Canucks & Beyond
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The Hockey Gods Are Ruthless
by Alanah McGinley on 03/26/08 at 03:04 PM ET
Comments (7)
Vancouver vs Calgary: a.k.a. How to Lose—With Style
First: Build a 2-Goal Lead
Make it heady and fun (2 goals in 12 seconds!). Make the Flames fans go mute. Make the Sportsnet West announcers sound so depressed you want to send them a gift basket later. Good times!
Second: Flirt with Disaster
Get outshot 672 to 3 in the second period. Let in one goal. It’s now 2-1—you’re just keeping it interesting!
Third: Believe in your inherent, God-given ability to Completely Fu&$ing Implode
Let it all hang out! This is the right time of year for heart failure—make it work for you. Make it work for the fans. Don’t let this be too easy: You are CANUCKS! This is how it’s gotta be!
Tonight:
Vancouver vs Colorado —a.k.a. Biggest Game of the Year ™
First, Second, Third? Fill in the blanks—I’m open to new ideas. Perhaps they can play for 60 minutes? Just for fun.
From my own bit in the New York Times yesterday, the Q&A that the Hockey Gods want me to eat:
NYT: Will your team make the playoffs?
Alanah: Yes, because (a) they control their own destiny, with all their last games against other Northwest teams, and (b) to miss the playoffs would end my suffering quickly, and the hockey gods are never merciful to Canucks fans. (I buy my heart medication in bulk.)
NYT: What team is it vitally important to have miss the playoffs?
Alanah: Colorado. Embracing the failures of the Avalanche is simply good karmic policy! But more importantly (and less obnoxiously), leaving the Avs out may give Vancouver the most room to screw up over these final games. And knowing the Canucks, they’ll need it.
Life is hell. Hockey is worse. I think there’s a lot to be said for Hockey Atheism.
Filed in: obnoxious hockey blogging, vancouver canucks | Canucks and Beyond | Permalink
Tags: colorado+avalanche, hockey+gods, vancouver+canucks,
Comments
Well, I don’t know much about Roger Millions except I seem to remember he freaked out a bit at some fans on one of the Calgary forum boards last season—and I thought that was pretty awesome. (But frankly, we’re still debating the possibility of kidnapping Hughson from CBC and holding him for ransom. We’ll see.) 
As for your best wishes on the game tonight, thanks. Luck is needed… ‘cause I’m pretty sure God has already abandoned us for freakin’ Edmonton.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 03/26/08 at 05:04 PM ET
Good god, Roger Millions should be taken off the airwaves ASAP, he is an absolutely pathetic and terrible announcer, and RSN West is terribly mistaken if they believe he is getting better or ever will get better.
I pray the CBC never comes knocking on his door.
The Avalanche are going down tonight, hopefully the Canucks can play with the same intensity they played with last night, for the first 20 minutes that is.
Posted by PuckHound61 from Speckville USA on 03/26/08 at 05:23 PM ET
I assumed you watched the game on Sportsnet West through the Centre Ice package. Are games that are on Canucks PPV not blacked out on the Centre Ice package?
Just wondering, cause I bought the season package of the Canucks PPV for $160. And I remember that Centre Ice was available for an early bird price of $129. If most canucks PPV games are on Centre Ice, its probably now more worth it.
Besides, I don’t want keep paying for the shoddy PPV product.
Posted by Pinder on 03/26/08 at 05:47 PM ET
PuckHound61— I hope you’re right… about the Avs going down, that is.
Pinder— No, I watched the same feed you did, the PPV feed. (And is it just my setup, or is the sound really poor for that broadcast?? It sounds so much worse than a normal game). But anyway, during the game I heard from both a friend in Alberta (watching SN) and one in the States (catching it on CI), and both mentioned that the Calgary Sportsnet announcers sounded a bit personally devastated at early points of the game.
So I was happy at the thought of that… until it all went wrong, of course.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 03/26/08 at 05:54 PM ET
Thanks for the update Alanah. Yeah the sound was pretty bad. I actually got up and checked my stereo setup to make sure it wasn’t on Mono or something. It wasn’t. It was CanucksTV.
Speaking of announcers, callers to Team1040 were ripping into Tom Larscheid because they felt he was cheering too much for Calgary, particularly Iginla and Phaneuf, by the 3rd period. Come on now, he was calling it exactly like it was. Besides, praising Iginla and Phaneuf is pretty much like taking a direct shot at Naslund and (especially) Bieksa’s play.
Posted by Pinder on 03/26/08 at 06:13 PM ET
Center Ice has used the Canucks PPV feed in the past but not very often.
Posted by PuckHound61 from Speckville USA on 03/27/08 at 06:22 AM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading “parenting for complete idiots” during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.
In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
So that’s me. Who the hell are you?
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Alanah, does it make me a bad person if I pray for Roger Millions to develop permanent laryngitis? I guess another possible solution would be to hope that he’s takes Jim Hughson’s vacant spot on Sportsnet Pacific telecasts, but I have friends out in Vancouver, and I wouldn’t want to subject them to this torture.
At any rate, best of luck tonight against the Avs.
Posted by dash_pinched on 03/26/08 at 03:51 PM ET