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Doomsberry’s Stanley Cup Finals Primer
by Paul on 05/28/07 at 10:00 AM ET
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For two straight seasons I’ve been trying to tell Wing fans that there is nothing good about the playoffs. This has been a tough concept to grasp for many people. More than a few have written me with these exact words: “Shut up.” I’m pretty sure all 216 of those emails were referencing my “the playoffs suck” theme.
But I’ve had at least one co-sponsor of the Bill to Ban the Playoffs, and that would be my friend Doomsberry. For years he’s brought Wing fans back down to reality with a type of pessimism only he can muster. It’s time, I believe, to unleash him on the rest of the hockey world. You all definitely deserve it.
-IwoCPO of Abel to Yzerman
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from KK member Doomsberry,
As the Stanley Cup finals begin I fear that fans of both teams have plenty to worry about. While Ottawa will be ducking flocks of pucks, Anaheim will be debating how Ottawa laid down the law on them. While fans in 28 cities have put their worries behind them for the year, Sens and Ducks fans will be in a fully agitated state for the next couple of weeks. Those that have prepared properly will survive, while those who allow optimism to create a state of giddiness will suffer later as their hopes are dashed. My advice to fans from both cities is to let pessimism be their guide. When your team is one of only two left standing, this is not an easy task. Certainly this is not the time of the season to be enjoying the games. When your team is in the finals, and Lord Stanley’s chalice is within their grasp, it is time for some serious pessimism, some strong questioning of what quirks of fate await your team, which strange occurrences will result in snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
As for how to prepare, I can offer a few pessimistic pointers. When your team holds a two goal lead you should immediately assume the worst and begin to worry about how it is they could squander such a lead. When your team is down two goals you should already be cursing the refs for the penalty they are sure to call which results in a power play goal that puts you down by 3. It is important to anticipate these events so that your disappointment is confirmed rather than be caught by surprise, thereby having your positive feelings ripped out suddenly. When your team is shorthanded you must plan on your goalie standing on this head for 1:58 stopping numerous quality shots only to give up a 50 footer that bounces off one of your own defensemen just as the penalty expires. If your team is on the power play you must assume that you will get off only two shots from the point, which are both 5 feet wide of the net, while giving up 3 quality shorthanded opportunities. In this way you are properly prepared. Meanwhile the optimist will already be counting the goal when his team goes on the power play, only to become bitterly disappointed when the man advantage leads to nothing.
It is best to take note of those storm clouds on the horizon. Doom lurks around the next corner and it usually takes the form of the opponent’s fourth line winger that you never heard of before. Trust those nagging feelings of fear, for they are the truth. As your team skates out of their own zone, plan ahead for that horrible turnover which leads to an odd man rush. When your team is in the opponent’s zone, anticipate that shot off the iron, or that save that you will get to see 14 times on the highlight shows. In this way you are managing your disappointment, keeping optimism at a safe distance.
Lastly, always remember that the worst is about to happen. This eliminates those stray positive feelings that are always trying to creep in. No hope today means less disappointment tomorrow. Prepare now before it is too late. The end is near.
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My reaction to many of the comments Doomy has left on Wings forums is, “That black cloud must be following Doomy again”.
You know what though, he has been right, so be prepared Sens and Ducks fans, just be prepared.
-Paul
Filed in: NHL Playoff Talk | KK Hockey | Permalink
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