summer, speaking in Pentacostal tongues, just *#$%@& babbling to himself about power play units. He’s had strange visions of Hossa, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Franzen, Filppula, Hudler, Holmstrom doing things with each other on the ice that would be illegal in most states other than Tennessee and either one of the illiterate backward-ass Carolinas.
You can stop writing as of today, Chief. You’re never going to write a better paragraph than that in your life. So, how does it feel to have peaked before you even hit 40? 
Harry Lips said…
This guy from Detroit is a total moron..they is not way in hell the Pens are going back to the finals...let face it...Pen Blow!
Well, Harry, “they is not way” you should have ever left Tennessee until you “grajiated” from the third grade.
This morning’s junenilicity is a great warm-up for the first televised Wings game of the season tonight. The only thing that could make this day better is to learn that the Dive are bringing back Claude LaPew.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 09/30/08 at 10:04 AM ET
Televised you say???? Care to share where one might said game on the tube?
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 09/30/08 at 10:20 AM ET
Already stuck my neck out on a previous comment
(Puck Daddy’s guest preview) saying they
wouldn’t even make the playoffs. They were not amused.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from upset when blogs don’t live up to my expectations on 09/30/08 at 10:33 AM ET
7:30 PM, fox sports detroit, RDS & TSN
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from upset when blogs don’t live up to my expectations on 09/30/08 at 10:36 AM ET
Heh, good stuff Chief, I needed that.
Please send the PenisBlog ladies my best… and my apologies for not submitting my ‘Shop entry on time.
Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 09/30/08 at 11:05 AM ET
Thanks Dub, I’ve been needing a gut busting laugh all damn day. That my man hit the spot.
HTT, thanks for the heads up.... living smack dab in the middle of the midwest puck seems to be a rather foreign entity.
Posted by MOWingsfan on 09/30/08 at 11:36 AM ET
i predict Brett Lebda will be traded to the Penguins before the season starts. they’re short on D after losing Whitney and Gonchar to injury and he’s a Cup-winning, Eastern Conference-style small D-man with speed. mark it, Dude.
Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 09/30/08 at 11:54 AM ET
Damnit, Dub. Now I can’t stop laughing!
(But you did forget to include baby Sid’s “mommy,” little gary. After all, everyone knows he’s “gary’s baby boy.” I can hardly wait for the inevitable custody battle to begin!)
Posted by YzermanZetterberg on 09/30/08 at 11:57 AM ET
Well done, Chief… very well done.
Posted by Incognetis from Exile in Alabama on 09/30/08 at 12:07 PM ET
Already stuck my neck out on a previous comment
(Puck Daddy’s guest preview) saying they
wouldn’t even make the playoffs.
Damn, seriously?
They might not be the top seed if Montreal has anything to say about it, but no way they’re missing the playoffs.
Posted by Osrt on 09/30/08 at 12:32 PM ET
Seriously, the Clay Aiken cover? What a trendsetter you people are. That joke is so old that Kris Draper and Chris Chelios check their birth certificates, then check the date on that photoshop and say in unison “yeah, now that’s old.”
Posted by JS from your mom's house on 09/30/08 at 01:19 PM ET
That joke is so old that Kris Draper and Chris Chelios check their birth certificates, then check the date on that photoshop and say in unison “yeah, now that’s old.”
Wow. Dude, if that’s yur good stuff.....stay home.
Great article over at the P-blog, Chief! You can almost hear their collective panties gathering in a bunch. Even Dr. Turkletown surfaced with his wit and intelligence.
Posted by Rumbear from Sandy Eggo on 09/30/08 at 01:38 PM ET
Seriously, the Clay Aiken cover? What a trendsetter you people are. That joke is so old that Kris Draper and Chris Chelios check their birth certificates, then check the date on that photoshop and say in unison “yeah, now that’s old.”
Posted by JS from your mom’s house on 09/30/08 at 02:19 PM ET
There’s that ol pot calling the kettle black! But seriously Giggy, “your mom’s house"… that never gets old. Oh wait. Yeah it does.
Posted by cementslinger from Midland MI on 09/30/08 at 01:44 PM ET
Very good write up Chief on P -blog. Actually the first time i have been over there. Penquins do not make the finals though.
P.S. Thanks for the Terry Frei update on you previous entry. I have not had time to keep up with his “axe to grind” even though I live out here. I plan on making a date with him at the Ass Can on Dec. 27th. I will be in row 8 with my 8 year old. He stood me up last year . Would not even come down to say hi. He just needs to look for the kid with the wingnut on to find this “Transplant” .
