What gets me lately is the endless string of either hyperbole or downplay.  They can’t just make a damned call.

If it’s not a “wind-aided rush up ice"- you know, because Datsyuk never outscated anyone in his life, much less EVERY FREAKING NIGHT FOR THE LAST MONTH, it’s “More sorcery from Datsyuk"- nope, he just beat the pants off a defender who made a bad play.  No sorcery involved.

I guess making the conventional call is boring, not sexy, whatever.  I blame Sportscenter.

Posted by shanetx on 01/13/09 at 10:26 AM ET

MASTADONIC SAVE!  SEN-SAY-SHEN-NALL!

That was from the Wings and Stars game last night on Versus.  I don’t know who was doing the color commentary but I thought it was ridiculous.

Posted by drimo on 01/13/09 at 10:33 AM ET

“Net front.” I use it, but I still hate it.  What’s so difficult about saying, “Front of the net” or “Crease crasher?”

“Underrated” can become quite annoying when it’s overused.  Every player who is not a superstar is not “underrated.” Some are rated quite well as grinders, third-line guys, “glue guys,” fourth-liners or third-pair defencemen, backup goalies who can deliver clutch performances, etc.  “Underrated” is used as a blanket term far too regularly.

The worst is using “sexy” to describe an appealing, attractive, and/or interesting story or development.  Trading for a popular player is not a “sexy” move.  The rumour of the week is not the “sexy” storyline.  I understand that hockey players are seen by some, especially those of the fairer sex, to be attractive, but using that term to describe decisions made by coaches or GM’s is just disturbing.  When reporters use “sexy” as a cop-out word to describe Brian Burke, that’s just scary.

Posted by George James Malik from South Lyon, MI on 01/13/09 at 10:44 AM ET

Oh, the Versus color guy last night was unreal. Does the word “alacrity” really belong in hockey? And Osgood’s save was called “Mastodonian”. Really” We’re using dinosaurs to give mental pictures of something that happens on the ice?

Color commentators and hockey talking heads have gotten way out of control over the last few years. It started simply enough about ten years ago, where everyone used the word “key” to describe anything and everything more important than a skate sharpening. Little harm, little foul; it was survivable.

But today, wow…

“created space” = skated

“presence of mind” = smart play

“manufactured an opportunity” = had a scoring chance

And so many more.

Enough!

Posted by Mike on 01/13/09 at 10:48 AM ET

My favorite is when a team is struggling, and they lose, say their sixth in a row. When the beat writers ask the players and coaches about the game, they call it a “moral victory.”

Funny, but I don’t see that column in the standings. How many points is a moral victory worth?

I also hate the pregame shows. So much that I cannot watch them any more. “You see, Bob, what the Wild need to do today is shut down the offense of the Blackhawks while finding a way to score themselves.” Really? Thank you john Madden for stating the obvious. Aparently, the way to win a hockey game is to play hockey. Stunning observation.

Posted by Buddha from Saint Paul, MN on 01/13/09 at 10:50 AM ET

Taking away their time and space is key.” Just not Pierre McGuire either, others are now using the phrase too.

I’ll take it a step further, and say I can’t stand anything that the DC says.
And yes, a mastadonic save was used by Razor last night in the Wings-Stars game… among many other very odd adjectives for some plays.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 on 01/13/09 at 10:51 AM ET

Physicality.  Everyone talks about physicality.  I’m pretty sure all of them are misusing this word by it’s definition.

physicality
1.  the physical attributes of a person, esp. when overdeveloped or overemphasized.
2.  preoccupation with one’s body, physical needs, or appetites.

Besides, whatever happened to simply saying “playing the body” or a “strong checking game”?

Posted by BishopQ on 01/13/09 at 10:55 AM ET

Maybe it’s just the Penguins and Crosby, but “Just gotta keep it simple” is way overused! Clearly, they need to do something more than that, cause the simple stuff isn’t working!

For hyperbole, just about anything Joe Beninati (Caps and VS broadcasts) says.

