Canucks & Beyond
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Why Chicago is the Best Opponent
by Alanah McGinley on 04/28/09 at 03:23 PM ET
Comments (16)
I’ll admit to being one of those misguided sad sacks who had dreams of reliving all the bright moments of 1994 in this 2009 playoffs. In my fantasies, the Vancouver Canucks would leave a trail of road kill in their wake, littered most brightly with Calgary Flames sweaters and tragically-suicidal oil country executives. But alas, Chicago has taken care of that fun stuff already, and with San Jose’s (fully expected, planned and scheduled) implosion, we now move on to bigger and better things: the ruination of the Chicago Blackhawks.
However, after pondering this state of affairs for a bit, I’ve decided I’m pleased with this new direction. For one thing, 1994 obviously lacked a fully happy ending, so perhaps it’s time to let that sleeping dog die. And for another, there are many points of optimism in this new direction—in both the fallout of the first round and in the upcoming series against Chicago’s team of grade schoolers—which I’ve listed below. Trivial and petty things really, but this is playoff hockey… complex and rational commentary is overrated.
Here are some of the positive outcomes of round #1, and Vancouver’s future assault in round #2, that come to mind:
Mike Keenan Payback.
There’re so many reasons for a Canucks fan to despise Keenan, from the 1994 battle itself, to the years after where he joined the club and focused on destroying our dreams from within. But now that the 1st round has taken his team down, while pundits and fans call for his head, perhaps we can enjoy this as some kind of vindication, in a warm-fuzzies sort of way.
Now, if only the brickheads of the world would quit blaming Kiprusoff. As I’ve said from the beginning of his Calgary induction, it was inevitable Keenan would eventually destroy Kipper’s will to live, much less his will to stop pucks. (People really need to pay more attention to my predictive superpowers…)
Hate is easy to come by.
Playoff hockey without passion is like iced tea without ice. Or tea. Or lemon. It’s like a glass of water, really; boring! But Chi v. Van will be murky, messy, acidic water indeed.
The Canucks are so restless to play they’re even beating up each other in practice. Imagine how much more fun it’ll be with Ben Eager.
Last Stand for Canada.
The Canucks are the final remaining Canadian team in this year’s playoffs. While many dispossessed Canadian fans will be turning against the Canucks and praying for their destruction (and I can appreciate that; I think I’d be the same way if Calgary advanced to the 2nd round and Vancouver hadn’t), many others will be cheering for their one-time enemy.
That’s great news for for Vancouver. Without Calgary stealing those precious potential jersey sales, it’s more money for the Canucks Mothership. (And thank god for that, because you know how much we hear of their financial struggles. I worry about them. I worry about how they’ll feed their kids if you don’t buy more Canucks merchandise.)
This series will invigorate the popularity of deep dish pizza on the West Coast.
I’m told it’s very, very good—yummy to the max. So just imagine how much better it’ll be when we add our special West Coast touches… like slices of avocado, crumbles of kelp, a touch of smoked salmon, and with some wheat germ sprinkled on top?
Get Patrick Kane to tell a reporter how great it tastes and the whole city of Chicago might implode in horror. Good times.
Don Taylor-isms.
Sportsnet’s Don Taylor has a quip for all occasions, but he seems to gain particular merriment out of the bastardization of Nikolai Khabibulin’s name. A recent favorite of my husband’s, which he’s been quoting at me 5 times a day lately, is: “He caught it with his right habby… or was it his left bulin?”
Seriously, Don’s got a million. I want to suffer ‘em all.
Stereotypes & Generalizations.
Chicago mafia, anyone? Weirdly though, mafia references have to be pretty much limited to Vancouver—have you ever seen a shot of the Canucks bench during a game? Their lineup of coaches collectively look like they could be sending out screen tests for a Soprano’s remake.
Other generalizations about Chicago that come to mind are the music—specifically, the blues. So if CBC doesn’t find a way to tie hockey into the history of blues music in Chicago at least once during this series, I’ll be thoroughly pissed.
Oprah.
She’s there, she’s hip, she’s cool, and she’s worshipped by at least 10,000 Vicodin-inflated soccer moms per square mile throughout the state, if not the country.
Just get Ms O. to make one smart quip about the fun of watching NHL playoff hockey and the networks will have to start weighing their profit revenues, not counting them.
Obama.
I like Barack Obama, I do, but there’s one important fact about sitting presidents that works in Vancouver’s favor: their home states suck ass in championships while their presidents are in office. Texas? Ask George how things have been working out for his baseball team. And Billy’s Arkansas? No comment necessary. (Besides, I don’t honestly know if there’s such a thing as pro-sports in Arkansas. Do you actually care?)
Checking back in with Chicago I see the Bulls are alive in first round of the NBA playoffs, but you know they’re going down sometime. It’s a sad reality of being a U.S. president: you might be the leader of the free world for a couple years, but you can forget about celebrating sports in your favorite jerseys.
A television ratings lottery.
Chicago is certainly a boon to the NHL’s networks, as the team’s skating tribe of healthy pre-pubescent boys will inevitably boost TV ratings within that most coveted demographic in pro sports: 8-12 year old girls. (Patrick, you’re sooooo cute!!)
Close to home.
Last but not least, the best thing about playing the Chicago Blackhawks in round #2 is the sheer practicality of the set-up. With Vancouver being the home team, and British Columbia and other western provinces being the actual home of half the Blackhawks, they’ll already be at mom and dad’s place once the series ends!
Finishing this in 5 games will work out perfectly. 7 games will work, too, but if that happens, I’ll guess I’ll have to dial down the cocky attitude a bit. 