Posted by Jeff from Loveland, CO on 09/30/08 at 02:27 PM ET
Great read, Chief. Makes me proud to be a blog reader.
a fluttering prison washroom assault of a goal to tie Game 5
However, THAT gave me a bad taste in my mouth. Nothing against prison washrooms.
Posted by cephalopod from Chicago, on the poop deck, not over it yet on 09/30/08 at 04:19 PM ET
However, THAT gave me a bad taste in my mouth.
hehehe thats GROSS
Posted by rwingscup19 from Dallas on 09/30/08 at 05:13 PM ET
That post sucked the soul right out of me.
Just wait until the season starts....
Mwah aahahahahahahahah a hahahahahh ahaha
Mwahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahahah
Posted by monkey from Waiting for the lambs to stop screaming on 09/30/08 at 05:28 PM ET
Good god. Doesn’t the sperm bucket ever get full in here?
Posted by rwhater on 09/30/08 at 06:48 PM ET
Doesn’t the sperm bucket ever get full in here?
Are you here to drink it?
Hockey’s back on TV!!!! This is the bestestestestest game on EARTH!!!
Hossa is a freaking beast!!
Canadiens are a solid team. Lilja has the scoring instincts of a eunich.
Posted by Osrt on 09/30/08 at 08:43 PM ET
Det is holding the short straw on the penalties, it could be
Habs PP till the end as they try to even it up.
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from upset when blogs don’t live up to my expectations on 09/30/08 at 08:52 PM ET
Lang with the GW in the shootout. Jobs Howard, who can’t freaking win with despite playing very well.
Gotta do something to settle down. Maybe I’ll check how my stocks are doing.
Posted by Osrt on 09/30/08 at 09:16 PM ET
Yawn, thought the game was boring for the most part. a few players stood out Helm, Leino. who does have some tricks to learn, and Howard looked good, not so great in SO. Maltby hit the post, he is at least getting closer to scoring a goal. Some big hits but nothing to write home about which is normal for a pre-season game. Still looking at the troops. But still neat to see the red and white back on tv. Fil is still off a bit on shots. Heal thumb heal! Helm was working his butt of and buzzing around. He almost made everyone else look like they were coasting and slow.
Posted by hankyspanky40 from Michigan on 09/30/08 at 09:57 PM ET
0-8 on the PP, including a 5-on-3, after going 1-for-6 on Sunday.
Draper now has 4 penalties in 3 games. Looks like he’s picking up right where he left off from last season. 
Helm, Leino, and Howard were definitely Detroit’s three stars of the game.
Posted by yawt from norcal on 09/30/08 at 10:46 PM ET
Yawn, thought the game was boring for the most part.
You’ve got to get off those downers you’re taking, son. That was an up-tempo, exciting game from start to finish. And there were lots of positives for Red Wings fans to enjoy...except, of course, for Cheli leaving the ice with one leg dragging behind him.
Helm? This kid is unfreaking believable. Even Mickey was a bit stunned by his speed during a first-period breakaway. All he could do was chuckle at the thought of this kid in the line-up.
Leino? He’s everything we all hoped Grigorenko would be a year ago. Early in training camp, Babs told him the only thing keeping him out of the NHL was his willingness to get to the net. Message received. Mission accomplished. He’s a bona fide NHL player. No doubt about it...although it’s a bit disconcerting that he looks eerily like a young Todd Bertuzzi. Wierd.
Jimmy Howard? He’s just about ready. Whatever he’s done in the past year or so has made a big difference in his overall play. He’s quick. He’s well-positioned. And he looks very poised...the shootout notwithstanding.
If I was Ken Holland, I’d be on the phone looking to move both Lilja and Sammy. Leino is already 200% better than Sammy will ever be. And even though Downey (God bless his huge heart) looked like an actual NHL forward tonight, I’d leave both him and D-Mac in GR. In their place, I’d put Helm and Leino.
With those changes, my third line would be Cleary – Filppula – Leino and my fourth line would be Helm – Draper – Kopecky. Malts? He’d hang out in the press box until someone needed a rest. The craziest part of all of this is that Abba-dabba-doo-woo-woo looks like he’s more than ready too.
If Tick Tock does decide to “over-ripen” Helm, Leino and Abba-boy, and if Lil’ Gary want to expand the NHL this year, I’d suggest that he simply include the Griffins as the 31st team. They’ll be at least as competitive as the Kings and the Blues.
