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Canucks Humor—Accidental & Intended
by Alanah McGinley on 05/20/08 at 12:27 PM ET
Comments (4)
For the accidental kind, a rumor from the well-reasoned minds at HockeyBuzz.com who apparently have this notion about Jaromir Jagr for next season:
“...if Jagr is remaining in North America a few other teams including LA, Edmonton and Vancouver are rumoured to have interest as well.”
Nice, huh? That’s almost enough to incite a Mark Messier flashback and drop an innocent Canucks’ fan into the fetal position.
For a much more accurate (and awesome) assessment of how to improve the Canucks this summer, the Bleacher Report’s ‘Elbow Murderpants’ has a prescription for the future titled, “Vancouver Canucks: Their First Steps to Greatness!”
These are things the Canucks MUST do to even think about future success:
- Give up hope that Tony Tanti will somehow return to the line-up.
- Make a concerted effort to find NHL caliber players.
- Make an even bigger effort to find players that realize there is no invisible force-field at the opponent’s blue-line.
- Explain to the team that the Goaltender is the “LAST” line of defense, not the “ONLY” line of defense.
- Begin realization that although it’s quite polite to offer the better player in the draft to the teams behind you, it’s not necessarily the best thing for your franchise.
- Embrace the concept that you should always trade for a GOOD player.
- Be suspicious! If another team offers you one of their players for any Canuck (Except for Luongo) then it’s a good sign there’s something wrong with the player they are offering. Check for terminal cancer.
- Understand the word “TEAM” means you have to have more than one decent player.
- Take into account that if the puck goes in the net, it’s possible that 5 other players on the ice at the time may bear some responsibility.
- Throw away the team model that states every player on your team should remind you of Thomas Gradin.
- There’s no point protecting a player as a future prospect if they… how shall I put this? ...Ah, STINK?
It’s all about baby steps, Vancouver. Start with these and you may have a chance… in about 26 years.
Intended humor, yet that list almost isn’t funny… far too much truth there.
Filed in: vancouver canucks | Canucks and Beyond | Permalink
Tags: draft, jaromir+jagr, rumors, vancouver+canucks,
Comments
I can only imagine Jagr’s burning desire to sign with one of three Western conference non-playoff teams.
Posted by Mike from NYC on 05/20/08 at 01:33 PM ET
Devin -- Gary Lupul (may he rest in peace) might be the key to our offensive woes? Geezus, that really does spell out our team’s problems. 
Mike -- Jagr goes where the money is, ergo Jagr ain’t going to Vancouver. But I don’t care much either, because I feel the same way about Jagr that I felt about Forsberg a few months ago: on paper they may look good, but in reality, you have this niggling feeling in your mind that it can only go horribly wrong in the end.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 05/20/08 at 02:31 PM ET
At this stage in his career, I think the money thing is less attractive (though certainly still important) as the chances of winning the Cup and retiring or bolting back to the Czech Republic are.
Either way the idea he (or Gillis) would want this scenario to work is asinine. Let Gillis make any number of other mistakes that can make fans cringe and drop to the floor...like keeping Vigneault (oops, did I say that?).
Posted by Mike from NYC on 05/20/08 at 03:56 PM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003, sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen. In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah is one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast, as featured at Canucks.com.
She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
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Dear god...just because the West Coast is a favourite retirement destination, doesn’t mean we need to extend that thinking into our hockey team.
And frankly I resent the implication that we’re waiting for Tony Tanti...clearly it’s Gary Lupul that would give us our much needed offensive punch.
Posted by Devin from Victoria on 05/20/08 at 01:09 PM ET