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Watching The Draft From A Different Angle
by Paul on 06/25/07 at 10:27 AM ET
Comments (17)
from Bill Simmons at ESPN Page 2,
4:21: As we wait for Chicago’s pick, one TSN announcer confidently decides, “This is a crucial time for the Blackhawks,” and another adds, “This is a big pick, this is a big pick.” They both have kickin’ Canadian accents. How have I been missing the NHL draft all these years? I feel like someone introduced me to Patron tequila all over again.
4:22: Here’s a cool wrinkle for the first round: Before every pick, each GM walks up to the stage flanked by four cronies, then stands in front of the podium and announces his pick. Imagine if the NBA did this and we could see the likes of Elgin Baylor and Kevin McHale announcing their own picks? Can we make this happen?
Anyway, Chicago GM Dale Tallon is “proud” to introduce tiny Patrick Kane as his No. 1 pick. This kid looks like an altar boy. I’m not kidding—he actually looks like an altar boy. I hope his tremendous upside potential involves puberty.
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Comments
...and people wonder why the NHL doesn’t beg ESPN to let them back…
Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 06/25/07 at 11:38 AM ET
What a waste of pixels. I read that earlier today and started foaming at the mouth. We’ve known for years he doesn’t like hockey, I don’t understand the constant desire to bash it. He doesn’t know the players, the GM’s, coaches, etc., he’s blind (if he only saw 3000 in the stands, he wasn’t watching-it was packed-I was there), and he tells the same tired jokes all the time. I used to like reading him, but it’s getting old.
Posted by Theo on 06/25/07 at 11:48 AM ET
I’m canceling my subscription to ESPN the Magazine today.
I’m tired of reading the idiots…
Posted by PB from Chandler, Arizona on 06/25/07 at 01:22 PM ET
While I agree with Bill Simmons’ hatred of Jeremy Jacobs for the way he’s roont the Bruins, I pretty much stopped reading the minute I saw the word “Whalers”.
Page 2 hasn’t been worth reading since Uncle Duke died.
Posted by The Acid Queen from Raleigh, NC on 06/25/07 at 02:24 PM ET
I thought he was less insulting in this piece than he usually is. Still an egotistical tool, but he’s done worse to the NBA and he says he loves that sport.
Posted by Bruha on 06/25/07 at 02:47 PM ET
Funny how you never read any columns on ESPN.com (or any other sports website in the US) that begin, “Y’know, I think football is the slowest-moving, most drug-driven, and most ridiculously overwrought sport ever conceived, and to be honest, I haven’t watched a minute of it in several years, but please enjoy the following ten paragraphs of my in-depth analysis of the NFL draft.”
On a more specific note: “Hey, did you ever notice that hockey is the only sport that has guys named ‘Dale’ and ‘Darren?’” No, Bill, I never have, since I grew up watching the likes of Darren Daulton and Dale Murphy play baseball. The correct line is, “Hey, did you ever notice that hockey is the only sport that has broadcasters with names like ‘Gord’ and ‘Pierre’?” And the answer, “Sports Guy,” is yes. Yes, we have.
Posted by Sam from Minneapolis on 06/25/07 at 03:04 PM ET
I assume this column is meant to be humorous…but where’s TEH FUNNY?
Posted by The Hegemo from Bustown, Ohio on 06/25/07 at 03:07 PM ET
Honestly, I couldn’t stomach the entire article. I stopped reading after the first 2 paragraphs. What a complete doucherocket. Just re-affirms my disdain for all things ESPN.
Posted by andrew on 06/25/07 at 03:51 PM ET
Wow, I made it through the entire article. I had no idea my tolerance of condescending, egotistical, ignorant claptrap was that high!
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 06/25/07 at 04:11 PM ET
Come on guys, give me a break. I’m as diehard a fan as they come, but this was just satire. Sure, most of it was lame satire, but any draft - let alone the NHL draft - deserves to be mocked. I found it mildly amusing.
Posted by treved on 06/25/07 at 04:43 PM ET
I guess I just have a different sense of humor than most, because I too found it “mildly amusing.” Except for the part about the draft being rigged because Esposito went to Pittsburgh and Cherepanov went to New York. You just know someone will seriously believe that and it’s all we’ll hear about if they become stars.
Posted by K24 from NYC on 06/25/07 at 04:54 PM ET
On the other hand, I can’t deny that he’s right about Pierre McGuire. Panger after five Jack & Cokes, indeed…
Posted by Sam from Minneapolis on 06/25/07 at 04:55 PM ET
While it does bug me that Simmons hates hockey the way he does yet he fawns over such a ridiculous league like the NBA, I think it’s equally-silly how hockey fans react to him.
News flash guys: Simmons was captivated enough by the draft to WATCH it and write a running diary. You guys *do* realize he mocks the NBA draft the exact same way? Or do you just never read his other columns? Would it have been better if he just ignored it altogether?
He’s a very sarcastic writer for whom humor is the go-to option. Why would he treat the NHL any differently than any other sport?
And to tell the truth, I think he didn’t expect to enjoy himself at all and he found that he did. He’s just a Bruins deep playoff run away from fawning over them anyways, we all know that.
And yes, I found it an entertaining read (albeit seriously lacking on the knowledge side).
Posted by Primis from Michigan on 06/25/07 at 05:54 PM ET
Sam from Minneapolis—your comment made my day
The first one…
Posted by Greg Wyshynski from DC on 06/26/07 at 12:03 AM ET
Glad to be of service. Love the Fourth Period, btw…
Posted by Sam from Minneapolis on 06/26/07 at 12:42 AM ET
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What a %&@!$!!!!. He needs to be clubbed over the head.
Posted by Geir on 06/25/07 at 11:35 AM ET