Oh yah, about this Hossa guy. From what I saw tonight, anytime Babs wants to put him, Pavel and Hank on the ice together, the other team should just concede a goal and spare themselves the embarassment of being made to look like Bantam League players. I knew Marian was a quality goal scorer, but I had no idea what a beast he is on the ice. Three guys “ran” him tonight and they all ended up on their asses.
In this economy, we all may go broke this year, but one thing I know is that the Wings fans will go broke with a smile on their faces. 
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 09/30/08 at 10:47 PM ET
0-8 on the PP
Anytime the Wings #1 power-play unit includes Maltby, you can expect the same result. And the number of times you’ll see him there during the regular season? Right. Zero!
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 09/30/08 at 10:52 PM ET
Anytime the Wings #1 power-play unit includes Maltby, you can expect the same result. And the number of times you’ll see him there during the regular season? Right. Zero!
Sure, and Lebda and Cheli were playing the points, which would never happen in the regular season as well. I just think a lineup of Rafalski, Kronwall, Hossa, Holmstrom, and Filppula should be good for at least one goal, considering all the opportunities they had, especially that extended 5-on-3. But I’ll concede that Price did play very well, and Montreal guys were shot-blocking as if it were a playoff game.
As for the PP in general though, I’ve had some beef with it a little while now. I happen to think it’s too point-centric—yeah we obviously have the dmen who can get their slappers through or create great chances for rebounds, but how about something set up down low or in close, near the half-board, anything? The PP finished 9th in the PO’s out of the 16 teams and was only 13% (4-for-30) in the SC finals. With the guys we have this year, it should be no less than 20% at any given point in the season.
Posted by yawt from norcal on 10/01/08 at 12:13 AM ET
Posted by monkey from Waiting for the lambs to stop screaming on 10/01/08 at 07:03 AM ET
Anyone seen the new NHL ads yet. I quite like this one
http://qml.quiettouch.com/files/publishing/marketing/MarketingDaily/2008/CROSBY1001.mov
Posted by Arthur2sheds on 10/01/08 at 08:46 AM ET
Dub, you sick, sadistic bastard. Just got into my room in Guam and that’s the first thing I saw. Dammit. I’m so frigging proud right now.
Posted by IwoCPO from Washington, DC on 10/01/08 at 11:41 AM ET
Ramping it up already, aren’t you, Chief? LOL!
Good stuff.
And thanks a lot, Dub! Now I can’t stop laughing.
Posted by SYF from Las Vegas, NV on 10/01/08 at 12:28 PM ET
Well thanks, ladies and gents - happy to oblige.
Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 10/01/08 at 12:31 PM ET
“The other thing I’d tell you is that when you’re 35 and you’ve won four Stanley Cups, sometimes this isn’t quite as important as when you’re 22, you’ve won one, but you’re trying to make the team,” Babcock said.
Is that not a direct shot at Maltby?
Posted by monkey from Waiting for the lambs to stop screaming on 10/02/08 at 06:05 AM ET
Norris with couple helpers last night, maybe the acclimation to the visor goes faster for some than others....
Don F*#&@^NG Cherry is picking us to win again, what a collosal DICK. Never one good thing to say about us last year… not once. Yet now “I see no weakness”.... get stuffed ya frigging old flamer.
Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 10/02/08 at 08:09 AM ET
“Is that not a direct shot at Maltby?”
I actually saw it the exact opposite way. I read it as Babcock saying that while Helm was playing great, he was playing for a roster spot whereas Malts has nothing to prove, therefore his play in the preseason isn’t going to make or break his chances of making the roster.
Posted by Garth on 10/02/08 at 08:58 AM ET
There is always something to prove for every player, every season, every game, every shift. You lose your edge and someone else will seize the opportunity. Healthy competition brings out the best in all players and bodes well for the team and organization as a whole.
I doubt Quincey will be traded because he has no trade value unless he is a toss in on a package of players. Why trade anything for Quincey straight up if it looks like, and it does, that he won’t make the team and will be picked up on waivers by another team? We faced the same situation when we traded for Hasek and had Ozzy. Ozzy was picked up by the Islanders.
Posted by hankyspanky40 from Michigan on 10/02/08 at 09:24 AM ET
I actually saw it the exact opposite way.
Man. I saw it a THIRD way...that Uncle Mike is saying that Helm is elevating his play because making the team is important to him, while Maltby is depressing his play because it isn’t. Hence, while Helm’s commitment is artificially inflated, and his value to the team won’t be as much in the regular season, Maltby’s commitment is actually artificially deflated, and his value will be greater.
