Canucks & Beyond
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Chapter 1 of 82: The Story of My Progressive Heart Failure
by Alanah McGinley on 10/05/07 at 11:31 AM ET
Comments (10)
2007-08, Game #1 - Canucks vs Sharks
Gentlemen:
Line up at the starting block.
Rev up those engines.
Start spinning those tires.
...and FINALLY declare with total heartfelt certainty that, “Yes! We do honestly believe that all the Canucks really needed to add this past summer was Brad Isbister, Byron Ritchie and some new, multi-logo jerseys to make it to the SCF this year!”
Oy… but just keep saying it till you really believe it. And in honor of opening day of Vancouver’s 2007/08 efforts, here are some cheery, mildly-uplifting predictions for the season:
1. Roberto Luongo will be stellar. Might as well start with an easy one.
2. Brad Isbister will get sick of people like me joking about his scoring prowess, so he’s going to PROVE he’s a scoring threat, dammit.
3. Avalanche fans will discover what the average hockey fan really goes through: years of suckage. They think it’s a one-season thing? Ha!
4. The Sharks will not win the Cup this season.
5. Dominik Hasek will never win the Cup again.
6. Mason Raymond will win the Calder.
7. Because it’s Markus Naslund’s final year under contract, he’ll score 60 this year. Just in time for a new contract.
8. Bad NHL karma dictates that Mike Keenan loses Iginla, Phaneuf and Kipper to semi-permanent, crippling injuries by November.
9. Sean Avery will start dating Paris Hilton and a very scary, “private tape” will be leaked. Our eyes will bleed, but at least ESPN will pay attention to the NHL for a week.
10. Canucks fans will be rewarded with a Stanley Cup. If for no other reason than the fact they deserve to feel as smug as fans of other teams.
Okay, so there’s a small chance that I’m not going to be right about all of these… but a girl can dream.
In all seriousness though, there are things to be optimistic about. I mean, we’re always told that defense wins Cups. And geezus, if nothing else, the Canucks have freakin’ defense…
This team that was completely unpredictable to us only a year ago, now has cohesion and added experience. A coach who’s proven himself and a collection of players that managed to accomplish much more than was expected of them last year. Certainly, more than I expected.
Is it a perfect situation? Well, no. Isbister & Co. can do their best, but this is not a team—nor a coaching system—that is ever going to light up a scoreboard. With one-goal games being the norm, nearly every contest will be a hard fight to pull out. (And thus, the cause of my deteriorating mental health over the course of the coming 82 games…)
But they’ve already done some remarkable things with this group, too.
The Canucks scored just 222 goals last season—the fewest among Western Conference playoff teams—but still set franchise records with 49 wins and 105 points en route to their second division title in three seasons.
Starting with Alain Vigneault and ending with Roberto Luongo, there’s a lot of reasons to feel optimistic about this new season.
So, bring it on, San Jose—and to paraphrase that Yankee... Fu#k, I love hockey.
Go Canucks!
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Tags: the+story+of+my+progressive+heart+failure, vancouver+canucks,
Comments
I thought you were waiting for Mike Comrie and Paris Hilton to start a relationship?
Although Avery with Hilton would be even funnier…
Maybe they could even girlfriend-swap at some point during the season. You could tie in the whole New York rivalry deal, too.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 10/05/07 at 12:26 PM ET
Greg - Thanks for your optimism. And I agree… I just never know each year how many of the ‘chapters’ into the postseason that I can survive.
The playoffs are more likely to be “The Chapters of My Impending Alcoholism: A Short Story”
Baroque - Good God… that thought just made my stomach turn. Don’t share any more, please. 
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 10/05/07 at 03:13 PM ET
Sorry about that. I don’t want to make people nauseous.
It would make the news, though. Probably on every channel!
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 10/05/07 at 03:25 PM ET
I think you should measure your progressive heart failure by the amount of blown power plays the team has. You’ll be officially dead before next week, but it’ll be a statement to the rest of the team.
And in dying, you will have taught us all a valuable lesson: when you head into game one and potential bench two of the three “big guys” you picked up in the offseason, something’s amiss
Posted by Mike on 10/05/07 at 05:55 PM ET
where’s the drunken liveblog? game started 10 min ago.
Posted by grey wall on 10/05/07 at 09:13 PM ET
Smartass…!
Yeah, the freaky liveblogs haven’t started yet. Game #1 seemed a bit early in the season for me to be scaring the crap out of new readers.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 10/05/07 at 09:23 PM ET
I’m trying to remember why I’ve been looking forward to this night…it’s 3 - 0, which sucks…and when we have chances, my chest hurts. I’m sure it will come back to me, but right now, I’m annoyed and my chest hurts.
Posted by Dev from a place of naive optimism on 10/05/07 at 09:42 PM ET
You are a Canucks fan; so Life = Pain.
Believe me, I know… I’m trying to write a post-game opinion/evaluation. It’s difficult to keep it all from becoming a non-stop rant.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 10/06/07 at 12:43 AM ET
Yup, this squad was built for Defense and Champsionship gaming type play…I think you made some great analysis…low scoring but high winning..go figure 
Posted by Xander from NC on 02/07/08 at 05:27 PM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading “parenting for complete idiots” during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.
In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
So that’s me. Who the hell are you?
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I believe there will be more than 82 chapters in the story of your progressive heart failure. Figure the Canucks for at least one round of playoffs.
Posted by Greg Ballentine from too far from Vancouver on 10/05/07 at 11:59 AM ET