Go Canucks!
Filed in: obnoxious hockey blogging, vancouver canucks | Canucks and Beyond | Permalink
Tags: chicago+blackhawks, stanley+cup+playoffs, vancouver+canucks,
Comments
Deep dish pizza isn’t that good. Real pizza has a nice thin crust, and allows the toppings to take over. Deep dish pizza is about putting more empty bland carbs and cheap cheese into your belly. Ugh… It’s filling, but not in a good way. Downtown Vancouver used to have Chicago Pizza Works. On the plus side, you will get full quite quickly, and not spend a lot.
I’m happy that the Flamers flamed out…typical Bertuzzi/Keenan/Kipper in that series… plus the Hawks have the least experienced roster out of the teams left. The HAwks aren’t to be taken lightly, but the Canucks match up better to them than they do the Ducks (who scared me even before the playoffs.)
Posted by JesGolbez from Burnaby, BC on 04/28/09 at 03:42 PM ET
Great, great preview. Funny and smart and oh-so-cocky.
Posted by Jeremy from Summerland, BC on 04/28/09 at 04:12 PM ET
Plus, the Canucks wont lose in 5 games like if they had to play the Wings.
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/28/09 at 04:13 PM ET
Judging by my cursory reading of back issues of MacLean’s at the ex-grandma’s last Memorial Day (that’ the day we Yanks honor all those who fell saving yer Canadian bacon from the Huns, btw), Vanc ain’t really one to bag on Chi-town in the ganster dept. Just sayin’.
And no, no such thing as pro sports in Arkansas- unless you consider noodling and ECHL hockey to be “pro sports,” that is.
Otherwise, I agree wholeheartedly with the unspoken sentiment of your post- I’d rather play the.widdle Hawks than the Wings if I was a Nucks fan, too.
Posted by mudshark on 04/28/09 at 04:26 PM ET
^lol. We trash talk even if we don’t play you guys.
Good read Alanah; looking forward to seeing how the Kids respond to Luongo and Co. I think this series is going 6, with the ‘Nucks coming out on top. I wish it were the Hawks so that we could have an original 6 WCF but that will happen in a few years probably.
Posted by Osrt on 04/28/09 at 04:27 PM ET
Sooooo looking forward to this series. It’s going to be pretty damn exciting.
Although i don’t agree with Jes’ comments about deep dish pizza (you clearly haven’t had the right one) I do agree with him regarding Anaheim. Let them duke it out with the Wings.
Go Canucks!
Posted by TriniD from VanC on 04/28/09 at 04:30 PM ET
original 6 is overrated. Go back 100 years and you don’t hear anyone complaining. 
Posted by LOUiE from Cowtown on 04/28/09 at 04:44 PM ET
Vanguy— I like the optimism!
Jes— I like thin-crust, too. But Chicago’s sorta famous for their pizza, so I’m willing to concede there might be something to the reputation.
Jeremy— I figured I’d better fit ‘cocky’ in before the series starts. Once the games are underway, I might be forced to be more humble.
MMarkK— Very true. Much more fun to watch the Wings lose to the Ducks in those same 5 games… (Hey, YOU started it!)
Mudshark— And people call me cocky?? Sheesh!
Osrt— I’m a fan of the Blackhawks in any other situation but this one. But for now, I guess I’m the Anti-Hawk.
TriniD— I’m looking forward to it, too. I have a feeling that it’ll be a violent one, though. A healthy supply of medical personnel need be available at all times!
LOUiE— Let’s not ponder history too much. Thinking about history never did a Canucks fan’s ego much good at all.
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 04/28/09 at 04:53 PM ET
Well (no pun intended), Reagan (from southern Cal, although he once worked as a broadcaster of Cub games) was prez when the Lakers were winning all sorts of NBA titles in the 80’s…Roosevelt was from New York and we all know how good the Yankees were during his time. So, here and now, your theories are shot to hell.
But, how about this one…Teams that have played in the outdoor game, have not won the Stanley Cup.
Posted by GZ Expat on 04/28/09 at 05:42 PM ET
Hey, my theory isn’t shot to hell… it’s just a post-1992 theory!
Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 04/28/09 at 05:47 PM ET
We will beat the hawks into submission within 5-6 games.
Posted by Luongo-is-my-hero on 04/28/09 at 08:47 PM ET
The Hawks are a much better team than you guys are crediting.
They have a lot of guts.
Just saying….......
Posted by w2j2 on 04/28/09 at 09:21 PM ET
i was checking out the canucks website today, and it on the ‘Tale of the Tape’ between nucks and hawks, chicago shows “no injuries reported” besides Sopel (we all know its better to have Sopel ON the IR, than OFF). Van is showing three + Pyatt. So who’s lying? Seems like Van might be over reporting and chicago under-reporting. oh the mind games!
Posted by LOUiE from Cowtown on 04/28/09 at 10:08 PM ET
They have a lot of guts.
Yes, and a healthy amount of ignorance that helps them forget that they shouldn’t be doing well yet. The Bulin Wall is palying pretty well too.
Posted by Osrt on 04/28/09 at 10:52 PM ET
Can someone tell me the last time Khabibulin won a game in Vancouver, playing for any team?
Last I checked it was in the late 90’s. LOL
I smell a sweep.
Posted by PuckHound61 from Speckville USA on 04/29/09 at 07:58 AM ET
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About Canucks & Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading “parenting for complete idiots” during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.
In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla’s Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
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Good read!
Looking forward to this series - and the next one.
Posted by Vanguy from Vancouver on 04/28/09 at 03:35 PM ET