Mike Chen's Hockey Blog
Wade Redden’s Shopping List
by Mike Chen on 02/24/09 at 11:21 AM ET
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Error prone? Soft? Apathetic?
Oh, Wade Redden, you’re about to get it now. When John Tortorella storms into the Ranger locker room, the fun and games are over. You’re worried about the New York fans booing you and your redonkulous contract? Torts will make you wish that you the booing went straight into your iPod’s ear buds because his voice will be loud, direct, and in your ear.
Now, Tortorella may have a relationship with Chris Drury and Scott Gomez thanks to Team USA but chances are they won’t be given much of a leash. Of course, the thing is that Drury and Gomez are actually character guys and they might actually respond to Tortorella’s “shut yer yap” style.
But for you Wade? Here’s a few things you might want to pick up after practice:
Azzpadz Tailbone Protection Harness: Azzpads is designed for beginning snowboarders, but don’t worry, your ass will hurt when Torts starts kicking it left and right. This handy dandy pad will make it hurt just a tad less because of “a very stiff protector that spans the length of your tailbone area.”
Comfy Cozy Bear: Once Torts finishes kicking your ass, you’ll probably need to take a time out and give yourself a hug. It’s ok to cry, and to make sure you help, here’s Baby Gund’s Comfy Cozy Bear. “Comfy Cozy Bear has plush, pink fur on top and soft velour underneath. This cuddle time friend makes a perfect companion for your little one.” Your little one or your overpaid defenseman.
When Words Hurt by Mary Lynne Heldmann: You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. Well, your immediate family and your childhood friends. I’m pretty sure the people in New York don’t like you right now, but don’t let it get you down. Remember, we’re all winners here (except if you miss the playoffs).
Vincent Lecavalier’s phone number: By the way, that Lecavalier fellow went through the same thing and he came out of it a better person and a better player. Maybe you can do the same.
Oh, and just to get you ready, I suggest listening to this lovely dance tune from Christian Bale. You know, the guy who played Batman in The Dark Knight. Oh, I’m sorry, that movie was rated PG-13 and might have been a little too intense for such a gentle soul like you.
(Video not safe work. But really ****ing funny)
Filed in: NHL | Mike Chen's Hockey Blog | Permalink
Tags: John+Tortorella, Wade+Redden,
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