Posted by penguinsfan on 01/13/09 at 10:57 AM ET

Taking away their time and space is actually an accurate description for the older cliché smothering defense. I don’t mind that one. One smothers by taking away their time and space to act and react.

I wouldn’t mind applying my own physicality on commentators who misuse words. Perhaps a left, a right and another left to their heads.

One fairly harmless phrase that’s always tugged me is “He passes to an open wing.” … a forgiving way of saying he gave the puck away by passing it to nobody. I wouldn’t mind hearing a commentator say, “He passed it to nobody.”

Posted by mobilus on 01/13/09 at 11:08 AM ET

How about the over used “spin-a-rama?” Can’t a player simply “spin?”

Posted by Mike Hamer from Philadelphia, PA on 01/13/09 at 11:21 AM ET

How about the player interviews? They have been over coached from the PR department, and they all seem to have memorized the same speech;

“oh, ya know, you go out there, an try real hard.  You shoot the puck , make some chances. I put the pucks on the net, sometimes they go in. We got a coupla good bounces. They’re a good team, we have to come out strong in the next period. We just got to stick to the game plan, keep it simple. Alright, thanks Pierre”

Say what you want about Sean Avery, but I like it when players deviate from the standard script.

Posted by Aaron from Phoenix on 01/13/09 at 11:37 AM ET

MASTADONIC SAVE!  SEN-SAY-SHEN-NALL!

That was from the Wings and Stars game last night on Versus.  I don’t know who was doing the color commentary but I thought it was ridiculous.

I believe he also said “lubricious” at one point.  I think it was Daryl Reaugh (who also said “Mastodonic save!").  He and Joe Beninati (who always says the “SEN-SAY-SHEN-NALL” in nearly every game he calls for the Caps) were extremely annoying.  I will never understand why they chose Beninati to do play-by-play for national telecasts.

There’s nothing more annoying than an announcer trying to sound smart by using his word-of-the-day calendar to “supplement” his vocab.  Why not use plain language that makes sense to people, rather than making yourself sound smarter?

Posted by BuzzFledderjohn on 01/13/09 at 11:46 AM ET

My biggest pet peeve: “HE’S GREAT IN THE LOCKER ROOM.”

Translation: “He’s slow, he’s old, he’s a huge liability on the ice, but because of his enormous contract we can’t move him.”

I mean seriously, what the heck is he doing in the locker room that makes him so great?  Wait, I don’t think I want to know.

Posted by Alex from New York on 01/13/09 at 11:54 AM ET

Buzz you beat me to it.  Reaugh being over the top with his wording I accept, hey, I like the color guys to be colorful.

The play-by-play guy busting out the thesaurus to make a regular call sound extreme… Unacceptable.  Beninati’s calls on Versus are incredibly maddening.  His work during his regular gig for Caps games he’s a lot better - I don’t know why he amps up the cheese for Versus.

Posted by HockeyJoe from Upstate New York on 01/13/09 at 11:56 AM ET

The phrase I hate is “and he makes no mistake!” It’s overused and extremely irritating.

Posted by HappyBiff from Edmonton on 01/13/09 at 12:09 PM ET

Buzz:  Joe mostly reserves ‘sensational’ for special occasions.  I will agree that he uses hyperbole, but other times I think he’s just relaying the excitement of the moment to those of us who are not lucky enough to be there for themselves.  The networks do like to replay his ‘sensational!’ calls in network spots and commercial breaks, so maybe that’s why it’s sticking out in your mind as being so overused.

As for why they picked him for national telecasts, they probably picked him because he’s got a “broadcaster’s voice”, I guess you could say.  Why would anyone pick Emrick; his voice is “annoying” too. 

I never really have trouble understanding Joe, but then again I’m not really worried about hearing new words.  I doubt he’s trying to impress you or anyone else—I think he’s probably just trying to do the play-by-play for a hockey game, and he just so happens to have an expansive vocabulary while doing so.  I can’t really fault him for that.  We’ve got a decent language in English, why not make the most of it?

That said… a “mastodonic” save? That did seem wildly out of place.

