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A Powerful Sith Gerber Will Be

by Mike Chen on 09/25/08 at 03:00 PM ET
Comments (5)

If I could have my own goalie mask design, that’d mean that 1) I played goal instead of forward and 2) I had enough money to actually pay someone to design my mask. This may be old news to some, but Martin Gerber’s new Darth Vader mask delights my inner Star Wars fanboy to no end.

I’m guessing that Gerber’s mask has more to do with the Darth Gerber nickname (due to his black helmet from last season) than an unabashed love for all things in the Lucas universe. That being said, here are some other ways he could use the Force to make his gear waaaaaaaay cooler--and it might even make his game better.

First, let’s take a look at meek and mild pre-Sith Martin Gerber.

Every good Sith needs a lightsaber to deflect blaster rays. In Gerber’s case, he needs Darth Maul’s double-bladed lightsaber to block pucks or dismember Tomas Holmstrom when he gets too close. Hey Homer, watch out for that chop between the legs!

There’s no Sith out there who goes about his or her (don’t forget the female Sith like Darth Kreia) daily life without a cape or cloak. After all, you need a cape to look both menacing and dramatic. In Gerber’s case, it also adds an extra layer of puck blocking. A good cape is, if you recall, always made of a thick and rugged material.

Blue crease? What blue crease? That’s for weak goalies. No, a true Sith goalie skates on a bed of lava. If anyone dares get in Gerber’s crease, they’ll simply catch fire and be left to burn alive.

Finally, a true Sith fights with the Force as much as a lightsaber. That’s why Gerber simply flings oncoming forwards into the boards with the power of his mind. Behold, the true power of a Sith goalie!

Filed in: NHL | Mike Chen's Hockey Blog | Permalink
Tags: Martin+Gerber, Star+Wars,

Comments

Could this be the beginning of a trend? How long till someone adopts a bomb-diggity Darth Maul layout?

Posted by bostonblueline.blogspot.com from Nashville on 09/25/08 at 02:40 PM ET

He’d make a nice new avatar for some crazy Sens fan too.

Posted by Nate A from metro Detroit on 09/25/08 at 03:00 PM ET

The Sens totally need to use that series of photos in their PR materials. That’d be awesome.

Posted by Alanah McGinley from British Columbia on 09/25/08 at 03:17 PM ET

So THAT’S how Primeau got all his concussions! Too bad Gerber doesn’t play for the Lightning - the possibilities would be endless.

Posted by Jeff from SJ on 09/25/08 at 03:33 PM ET

Awesome.

I don’t know about maintaining the lava crease, but I have often thought that golf would be improved by adding magma traps to the wimpy sand traps and water hazards. Also snake pits.

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 09/28/08 at 08:04 PM ET

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About Mike Chen’s Hockey Blog

Mike Chen prides himself in being the only hockey writer integrating puck discussion with both Morrissey quotes and Star Wars references. Since 2004, he’s blogged about all things hockey and currently contributes to FoxSports.com, the Battle of California, and RotoRob.

Questions? Comments? Hate mail? Contact Mike here.