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Time to Expand the NHL
by Alanah McGinley on 03/05/09 at 02:44 PM ET
Comments (7)
Yes, you read that right. Franchises losing money? Bah. Franchises losing fans? Double-bah!
Quotes from the Weekly World News indicate Gary thinks the NHL is BACK. And with a vengence, baby.
“I know there are reports that 11 of our 30 franchises, lost money last year”, said Bettman. “But honestly, we thought that number would be closer to 20, so we take that as a positive”.
Long ridiculed by hockey fanatics, for his lack of marketing and PR prowess, or understanding of the game itself, Gary is now being hailed by some as one of the few sports commissioners who situated his league well for an economic recession.
Clearly, the next logical step is expansion. Here’s the plan:
More from the WWN (as reliable a source as any other covering the NHL, I’m starting to believe):
“We want to put a team on the moon by 2010”, brags Bettman. “Think about it. We won’t have to share viewership with the other leagues. Space is cold, which works for quality ice. And think of all the cool team nickname possibilities.”
What about travel, one reporter asked Bettman? Said the Commish, “I think that’s an issue, sure, but a workable one.”
In this humble reporters opinion, Gary Bettman is a genius. Just not a smart one.
I thought it was such a great idea, I created my first campaign poster for this plan, to get the ball rolling…
On the other hand, perhaps they can just move NHL HQ to another planet. Hands up: How many fans fantasize about just sending Gary Bettman to the moon?
Thought so. 
Filed in: dumb stuff, nhl general | Canucks and Beyond | Permalink
Comments
Freakin’ great post Alannah! You have managed to show Lil’ Gary for the arrogant jerk he really is. I have fantasized about sending that moron somewhere other than the moon.
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa. on 03/05/09 at 06:09 PM ET
I want to kick him in the gonads so hard that he is launched directly into the sun!
Somehow I think the “oxygen” issue would be just a little more important than the “travel” issue, however.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 03/05/09 at 06:36 PM ET
Haha, that’s good stuff.
Posted by bobby lang from The Ohio State University on 03/05/09 at 08:14 PM ET
That picture of Bettman superimposed on the Count reminded me of this legendary video. All the bleeps are actually the Count saying “count”
hilarious
Posted by greywall on 03/05/09 at 10:09 PM ET
I know there are reports that 11 of our 30 franchises, lost money last year”, said Bettman. “But honestly, we thought that number would be closer to 20…
“WooHooooo! Only a third of our teams lost money. I’m a freaking marketing genius. Let’s expand. Let’s put teams in Louisianna and Mississippi. We’re America’s #1 sport. WooHooooo!”
I swear to God, if I ever meet this son of a bitch face to face, I’ll knock his fricking block off. The fact that he looks eeirily similar to a “BFF” who back-stabbed me thirty years ago would just be a plus.
On second thought, I guess the fact that that son of a bitch (who also was named Gary) looks like Buttman is punishment enough.
Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 03/05/09 at 11:32 PM ET
Greywall - That video of the Count is freakin’ awesome. Plus, Sesame Street references just rock, on principle.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 03/06/09 at 01:33 PM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003, sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen. In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah is one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast, as featured at Canucks.com.
She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
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I’m shocked no one has used the Rod Brind’Amour as BatBoy comparison yet.
Posted by Steve from New Jersey on 03/05/09 at 02:49 PM ET