Posted by GregAnnapolis on 01/13/09 at 12:10 PM ET

“Brilliant Save!!!” I’m over that one.

Anything Pierre McGuire yells at me.  It’s like he is on ESPN.  I hate listening to him.

As far as “sources,” it’s still the easiest way to act like you have hockey cred, when you don’t.

Posted by Tapeleg on 01/13/09 at 12:15 PM ET

The one that always gets me is the constant need to introduce someone as “Hall of fame defenseman Larry Murphy.” Not just at the start of a broadcast, but every single time a broadcast is shifted to a different commentator.

Posted by Nate A from Dark side of the moon on 01/13/09 at 12:24 PM ET

I will say this:

Though he’s responsible for one of the two annoying comments I cited above, Razor really grows on you.  He does all of the Stars games for Fox SW so I get to hear him a lot as they’re the only team that’s broadcast in my area, outside of the rare Vs. offerings.  I used to be really annoyed by him but, more and more, I find him pretty amusing. 

He normally is paired up with a guy named Ralph Strangis and they work well together.  The announcer he was with on the Detroit-Dallas game last night was pretty bad.  My mother, who is a huge stars fan, sent me an email a short while back with some “Razorisms” that she found amusing.  Some of them I even agree on:

On a hooking penalty, “so and so is going to get 2 minutes for employing the worlds oldest profession”.
Two players jawing at each other, “I don’t know what they’re saying to each other, but it’s dislike in any language.”
“This is the kind of play that would make coffee nervous..”
“You almost get the feeling [the Stars] are trying to bore them into submission instead of pepper them.”
Calling a holding penalty - “And Daryl Sydor was found guilty of hugging another man.”

And during last night’s game he said, “I’ve always said it’s tough to hold Grossman scoreless 110 straight games”.

Those lines amused me.  They’re creative, but not pure hyperbole, nor do they reach “mastadonic” heights in their efforts to be clever.

Posted by shanetx on 01/13/09 at 12:31 PM ET

“Smashmouth”
Nothing more pitiful than commentators trying to sell the game by recycling trailer park cliches from Vince MacMahon’s XFL.  By this podunk measure, Ovechkin is the new HeHateMe.  “Oh yeah!  I be Ruskie!  They be hatin’!”

“Gives chase”
“Gives.” How quaint and passive this charitable gesture!  My, what foppish dandies our commentators hath become!

If utilizing the passive voice why stop so woefully shy of the potential?  Why not “Bequeaths pursuit?”

Iginla bequeaths pursuit of Daniel Sedin.
Keenan: How did he get away?
Iggy:  I know not.  I gave chase, m’lord.

A spot of tea, shall we?

Posted by Jolly St. Bort from Az on 01/13/09 at 12:34 PM ET

Basically everything they say on VS. For some reason VS always thinks the goalie has been “amazing” or “magnificent”.  Its not just one team, or one player, but even if the goalie allows like 4 or 5 goals, they make one save and Doc screams out “XXXXX Has been magnificent tonight”

The absolute worst was during the Pens Wings game this season, when after Osgood gave up like 6 or 7 goals, he made 1 save and Doc screamed out “The artistry continues!!!!!”
That one took the cake.

Posted by Kevin from Pittsburgh on 01/13/09 at 12:45 PM ET

Three more just hit me. Announcers seem to have a real hard on for brothers and long sticks.  I’m sure Rangers and Canes fans can attest that its SOO annoying every time you here something about the Staal brothers. Like seriously, we didn’t know they had brothers, thank you for telling us 15 times.

And Bob Errey, the Pens color guy always talks about how big players sticks are. Always about how Staal has a big one, and about how Martin St. Pierre is only 5 9 but has one as large as your allowed.

He also jokes about Vlasic from the Sharks too, thank god we don’t play them too often. Its always “Could you imagine if Vlasic pickle stabbed one in? That would just be great!!”