Personally, I’d like to see both on the team-- on the same line. They were great together in the playoffs.
I doubt Quincey will be traded because he has no trade value
Oh, I dunno-- with defensemen dropping like mortgage company stock around the league, and him having some NHL, some playoff, and a decent amount of AHL experience, I think he could be talked up for a trade to a team for positioning on their third pairing (working his way up the roster during the season) in exchange for a fifth-rounder or so. Plus he still has a few years of RFA status ahead of him, which is always valuable for those teams that can’t keep good players. And that would get us under the roster limit, whit a nice little something in return.
Chief, great preview. You could practically hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth over at the Pensblog.
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 10/02/08 at 10:31 AM ET
“The other thing I’ll tell you when you’re 35 and won four Stanley Cups, sometimes this (camp) isn’t as important as when you’re 22 and you’ve won one and you’re trying to make the team.”
Take off your Blinders…
That is clearly Babspeak for:
“The Vets are wise enough to save a little for the regular season”
Posted by HockeyTownTodd from upset when blogs don’t live up to my expectations on 10/02/08 at 10:42 AM ET
@Andrew: That’s actually kinda what I meant, you just sayed it betterly then i sayed it.
Posted by Garth on 10/02/08 at 11:44 AM ET
That is clearly Babspeak for:
“The Vets are wise enough to save a little for the regular season”
Veterans in any sport are frequently cut a bit of slack in training camp and pre-season.
They are known quantities for the most part, and don’t need to win a spot in the same way a younger player needs to prove what he can do (barring returning from injury or some such). They can’t be dreadful, but if they have been around for a while the coach can probably distinguish between a veteran pacing himself by not going full out in exhibition and a veteran playing like crap because he’s gotten bad.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 10/02/08 at 12:38 PM ET
Man. I saw it a THIRD way...that Uncle Mike is saying that Helm is elevating his play because making the team is important to him, while Maltby is depressing his play because it isn’t.
Exactly- the definition of complacency. “I’m Kirk Maltby, I’m 35 and have four cups. Ho hum, another day at the rink, yawn. Dammit Helm hurry up and get me a cheeseburger!”
Hence, while Helm’s commitment is artificially inflated, and his value to the team won’t be as much in the regular season, Maltby’s commitment is actually artificially deflated, and his value will be greater.
I wouldn’t say that. Ha, sorry, I just wanted to say that. What exactly is Maltby’s value at this point? I love the guy given the history he’s been a part of, but, um, sorry for my apparent ignorance and these g-d blinders I didn’t know I was wearing (I wasn’t aware having an opinion was the same as being blind) but how much value does he bring?
Oh, I dunno-- with defensemen dropping like mortgage company stock around the league, and him having some NHL, some playoff, and a decent amount of AHL experience, I think he could be talked up for a trade to a team for positioning on their third pairing (working his way up the roster during the season) in exchange for a fifth-rounder or so. Plus he still has a few years of RFA status ahead of him, which is always valuable for those teams that can’t keep good players. And that would get us under the roster limit, whit a nice little something in return.
There has got to be a Waddell or six who are willing to give up a mid-round draft pick for a Wings d-man.
Posted by monkey from Waiting for the lambs to stop screaming on 10/03/08 at 05:50 AM ET
The only comment on your Pens Blog, Chief, it’s a little too much of a stretch to refer to Hossa as “their boy”. For all their resentment of the Wings somehow “buying a Cup” with the 16th highest payroll in the league, it was in fact the Pens who got to the Finals on the back of a Rental Player, one Marian Hossa. They patched in Hossa for just 12 regular season games, which was enough of an exposure to a dying system for him to realize he wanted no part of not even 1 more game there, in fact he’d rather give up $2M to play with The Flying Circus instead of Gary’s Baby. That speaks mountains.
And Team Dub is off to another decadent season. That is the most repulsively dark bitterly funny thing I’ve seen in, well, quite a while, hard to say with all the stuff we see on here. Very well played.
Posted by RWBill from jabbing a six inch sewing needle into my eye. on 10/04/08 at 12:47 PM ET
Who is Alex Lebda???
Posted by monkey from Putting the finishing touches on my gov. bail out on 10/01/08 at 08:03 AM ET
He’s my brother in law.
Cheers, Dick
Posted by DICK LINDSTROM from the basement whacking off. on 10/04/08 at 12:55 PM ET
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Posted by w2j2 on 09/30/08 at 07:30 AM ET