Posted by Kevin from Pittsburgh on 01/13/09 at 12:50 PM ET

I can’t stand it when the Nashville announcer uses the phrase, “and then HE says...” when describing a play.  (i.e. Then Datsyuk says, “I’m gonna dipsy-doodle around ya,” and then Mason says, “Well, I don’t think so...” and then Lidstrom says...)

What the hell is that?

Posted by Hippy Dave from San Francisco by way of Detroit on 01/13/09 at 01:09 PM ET

So-and-so is “27 years of age” - or it’s cousin, “years young.”

Just say how old he is!

Any player in-game interview.  Let them catch their breath and then go back to playing.

Any coach in-game interview.  Leave him alone and let him do his job - you can nag him at intermission or after the game.

Made up words and abuse of the English language (the Vs. crew last night made my ears ache).  It doesn’t make you sound smarter to make stuff up.

I think everyone else pretty much hit on my pet peeves, too.

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 01/13/09 at 01:26 PM ET

Forgot one - and Crawford is the worst at this that I’ve heard.  Completely stumble over a player’s name after mumbling for a while, so your comment no longer fits with the action on the ice.  I don’t refer to players by number, but if he’s stuck, do it.  It would make more sense than him mangling another name.

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 01/13/09 at 01:28 PM ET

@Aaron: And then the problem is that any player who says anything remotely colourful (and I’m not only talking about relatively offensive stuff like Avery) gets tarred and feathered!

Posted by Josh from Montreal on 01/13/09 at 02:00 PM ET

I have to second the criticism of Joe Beninati.  He is just many so different kinds of awful. When I realized he was also the Caps announcer, it helped explain why hockey never caught on in Washington.  I could not imagine listening to that kind of boring inanity on a nightly basis.

Another example of how pathetic Versus is.  The national announcers should be the cream of the crop.  Instead they’ve got the dregs.

Posted by Zelien on 01/13/09 at 02:12 PM ET

Sometime last season I realized the last interview that had any substance was Steve Yzerman, round about 2001.  I leave the sound off most games, if I need play by play I put the radio on.  I find the TV announcers very distracting and just watch the game the way I learned from all the games I attended in the 70’s and 80’s.  The announcers seem to focus on what anyone who doesn’t know the game needs to hear.  If they stray to describe what is going on behind the play, the producers get on them to refocus for the audience that is watching their first game.

Anyone who finds a play by play man saying “And so and so takes himself right out of the play with a big Stupid hit”....leaving his netminder naked with his defense partner trying to cover the entire defensive zone.....please email me and I will turn the sound on.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd from upset when blogs don�t live up to my expectations on 01/13/09 at 02:23 PM ET

The two that annoy me the most:

recoil (v)—to regroup. Ex. “Coffey recoils and starts up ice...” I always picture the guy, you know, recoiling...like he’s afraid.

And its dopey cousin:

regather (v)—to recoil, after you’ve said recoil too many times.

What else?

Bob Miller, who is great and I’m glad to have him calling the Kings games, nevertheless has one habit that drives me crazy. I think of it as “highlight reel quote” syndrome. When a big tentpole moment is approaching—someone’s 500 career goal, say, or even a potential hat-trick—he has the habit of dropping mention of it into every sentence involving the player, just in case the guy scores. Unfortunately, it leads to several versions of “Robitaille, looking for his 500th career goal...shoots wide.”

Posted by Quisp from Los Angeles on 01/13/09 at 05:24 PM ET

And am I the only one who noticed that the post immediately after this one has EJ Hradek quoting an “informed source.” Sigh.  I guess we can not escape it.

Posted by Tapeleg on 01/13/09 at 05:54 PM ET

I just thought of one on my way in this morning. When asked to describe a coach, it seems like 9 out of 10 times the first thing someone will say is “he gets his players to work hard for him.” Wow, that really tells me a lot; are there NHL coaches who let their guys loaf around?  Tell me something that actually differentiates one coach from another, i.e. tendency to roll lines vs. play the stars heavy minutes, differences in tactics, etc.

Posted by Forechecker from Nolensville, TN on 01/14/09 at 09:22 AM ET